Kimi's Secret

Wow, this is great. Mind you I love fantasy. Kimi for a twelve year old is turning out to be quite a girl and certainly has her work cut out just trying to accept what's going on around her. Happy to back. Supermodel.
PS: the bit with the chestnut leaf was inspirational.

Johnny Vee,
Kimi's Secret is so bizarre it works. "How come you're not blue anymore?" Your words fall together with a magic grace. I have pre-teen grandsons who would love this. I suspect you've set this story up as well as Dickens with every detail, even wiffey and pink limosuines important. However, you did it, it promises to be a 'thwumping good read.'
Caroline
KC Hart
Summer Rose

John,

This is a delightful story. I admire your ability to write to young people. Kimi is a remakeable little character. I love the way she interacts with her parents, oftentimes in stories this interaction is sterile and unrealistic, you have done this well.
I love the story, I think it has a shelf future.
Backing!

Good Luck!
Sammy Sutton
King Solomon's '13'

Hi John,

A modern day Alice in Creepyland, fast-paced and superbly written. One of the few uploads I read from beginning to end in a wiffy. You have chosen your words carefully and targeted the book to youngsters who are a wee bit tired of H.Potter. Good decision to upload just 10 chapters and let the editor ask for the rest - that's the hallmark of a confident work. I'm sure it will reach the top and real shelves.

For now I have starred it highly and placed in on my WL, soon to be shelved.

All the best.

Jay Adiyarath
EXPIRY DATE

Dear John,
From poltergeist to Alice in Wonderland, Kimmi's Secret is a great tale, with humour and edge of your seat suspense. Kimi is a great teen character, and Bentley is extraordinary. I only just finished chapter four, so i still don't know what happened to Kimi's parents. Will have to keep reading, meanwhile, i have highly rated it and placed in line for the shelf.
Best,
Maria
Dark of the Moon

This is great! The beginning (prologue?) is intriguing, as is the end of the first chapter - they complement each other with the mention of this mysterious crow.
When I read chapter one, I assumed Kimi was about fourteen with the voice that was coming through, but I now read that she's twelve from your pitch. I found it hard to picture her as well. I'm not sure it's said what she looks like in that first chapter (I could be wrong, but I don't remember any description of her. Perhaps it comes later on?)
'She stretched her mouth, flinched at the sting, and made a mental note to say a prayer to the spot god that it might not erupt or have babies by tomorrow.' - pure genius! I laughed at this.
A minor quibble: When her dad says, '“We need to go. Have to.' I think it would make more sense if the 'need' and 'have' were reversed.
Overall, the writing is very tight, crisp and clear, with lots of realistic dialogue. I found it a joy to read and am looking forward to finding out more about Kimi's adventures. I wish you the best of luck with it!

You create a lot of tension and excitement in your writing. Kimi is a strong character that does well to show strength. I don't read stories that are this directed towards a young reader, but it is well done. I will back your book as it should do well with young readers. Let me know what you think of "Just Out of Sight". I look forward to making your bookshelf as well.
To your success,
Craig (Bandof1)

John,
From what I've read of this so far I must say that it is an interesting read and an accomplished piece of writing. Yes, there's the odd wobble here and there, but we all have a wobble now and again, some of us more than others.
Shelved with pleasure; in the knowledge that I shall be able to read on through your story with an equal amount of pleasure.
Des, AKA Steve (MGM).

I've just finished your first chapter, and I noticed a few typos where it looks as if a word or two is missing. There also seem to be a few missing commas, so I would suggest you read it over with that in mind.
While it still needs work I like what I've read so far and plan to give you some time on my shelf. I hope it helps in the long run =]
~Zero, No Title Needed

Like the visual imagery created in beginning on Cornish moor!
A pleasure to read, Alison Butler

Tighter and more tension that the earlier versions I have read, and all the better for that. The flow is better, the characters more rounded, especially Kimi, and the crows more sinister then ever. I've read the first 6 chapters and will finish later today. 6 nice big fat *s for Kimi. Cheers! -Liz (Meggie Blackthorn)

Hi Johnny,

I enjoyed this. It gave me small shivers as I read (so it worked!) and bizarrely I heard some strange noises in the room next door. All very spooky! It has a 'feel' of the 'Weirdstone of Bris ..' which is no bad thing.

I think the pace, flow, character development and dialogue are all excellent. The dialogue especially is very crisp and true to ear. There is also an intriguing and foreboding storyline being crafted. Strong hooks at the end of the chapters too. And when the crow speaks ... chilling.

A few observations to mention (but feel free to ignore).

I didn't really get the start - the narrative seemed too obscure to create any great suspense or hook. Having got further into the story, I can see why it is there and what it is trying to do, but on first read it doesn't drag the reader in. That said, there is an obscure opening to Irvine Welsh's 'Filth' that only becomes clear when you reach the end and it hasn't done him any harm!

Maybe I missed it, but we know it is Kimi's birthday the next day at the start of ch 1 but not how old she is. There is a reference to her being a teenager and doing homework, but I found myself wondering and not getting an answer? Then I remembered it was in the pitch!

