Losing Me

Salwa, just a quick note to say I look forward to returning to reading your memoir :) Thank you for reading No Kiss Good-bye and leaving me such a heartwarming comment! I tried to be as open with my upbringing and to give an accurate portrayal of people who have touched my life. Things are still hectic, probably will continue to be so until the weekend. The last parts I hope are a testimony of God's almighty hand.
Warmest hugs,
Donna :)

G’day, dear friend.

On 27/APR/12, I opened a new Forum top: DOWN-UNDER WRITERS OF DISTINCTION.

I said in the very first posting:

“I've so far found one other Australian writer here in Anthonomy (and living in Brisbane like me too).
No doubt there a lot more of them; and if they would like to say: "G'day! Howyergoin.." They will be most welcome here.

I am pleased to say that this topic was very well received from Day 1. Since then, with the help of some keen members, we have been able to produce a list (Including Aussies and Kiwis) of 25 DOWN UNDER writers. And to date we have clocked 6,366 views and 350 replies.

Now that’s an excellent start. But just getting to know one-another is but the beginning.

What I’m really aiming for, is for all us DOWN-UNDER members to do what we can to help each other – knowing, that from beginners to existing successful authors, we all need a bit of support, a bit help, a bit of encouragement, now-and-again.

May I ask you please to do something for me?

First, I’d like you to confirm that you are happy (or not – shudder...)to be listed in DOWN-UNDER MEMBERS OF DISTINCTION.

Second, I’d like you to tell us if you think we are moving in the right direction?

Third: Should you happen to have a space on your book shelf, to take at look at our DOWN-UNDER writers first, before going elsewhere.

Thank you, mate!

I shall be most pleased to see your reply.

Cheers!

KEN BLOWERS

Oh... And may I invite you, and your readers
and supporters, to take a look at my books:
6 books of short stories, and 5 books of one-act plays.
Plus QUOTE ME - a book of 1,000 daily quotations
ttp://www.authonomy.com/writing-community/profile/me/
Plus my hot topic: DOWN-UNDER WRITERS OF DISTINCTION
http://www.authonomy.com/forums/threads/92659/downunder-writers-of-distinction-/
PS
The difference between a writer and a successful writer
is an ample tonic of support plus a good dose of publicity...

good story, take five stars

What part did you not understand about 'CRAM IT WITH WALNUTS!?' I had a good read of this 'masterpiece' to amuse myself. You know what... I'm too much of a god damn gentleman to slate you. So let's just leave it at that, sweetheart. I wouldn't want to hurt your feelings now, would I? I'm one hell of a nice guy, you see, so I'll let you off with that. Mrs Madigan didn't bring me up like that.

Once more... cram it with walnuts.

From the desk of Joseph P. Madigan

Quite an audacity you are, JJ??
Keep my nose out of "your" business - the public forum is NOT "your business." Kindly know that if you had half the intelligence of a mind that is active in justice, truth, or knowledge you would understand that each and everyone of us have a right to speak in this free world we live in, unless of course, you're not free and don't believe in democracy. That is your opinion of WIR, and you've voiced your opinion and unfruitful words on the forum time and time again, and it only speaks to me of such despair and unhappiness with yourself since you're so persistent in putting people down, remaining behind a black face, hiding who you are, etc. I too have my opinion of WIR, just as you do, and I voiced it, as I have every right of doing, just as you did. If you're willing to shoot your arrows at other people, be man/woman enough to allow others to shoot their arrows at you, where needed.

Absolutely, Nathan had every right to respond, I agree. Your response is just plain viscous as most of your comments and responses are. I think the only one that needs to keep their opinions to themselves is the person who constantly tells others what to do, yet doesn't have the decency to apply it to himself. Goodbye, just nonsense.

.

Keep you nose out of my business. I'm entitled to say what I want - especially when Dickhead in Red's comment to Nathan was plain ignorant and idiotic. You know him personally? Does that make him infallible? I don't give a shit if you're married to him, sweetheart. He's still an asshole. Nathan had every right to respond to him.

