Walker

I am on chapter four, but I don't want to rush it. It is, of course, beautifully written and you get into the head of a teenage boy so well one would think you were one. :)

It is going on my shelf just as soon as Rupees is taken up to the great desk in the authonomy sky. :)

Love it, will probably have to buy a bloomin Kindle now, and I hate those things, thanks for that!

Emily Cameron
Crown of Thorns

Hi Jane,
Your writing is beautiful. I've read the first two chapters and can't believe the professional quality of writing. Walker should do amazingly well on Amazon. Great job! Now I need a Kindle so I can buy it.

Susan/Greenleaf (Chameleon)

WALKER
This is an interesting YA novel. I like the way you begin this with a look at what it would be like to form a garage band. Makes a good contrast to the much more serious issues to be tackled once a reader gets to know your characters. I think your writing style is at a good level for YA; likable characters and simple easy descriptions that are easy to read. I’m adding this to my shelf. Wanttobeawriter: Who Killed the President?

Am currently reading the whole thing. Worth every penny, people. Go buy it!

I was drawn to read this because it’s another eco-themed book and I was interested to see how that would be pitched to a YA market. Sadly, my own impressions are that eco is one big yawn for the average self-absorbed teen but if anyone is going to get them to sit up and pay attention then Hunter should be the person to do it.

He’s your normal average and well-adjusted kid who dreams of becoming a rock god. Only thing is he’s prone to stage fright. When his parents are killed in a mysterious car crash, he’s forced to leave Boston to go and live in the middle of the moors in England, with a cool gran who wears Levis.

As someone who knows very little about the YA market, it’s heartening to see just how feisty and irreverent a writer can be in this genre. That encounter with the nosy couple on the train to Devon is perfectly pitched. I love the way he winds them up and ‘tells them he was off suicide watch.’

The description of Hunter’s arrival at the farmyard is spot-on. ‘The truck screeched to a halt in the yard, sending up a snowstorm of hens pocking in indignation.’

Hunter’s reaction to his parents death is beautifully observed. ‘Don’t think about it. Don’t think about it. Think of anything but that. ‘ A lesser writer would have Hunter think nothing else all the way to Exeter but this is so much more accurate and true to life as anyone who has lost a parent in their teens will attest. As long as you pretend it didn’t happen to you, you’re okay……

I really do hope this does well for you on Kindle as thinking of going down the same route. The cover is very striking and the book is well-edited.

Lambert Nagle - Revolution Earth

WALKER / Jane Alexander

As usual, Jane delivers. This is a gripping tale of YA Fic that reads at times like Literary Fiction. The theme is clean full of exciting narrative yet allows it to be delivered perfectly through the characters. Essentially, a 101 lesson in how to 'show', not 'tell'. Well balanced.

It doesn't take long when you read something by this author to realize she knows who she is writing for. Terms, actions of her characters and descriptions are such that one knows she understands her intended readership. I'm not real big on YA personally, but, as with all writing, I like to study who writes what, and for who. It helps me with my own craft as I feel I get a sense of the reseach, understanding of culture and work an author puts into their stories.

I certainly had no trouble continuing to be interested in the next page of this story. The author cleverly picks the right point of scenes and pages to stop and start. Word usage is very good here as the content isn't dowsed with 14 letter words this market does not care for.

The accident scene in 2 is described very well. I could see myself thinking the same things Hunter was saying to himself and it felt very real. An impressive point was the way Jane comes 'quickly' with some thoughts of the character in narrative. Short (sometimes one word) sentences that lend immediate impact like the way a person would really think, not drawn out, wordy depictions of their thought processes.

Oh boy, here it goes, my crit. There was a thing or two I would go back and look at. (E M Delaney trembles at the thought of critisizing the far more capable and accomplished author) The word 'had' appears a lot. I wonder if in edit you might want to reduce its number of appearences by making contractions (He had = he'd) (It had = It'd). ? There was a paragraph in Ch2 that began:
It had been months since the accident. Autumn had passed and so had Thanksgiving, Christmas and New Year. Apparently he'd been in a coma for several weeks but,..........................
(I have to admit, this felt a little bit bumpy for me)
Suggestion:
In the months since the accident, Autumn would come and go, with it, the holidays.
(no 'had' 'and' 'he'd' 'been' 'so' etc....also I think you would have meant to say New Year(s) or 'The" New Year.)
Then you use the word 'even' immediately after what we see here. It could be eliminated and say the same thing. Be mindful, I am aware that you could be speaking in narrative voice to sound more like your readership in doing this. Here is where I could be learning something and not realize it.

I'll go to CH3 and use another example. You wrote:
The English countryside had been grim -- flat, boring fields stretching out either side. An old couple.........

(Again, 'had' could be easily eliminated.) I think if you run a search of your manuscript, you'll be aware of the presence of this word and want to reduce it's usage.

Suggestion:
The flat, boring fields that stretched along the English countryside seemed grim to Hunter. (The narrative now tells 'who' the visual effect looked grim to. It wasn't the old couple...right?)

These are just random suggestions aimed at reducing the use of words like 'had', passive usages of adverbs and extra pronouns. When we get into telling our story, sometimes we get going and they just appear. I do it, ever author does.

I think the storytelling skills of this author are amazing. Essentially, no scene is visited without an attempt to describe in some way the setting or quickly give something to the reader to thknk about where her characters are. For example, CH5 starts out so freaking strong, one knows they are reading a accomplished author's work. Here the dialogue is supported perfectly by the narrative and comes off the page as very well written. The description of the 'jet-black' panther's 'gleaming' coat matching the girls skin was very clean. Nice depiction.

If I haven't said it enough, dialogue is HUGE in this offering. Jane, you simply shine when it comes to giving characters life. The exchange between the girl and Hunter in 5 is absolutely phenomenal. 6 is also a very clean chapter of what I would think is print-ready work.

All in all, this is a great piece of 5 star work. My very best to you and good luck with it.

E M Delaney
(Emmett)

l see very little wrong with this, if anything- the book has strong, solid narrative; it know exactly what it's doing- and you add dialogue to the mix with real skill...
this is backed with six stars******
read SEASONS...

Funny really, I only got to read the first chapter.
My computer says there is no more, but it's less than 10,000.
The story opens with a firm grounding of reality. The dialogue is excellent and flows well, advancing the characterisation with great skill.
I like this and look forward to reading more once you've posted it!
Computer now changed its mind so I've read a bit more. If I wanted to be negative, one could leave out most of ch1 and still enjoy the rest, though it's written so well it would be a shame.
I still like this after reading more.
Well done!