A Kettle of Fish

The pitch was really intriguing and would have hooked me,

The writing is very confident and assured. I like the steady approach you take to character development, but some people would feel it moved too slowly. The dialogue was good, but at times had the feel of a YA novel. I realise the characters are young adults, but in my experience, teens talk with a bit more of an edge, or maybe that's just me?
This slight problem didnt affect the narrative flow though. I read all 6 chapters when i usually set out to read 2-3. When i got to the end of 6 i wanted to read more, as i know there is real drama and trauma coming.
Highly starred, and i would be very keen to read anything else you upload, of this novel or another.

I really enjoyed this, Ali. The prose is polished and pacy and full of lots of involving, often quite melancholic observations and phrasing. I particularly liked Alisa’s recollections of what her Gran used to say (‘two haddock, not too big’) and the description of Mrs Mackay (‘with her pebble-thick specs and chest as big as any man’s’). Fabulous stuff. The dialogue feels real and adds good energy to the scenes. Alisa’s character is subtly but effectively evoked in the opening chapter. The reader feels as if he/she is getting to know her but is intrigued to learn more. Cleverly done.

In short, a confident, engaging opening. On my shelf. And best of luck. A


Observations on Ch1:

I’m not sure if it’s revealed in your pitch, Ali – I tend not to read them as they seem to interfere with the reading experience – but, halfway thru the opening chapter, I was beginning to wonder how old narrator Alisa actually is. I assume she's still quite young?? Maybe make clear in opening paras??

Also, as a general point, whenever I read a first person/past tense narrative, I find myself constantly questioning how the narrator can remember the specific detail – especially dialogue - of each scene. Is there any reason why you don’t use a third person narrative but have the point of view very much from Alisa’s perspective?? It would certainly help alleviate any misgivings re the accuracy of the narration. Just a thought.

It’s a personal thing, but I’m not keen on semicolons where the narrative is in the first person. I’m pretty sure I don’t use them when I speak (!!) so they tend to look odd on the page. Maybe just rely on incomplete sentences??

‘Pressed her lips…’ typo?? ‘Pressing her…’??

‘Tomorrow, Faye’s dad (not Dad)…’

‘like rockets on a launch pad’ – feels like quite a masculine observation??

‘…she owned the company whose logo it bore’ – a bit clunky/adult??

200 calories doesn’t sound like much for a fancy cake??!!

‘Edinburgh, ancient capital and teenage shopping mecca’ – feels authorial??

Reads like the ‘damp cloth’ is ‘very much alive’??

The first chapter was a little tough to get into because I didn't know how it related to the overall picture of this book (beyond the title). The thing is that this very notion of confusion is what drove me to continue reading up until the third chapter as per my usual standards. As I reflect back on it, I think the first chapter is brilliant. It provides the setting and the tone of story in a very subtle and quirky way. I loved it. From there, the tension and plot are unwrapped slowly like a layer cake and I found it to be a nice touch. You have an extremely sensitive subject to present and I don't know if it is intentional but you effectively walk us towards it. Great story and i'm glad I read it. 6 Stars.

Very credible, down to earth and close to heart writing. This should do well but upload a lot more.
Backed
Lara
A RELATIVE LOSS

The pitch was really intriguing and would have hooked me,

The writing is very confident and assured. I like the steady approach you take to character development, but some people would feel it moved too slowly. The dialogue was good, but at times had the feel of a YA novel. I realise the characters are young adults, but in my experience, teens talk with a bit more of an edge, or maybe that's just me?
This slight problem didnt affect the narrative flow though. I read all 6 chapters when i usually set out to read 2-3. When i got to the end of 6 i wanted to read more, as i know there is real drama and trauma coming.
Highly starred, and i would be very keen to read anything else you upload, of this novel or another.

The pitch was really intriguing and would have hooked me,

The writing is very confident and assured. I like the steady approach you take to character development, but some people would feel it moved too slowly. The dialogue was good, but at times had the feel of a YA novel. I realise the characters are young adults, but in my experience, teens talk with a bit more of an edge, or maybe that's just me?
This slight problem didnt affect the narrative flow though. I read all 6 chapters when i usually set out to read 2-3. When i got to the end of 6 i wanted to read more, as i know there is real drama and trauma coming.
Highly starred, and i would be very keen to read anything else you upload, of this novel or another.

Hi,
Definitely not my genre, so can't comment on the content.
The writing flows nicely and it is clear you have a talent for dialogue.
The narrative prose is good, but I found the pace too slow - for me that is.
I was waiting for something to happen in ch 1. To hook the reader you need to open with a story question which puzzles and draws the reader straight into the story. The initial scene - lipstick etc is beautifully drawn and gives good depth to the characters, but I just wondered whether some event - meaningful and predictive might be a useful ploy in the opening.
Over all this flows nicely and your writing 'rhythm' is excellent.
Like I said, not my kind of stuff but definitely no pain reading this.
It's a popular genre so may well go far here.
Backed.(for the quality of the writing).

I came here after reading your sage advice on a different book. This has a really clean, confident start and is some of the best writing I've seen on the site so far. The fishmonger love interest (if you can call him that) is brilliant! Starred and WL for now, WILL be backing.

What beautiful little descriptions, that add to the sincerity and quarkiness of this piece. I think this book and I will get along just fine - shelving it for now, and will come back to read many times.

Hello Ali-

Book- A Kettle of Fish-

your cover caught my attention- very eye catching indeed-
The pitch well thought out and well presented. love the last line 'the gravitation and pull of sex'
read the first chapter, 2nd shows error and did not appear- then read other six posted.