Cram it with walnuts.

JPM

Keep you nose out of my business. I'm entitled to say what I want - especially when Dickhead in Red's comment to Nathan was plain ignorant and idiotic. You know him personally? Does that make him infallible? I don't give a shit if you're married to him, sweetheart. He's still an asshole. Nathan had every right to respond to him.

Cram it with walnuts.

JPM

I shall read and comment on your book, I like the title "Losing Me" it is with hope if it is about you "You have Found You" and your life heron is sunshine.

Blessings Salwa.

Clare :)

Salwa, I returned for another chapter. You write intimately, openly. I don't know yet how the story will unfold, but I believe strongly that people who don't have those "pit" experiences, where no one sees the pain you're enduring and actually lack the capability of understanding that excruciating suffering, miss out on closeness to the Lord. Your chapter triggered in my mind the story of Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego in the fiery furnace. He was there in the midst of your "fiery furnace," too. I loved the Lebanese saying, too, about grandchildren being more precious. I think Romanians hold a similar esteem for grandkids :)
Donna
(No Kiss Good-bye)

Hi Salwa,

A very elegant and tender book.

I think from the onset we are drawn into your poet's world with your encompassing narrative.

I like the form of narrative followed by poems, and think because of your intelligent take on life we are enthused about the details you provide us.

I think that writing is often best when it is like this, it is honest, it is from the heart and therefore the narrative is very natural.

You may want to think of revising some of the format of some chapters which at times become essay like, I think the narrative style of the first two chapters is more attractive to read.

Congratulations on a work of great merit, which achieves the aims you mention in you epilogue.

Regards

Kit

Hi Salwa,

I just read the pitch and first chapter. To be honest, I think the pitch needs some work. Half the pitch is one long sentence, that makes it very hard to read. I found that off-putting. You have an interesting story to tell, but some of the narrative doesn't sound quite natural, like not how someone would actually say the words. I think it's worth editing, because that way you can really let your passionate feelings flow.

GG x

Hi Salwa, I wanted to read your book as although mine is different to yours I have poems in it that sometimes (i feel) say more than the narrative, I found that you have mastered this extremely well and thoroughly enjoyed it.
With best wishes to you Karen Bates, Faking it in France.

I read chapter 1 with absolute delight. There is a tenderness in your writing I haven't come across on this site. With your wonderful descriptions you brought me ever close into your life. And it's astonishing how much we have in common. I, too, am independent minded. I married outside the Romanian community which was rewarded with a Romanian couple scheduling their wedding, after my wedding had been announced, on the same day and only a couple of hours apart. Needless to say, most who had already accepted didn't show.

There is a lot more, but I'll stop here. Your writing is immensely beautiful, Salwa, I'm so glad we finally connected :) I'll be back for more tomorrow.
Donna
(No Kiss Good-bye)

Losing Me:
An embarrassingly delayed return read, as you have backed My Husband’s Memory. I apologize for the delay.
Your writing is very poetic, and this makes sense because you seem to be more enthusiastic about your poetry. The first few chapters are very literary, digging deep into your psyche – fears of being pregnant, the birth of the baby, it was covered in broad strokes with lovely poignant touches. I like the chapters ending in poems. Chapter 2 touched me – I felt the exact same way as you describe for most of the chapter. I think I would guess that most women feel this way, to some extent. You did a wonderful job of capturing exactly how it is when the “honeymoon” of the first few days with a new baby wears off. The line “everything was out of order” was perfect. The middle of chapter 2, your sadness is depicted so well. It’s heart-wrenching. Well done. Your writing style leaves me with the impression that English is not your primary language (no idea of this is true or not), but the formal sentence structure works well in this. Your voice is strong.
I tried to take chapter notes, but I was involved in the story and ended up not really taking any except for this one:
Ch1: write out all the numbers (seven, twenty, etc).
Overall: Really lovely and well done. I think you have some typos, missed words. But if you’re serious about this, have someone line edit it for you (I struggle with this, so don’t ask me!! :-)).
Good luck! On my WL for future shelving
Kate M
My Husband’s Memory

