A Looking Glass, Darkly

Keep writing. I've worked hard to keep my editor's hat hanging on the hat stand, but you know you have to check for 'there was', repetitions, passive voice, blah blah blah. The concept is terrific. I was a computer programmer back in the dark ages and I loved this. The tech kept me interested, loved the detail. Sure, bits will need a rethink. A whole HOUR before she went looking for mum? That's one hell of a pee. And she'd didn't go look in the washroom herself. There's a bit of suspension of belief required - she trusts very easily. But this is presumably aimed at a teen audience, a kind of updated Famous Five (without four of them). Oh yes, I think this'll make a terrific book. All the best with it.

This is a Nano piece, yes? So its not had an exhaustive edit yet. I think it's good, definitely keep going with it. I wanted to know so much where her mother had gone, what was going on, how Alice was so technologically smart, who the men were who took her mother off. So plenty of hooks, and the writing's good. First line, you have a couple of typos - 'the trouble with things that seem(S) to (too) good to be true... otherwise nothing jumped out.

Like it. Type on!

Keep going. I read the first chapter and the tension is good. There is really no descriptions but it does work. Its a modern day Mission Impossible but with a 14 tear old in the title role. The moms situation is mysterious too.

I added it to my watchlist but the title reminded of the movie Through a Glass Darkly. Is the title from that?

Anyway, get the chance to read my book if you get the chance, http://www.authonomy.com/books/38677/the-pursuit-of-happiness-/

Isaac Noam Cogg