Jelly-Boy

Great story with a convincing voice, and entertaining jokes in amongst the more serious stuff. Good insight into the mind of an adolescent boy - can't think how you got that!

I have NEVER read a whole book in a day..that's how good it was.
Jelly Boy is gripping, from the very beginning: I wanted to know when and how Jonno gets out of this pickle he finds himself in. He has a fertile imagination and through his thoughts and heart to heart chats with Bob, aka Wiilsoooon! you get a fascinating insight into his life, peppered with some laughs (how come seal eating Inuit manage to thrive without their 5 a day). In the end you get to see his world, as well as his Mum and Dads with fresh eyes. Nice One.

Hi, Julia, I read your first chapter, which read just fine. I saw a couple of spots where you need to tighten-up your punctuation, but that's hardly a major issue and can be fixed with a good edit.
I was hoping for a hook at the end of the chapter to make me read on, but as there wasn't one, I didn't get the urge to -turn the page- so to speak.

Parting the waves, if you'll pardon the pun, sounds shallow. Parting the Red Sea would fit better.
Midsummer is wrong, it's not a season half-spent, it's a fictional town called, Midsommer.
Many thanks for your interest. Good point about the hook at the end of ch one. Now fixed. Also about Moses parting the waves- nice one. As for the comment about midsummer - I think you have some wires crossed; there's no reference to midsummer anywhere. Maybe it's a cultural issue? there;s nothing wrong with saying 'midsummer'... is there? And I've never heard of a town called Midsommer. Quite a good name, tho'

Good luck, Julia,
M A Lewis.

Hi, Julia, I read your first chapter, which read just fine. I saw a couple of spots where you need to tighten-up your punctuation, but that's hardly a major issue and can be fixed with a good edit.
I was hoping for a hook at the end of the chapter to make me read on, but as there wasn't one, I didn't get the urge to -turn the page- so to speak.

Parting the waves, if you'll pardon the pun, sounds shallow. Parting the Red Sea would fit better.
Midsummer is wrong, it's not a season half-spent, it's a fictional town called, Midsommer.

Good luck, Julia,
M A Lewis.

I'm only a couple of chapters deep, but I gotta say that I'm really enjoying this! Your storytelling is very pelasant and you have a really great sort of witty, ironic humour that I just love!
Even before things really started to happen the humour and the voice of your character made it into a page turner.
I'll make sure to read the other chapters too adn hopefully leave more of my thoughts!

Best regards
Michael

Many thanks for taking the time to read my work, and for your encouraging comments!

I'm only a couple of chapters deep, but I gotta say that I'm really enjoying this! Your storytelling is very pelasant and you have a really great sort of witty, ironic humour that I just love!
Even before things really started to happen the humour and the voice of your character made it into a page turner.
I'll make sure to read the other chapters too adn hopefully leave more of my thoughts!

Best regards
Michael

Hi
Your book caught my eye so | thought I'd take a look and I'm glad I did. I immediately felt interested by this story, your pitch intrigued me. I like the way it is written; the straight forward, unpretentious way with which you write captures the main character's personality very well. I totally believe that it is a teenage boy talking and the way you describe how he's feeling is just how I imagine a teenager would feel. I envy you the ease with which you have created such a flowing style. I feel there is enough humour and interest in the first chapter to entice the reader to continue reading. I wish you luck with your writing and hope you find success soon.

Julia
Shadow Jumper

Hi
Your book caught my eye so | thought I'd take a look and I'm glad I did. I immediately felt interested by this story, your pitch intrigued me. I like the way it is written; the straight forward, unpretentious way with which you write captures the main character's personality very well. I totally believe that it is a teenage boy talking and the way you describe how he's feeling is just how I imagine a teenager would feel. I envy you the ease with which you have created such a flowing style. I feel there is enough humour and interest in the first chapter to entice the reader to continue reading. I wish you luck with your writing and hope you find success soon.

