After the Fire Burns

Anna, this has the makings of a great read. Your writing is smooth. Was a little confused with your sequencing. You start off with Chapter One, then go to the Prologue, then on to Chapter Two. Good job overall.

Happy to back your work.

Joffrey (The Silver Spoon Effect)

Anna: this really appealed to me. I guess maybe I am biased being a Jew but this is good stuff here. Slight improvements can be made. The short pitch is acceptable. With the long pitch, break it down into smaller paragraphs so it reads faster. Perfecting your pitches is how you climb in ranking to gather more exposure and comments to better your novel. The writing is good so I am SHELVING you.

Though I have been a very active member for over a year, I can still use your comments on my book when you get the chance. Every little bit helps. Cheers!

JC
The Obergemau Key

AFTER THE FIRE BURNS
This is a horrible wonderful story. There have been so many books written about the Holocaust it’s hard to write one that could stand out from the pile, but this book does that because it’s not about the millions of people who were tortured but about one very sensitive girl – and that really brings home the horror of war and Nazi Germany. An upsetting book, so probably not one for everyone, but it packs a punch for a serious reader. I’m adding this to my shelf. Burgio (Grain of Salt).

Hello Anna, this is one of the best stories I've read on the Holocaust. It's astory that needs to be read because we can never stop learning about human nature through the worst that humans can do, and by the best.
Your writing voice speaks to the world.
Get this thing published.
BACKED Chris1

Anna:

I only wish I had your courage to write such a story. Unfortunately, since I cried while reading yours, I know it is beyond me. This book just doesn't deserve to be published, it NEEDS to be published. A horrific past written beautifully.

Backed with absolute pleasure,

Candace Bowen Early (A Knight of Silence)

This is just great writing........ and I love the first person..voice......very powerful............. it covers a v sad period of history........ and not that long ago........ I can find no fault with this............ it deserves to be published..


DAVID SAVING STARFISH.

We cannot have too many books like this, which remind us of man's inhumanity to man, because the sort of things your MC endured in the 1940's, have continued in many war zones, and still continue. We never learn. How you managed to research this and make it feel so first-hand and real, is open to our conjecture. All I can say is that your excellent writing, and your empathetic, deep insights into suffering and trauma, make this an outstanding book, and it deserves to be published. I sincerely hope it is noticed by a publisher. It's on my shelf. Best wishes, Tony.

Anna
Literary brilliance....Why has this not been published, haven't you sent it out ? I usually find something to moan about. but I couldn't find anything here at all.....You have a gift, well two gifts.....It's one thing to be able to write and another to have something interesting to write about.....You have both....

I would love your view on mine.......Shelved....

Hello Anna,
I read through the first four chapters of your book with joy and sadness. You have chosen (or maybe it chose you) a very difficult subject and you approached it with the gift of a wonderful storyteller. You must continue. I know, to be able to express such raw emotions, you have to feel it, but you must continue. I am a strong believer in the importance of passing along the stories of our successes as well as our worst tragedy. Keep up the great work. I will return to read more.

Daniel “Storykeeper”

This is a sad case of a book that will not rise because of the lack of participation. If the system was fair and just, this would be higher. I'll put it back on the shelf from time to time and hope you come back Anna.

Sitting here in tears and I feel so selfish bemoaning my lot and feeling sorry for myself just because of bullying!
I really hope this gets published. We should never forget................
Virginia Owen

I haven't had a chance to read this yet but I will! Also you should read "Five Chimneys" by Olga Lengyel not on Authonomy but published years ago a harrowing true story of one womans struggle to survive Auschwitz
Irma Griese was an evil SS officer who was beautiful on the outside but not on the inside. She made daily selections on who should be sent to the gas chambers, when she was taken to be hung after the war she screamed all the way. She always wanted to be in pictures and she was...... but not in the way she thought she would be!

I liked this best.