Hello Salwa-

book- Losing me-

That beautiful cover with contemplative lady in yellow dress drew me in -
Glad it did- and after reading six chapters and chunks more have to say i liked the way you tell your story-

Chapter 3 really had me savouring every line as you speak about the goodness of God; and with holy week just around the corner; It's just the sort of a read i need just now-

Your suffering comes through almost on every page and you are very brave indeed in writing this story-
You paint a vivid picture of the difficulties you have encountered-

recommended reading- for all Christians-

tom bye
book-from hugs to kisses-

please glance at mine ; about a boy growing up in 40s Dublin ; thanks

Hi, Salwa. Sorry, I didn't mean your 1st grandchild, I meant your parents' 1st grandchild. I should be more careful with my wording :) Regards, Marita.

This would be very suited to both the real life section as well as women's fiction. Your detailing from feeling that you were pregnant, the little bit of background info on your life to your marriage, then back to the birth of your first child and the first grandchild was very well done. AND, I really liked the addition of the poem at the end of chapter 1. My mother is a published poet and my daughter is very good at poetry (having won some internet awards). Although I have no ability in the genre I do appreciate it and recognise talent. The way in which you put words together are beautiful. This also includes all the ones you've uploaded on the forum.

I related to your story in the sense that I grew up in a culture that has similar strict values as your own. I'm of Croatian extent and didn't leave home until I was married. Plus, as you know I'm from New Zealand, Auckland in particular, so was more interested in your story as I like reading about other Kiwis. I'm also discovering how much louder and full of life Australians are too, but not through living in Australia. Since I'm not currently in NZ, my kids go to an Australian school due to it having a similar term system as NZ. A country is often reflected in people's personalities and when they go to other countries they take a little piece of their country into the new one.

I think this can also be reflected in the different cultures living in New Zealand, Australia and elsewhere as well. Like the Lebanese community, the Croatians have placed a little piece of their country into NZ, that harks back to the old country's values. Although I consider myself Kiwi, my non Croatian friends had a less stricter upbringing. I didn't mind mine, though if I were my older sister I may have a different opinion, as she set the ground for things being slightly easier for the younger ones. Sorry, I'm waffling now, I tend do that when someone's writing has struck a chord for me and I can relate to it. It sounds like you also experienced similar things to me, and I think from the forum you are of a similar age.

Anyway, I'll stop here to say thank you for sharing. You should keep pushing your book, because it will hit a note for many more people like myself. All the best.

Hi, a kindly friend told me that you had a non fiction book, so I thought I'd take a look. You write beautifully and directly. So far I have only read the first three chapters. I will get back to the rest as soon as I can. Losing me is an education for me. Prior to reading this I knew little about the Lebanese culture. I also knew very little about post natal depression which you described so well, so well in fact that if i ever get pregnant I'd be terrified!
I loved how you talked of the actual pregnncy and birth and not to forget those beautiful poems the end of the chapters.
I can truly see a market for this book, it's a really emotionl read. I wish you every success.
Highly starred from me

Jayne

I have read several chapters of your book - as promised. The piercing honesty of your book is most attractive and draws the reader in right from the start. I almost feel I now know you personally! I particularly liked the bit in chapter 5 about sharing very personal things in order to help others! And I am sure it will do so I also loved the way you described holding onto God in the midst of such terrible times. An experience that we can all relate to - if we know Him - but which those who do not believe find difficulty in understanding. I don't have room on my shelf at the moment but will try and back you when I feel I can remove some of the titles I already have!

A great read Salwa.

Margaret Weston - How do I know I know God?

Salwa, I'm sorry to post here, but I don't seem to have privilege to send you a message.

No need to back my book of short stories. They were just writing exercises for therapy. I enjoyed writing
them, but have no desire to get them to the editor's desk. I'm working on a book, and will upload it some day.

P.S. I've been reading and enjoying your book of poems.