Julia
Shadow Jumper

sorry that my return read has taken so long. am just getting back from a vacation.
i think your voice is just spot on. you probably hear this a lot, but seriously, amazing. i feel like this person is real. i also really like your writing style. i find it easy to read and that i want to read on. the only thing that i felt that might benefit your book is maybe having more of a hook in your first chapter or give us more of an idea of where this is going. not a huge deal thought because im sure youve probably already captured your audience with your witty writing style but just a thought that came across when i was reading.

i wish you the very best of luck with this,
melissa :)
Gut Instincts

Interesting pitch, it catches the reader's attention. You have a good voice throughout and the pacing works great. You have a good idea started here, and it's nice to see you are describing the scenes without to many adverbs. I think you have a great start here and I wish you the best of luck on reaching the Editor's Desk.

Auna June
Catalaysia: The Curse of Five

Excellent voice, right out of the gate!

~Jelly-Boy~

This is BRILLIANT!!! Hilarious and charismatic MC who had me in stitches!!!

I LOVED lines like, 'My life is pants. Big, ugly, droopy Y-fronts,' and 'I like my belly. I like going up to year 7s and slapping it with both hands to frighten them. It makes an impressive smacking noise.' HILARIOUS!!!

Your writing style is reminiscent of Louise Rennison - sharp, fast and laugh-out-loud funny!

My teenage brother will LOVE this book!!!

6 stars and backed! This deserves to be published!!!

Much love,

Iman xxx

Miss Manners: http://www.authonomy.com/books/39355/miss-manners

Like this very much. Great voice, chatty style that is funny at the same time as making some very grounded observations. Only read two chapters and since it's 3.30 am, I should go to bed, but I've watchlisted it to read and comment on tomorrow.
Cariad.

Thanks so much for your great comments.

Like this very much. Great voice, chatty style that is funny at the same time as making some very grounded observations. Only read two chapters and since it's 3.30 am, I should go to bed, but I've watchlisted it to read and comment on tomorrow.
Cariad.

Like this very much. Great voice, chatty style that is funny at the same time as making some very grounded observations. Only read two chapters and since it's 3.30 am, I should go to bed, but I've watchlisted it to read and comment on tomorrow.
Cariad.

Beautifully written, I have teenage children myself and his voice was extremely convincing! Definately a page turner, even when he eats the seagull - bleurgh! Very good story, well done!

Really gripping got me totally entralled from the start and just completly believable characters and such an imaginative story.

Despite the surreal nature of the storyline (which isnt usually my thing) I felt very compelled top read through to the end - (and did) which I think is down mostly to the strength of the internal dialogue from the boy. This is something extremely hard to get right, and I felt it was done well. Enjoyable read with a nice ending.

I have read the opening three chapters and have enjoyed them greatly, I will read the rest soon as it has a individual, quirky and humorous style that really does engage the reader. Rated and on my watchlist.
Merry Christmas
Dave Hill
SEE SAW

Very chatty, informal style of writing. The voice is near-perfect, i think. You can imagine him in your own minds...trying his very best to put a lid on everything but you can sense the underlying sadness in him. I think your characterisation of his parents is good: his dad the controlling one, his mum softer. You've got the teenage boy spot on, talking about his phone and laptop. He also has a vivid imagination with how he imagines everything. I am enjoying this!
One thing I would say would be that in the first chapter you had a lot of Jelly-Boy's (sorry Jonno!) thoughts but nothing with regards to the scenery outside. I think it would break it up a little to have him remark on something they are passing in the car. Starred though !

I've just started this book, it's got a great teen voice. I love the humour - it makes the the main character very real. I'll read on. Definitely a writer to watch.

Thank you so much for taking the time to read J-Boy. All your observations are exactly what I wanted to achieve, so thank you!

Julia, I'm twelve chapters in and this is very different to anything else I've read here. Even though Jonno is on his own for so much of the story so far, there are characters that I am getting to know (like how horrid Matt Pelly is), get to see so much of Jonno's life and the problems he is facing, even his discussions with Bob reveal more of his family life. (I haven't watched Castaway but Bob did make me think of Wilson).

You've succeeded in creating a character who is a believable, modern teen and put him in a situation where introspection is the only way the reader can get to know him yet is perfectly apt for his circumstances. Deserves to do well.

Tight writing, good stuff! I didn't want to stop reading. I like your main character. I already feel for him, and want to know what is going to happen next. Good job! I am giving you high stars, and adding you to my watchlist!

