Book Jacket

 

rank 1104
word count 12526
date submitted 24.10.2011
date updated 01.11.2011
genres: Fiction, Romance, Horror, Comedy
classification: universal
incomplete

Hellbait

Lisa Scullard

Half-man, half-zombie, Army veteran Sully tries to avoid other undeads. He'd rather hang out with his personal demon, who has much more time to kill.

 

Mostly, Sully’s spare time is spent with his ‘Courier’ - a faceless entity, whose job it is to transport the soul of the dead to its destination. The problem with the current proliferation of undeads, means that a lot of these Couriers are hanging around Earth with nothing to do. And the living think they’re killer demons, instead of just things doing a job they’ve always done.



Sully’s achieved double by putting up with Hellbait. One, she now talks - admittedly, in an echo-fashion, like a parrot. And two - he’s fallen in love with it. If you can still consider her an It. But she’s not interested. She’s only hanging around because he’s past his expiry date.



Having also accumulated two lycanthropic pets of his own (a part-time Oriental blue-point Siamese cat, and a Doberman with a death-sentence hanging over her), Sully’s starting to feel that women of varying manifestations and species are a threat of taking over his life.



When before, if he wanted a woman, all he had to do was look in the personal ads, or the obituaries. They all ended up the same anyway.



Oh, and it’s also the end of the world. Allegedly.

 
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tags

comedy, horror, mythology, romance, vampire, werewolf, zombies

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15 comments

 

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GK Stritch wrote 204 days ago

Just in time for the darkest Halloween season, Lisa Scullard's Hellbait will knock your bloody socks off.

Lisa, wow, what a knockout!

GK Stritch

Kim Padgett-Clarke wrote 119 days ago

Hellbait is a mixture of all sorts of genres which happily blend together nicely. I am not usually into this kind of book but I loved the cover and had to check it out. Your writing style is great, easy to read and flows nicely. It is hard to know how to review this as there are so many elements to the story. I guess the only thing I need to say is that it is brilliant! Well done and six stars.

Kim (Pain)

FinkArtStudio wrote 140 days ago

I first clicked onto your book to critique its cover but your pitch has me adding this to my watchlist. Look like a very interesting read!

The cover i LIKE! Beautiful hair, glowing eyes- it certainly makes me look and wonder. It acheives its purpose and made me want to "pick it up"

celticwriter wrote 183 days ago

Hi Lisa, found your book on GK's shelf. Loving it! Happily backed.

Jim
LONDON in LOVE

Paul Freeman wrote 183 days ago

Hi, Lisa, I've read the first three chapters and your story is mad, in a good way.

Paul.

DesiS. wrote 187 days ago

Hellbait- great tension between Hellbait and Sully. Very original- but would like some more info about the world that they live in. In Chapter 2 you say- "Sully didn't know if they replaced Couriers who persistently failed."- Courier wasn't clearly explained and who are 'they'. I wonder if not explaining what is going on is a way to increase reader curiosity or suspense. Does create some confusion though. Great banter between the characters and good character development.

Chapter 5- "And he found himself on his feet, with Hellbait pinned up against the wall, just outside the bathroom." It took me a little bit to figure out that he had her pinned. Also her alludes to an implement that she was holding- a richer description of this would be helpful.

Hope this is helpful. Thanks for sharing your wonderful story. Desi

billysunday wrote 193 days ago

Lisa, You ooze style. Love your similes and metaphors-'eels mating', 'dusted with cocoa', even liked how you used the word 'queried' instead of the boring standard 'ask'. The whole bar scene is very intriguing. I'm sure the strange game is further explained later in the book. One word-slick. Highly recommended and starred.
Dina Rae

Lisa Scullard wrote 198 days ago

Today's tune is... http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o4Yd0M7m8GY

peter timmins wrote 199 days ago

Hi ,
just a quick note to say i am loving your book "Hellbait" and have 5***** it. I will put it on my book shelf when i get space. Just wondered if you have time, you could cast your eye over my book "THE SNOW KING".
Only if you have time though.

Pete

Lisa Scullard wrote 201 days ago

Today's recommended listening: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=R2qoin0Bdf8

;)

WiSpY wrote 202 days ago

Interesting!!