Elle, thanks again for the feedback. Highly appreciated. I'm looking forward to reading Diary of a bad Housewife, it'll be on my shelf end of April. Salwa :o)

The story opens with tenderness, astonishing candor and openness. It begins with the author's joy of marriage and joy of pregnancy. We can't help but smile at her poor unconscious husband snoring away as her waters broke. But he recovers and stands by her as she enters full labour.

Although our backgrounds are entirely different, I can identify with Salwa. She's the most feminine of femininity, gentle and tender– lover, mother, wife– she's amazing.

The author continues writing about her other passions, writing and the love of God in a meaningful and personal way. She also tells us about her tribulations with anorexia.

At the end of each chapter, she includes a poem and in chapter 3, she includes the bonus of David's Psalm 13. You can't read Salwa's works without loving her as much as her family must.

Happily, happily backed.

The story opens with tenderness, astonishing candor and openness. It begins with the author's joy of marriage and joy of pregnancy. We can't help but smile at her poor unconscious husband snoring away as her waters broke. But he recovers and stands by her as she enters full labour.

Although our backgrounds are entirely different, I can identify with Salwa. She's the most feminine of femininity, gentle and tender– lover, mother, wife– she's amazing.

The author continues writing about her other passions, writing and the love of God in a meaningful and personal way. She also tells us about her tribulations with anorexia.

At the end of each chapter, she includes a poem and in chapter 3, she includes the bonus of David's Psalm 13. You can't read Salwa's works without loving her as much as her family must.

Happily, happily backed.

You are a natural storyteller, and I enjoyed every chapter of your book. I love the poems at the end of each chapter – that feature is very unique. I love the inclusion of information about Lebanese culture, and I found that really fascinating. I live in a town with the same name (Horsham).

I enjoyed Chapter Three (My Faith) the most, and your knowledge of the Bible seems good. I found your relationship with God so easy to understand, and your issues with your body and food very emotional (I can relate) especially while having a young baby. I like the diary-style entries in chapter six - The poem “One Day” (chapter thirteen) was my favourite. “Old Farm House” (chapter seven) and “Peeling the Mask” were also very good. The facts about depression in chapter eleven are very informative, and your struggle and strength are humbling. The ending was perfect – people definitely become either “bitter or better”. The end chapter was definitely my favourite, partly because I had seen what you had endured through the previous chapters.

My only criticisms: You’re missing a comma after “mum” in the twentieth paragraph down in the first chapter. In chapter five, the quote mark is the wrong way round before “no more” (which is bolded).
Halfway down chapter six, I think, “when would this all end” needs to end with a question mark. Chapter eight, forth paragraph from the bottom (above the poem), “sever” needs to be “severe”.
You are missing the comma in I’ve in chapter nine, third paragraph down. Paragraph seven (same chapter) should be “bear” instead of “bare”, I think. Also there is a date missing from August, in the first bolded entry in that chapter.
Chapter eleven – there needs to be some punctuation after “Depression can hit one at any time, in the first bolded paragraph. You also need to end with a question mark at the end of that same paragraph. You are missing a date for “June 2000”.
“Prayer” is misspelt halfway down paragraph two of chapter twelve. Paragraph five, “Christian” and “firstly” are misspelt. Eight paragraphs down, there is a superfluous full stop before, “Romans”.
The same poem is used at the bottom of chapters eleven and twelve (I wasn’t sure if that was intentional).
You also double space after full stops the whole way through, which I can’t stand, but is personal preference!

You sound like a great mother, Christian and person, and I found your story inspiring in many ways. I am sorry for the agony and heartache you endured, and thank you for sharing your experiences. I guess they say, “Love God in every circumstance, not because of every circumstance” for a reason. I am glad I read this, and I really hope you get somewhere with it. Many stars from me!

Hi Salwa, I've seen you around the forum and read some of the poems you posted so wanted to read Losing Me.