I know it was a narrative device when Dad shows the note to Kimi, but it didn't ring true to me. He would refer to the note and how precise it was and maybe re-read it for his own benefit, but I wasn't convinced he would pass it over to Kimi to read.

I enjoyed the 'kitchen' scene and the character interplay and I know it is a crucial foundation for the story that follows (and for getting to know the MC's) but I do think it went on a bit too long and that possibly the whole 'Mum's vibe' thing was over-played. This reader 'got it' first time and wanted to move on. But that's just me.

A beautifully crafted and chilling tale that works both for its intended market and a wider one too. I could see no actual nits.

Terry

Dear John,

Wish if you take out some time and read my work The Times of Dr Hanuman Singh. I need your help to make it better. The book deals with the recent communist movement in Nepal.

Regards
vishnu sharma

Hi John ...

Good plot, strong characters and a likeable main character in Kimi. Dialogue is well written and believable. This novel, I think, is right for your target audience. A really solid novel. 'Backed'. Regards ... Duncan.

Backed. Good Luck. You deserve it!

Hello John, I backed your book 159 days ago, when I started to read, I recognised the story, so I scanned the comments and found mine. I have been away for some months and have lost touch with a lot of people on Authonomy. I will back your book again just for good luck, it will not make any difference I beleive, to the ratings? Backed because it is a very good book and deserves to be at the top.
Norman. (Fromante)

Wow, i am loving the ready thus far. Exciting start and neverending interest, keeping the reader curious all the way. Well done and good luck.
Green H
through green's eyes

great read. i was drawn in quicly and loved the read.
Backed with pleasure

Green H
through green's eyes

Great story! Very creative! I love your dialog too, it flows so natural, I can hear it in my head! Great read, my daughter would love this! Backed!
Christi Watson
Wonder- Heart of Captivation- A Thief of Life Novel

I enjoyed and backed thisyoung person's story. The strength of the main character and the intriguing plot should make this a sure winner
Lara
Good for Him

This is a beautifully written first chapter and your pitch before it really brings in the reader and makes them want for more. I have gladly backed your book. I loved your descriptions, especially the one in the begining where you describe the sunlight hue glinting on the water as "apple-gold." This was simply beautiful!

Have a great day!

- Scott, The Ark of Humanity

I just loved this delightful story.very well written.

Dawn
Sammy and the Wise Willow

Abslooooooooutely delighted to back your wonderful book. Eunice - The Temple Dancer. (I hope you check my book out).

Good pace, clear and precise storytelling. Obvious but subtle hints about things to come. Successful fantasy always lifts out of everyday life, it magnifies the unusual to have it presented against the backdrop of unspectacular normality. Nice work.

The syntax here is exemplary. And all the descriptive writing is first rate with a compelling musical precision. I like the pace and tone immensely too.
One thing I do find on this site is authors tend to overindulge their characters in their talking. There’s a point where dialogue becomes nattering. I found you a little guilty of that in the first chapter and then again in the third. I felt you were allowing the characters to talk themselves outside the story a little. Otherwise this was hugely admirable.

Kimi’s Secret.

The problem is stated in lyrical prose, yet academic in its functional rigour. The sensory images of beauty and anxiety ensure the taut pace of the strong, authoritative narration, while the dialogues are nifty one-two second round jabs.

The juxtaposition of down-to-earth normality and the ingredients of fantasy without losing a step in the literary tradition of fancy, will makes its mark. This book will sit straight and proud among peers and precursors.

A punctuation nit: … a Saturday never mind an old man.

Backed.

Azam Gill
“Blasphemy!”

Very descriptive and well written. great story.
Been backed with pleasure.

Dawnxxx

Dear John,
Your prologue is a tribute to descriptive and poetic writing. I just love your use of words. Extremely well done!

BACKED
Elizabeth Wolfe (MEMORIES OF GLORY)

Here is your chance to get a double backing. My friend, homewriter, and I have similar taste in writing and trust each other's judgment. Back my book and leave it on your bookshelf. Then do the same for his, "The Harpist of Madrid." Once the backings register, he will give you a return backing guaranteed. Just let him know in an email that you've backed my book as well as his. You might have to be a bit patient as we're 6 time zones apart. But you'll have two backings guaranteed on your excellent book. Of course, comments are always welcome too!

You povide us an imaginative fantasy with an intelligent plot and colorful, fascinating characters. Rich imagery. Polished writing. Backed.

Lovely adventure story for young people with shades of Alice in Wonderland and Wizard of Oz in a multilayered world filled with made, outrageous characters that entertain and who each have their own distinct voices and character traits. Can easily see this as a cgi movie. Backed.

John, This is a very catchy story. I like the way you set out the 'ordinary' life, but there's something unnatural brewing. Great stuff.
Just one little thing, I thought. In your first piece, there's the skein of geese: 'Geese overhead in a V formation wobble and the V splits in two.' Somewhere there I would say you need a comma. That's all I could find to worry you with! Glad to back this.
Backed,
Ann Mynard (Windshadow.

Great imagination and wonderfully implemented. I enjoyed this very much and I'm certain kids will be fascinated with the world you have created.
Backed earlier.
Rakhi (Sir William...)