After The Fire Burns

Hi Anna,

Painful poetry masquerading as prose, great initial chapter, short, sharp, a dagger stabbing our interest to the heart. A wonderful beginning, whimsical and descriptive, love the underwater reference, the warbling noise that life becomes when you have been through such trauma. What a powerful sentiment, envy for those bodies, staked high. Nothing much to crit here at all, I simply enjoyed the phrasing, the poetry, the exploration of the dark places in human experience and how someone begins to try and survive them. I am not sure how you come by this experience, ceaseless research or family tragedy, but it reads very well, there is nothing that jags here. My only suggestion would be to look at the amount of white space you have in some chapters, the paragraphing could do with increasing, breaking up long tracts of dense text will make it easier on the eye and easier to read. But generally pretty brilliant, best of luck and best wishes

Andrew W.
(Sanctuary's Loss)

I am so sorry that I didn't find this earlier. This is a work of art. I loved the film Sophie's Choice and I love this just as much. You have an incredible voice, it pulls at the heartstrings. When speaking of the leather purse, reminding her that she was once adored. How beautiful.
I need this book in my hands. Is it published yet?
Shelved with absolute pleasure. I really mean that
Sue (A Boy Called George)

Horrific opening, but wonderful nonetheless. Supreme writing skills here. I couldn't NOT read on after the first part. The next part is just as great, but in a different way. Even though most of us haven't experienced this exactly (or even anything like it at all), I think a lot of us can relate to 'losing themselves' -- or maybe I'm just crazy :/ lol But you hooked me!
This book is grand. I have been reading off and on for days.. I wish I knew what was coming next. This is something I would definitely buy. It's been on my shelf!!

-Eden / The Abandoned Edge of Avalon

all I can say is WOW
Your voice is beautiful and strong. This story is heartfelt; it evokes powerful, sincere emotion in the reader and leaves us sympathsizing with your characters. It is clear you have written this story for a reason and what a beautiful reason that is. In ch1 where you speak of her slowly losing herself it was brilliant. You are a very talented writer and I am in awe. It takes a lot to impress me and you defiantly impressed me.
shelved.

There is not much to be said after reading something that is so raw, written with such a naked vulnerability. I am not good at grammar and such, so can not advise you in that respect. All I can say is there have been many silenced voices you speak for and may I add, you speak well. Shelved. C.P

“After The Fire Burns”

Anna.

This is a difficult one. How can one say they enjoyed a story that is so harrowing, and yet the pleasure to be found is in your writing, and the way in which you narrate this saga? Switching the POV from mother to daughter, clearly gives the different perspectives, and works well. I read through six chapters, and would have continued, but as there are only nine posted, disappointment was looming.

My mind couldn’t help but draw parallels with the movie “Schindlers List” and the little girl in the red coat. A scene I shall never forget. I wish you well with this book, you clearly deserve it. Great writing, and thanks for the experience.

I don’t do edits; I prefer to leave that to others more qualified than myself, (some just think they are.) But I don’t think you have a lot to worry about. Shelved!

CallumC.

Wonderful first-person voice. Shelved.
Only tid-bit: You may want to split some of our longer paragraphs for flow.
Good luck!
Leslie Tall Manning (aka Lellie)
"Knock'n on Wood"

This is both touching and painful to read, yet it never revels in self-pity as there is a kernel of hope and strength in the words and in the characters. It's impossible to read this and not be affected. If there are any improvements to be made they are only little tweaks here and there. For ex, the opening line of Ch2 "holding their tiny wriggling bodies in yours after hrs of labour." Do you mean in your arms?
or among the notices: "PLEASE READ THIS I'M DROWING." What is Drowing? Is it a name? Is it meant to be something else?
Anyhow, these things are minor nitpicks beside the fact that this a great and most shelveable story!

M&J
'Graemor'

This is well accomplished and beautifully written, and I cannot possibly criticise anything that has held my attention like this one has. All authonomists should take note and you should be very proud of this wonderful book. Bracha vehazlaha. Selah. L.x

Anna,

What a beautiful, beautiful piece of literature. I spent a year researching the subject, and corollary matters, and it changed my perspective on things. Your style is light and yet substantial, the voice strong and authoritative, and the feeling... well, the feeling is what makes the book alive. Backed, and it will stay for a while as I dip in and out of it. I can't read it for long, it displaces me too much. xLux (Diary of an Adulteress, The Sicilian Sculptress - you might read the latter, and understand why I like yours).