I like your short pitch, which tells me this will be an emotional story, however I'd like the long pitch to tell me a little less about the emotion attached to the journey and some more about the journey. It was only when I noticed the post-natal depression mentioned in the tags and read on into the second chapter that I realised the journey was your battle through post-natal depression. It's a problem that affects so many women, that not all are able to talk about and having your story to share could mean so much to them that, I feel, the long pitch would benefit from reference to post-natal depression. It also makes absolute connection to the title.

Chapter one is frank and detailed and I think will resonate with any mother. It was a very effective comparison to talk of the excitement, strength and calmness with which you faced the pregnancy and birth to have then found yourself in the unfamiliar and unexpected waters of post-natal depression. Given the nature of this I do like the direct way in which it's written and the way you speak to the reader. I know a very vivacious person who has suffered with extremely bad post-natal depression, requiring medical intervention, so I can relate to how you felt on the inside being so different from what others saw on the outside or expected from you.

There are some typos which I won't pick through. I don't usually read a lot of true life but have started to read more through Authonomy. One thing I have noticed is that sometimes the stories can skip or go of on a slight tangent. I suspect that's connected with the fact that these are memories, not works of fiction which can be neatly mapped out, and that they are written as they are relived. It can result in the writing not feeling as polished but perhaps that should be the case and represents a rawness to the memories and emotional honesty. An issue someone better read in true life stories, than I am, would be more suited to discuss.

As I always say with true life work, I can understand writing it may have been cathartic for you but also courageous to make public.

I like the poems at the end of the chapters.

Salwa this is beatiful and touching. Your style of being direct is one i prefer to read and, maybe aimed more to the female reader I found it very easy to relate to the things and emotions that you describe.
You have the potential to take this to the next level and I am confident that you will do this with Losing Me.
I wanted to write more but work commitments again spoil the day.
Excellent stuff from what I have read and I wish you success with this.
Andy

Salwa, I've read the first two chapters, and as a mother, I can totally relate. Your writing is really nice, and I love the raw emotion. I can feel your pain. You give us great details and descriptions so we can see everything that's happening. It's such a moving story and I know I'll keep reading to find out what happened.

The only advice I can offer is you might want to break up some of the longer paragraphs--just split them into two or three paragraphs. This would quicken the pace a little, but more importantly would show up some sentences that might get lost in the middle of a long paragraph.

One example: the sentence beginning with-- The home we had moved into was located in.....Maybe start a new paragraph with-- People would not be seen for days...

I read in a book on writing that you should try to keep paragraphs at seven lines or less. I don't think that's a rule or anything, but I try to keep it in mind while I'm writing.

I think you've got a fascinating book here. I can see why it's doing so well on this site. Keep up the good work.

Susan/Greenleaf (Chameleon)

Hi - a return read, as you’ve been so kind to back Hospital Corners. If I come across as harsh at any point, please blame my inner perfectionistic editor. She’s mean but she means well.

Pitches - I spotted a typo - earned instead of yearned. The pitches don’t actually tell me anything about your story though. It’s only from reading comments from people who read further than one chapter that I have any idea this book is about a journey through depression.

C1: Journeled? Journalled, perhaps? Although that isn’t recognised on spell-checker either, so perhaps documented would be a better option.

Exclamation points - they don’t sit well with your style of writing. Your prose can read quite seriously, the way you phrase things, and the exclamation points seem frivolous in comparison.

I was loomed with disappointment? Sorry, but that doesn’t make sense to me. Doomed to disappointment instead? Also, “starting off in life and financially” is an unfinished sentence. I wanted to read the word “insecure” at the end.

When you describe how you met Ian, I’d simply say “I met Ian when I worked as his father’s personal secretary”, otherwise the two mentions of father get convoluted. And the details about the building and street don’t mean anything because I’ve no idea which country you’re in, let alone which town. I’d be inclined to stick to the day and year.

Horsham is situation in - should be situated in.

The third child of four children - I’d change this to the third of four children to avoid repetition of child. Also redundant in this paragraph is mentioning 10 years and then stating the year - if you were born I 1970 and lived in NZ for 10 years, the reader can do the maths to work out you moved in 1980.