D. S. Hale

Thank you so much for taking the time to read J-Boy!

Tight writing, good stuff! I didn't want to stop reading. I like your main character. I already feel for him, and want to know what is going to happen next. Good job! I am giving you high stars, and adding you to my watchlist!

D. S. Hale

I have NEVER read a whole book in a day..that's how good it was.
Jelly Boy is gripping, from the very beginning: I wanted to know when and how Jonno gets out of this pickle he finds himself in. He has a fertile imagination and through his thoughts and heart to heart chats with Bob, aka Wiilsoooon! you get a fascinating insight into his life, peppered with some laughs (how come seal eating Inuit manage to thrive without their 5 a day). In the end you get to see his world, as well as his Mum and Dads with fresh eyes. Nice One.

Great story with a convincing voice, and entertaining jokes in amongst the more serious stuff. Good insight into the mind of an adolescent boy - can't think how you got that!

Hi Julia,
Although I'm 34 I buy quite a few YA books and I can honestly say that if this were published - I would buy it. I really like the characters, the narrative voice of Jonno (Sam). He's a typical teenage boy and it's reflected in his actions (nicking his mums cigarettes) and his speech/lingo. Subtle humour I enjoyed (like his dad comparing the souvenir that wouldn't stand up to his nan - hilarious)
Highly starred and enjoyed!
Tammy Robinson :-)

Hi Julia
I read 12 chapters of Jelly bot. The inital chapters with Mum dad thoughts and voices was very Adrian Mole and I warmed to Jelly boys rambling I was with him untill chapter twelve when I felt there was not enough milage in taking to a rock. I see this is young adult and I;m probably just too old for it but I will mark it well based on the earlier chapters. Just my opionion and after all who am I to judge on talking rocks
Sue
One Foot in the Jungle

Hi Julia,

I am backing this! I think you have great wit. It made me think of Wally Lamb's "She Came Undone" which also depicts overeating and food addiction in an amusing and honest way. You get a true sense of who the character is from the beginning, and he is utterly endearing. I'm looking forward to reading more.

I'd appreciate it if you would take a look at my young adult novel "The Emblem of Eternity". It's inspired by the E.O Green school shooting.

Cheers,
Raziel

Hi Julia

As you can see I have backed your book. Your sense of humour really appeals to me and I am looking forward to reading the rest of it.

Love the short pitch. The long pitch is good too, my only caveat being that you still have no idea what is going to happen in the next 45,000 words - perhaps you could hint at what else there is except for a miserable holiday.

5 stars from me.

Feel free to check out my book..

MP Jones (They Shoot Birds Don't They?)

Thanks for your many thoughtful comments, duly noted.

Hi Julia,

Thought I'd have a read of your book tonight as I came across it in the Young Adult section. Having read the first chapter thought I'd make a few comments as per below;

Short pitch - Really liked it, especially 'crap half-term alert'. Gives an indication of your style of writing which I really enjoyed.

Long pitch - Nicely written as-well, especially the last two sentences 'They don't call me Jelly-boy for nothing. Welcome to my world.' Makes me wonder why he is called Jelly-Boy of course and what his world is like. Like it. Only part I was a little unsure of was 'we're a day's march from the nearest doughnut'. Before reading the first chapter I wondered if this was slang for something but after reading the chapter realised it was quite simply because Jonno likes his doughnuts!

Characters - From just reading the initial chapter it is clear who the main voice is! You have however mentioned other characters - Nan, Smiff, Dave, Polly, Hatty and Mike so I'm guessing they figure in the story as the chapters move on?

Pace - this was the only aspect I questioned as I was reading as I wondered where the chapter was heading but then I was pulled in by the final paragraph. That's not to say that the pace was slow but your final paragraph took me a little by surprise and will make me read more. Really good.

Few other points to mention. Liked the reference to the Wicker man on the M5 - geez, the amount of time we've driven past him! Also like the sentence where you tell Mr Parrott that you shun homework in favour of your social life - don't know why, I just do!

Overall I like your style and where the story is heading. It's on my watchlist so will definitely read more. Only reason It's not on my bookshelf as yet is because I want to read more books on Authonomy before I make decisions!