ShadowOfOsiris wrote 202 days ago

Hi Lisa

I've read up to about halfway through chapter 3. I like it a lot. There's something about Hellbait herself that is very intriguing and makes me want to read the rest just to see what happens with/to her. She's quite a simple creation, and yet very unique and I think she'll be the biggest selling point of the book. Anyway, my notes:

'...all he had left, since.' I don't think this works. Since what? I know you'll get to that, but if you don't want that question asked in the wrong way, then this bit needs rewriting. Perhaps simply putting elipses instead of a full stop (period).

'flame-orange'

The swearing isn't particularly 'universal', even if it's few and far between. You say this is your problem because you want it YA, but I don't really feel it as YA. It feels like there's a lot of adult stuff lurking, which could make it flow a bit better. I don't mean loads of sex and swearing and whatnot, but just things that you could allow to spill out if you aren't constrained by YA.

Lastly, for a novel tagged 'comedy, I've yet to come across any.

That's all I came across. My only concern, really, is that Sully isn't entirely likeable. I can't find myself liking or disliking him. But I think this will do very well, and I will back it. Good luck :)

I'd appreciate it if you have time to have a read of, and comment on, my own book, too. Thanks :)

Mike Lee wrote 203 days ago

The style is really, really, great.; I found myself rushing along in reading this, enjoying every new description of the bizzare scenes and characters. Very nicely done :)
I love the characters. With the exception of Hellbait herself, each one gives a snapshot of what kind of character we are being introduced to immediately. Great characterization, and great characters!
I notice that the other comments here don't offer suggestions, just praise, and I think that reflects the quality of the writing, both great style and a compelling set of scenes to tell this story in.
There's not alot of volume here, so it's hard to see now whether the story is really developing and where it is going. Consequently, anything I offer regarding the structure of the story may be pretty far off the mark, or intentional, setting the reader up for interesting revelations later on. But here are my impressions:
Hellbait: She starts out as an ominous enigma. I have the impression that her communications are ambiguous. But by the end of this sample, she is much more... hmmm, articulate? Much more understandable, I suppose. Her short "echo" statements are much easier to make sense of. I might like that to be more consistent through the opening of the story, and I suspect there are advantages to making her comments mysterious and ambiguous.
Jess: You did such a great job with this character in the opening scene, it's disapointing to discover that she's relegated to a minor character (apparently) so quickly. The opening read to me like Hellbait was the consistent, but circumspect theme character, that wouldn't be involved in the action, so much as always present, an ominous indication of the eventuallity awaiting Scully, and Jess would be more central to the action... but that changed as soon as they left the bar, and Hellbait was the center of Scully's actual actions. I might prefer, as a reader, to understand who I should be paying attention to earlier on.
Scully: He's very charismatic, somehow, but even by the end of the sample, I'm not sure what drives him. He's suffering, and therefore gaining the reader's sympathy, and he's doing "good" things (like letting the zombies out of the container on the beach) but I didn't understand what makes him do things like pick up stray lycanthropes, care what happens to the zombies in the container, etc. I could have used a little information from Scully about how he makes those decisions, what his purpose is. Reducing the suffering of the monsters, because he is half monster himself?
Also, I have the impressoin that these creatures all walk around in the real world, mixded in among the normal, living people, but the threat that is noticed is the Courriers, not the undead. I wanted a better picture of what that's about, how the living perceive, or don't perceive the undead. Are they a threat to the living? Are the living repulsed by them? Are the living generally aware of them, their real nature?
So, without more of the story here to see, I know that some of this may not be central to the story, and could be mere distraction if it were included. I can only say these are the questions I am left wishing I understood the answers to, after reading through chapter 5.
The writing, though, is really top drawer. The ONLY weakness I can find is in the organization of the structure of the story, and there's not enough for me to know if that's really a weakness or not, yet.
Really great style, though, for sure!

Lisa Scullard wrote 204 days ago

Recommended listening: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vbusiFt9XlU&feature=related

;)

GK Stritch wrote 204 days ago

Just in time for the darkest Halloween season, Lisa Scullard's Hellbait will knock your bloody socks off.

Lisa, wow, what a knockout!

GK Stritch

Kris Mikelson wrote 210 days ago

Super impressive writing! Just the right amount of everything. Very alluring. This will definitely get published because there is absolutely no reason it shouldn't.

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