Another typo/error - Being of Lebanese origin and leaving home at 19, was unheard of: delete the “and” and move the comma instead (Being of Lebanese origin, leaving home at 19 was unheard of).

I had to read back over a couple of paragraphs to work out why moving to Horsham was a big deal. You mention your marriage before the move, so chronologically you’re out of order and that threw me.

You address the reader very directly, which isn’t something I’m keen on, personally. But it’s your choice and that’s fine.

Another typo - person who half put me in this position.

I read to the end of chapter 2 but have had to stop because of time restraints. I haven’t pointed out typos and errors for the second chapter, but they are there. My recommendation to you is to find someone who can edit your work; to remove the excessive exclamation points, tidy up the English errors and shuffle some of the sentences so they make sense. BUT - this is a fantastic story on the whole and your writing style is unique and don’t change it! Editing would purely be to help your words shine through.

I’m no expert and I offer these thoughts purely in the hope that something might be useful when you do any further edits. I say nothing to criticise, and in this instance only because I see great promise, so much so, that I thought this was worthy to back.

I’ve just finished reading up till the end of chapter 8, and I think it has great potential to be a powerful story that many parents, especially women can relate. I was fortunate to only suffer the baby-blues for 24 hours and that in itself was madness.

I thought you could do so much more with your pitch. It doesn’t really tell us what happened, just what the writer is expecting the reader to feel at stages of reading the book, but it doesn’t show us a character and her situation to be able to emphasis.

I think in your pitch – discover - should be - discovering

Overall I couldn’t find a great deal to nit pick with the writing in a technical sense and thought the narrative voice was well suited to this type of memoir. I did wonder though, if this wouldn’t be better suited as fiction, and I say this because I couldn’t see a unique angle to this, although I suspect a ready made market is there for the right story.

Another thing I thought was that the poetry is where the real emotions appear to be in the narrative – not the narrative itself. For example the poem ‘Once’ I thought captured the internal feeling of such a illness, yet in the narrative we are being told, I felt sad, I felt sick, but we don’t see the real impact of depression on not only the narrator but also really anyone around her. It is clear you are religious and have a very supportive family, but I think and I’m sure you’ll agree after having been through this battle, that the reality is that it puts a great strain on everybody involved in this type of support – yet everybody appears, especially your husband, to just getting on with it, which might have been the case – but we see no real impact on your marriage or family life, at least not up to where I read, nor any real reflection on any impact to all the family.

We hear how your family and husband was supportive, stepped in to help with the kids, how lonely you were when you husband wasn’t there, but I couldn’t help feeling that some readers may feel part of the narrative is self-serving, which I don’t believe the writer intended. This is your story and how you battled demons many of us can only speculate to the true power and hold they have over an individual. I personally have no doubt, and have had demons of my own, but I only really picked up on one line out of a diary entry that I felt went some way to showing us the full story of what happened, being ----

“Sometimes I experience feelings of guilt when, I’m feeling down, I believe it stems from all that I do have in life that I’m so grateful for.”

Guilt about all we are NOT to our families, husband, children, love ones is a massive part of any form of depression, which also helps it continue to revolved backwards and forwards, and I personally would liked to have seen this developed a little more, (your thoughts in relation to your children and marriage) beyond most of what I read as being fear of drugs, fear of never getting out of here, escaping, returning to normal, not wanting to see more doctors – by showing us what you were fighting to gain back, as surely you were fighting for your life to retain all that was cherished by you, if that makes sense.

My other thought was that I fully understand how much of a harrowing experience this is, but I would have personally have liked to have seen a little more of the writer’s humour, especially as this has already happened and isn’t be told as fiction, and I think it would put a balance on the darker narrative which can be depressing to read when you are witnessing another person baring their soul.

Good luck with this.

Most mothers would identify with your content, popped on my watchlist to check out later :)

Dear Salwa

I have read the first two chapters of "Losing Me" and what I see is the gradual loss of self so many women have to come to terms with after the birth of a child. We have so many conflicting emotions, hopes and dreams, yet are unable to express them, and so we become clouded over and lost, increasingly isolated and misunderstood.