John loved it and its not even my genre, a friend said I should take a look. This is great writing and such imagery -A hunched old lady hurried past in a swirl of leaves- I might pinch that one, its a great line. Seriously
this is excellent best of luck with it.
Wilm1
Knowing Liam Riley - I hope you have a moment to take a look.

Engaging story, looking forward to reading more when I have time BACKED
KERI KERN

Hi John, this is wonderful. Congrats on winning the prize I hope a publishing contract will be next. you certainly deserve one. Backed.
Kristen Stone
Kianda Mala - The Monkey Man
The Penhaligan File

"High on a Cornish moor," Perfecto, Mr. Hudspith. After watching the first 16 episodes of Poldark, I know exactly where you mean. Pleased to come across Kimi's Secret and back. Hope the success of your story does indeed make the world your clam.

GK Stritch
CBGB Was My High School

"The sun shined having no alternative... ", Beckett

An excellent read, a beautiful turn of suspence in the first chapter and the tension builds from there. I only read the first three chapters but will return in a wiffy for the remainder. working with the primary school must have been fun.
A very smooth and totally enjoyable read.
Backed
Scorselo

Dear John
I remember looking at this book cover when I first got on site, loved it then and still now, so captivating. .....I have not read all your book still however ....I have already commented and backed your book a while ago, but cannot see the backing anywhere. So i am taking the time to back it again because I believe your book is WORTH IT
Denise
The Letter

You are totally fantastic, John! :) How can I ever thank you enough for backing my 2 memoir books?
God bless you. :) Love, Susie :)

Your prologue sets a mystical and mysterious tone--love the almost poetic sound of it. And I love the next chapter too, when you get into a more day-to-day tone to introduce Kimi. We can almost sense that her world and this other-worldly theme will intersect. Good use of dialogue, fully believable characters. Well done.

---Mary
The Qualities of Wood

John,

This is a delightful story. I admire your ability to write to young people. Kimi is a remakeable little character. I love the way she interacts with her parents, oftentimes in stories this interaction is sterile and unrealistic, you have done this well.
I love the story, I think it has a shelf future.
Backing!

Good Luck!
Sammy Sutton
King Solomon's '13'

Johnny Vee,
Kimi's Secret is so bizarre it works. "How come you're not blue anymore?" Your words fall together with a magic grace. I have pre-teen grandsons who would love this. I suspect you've set this story up as well as Dickens with every detail, even wiffey and pink limosuines important. However, you did it, it promises to be a 'thwumping good read.'
Caroline
KC Hart
Summer Rose

Very good read, I loved the atmospheric opening and the jump into real world. My only grumble is Dad...he's to realistic, and there is nothing wrong with Radio 2! Oh my God...sorry, just let myself go there...it's all very good, Dad(unfortunately) is spot on and I love the THWUMP ending which leads well into the next chapter.

Backed

DJ-The Lost Cactus

KIMI’S SECRET
This is an interesting children’s story. Kimi is a good main character. She’s likable and certainly sympathetic as she tries to figure out what is happening around her. I think you’ll find an audience for this among schoolagers/young teens who will enjoy reading about her wild ride into the very imaginative alternative world. I’m adding it to my shelf. If you have a moment, would you look at mine (Grain of Salt)? I’m in 8th place but only holding on by my teeth. Burgio

Dear John
Yes please post some more book, as I am at the end.What a good book. I started reading this some time ago and now done. I commented and backed it but cannot see the backing anywhere. So i am taking the time to back it again, because I believe your book is worth it

BEST OF LUCK
Denise
The Letter

cooly written story. you write with a great flow with brilliant dialogue...i shall put this on my watchlist for now...
read SEASONS...

Wow, this is great. Mind you I love fantasy. Kimi for a twelve year old is turning out to be quite a girl and certainly has her work cut out just trying to accept what's going on around her. Happy to back. Supermodel.
PS: the bit with the chestnut leaf was inspirational.

The dialigue is good and there is a flow in it
Backed
Lenny Harry
(Like a dot on the horizon)

Hi John,

imagination is indeed a gift and you use it beautifully as a tool for your writing. Well done.

I have backed your book because I was hooked by the pitch, loved the introduction and read on. How much more I read depends on time and commitment.

Enjoy everything and good luck.

Rusty Bernard
The Mental Pause

I found the story slow at the start, but you've got an excellent hook at the end of the first chapter. You have a beautiful poetic style that flows very well. An excellent story! Backed with pleasure.

Craig Ellis
The Sun and the Saber

Excellent writing; more so than would normally be associated with sci-fi/ fantasy and my experience as a teacher and father tells me that this would be wonderfully received by your target audience.

backed.

I'm not surprised this did so well on Youwriteon and I'd be surprised if it doesn't do as well here. However, I hope it'll be published before then. Quite simply outstanding. Backed. Lynn

I was finally able to return for more o fthis gem and so glad i did! You have an excellent smooth writing style, and of course a gifted imagination. Kimi is a solid and fantastical character and I can see this as an animated movie. A pleasure to back again.

Liz
The Cheech Room