The Grotesquely Lonely

Henry is an interesting character, just imagining how realistic his life is, it makes me want to get out there and talk to more people, just so that I don't end up as lonely as him.

You have a character that is set in his ways, opinionated when it comes to women, and the kind he'd like to date as well as the kind of people he prefers to hang around with. His view on the oppression of women in the full Burkhas is quite insightful, then there is the way he thinks of the women at the card section looking for valentine cards, I like that he acknowledges that despite his opinion, there are some men out there who are obviously into them.

It is quite hilarious how much he avoids people

typos.
"She'll just deny it (though). I know she will. I'll find out soon enough (though) and then she'll be sorry"...The though repetition in this dialogue could use a little revision.

"Everybody was sat at their respective workstations" The 'Was" seems unnecessary. The sentence could read.."everybody sat at their respective workstations."

Best parts

"The dirty bastards hadn't even washed their hands." I like it that the conversation wasn't key here. It's the way he expresses himself.

"tactically positioned himself behind an attractive, shapely woman....she selfishly continued in his opposite..." I love this line, its so basically masculine. At least in some ways his behaviours are that of any other guy out there.

The part where he opens the door for his "ill-mannered, badly coiffured colleague" and he is thinking of aiming a rabbit punch squarely in the back of her head" I couldn't help a chuckle, because I totally get what he means here. People take things like they deserve them.

The crotch adventures in Chapter two were also hilarious. The image of this guy standing by the dryer, trying to dry his crotch, ....couldn't help the laugh. The things he does.

You write very well. This is really good, and it holds the readers interest because the situations are quite normal events that happen everyday.

Good luck

Elaine

I actually like your MC. He appears to have a touch of the obsessive compulsive about him, not that you've put this to the reader, it just seems to me as if he might have. You write all the descriptive stuff really well, and I don't know what it is but even though there isn't much in the way of action, I totally 'get' this, and I wanted to read more. I read all you have up, and I like the way we are now into Laura's POV. I'm interested to know how this all pans out. Really good stuff here, off now to read your 2nd book. :)

NS

I think that your writing has a bit of the Bret Easton Ellis about it with the characters who both appear to fit into society yet remain isolated. My favourite example is in "American Psycho" where the protagonist explains to his friends in excruciating detail exactly why they should use Pepsi rather than Coke for a mixer. That reminds me of the kind of thing your protagonist would do because the details are important to him. For the record I think it is extremely brave to paint an unlikeable protagonist, yet many of the most memorable characters in fiction are the unlikeable ones.

Henry is well observed and a bit of a grumpy old man yet the reader can sympathise with his rather tainted point of view.

Two observations:
1 - Is this really going to be romance? He doesn't seem to even like Laura and we haven't heard from her point of view yet (your synopsis made me think it would be told from two points of view)
2 - Is something going to happen to shock him out of the monotony of his life? The mundane is beautifully observed yet there is the danger you will lose the reader if something doesn't happen soon.

As the manuscript stands at the moment I would have read on past three chapters if they were available, please take this as a compliment as Henry certainly piqued my interest. However, I'm looking forward to seeing some action, I would imagine that Henry put out of his comfort zone into a new situation could be really funny.

Best of luck, Marns