Anna,

This is a very accomplished piece of writing. Moving, indeed. In fact, most moving in unusual places ( the unaffected, offhand way of the RC workers - ouch)

Not a whole heap of tidying really, I think you'll do very well. Personally, a few too many adverbs that could be pruned out - have a re read...

Again, a couple of of clunky sentences, such as the one beginning

'All what people who thought...'

Best way to spot these is to read out loud, pen in hand to an audience or to yourself - but reet out loud. They glare, it's gorgeous!

And I'm harsh crit mode, so good on you and I wish you all the very best. Shelf,

MAT

Melgeles children are the most horrific example of human crualty. I am not afraid of dyeing nearly as much as living through that. Shelved.
THere are a few wrong words here and there. nothing critical.

After the Fire Burns...

Now that I've read your partial, I can say that I'm going to love your novel, although 'love' in the context of a heartbreaking story seems a strange word.

I think you can tighten, however. I just revised my last chapter and eliminated 1000 words from a chapter that started with under 4000 words. It didn't hurt. I promise you it didn't hurt.

Do watch out for adverbs, although I don't think you over-use them as so many do, but it's usually better to eliminate them and use stronger verbs or find fresher ways to say the same thing.

Best of luck with this, Anne.

Shelved enthusiastically.

Cheers,
Sheryl
IN ALL THE WRONG PLACES...I need your help staying on the Editor’s Desk while I revise (to incorporate authonomy feedback). In particular, I’m looking for brutally honest feedback (but starting at c.2 because the prologue has been critiqued to death, and I know that if I change one more word, I’ll kill it for sure) and, of course, your backing, if at all possible.

After the Fire Burns...

During my lawyering days, I represented a woman of marginal intelligence who was sterilized without anaesthetic in Auschwitz. You can see why I want to read this story.

Your opening is compelling. I only have one suggestion and that is to eliminate the clause "and I counted myself unlucky to be among the ranks." I think the last line of your opening will be more powerful that way (i.e., sometimes less is more.)

Reading on...

After the Fire Burns...

So glad you're back because I've wanted to read this story.

Commenting as I go along, starting with your pitches, but keep in mind that I'm severely pitch-challenged.

Your short pitch is sometimes called the elevator pitch because you’re supposed to imagine that you’re in an elevator with an agent and you only have one or two sentences to pitch your novel in such a way that the agent will ask for a partial. I think yours is almost there, although I'm not sure about the last sentence.

I think the first sentence of your longer pitch is something that someone famous should say about your novel, not you, and I think it should go at the end.

Here’s the allegedly winning formula for the longer pitch:
1. Who is your protagonist? (3 MC's--I have 4 so I think I understand your challenge in getting your pitches just right. But one of them should be more important than the others, don't you think? Except for The Poisonwood Bible, of course. Gee, this is tough!)
2. What does she want?
3. What obstacles does she encounter? (three specific ones is a good rule of thumb)
4. a hint about the resolution

You do need more white space and to tighten (I found lots of wordy sections and when you eliminate those, you'll have more words to put to better use in the pitch.)

Once you’ve revamped yours, would you please help me with mine? I'm serious.

Reading on...

Your book is intoxicating. The subject matter hurts my heart, but ignites my interest. Exellent work
Jeannette Katzir
Broken Birds

Oh my god I am addicted, but had to stop reading in order to say that I'm absolutely glued to this book. It really is so good I look forward to sinking my teeth further and further into it each evening. Delicate but affective. Consider it backed!

-Lorcs

This is very well written. Survivor's stories are always difficult to write because the victimization lives on in them in both the physical physical as well as emotional sense and you have to deal with that delicately.

Good Luck with you book. Backed.

AFTER THE FIRE BURNS (Anna Scanlon)
I went through the period described in this work and have had more than enough to do with war children (French Nurse). It's a subject that has to be handled carefully, so emotional it mustn't become mawkish, and Anna manages it well.
The literary agents are saturated with Holocaust (read their blogs) and Anna will have to present the unique aspects of her work to get it recognised.
Backed.
mch

I've backed this before, and there's a reason for that: beautiful! This better get published, or else the publishing world is just insane!.