You write about this process well. At times I feel that if you were to show your reader your circumstances, perhaps by collecting together some examples of those times when you were in conflict or confusion and paint a picture, in this way we could witness your loneliness and loss of self very powerfully.

Your most affecting passages are those in which we can see you, trying, failing and weeping from frustration, which is not so easily conveyed in those passages where you tell us that you wept. A "showing" approach would also work well with your powerful poetry.

I wish you every success with your writing.

Fran Macilvey, "Trapped" :-)

Read the first chapter. LOVELY! The pregnancy and birth was portrayed beautifully. I've had two children and remember bieng one of those women down the hall who were screaming!
Love the line about her husband, snoring, while she handled the pain alone...so realistic!
I love the poem at the end. Great work!
Georgia

This is a beautiful story that I'm glad you decided to share with others. A story like this could definitely be published, but I think you could do a lot to strengthen it first.

Careful with your use of exclamation points. While they can be effective to add enthusiasm, your opening contained an abundance of them.

You're missing an apostrophe in "wasnt."

How about: "I was six weeks pregnant and wanted to shout it to the world."

"It was all so sudden for him" should be separated with a period or a semi-colon. It's a run-on.

Should be: "father's personal secretary."

Should be: "The nursing staff was wonderful." Staff is a collective noun. Collective nouns are singular. You use it incorrectly several times.

By the end of the first chapter, my main advice is to polish this. There are quite a few clichés in the narrative, showing instead of telling, and unnecessary words that interfere with your story-telling. While it's true I don't read very much non-fiction, the writing didn't compel me enough to read on. I felt the passion in your poetry didn't translate into the narrative. In a very crowded market, you need to set your book apart. I think you could do that with your writing.

You have the makings of an outstanding book. With some attention to the narrative, this will be even better, and I'd be happy to return and check out any changes you make. Just let me know.

Salwa I finished your book and want to thank you for sharing what you went through after the birth of you son James. Your writing style is wonderful and easy to read. I can identify with so much of what you went through and wish I had read it 20 years ago. I pray that your work would help other mothers going through the same or similar experiences. Not enough is said about the subject of PND and the importance of being honest about what your going through and as a result so many women suffer needlessly. I love your faith and trust in the living God and your determination to not let any of your experiences be in vain. I will recommend this book to my friends and anyone who is a young mum. Well done. The book cover is beautiful!

Hello Salwa,

I felt addicted reading the first couple paragraphs of your book. The order and the specific words you have chosen caused me to become part of the story. As I was reading deeper into your chapters, it hit home that my wife experienced similar emotions. I do not believe there is anything out there today, that describes in vivid detail, your experience. This piece is a wonderful reference to those that are going thru this phase, and possibly a great source for recovery and understanding. You have a gift of expressing emotions into words that come to life in our hearts. I hope you continue with your writing, best of luck and thank you.

Hello Salwa,
Your writing of the English language is poetic. Then, I read your poems. Your story of motherhood is vivid. The real life story reminds me of the great Native American novel: "House Made Of Dawn." The author, N. Scott Momaday, crafted a series of poems into stories, and finally into a novel that won the pulitzer Prize. As another suggested, I think you can make a beautiful novel out of this true life piece of work. No matter, I love the story.
All the best,
David Schild

I think you have a great story here. However - and I know this may sound like sacrilege - I think it would work better as the basis for a novel rather than a memoir. Without the need for accuracy, I feel you might have the freedom to develop your ideas further. I imagine English is not your first language which means your use of it is slightly quirky. Nearly always this is charming, but occasionally a bit clunky or simply inaccurate...eg in Chapter 1 either "I refrained" or "I restrained myself" but not "I refrained myself". Sorry to be a pedant and it's a terrific effort. I wish you lots of luck with it

