To Catch a Dream

What an immediately 'friendly' read this is. You managed to take me right into the story and immediately feel attracted to, and involved with your characters. You've hit your genre targets bang on and your dialogue and period detail is spot on. Great sense of menace at the end of chapter one. Shall enjoy reading on.
Cariad.

This is beautifully written and is very convincing both in terms of its dialogue and its descriptions . It also conveys a milieu with which you are clearly familiar or at least made yourself familiar .Watchlisted and starred . I wonder if you would be able to look at the first chapter of my novel called 'A Buccaneer' , which is set amongst Pirates in the 17th century, with best wishes from Strachan Gordon.

Hello Mary
book- To catch a dream--

Couldn't wait to get stuck into this book quick enough, as i'm always interested in Irish tales and how other
authors relate to lifestyle, especially in the 1875s and that period of time.

This read enhanced what i had thought of it during a first glance the other day. It certainly lives up to the premise of a well told historical tale later on; look forward to reading that also. With love passion prostitution and more to come, i can't wait -
The people described become so real in the minds eye so quickly in the book, i found the pages turning quickly and my attention was held, line after line.

just something from my point of view that might help.-
the first few lines-T'is that your good self --and the answer - t'is - and later aye- always to me sounds scottish-
otherwise everything spot on-
Frank McCourt wrote a book called T'is-

good luck with it Mary
tom bye
from hugs to kisses-

Hello Mary-
book- to catch a dream-

after glancing through some chapters; i have watch listed this book as one with
great potential- well - especially with and Irish character in it -
will read more in new and rate accordingly-

tom bye
book- from hugs to kisses-
and Irish read

Dear Mary

I read chapter one of your book "To Catch a Dream" which I enjoyed, then started to read chapter two, which felt so different that I was taken aback. Of course, it is a device to alternate stories, but your gentle showing of chapter one seems to suit you better whereas the style of chapter two felt slightly forced at times. I know what you mean, though: The stiffer manners of the wealthy come across well.

All the best with this. Rated.

Fran Macilvey, "Trapped" :-)

To Catch a Dream. A Hist.Fict.read.
Your short pitch is a matter-of-fact statement, which makes no attempt at luring the reader into your book. The long pitch is a series of short paragraphs introducing the characters. Perhaps you could dispense with the first paragraph, and link the characters in a more sensitive overview of the story - without necessarily revealing the ending? As it is, I'm left with rather gloomy, negative thoughts, which I'm sure is not what you intended.
But it is only my opinion.

I take notes as I read, but dont pretend to be an expert.

Ch.1. What an interesting and well-crafted beginning. I am immediately immersed with Bridie in the world of the traveller Mrs. Finney, who can see into the future, and advises that politics is best left to the men. There is already a hint of dire things to make me read on, and you write in a comfortable swinging style. You create a striking contrast between Mammy's pain and her radiance when she smiles.

Ch.2. Oh - a complete change, as if it were a different book altogether. I think I'd prefer to have followed Bridie's story for a little longer, but again, that's only my opinion.
You immediately produce a problem, and I am soon caught up in this new story, which again is well written and contrived.

Ch.3. Back to Bridie, the same two years later, so I presume the two sets of characters will eventually merge.
Her mother's death comes upon us quite suddenly, without a hint of prior ailment, and the tale runs on with scarcely a pause. Might this be an opportunity to slow down, and show more emotion and character for Bridie?
And what a drastic, dramatic end to the chapter.

I'm stopping here, but plan to read on in the future. I feel everything happens with great suddenness. No doubt you will flesh out the story more when you revisit for edits, creating time to savour the period and the places as well as get to know the emotions and characters better.

Hope this helps, and have a happy Christmas.
Jane (Breath of Africa)

Hi Mary,

Sorry for the delay. I've been distracted with university. I've read your first chapter and my feelings are mixed.

There is a lot to like about this. You capture some sentiments very well, particularly at the end with the father and the stormy relationship he has with the mother. Bridie herself is interesting both in her childish innocence and actions to break away from society's restraints.The themes with the travellers I am sure will become very tense and quite gripping as the story goes on.

However, my main concern was how broken this felt reading through it. The start was very weak I found, much in contrast to how this chapter closed. Starting with dialogue was, and I'm not against an opening, a lacklustre affair in that the dialogue was neither interesting nor was the scene. You'd have been much better in my mind to use elements of your first bit of prose as an opening.

But the broken feeling is mainly brought about by the number of different aspects the narrator brings into the story, from the Act to the Fenians to the travellers in society to the rather-mother relationship. And that, if you see how I listed it (not consecutively) is rather a lot to digest in an opening chapter and rather big info dump. It certainly detracted from the quality of the story.

Secondly, on the broken aspect is that the writing at times feels stilted - and thats not the dialogue, the dialogue is excellent - but the narration. There are times also when there isn't a smooth cohesiveness between paragraphs or thought processes which I found to be very distracting.

I haven't got a huge amount else to say on this other than I did like it, despite the problems I felt reading it. It did engage me the further I read into it and it shows a great deal of promise.

