Teacher's Pet

Hi, love the cover to your book made me stop for a read and glad I did! Great book nicely written high stars, would love you to take a look at my book (as you are ex-pats) its called Faking it in France, all the best to you, Karen x

I think I too am in love with Darcy Sheridan. This is a well written, page turner, the kind of book I would take on holiday. Well done and more please. I've awarded a constellation of stars and watch listed your book. Yours Bea

Well written book or at least all I read. :)
The title is unique but good.
The pitch is also drawing.
Nicely done.

Shelby Z./Driving Winds

I like your cover, title and the concept of the story appealed so stopped for a read.

I hate writing pitches and think they are so hard to get right but I did notice the long pitch mentions 'now' three times, which I feel muddles the time frame to a degree.

Your prologue hit the right chord with me and drew me into the story. I want to know the history of these two and how Gemma went from the quiet girl to the famous actress.

I noticed some minor typos but the one I noted is in the first chapter (Dec 99) as it changes the tense, 'a scholarly man for whom she's always had great admiration.' I wondered if this is meant to read 'whom she'd always had...' That scene also caused me a little confusion because Gemma seems to be dancing with Mr Lawrence yet Darcy Sheridan is able to ask her a question. It took me a second read and to then move on to realise this was a memory/flashback scene, experienced during the dance.

I did feel Darcy's Irish was a bit stereotyped and not always true to natural speech, especially the 'to be sure,' I'd suggest not over-doing that phrase.

You switched from using " to ' in chapter 2 (3 by the Autho count) and in that chapter you also switch POV from Gemma to Darcy and back so there is some head hopping in that chapter.

Darcy feels predatory in the chapters where Gemma is 18 so I'd read more to find how out she copes with him and whether he is genuine. At the minute that predatory nature distances me from him and makes me feel like warning Gemma away.

In chapter three (four by Autho) Gemma leaves her hair still pinned up with pieces already escaping, but in the previous chapter she had taken her hair down and combed it through with her fingers.

Overall, I like the concept of the story and the characters and I would read on to find out what happens. I noticed you said you'll be adding more chapters so will watch out for them.

A captivating story, well written and very readable. High stars and on my watchlist awaiting promotion. Good luck Yours Bea

Hi Lavina,
I like the story so far. Most of what you've written is good. I think there were a few mistakes but I forget where they are. I'm sure you're going to go through your work over and over again, so you'll find the bugs for sure.
Story line is good. I'm wondering if the prologue is even necessary. Maybe it's better if you just jump into the story when Gemma is going to the formal.
I am wondering if Gemma`s step father (if I read the story right) knew of Darcy's attraction to Gemma and arranged to leave the dance early, so that Darcy can be close to Gemma, and let neture take it's course. Only my suspicions.
Darcy seems to be the ultimate gentleman, indeed. He's not going to spoil things with Gemma on the first night and takes her home. Very good. Other teen boys probaably would have raveged her if she gave them the chance. Inded Dracy reminds me a little of Mr. Darcy from the Pride and Prejudice movie ... hee, hee.
I'm wondering if you should write a chapter that takes place BEFORE the the formal dance. perhaps where Darcy sees Gemma during rehersals for this play. Perhaps he accidentaly sees her change from her school clothes, which hides her body, to this Ophelia costume, and he saw her partially naked in the process - that's when he fell for her. Maybe he should say this to her during the relationship.
I'm curious how this is going to develop.
All the best
Kirk

Hi Lavinia
I've read through all three chapters and love the way you convey the naivety of Gemma through your writing. The way you describe the boys' reactions to Gemma's arrival is spot on, as is the description of Zelda helping her daughter to get ready, realising her potential and making Gemma see it. I was gutted when I got to the end of chapter 3 as I wanted more!! Beautifully written. You're on my watchlist and I've star rated you as well.
Jane (Jedye)

Hello Lavinia , a swwet and charming story which seems to be written out of personal experience, though I think the heroine's arns must be aching from all the awards she has won. Watchlisted and starred.Would you be able to look at the first chapter of my novel 'A Buccaneer' , which is set amongst Pirates in the 17th century , with best wishes from Strachan Gordon .

Hi there! My name is Bre and as a fresh Newbie to this site I wanted to welcome you!! I wish you luck with your book and hopefully you don't mind taking a peek at mine! The are childrens books (ages 3-6...very quick reads!) and let me know what you think...I'm sending of the nauscripts soon..so ayt feedback helps!