Hi Anna. Finally, Aliz came to the top of my reading list last night and I'm at the half-way point. Strong, evocative writing that put me in mind of the photography of Christian Boltanski; the darkness of the camps, the atrocities, the sheer evil of what happened. I noticed only one or two 'technical' points, easily corrected, a missing conjunctive and an issue on tense; 'lied' in place of lay or laid. De minimis of course, in context of some great writing of a worthy subject. Deserves to go higher to reach a wider audience, so you have to spend some time on my shelf. Best of luck. MHM

I am putting this on my shelf. The writing is quite superb at times and very, very good for the rest of it. There are some stunning images: children who look like miniature grandparents. And you have a superb eye for detail, like the lasses slipping from the face, the hair escaping from the bun. I thought it very effective to begin with Aliz's letters and your descriptions of the older Aliz are quite brilliant.

Strange, but Aunt Leah is the main character in my book, Common Places. How odd is that?

Powerful theme. Powerful time. I'm putting it on my WL.

Hi Anna,
so far I've only read the first four parts but I've watchlisted it and plan to read more.
I liked the prologue and opening chapter. The part by Aliz actually sounds like a child telling it rather than a grownup pretending to be a child.

I've never attempted to write a period piece before, and I imagine that it is quite difficult to do. However, the 1940s setting was not coming across completely for me. I think you probably just need to add more specific details, like what kind of car the mother drives, or exactly what magazine Isabelle is looking through in chapter four. That would give the reader more of an idea as to what kind of world these characters live in.

I found Aliz's characterization to be well done, but I wish I could get a clearer picture of Isabelle in these opening chapters. You probably develop her more later on, but so far I'm not getting much of a sense of who she is. Maybe you could give some more details of her life (is she going to school?planning on getting married?) and how Aliz's arrival is affecting that. The same goes for her mother. I was wondering where her husband is or if she has a job etc. I'm not saying you should give their entire life stories in the first few chapters, but it'd be good to know what is at stake for them.

Overall it's a strong start with a lot of potential. I'll be reading more when I get a chance.

A powerful and touching story. I was too drawn in to find anything to criticize.

Kudos.

I've jusr read chapter two and it made me smile. The little girl is so likeable. I love the 'I would rather not' taken from hearing her nanny and knowing that it gets you into trouble when said about vegetables. I also am wondering where the looking the same as her sister and being told at eight that they should celebrate their differences will go. I am intrigued by that theme. It's going on my bookshelf because it has pulled me in. You capture a young girl's voice exactly.

This is good. A new voice to the story told thousands of times from 1945 forward. Each unique to the teller. One has to ask what if there had not been an USA. It goes on my shelf.

Poignant stuff, Anna. Vivid, straight to the heart. Deserves to be out there.

I'm putting it on my bookshelf.

Hope you have time to read my own book, Simple Lines, sometime soon
Anthony

Anna, thought I'd come take another read, as I had promised some time ago. The "arse-speaking" thread reminded me. I remember I really like this, but had some issues with it as well. I read a few chapters, a couple chapters further than I'd read before. Then I read my comments from the first time. I don't know if you've made some editing changes, or if I was just tired or cranky when I read it before. Yes, it still needs some polishing and editing (we all do until it's published, I think), but the story is as compelling as it was before. For whatever reason, it resonated more with me this time, and I think this deserves a spot on my stingy shelf.

One thing I said before that still is true - I'm not familiar with other books that have tackled this particular part of the WWII aftermath or the Jewish experience following the Holocaust, and I think that makes this a book that has a very high potential of interesting an agent and publisher at some point.

I line edited ch 3 but couldn't cut and paste to here.

I'm not sure how much research you have done into this period. The chapter was lacking in grounding details for me that would make me comfortably believe we were with characters from that period. In fact I felt as though there were anachronisms and modernisms in speech and thought and action that would not apply to the 1940's. As an author you need to convince me on two levels - that you know your 1940's and that you can deliver a 10 year old girl who has been to Auswitz credibly. At the moment I'm not getting a feel for 1940's, setting or attitudes or thoughts or speech. I'm ok with the girl so far.

The idea is great. The effect of war on children has been looked at before from different angles - the boy in that movie Empire of the Sun with John Malkovich, I think, and Diary of Anne Frank. So it's a sellable product, but only if you really make it believable.