Losing Me by Salwa Samra. Great pitch and exceptional book cover. Drawn into the world of pregnancy, birth and the pains of breast feeding are all too familiar; a book many mothers will identify with. Living with parents is not easy and I like how you explain the hardships whilst at the same time expressing respect for them and their counsel. The frustrations of continued guests and the hustle and bustle of family are skillfully conveyed. At the same time, we see a creeping insecurity, a depression, a nagging uncertainty that begins to take over and the pace starts to accelerate. Post natal depression is a dark place, so dark in fact, it is impossible to see a way out. Suddenly terrified of isolation, and being trapped in a battle, the need for prayer becomes all the more crucial. You have your readers on their toes at this point, desperate to know what happens. The sadness, panic, torment and deception you express are often traits of the aftermath of birth but this is somehow different, somehow more poignant. With the blessing of motherhood, we also see the aloneness and the suffering of a mother without love and without help. But the most uplifting, encouraging part of this book is chapter 3. As a Christian, there is hope. The author is inspired by God—a very real bonus in times of trouble. I was appalled at the psychiatric assessment, although understood the tactic for what it was. Not knowing or experiencing the development of James must have been so traumatic. The poems at the end of each chapter are beautiful, as moving as they are. I read through to chapter 4, not wanting to put it down. High stars for such a valiant endeavor. I am in awe of your faith and strength. Claire ~ Chasing Pharaohs.

An autobiographical story of one mother's battle with post-natal depression following the birth of her first child, aggravated by living too closely at first with relatives, then plunged into the loneliness of living in small town Australia.

In chs. 1-4 the author chronicles her support from her religious beliefs, and from her relationship with her husband, and own inner strength. The book is presented in an accessible linear-narrative style, and the chapters are a blend of prose and poetry written by the author. The poetry is creative and imaginative, with metaphors that express a deeper levels of meaning; I found these a particularly attractive feature of this work.

There are some editing issues for the author to consider, particularly in the use of the apostrophe. I would also encourage the author to also take out any unnecessary exclamation marks. But this is not the place to go into detail on these easily correctable issues.

This is an interesting book that many new parents will relate to, and in particular how the dream of parenthood is confronted with the daily reality of caring for one or more children. The ambivalence of parenthood, particularly regarding relationships with spouse and the extended family, is captured well. The joy and the pain - physical and emotional - as well as the doubt and confusion of caring for a new child - are all themes that will find an echo among many new parents. As a grand-parent myself, I was interested in the cultural dimensions of the book too, particularly on the reaction of the author's Lebanese parents to their grandchild.

Hi Salwa

I have just finish reading the first four chapters and I really liked how you connected the emotional events of motherhood. To me the style you wrote in had a more human element to the reader and it was easy for me to connect to. The way you styled the text was slightly different to other books I have read on hear, but I loved it.
Overall Salwa I loved your style of writing and I would highly rate this book, you are such a talented writer and I wish you all the best:)

Salwa,

This is not really my thing, but I read most of your chapter then look towards the end and saw your first poem.

You do have some wonderful writing skills. Just one thing - "Bewelded" in the paragraph beginning "I was six weeks pregnant" I don't know this word, should it have been "Bewildered"?

That's my only negative comment.
Good luck with this
Warrick

Hi Salwa,
I read your first chapter and I was completely hooked! You really know how to make the reader feel the same amount of joy you were going through. There's a lot of aww moments as well as some humorous moments (your husband's snoring). You actually did the impossible and made me enjoy a piece of non fiction, it takes true talent to accomplish that with a teenager who hates history. Your writing is good, I didn't find any mistakes (yet again I'm not the perfect writer). I love this, six stars! Good luck :)

Hello Salwa , it appears I am one of the first people to read your book. I must say I found it very touching and poignant , the more so for the guilessness that it displays , though you will probaby not entirely welcome me saying that . Until the present day childbirth has been very little written about , but you have created a very memorable description of your own experience. I wonder if it is at all possible that you might have the time to look at the first chapter of my novel ' A Buccaneer' which is set in the 17th century and includes Pirates , lost love, the Great Plague of London , Sir Henry Morgan ,a five handed duel, beautiful Spanish ladies and much more . Watchlisted and starred . With best wishes from Strachan Gordon