If you do get a spare few minutes I'd be immensely grateful if you could read the early parts of Bin To Earth. No worries if you don't though.

All the best

Matt.

I so appreciate your doing this for me and writing good comments, Tara. Go to the top fo the class.

Hello Julia,

Firstly can I just say how incredibly impressed (and a little bit jealous) by how you've achieved the authenticity of the voice in the main character who manages to be very charismatic despite his obvious character flaws.

I like that the story launches quickly into a really gripping (and yet very real, believable) situation.

You've also dealt brilliantly with the problems that always arise when the main character is alone there's no-one available for dialogueing.

Can I recommend that in the short pitch you add the word "stranded" or shipwrecked - marooned? To make it clear what the situation is.

I've put you on my bookshelf ! I hope I get to read the rest soon.

All the very best

Tara

Thank you for taking the time and trouble to review my novel. You're a star!

Childhood obesity and soldiers returning from war and reintegrating into family life are both topical subjects at the moment, so should be on a publisher's radar. The writing is accomplished and the main character's voice is believable. Well done. Picking up on Matt's question mark over the pace, I think it's absolutely fine having read all the uploaded chapters.

One tiny thing - the cottage smells as though someone has died in the cupboard and the lighthouse smells the same. I'd remove one of these unless it is deliberate.

Jelly-Boy has been a pleasure to read - thank you. Six stars! Backed!

Kim

St Viper's School for Super Villains

Childhood obesity and soldiers returning from war and reintegrating into family life are both topical subjects at the moment, so should be on a publisher's radar. The writing is accomplished and the main character's voice is believable. Well done. Picking up on Matt's question mark over the pace, I think it's absolutely fine having read all the uploaded chapters.

One tiny thing - the cottage smells as though someone has died in the cupboard and the lighthouse smells the same. I'd remove one of these unless it is deliberate.

Jelly-Boy has been a pleasure to read - thank you. Six stars! Backed!

Kim

St Viper's School for Super Villains

Hello Julia,

Firstly can I just say how incredibly impressed (and a little bit jealous) by how you've achieved the authenticity of the voice in the main character who manages to be very charismatic despite his obvious character flaws.

I like that the story launches quickly into a really gripping (and yet very real, believable) situation.

You've also dealt brilliantly with the problems that always arise when the main character is alone there's no-one available for dialogueing.

Can I recommend that in the short pitch you add the word "stranded" or shipwrecked - marooned? To make it clear what the situation is.

I've put you on my bookshelf ! I hope I get to read the rest soon.

All the very best

Tara

Hi Julia,

Thought I'd have a read of your book tonight as I came across it in the Young Adult section. Having read the first chapter thought I'd make a few comments as per below;

Short pitch - Really liked it, especially 'crap half-term alert'. Gives an indication of your style of writing which I really enjoyed.

Long pitch - Nicely written as-well, especially the last two sentences 'They don't call me Jelly-boy for nothing. Welcome to my world.' Makes me wonder why he is called Jelly-Boy of course and what his world is like. Like it. Only part I was a little unsure of was 'we're a day's march from the nearest doughnut'. Before reading the first chapter I wondered if this was slang for something but after reading the chapter realised it was quite simply because Jonno likes his doughnuts!

Characters - From just reading the initial chapter it is clear who the main voice is! You have however mentioned other characters - Nan, Smiff, Dave, Polly, Hatty and Mike so I'm guessing they figure in the story as the chapters move on?

Pace - this was the only aspect I questioned as I was reading as I wondered where the chapter was heading but then I was pulled in by the final paragraph. That's not to say that the pace was slow but your final paragraph took me a little by surprise and will make me read more. Really good.

Few other points to mention. Liked the reference to the Wicker man on the M5 - geez, the amount of time we've driven past him! Also like the sentence where you tell Mr Parrott that you shun homework in favour of your social life - don't know why, I just do!

Overall I like your style and where the story is heading. It's on my watchlist so will definitely read more. Only reason It's not on my bookshelf as yet is because I want to read more books on Authonomy before I make decisions!

If you do get a spare few minutes I'd be immensely grateful if you could read the early parts of Bin To Earth. No worries if you don't though.

All the best

Matt.