Anna, I have read through the first 3 chapters.

This is a gripping and emotional read that makes you sit back and think.

I hate reading it because it emotes me in ways that feel uncomfortable, but that is it's ultimate strength.

Aliz is described so well and the contrast from the opening diary pages to how Isabelle and her mother find her once she arrives in San Francisco, hits hard.

I noted a few typos and a couple of points that were a little confusing:

G-d only knows - Did you mean God?

'The new caretakers' sentence - word 'new' is used twice in this sentence. Perhaps 'appointed' caretakers would work better?

I really loved this read and intend to continue when I have time and am in the right frame of mind, because I think this one is going to be heavy.

I don't know what the market for pre and post war issues is at the moment, but I seriously think this will sell!

The best of luck and I am putting it on my shelf.

Mazza

There are a few typing errors in the first few chapters and the differing points of view are initially a bit disorientating but having said, there is much to praise about this book. I immediately warmed to the characters and you have handled a very sensitive subject matter with a lot of care. It is a promising book and I think if you iron out the spelling/punctuation mistakes and focus more on introducing your characters POV in a clearer way then this will go very far.

Sometimes I don't know what to say when I get to the last chapter posted... I like the story... like the way it is written with the different voices... how I get to know the characters through what they tell of themselves and of others.

I like how in chapter 7 Aliz seems very concerned with the unfairness of the situation -- children seem to have a black-and-white view of what's fair and not. This is something that jumped out at me particularly because Jane Eyre was my favorite novel, years ago. The young Jane has that same fixation with fair and unfair that I can see in Aliz. It made me like her even more.

There's a sentence about dog teeth in chapter two...you might look at rearranging it. It was something like, "If that is gross, then dogteeth are too," in reference to the dog licking her face. I think it would be clearer if you said, "If dogteeth are gross, then so is that," or something to that effect, unless I'm reading it wrong.

This flows so well - yes, there are lots of little mistakes, left out words etc., but through chapter 6 it works very well. Then, chapter 7 switches back to the diary - I can see that the diary could be expanded and then juxtaposed between thematically related passages from Isabelle's voice after Aliz gets to San Francisco. I think that this has the makings of a fantastic book- several iterations from now. Don't get discouraged!

Hello Anna,
I would have liked to have known earlier how old Isabel was, although I realised she was a teenager, but that’s a minor point. This is heart breaking, truly. I was absolutely engrossed in your book. It puts everything else in the shadow. Laryngitis, not laryngitis’s, and neighbors’ sons and husbands. Normally I’m a nitpicker on spelling, but feel awed by this writing so nitpicking is almost petty. Actually my spellchecker, being set to Australian English, wanted to change the latter to neighbours’. And their mothers’ skirts … these are minor points. I was horrified at the behaviour of the children towards Aliz, even though they probably didn’t know any better. I suspect in her diary Aliz might have written Mama rather than Mom (this is an Americanism). I think you missed ‘on’ between ‘nice linens’ and ‘beds’. And I’m not sure about the use of the word ‘gross’ in 1944.
Subject them TO horrible things (word omitted) in chapter 8. And ‘to seize uncontrollably’ doesn’t sound right to me.
Um, Catch 22 wasn’t published until 1961; I’m not sure if you could use the term here and be historically accurate. Forgive me for pointing out these things, but I also prefer to have them pointed out to me in my writing. We tend to see what we think we wrote sometimes, not what we actually did write. And of course, this is my opinion; other people may differ. I wrote these comments without reading the others, so might even have repeated something you’ve already been told.
Anna, I have read some good stories on here, and some that are crap. I’ve read some that made me laugh and some that had characters with whom I could easily identify, but this is without doubt among the best I have seen on this site. Congratulations on a brilliantly written piece. You deserve to go to number one and even more importantly, you deserve to be published. If HC don’t offer you a contract, go elsewhere, but make sure this gets published. I will buy it, I promise.
After that I looked at the other comments and yes, you do need to do a bit of editing, but on the whole this is excellent. Be careful of anachronisms, due to the era this is set in. And yes, I knew what a Studebaker was. * grin *
Regards and good luck with it.