It's exactly what you say it is ' a coming of age story' as Alisa describes what it's like, and life in Fife, Scotland.
A sustaining read for the young adult market, who will enjoy the easy going style of your writing and relate to the story-line, The potential is there for lots more happenings to come and the fathers secret of course, intriguing as to how this will develop;
i enjoyed the read myself

wish you good luck with it Ali.
tom bye
book- from hugs to kisses;
you will like chapters 22 and 23 of mine, read and comment if time, thanks

Hi Andrew- many thanks for the backing and the useful comments. I had just noticed the 'pressing/pressed' typo - aagh! Must sort that out. Will take a look at your other suggestions. Agree it's important to know Ailsa's age at the start.

Thanks again.
AliB

I really enjoyed this, Ali. The prose is polished and pacy and full of lots of involving, often quite melancholic observations and phrasing. I particularly liked Alisa’s recollections of what her Gran used to say (‘two haddock, not too big’) and the description of Mrs Mackay (‘with her pebble-thick specs and chest as big as any man’s’). Fabulous stuff. The dialogue feels real and adds good energy to the scenes. Alisa’s character is subtly but effectively evoked in the opening chapter. The reader feels as if he/she is getting to know her but is intrigued to learn more. Cleverly done.

In short, a confident, engaging opening. On my shelf. And best of luck. A


Observations on Ch1:

I’m not sure if it’s revealed in your pitch, Ali – I tend not to read them as they seem to interfere with the reading experience – but, halfway thru the opening chapter, I was beginning to wonder how old narrator Alisa actually is. I assume she's still quite young?? Maybe make clear in opening paras??

Also, as a general point, whenever I read a first person/past tense narrative, I find myself constantly questioning how the narrator can remember the specific detail – especially dialogue - of each scene. Is there any reason why you don’t use a third person narrative but have the point of view very much from Alisa’s perspective?? It would certainly help alleviate any misgivings re the accuracy of the narration. Just a thought.

It’s a personal thing, but I’m not keen on semicolons where the narrative is in the first person. I’m pretty sure I don’t use them when I speak (!!) so they tend to look odd on the page. Maybe just rely on incomplete sentences??

‘Pressed her lips…’ typo?? ‘Pressing her…’??

‘Tomorrow, Faye’s dad (not Dad)…’

‘like rockets on a launch pad’ – feels like quite a masculine observation??

‘…she owned the company whose logo it bore’ – a bit clunky/adult??

200 calories doesn’t sound like much for a fancy cake??!!

‘Edinburgh, ancient capital and teenage shopping mecca’ – feels authorial??

Reads like the ‘damp cloth’ is ‘very much alive’??

A Kettle of Fish is such an evocative read! I loved your first chapter – the setting, the characters, your manner of writing – all is great and immaculate. You’ve got an extremely well polished manuscript, Ali. Your dialogues are believable. I love the deep characterization of Ailsa. I sympathize with her. You depict her world vividly in Chapter 1 and 2. Well done! I’ve read the third chapter and I am sure this book must be published!

I found only one tiny thing to perfect in Chapter 3:
- ‘I could come home at weekends,' I said. But I don’t know …’ [I said. ‘But … – the brackets missing].
The rest is superb! I gave your book 6 stars and wish you the best of luck with it.

Kindest regards,
Ivan Amberlake

Hi Ali,
I like the way you style the narrative in storyteller mode, yet clearly have the protagonist’s POV very distinct. Your writing is fresh, great descriptive, with good use of metaphor. A good balance of dialogue and narrative, and the dialogue is realistic. I like the use of fish colloquialisms too, although they could become a little distracting or repetitious if overused.
But what I read (to Ch 3) is good writing, and I’d be interested to read the lot.
Minor comments:
Title: Not sure about the use of “A”. Suggests one thing, static. Maybe “Kettle of Fish” perhaps? Or even “Fine Kettle of Fish”.
Short Pitch: Very good.
Long Pitch: A good pitch. Maybe “a lot” could be “much”. I like “fishing for clues”. Second para, the “east coast of Fife” doesn’t match “art galleries of Edinburgh”. “distractions of sex” is maybe not as high stakes as you could make it.
Ch 1: Love the opening. Right into character. I’d probably like to know where we are in the first couple of paras (I know we find out further down, so it’s not a biggie) and what era. I can’t comment on the slang, which I assume is modern? Is there enough about mobiles and Facebook etc. if it is meant to be about modern girls?
I don’t think you need the space before “On the street outside”, but probably debatable.
Maybe spell out M.E. the first time. I don’t think you should use the i.e.
Might be some scope, in Ailsa’s viewpoint, to use more contractions like “we’d”.
Sometimes there are two spaces between words.
Best success with the book,
Ian

The first chapter was a little tough to get into because I didn't know how it related to the overall picture of this book (beyond the title). The thing is that this very notion of confusion is what drove me to continue reading up until the third chapter as per my usual standards. As I reflect back on it, I think the first chapter is brilliant. It provides the setting and the tone of story in a very subtle and quirky way. I loved it. From there, the tension and plot are unwrapped slowly like a layer cake and I found it to be a nice touch. You have an extremely sensitive subject to present and I don't know if it is intentional but you effectively walk us towards it. Great story and i'm glad I read it. 6 Stars.

I enjoyed reading this. I like the fish and sea themes running through the book, it ties it together nicely. The writing is good and there are very few errors that I could see (though 'Havena'e really time', end ch4 seemed to be missing a word?). I like the spaced insertions of backstory, here and there; it rounds out the main character, varies pace and adds a lovely feeling of nostalgia but also more poignant loss. Many of the descriptions are very well crafted, e.g. '...feet skidding over sea-weed, mischievous waves licking at my heels... a hand, gritty with sand and salt, grabbed mine and dragged me off to some other adventure...' - beautiful. I'll read more later. One to watch, I think.