Yours,
Joe

Hello Mary this is an HFG review from inspectorrick (Rick). I really like this type of story for the way people lived at the time (not for me but it's nice to look back). Plenty of detail and enough conflict to keep the reader entertained.
Pitches - the short pitch is a bit boring (it's informative but not compelling), the long pitch is almost too long compared to others I've seen on the site. The problem is that nobody knows how to write these things (I certainly don't) so to be criticised by one of us should be taken with a grain of salt.
Pace - this is very good I thought. The story flows nicely.
Point of View - a bit third person in places when I felt it might be better in first but that's my opinion.
Authenticity/ Characters/ descriptions - I'm lumping these together because they all reflect the same thing. Your primary characters are very clear as are the surroundings they are living within. The secondary characters could use a little more but not much.
Dialogue - I had a little trouble reading the Irish you've used but eventually understood the intent of the sentences. My suggestion would be to read the dialogue outloud and if you stumble or it sounds odd then change it otherwise leave it alone.
Plot - so far so good.
Publishability/ Style - good readable style with the words. In it's present form it wouldn't be published but then if it was good enough to publish it likely wouldn't be on this site. Could this story get published - I think so.
Technicalities - nobody likes these and most of them will be caught by the editors when it gets sold.
- Ch.1 - sentence begins with - They visited her Pappy's...and again as now - the word again is unnecessary.
- when Brinie puts the loaf on the shelf - 'a feeling of homeliness' - should be homeyness.
- the word 'that' is used too often throughout the story. I was using it too but it isn't necessary in most cases.
- Ch. 2 - sentence begins with - He'd already greeted...how is things (should be 'are') sentence continues with the word 'are' repeated together.
- Ch. 3 - sentence with - Sorry Mammy....to her the - the word 'the' is misplaced.
I hope this doesn't sound too critical because this is not my intent. I'm no expert but I do read quite a bit which helps. Unfortunately sometimes I have the feeling I'm only looking for mistakes instead of enjoying the story. I think you have a good story here and with the help of everyone seriously looking at your work you should have a book soon. Keep writing and good luck from Rick - Jack, I Am and They.

Historical Fiction Review,
Mary, You've written a beautiful story, dropped me right into the 19th century. I admire your talent, your ear some call it, for the dialect and rhythm of the language. It plays like a haunting melody. You've also teased with the history, letting the reader know the challenges ahead.
Caroline

Hi Mary this is an interesting beginning to the book, my main concern is that the dialogue feels a little 'Hollywood Oirish' Please try to avoid this e.g. 'Pappy it is sorry I am' To me that doesn't really ring true. I'd revisit it because you do have a lovely descriptive and gentle style. It'd be a shame to spoil it with stereotypical Paddyspeak if you know what I mean begorrah!

TO CATCH A DREAM
Chapter 1. This is an interesting beginning for a story. You’ve a good main character in Bridie; she’s feisty, yet puzzled about how her life is changing. The way you write dialogue is a strength; sounds real.
Chapter 2. Edgar explains what the future will hold. And part of that is for Andrew to marry the most unattractive woman in the region . . . . good plotting. Introduces a nice complication. One problem: this chapter is so different from the first it feels like a different book. Is there a way to put a few sentences at the beginning of this chapter that would tie the first and second chapters together?
Chapter 3. We’re back with Bridie. And she loses both parents. Good chapter. “Eyes stretched out of their sockets” seems a little exaggerated.
Chapter 4. A chapter to introduce William. A sad one because of his father, then a thrilling one because of the fire. And at the end, he’s accused unjustly of being a father. Dialogue is good here. If I have a problem, it’s that, again, William seems to have no relationship with Bridie or Andrew. Is there a way to tie these chapters together?
Chapter 5. Bridie in the convent. Accused of bad morals. Another good chapter.
Cover and pitches: Your cover is good; has a romantic and old fashioned touch to it. The pitch is a good explanation of the story – altho it reads as if Bridie has a terrible, terrible life, a little depressing.
Pace: The pace of this is good – there’s that problem of it being disconcerted, tho.
Point of View: I like the way each chapter belongs to a different person and the outlook of that chapter is through that person’s view. Let’s a reader get well acquainted with each character.
Authenticity (Historical accuracy): Feels to me as if the story is right for the time period.
Characters: You do characters well; each one is an individual. If I have a problem with any of them it’s that I wish you had a happy character whose life was going well to mix in with so many others who are doomed to having bad futures.
Descriptions: Good.
Dialogue: This is a strength of your writing. Feels genuine.
Plot: Bridie’s story is interesting as it plays out step by step. She’s a good example of how little women were valued in the 1800s.
Publishability: I know nothing about how publishers decide what gets published and what doesn’t but I think this has all the ingredients needed to be published: good characters, good settings.
Style: You have a simple, clear style that makes the story easy to read.
Technicalities (grammar, repetitions, typos, etc.). No problems.
Wannabeawriter. Who Killed the President. Historical Fiction Group Review
On my shelf

HFG read.
I see huge potential here for a memorable story. Both the dialogue and the details are faithful to the period and the writer clearly knows how to create an absorbing read.
The writing is confident and evocative, It wasn't difficult to be in the caravan with Bridie and Mrs Finney or later in a cabin on board ship, such is the excellent imagery. The long pitch offers much to come and if the first four chapters are a guide to events, this will be very true to its genre and well worth reading.
I'm not sure what happened immediately at the end of chpt.3 A chpt.4 appears which seems out of context and then another chpt.4 which more naturally follows the story. Perhaps an up-load error?
I'm happy to star this and put it on my shelf very shortly. Margaret.

This is beautifully written and is very convincing both in terms of its dialogue and its descriptions . It also conveys a milieu with which you are clearly familiar or at least made yourself familiar .Watchlisted and starred . I wonder if you would be able to look at the first chapter of my novel called 'A Buccaneer' , which is set amongst Pirates in the 17th century, with best wishes from Strachan Gordon.

What an immediately 'friendly' read this is. You managed to take me right into the story and immediately feel attracted to, and involved with your characters. You've hit your genre targets bang on and your dialogue and period detail is spot on. Great sense of menace at the end of chapter one. Shall enjoy reading on.
Cariad.