The Goddess and the Carpet Shop

I really want to read all of this,so please get on with it so I can enjoy the published version as it should be enjoyed - curled up in front of the fire with a cat on my stomach and a glass of wine... 5 stars and on my watchlist.

Read Chapter 1 and have now rated and backed your book. I've visited most of the places in it and love your evocative descriptions - both of places and Turkish men! Have now put off what I was going to do today to read more!
Dee

Dear Lucy

I have read what you have uploaded in one sitting, which means it is excellent.

This tale feels like a lot of things rolled into one: first, a travel diary for those of us who would like to travel but either can't or won't. Some descriptions are very beautiful, colourful and involving so that we armchair tourists can just relax and enjoy.

Then there is the passage where Hasan finds you again, and I feel a Mills and Boon story coming on, with a twist. You could be writing a love story.

Finally there is the question of what Hasan, with his brooding silences, might do if you decided one day, "Right, now, I'm going back to Britain tomorrow." There are some spooky moments when this could tip very easily into a slippery, intriguing thriller twisting uneasily around cultural misunderstandings.

Wonderful descriptive writing. Top marks. All the very best to you.

Fran Macilvey

Lucy, I've read all of the six chapters currently posted. I've never been an avid fan of non-fiction, have read some but preferred fiction. Since joining this site I'm finding a greater appetite for non-fiction, especially of the travel variety. Your story is a prime example of why I'm enjoying it more. You have used just enough description to satisfy, allowing me to imagine the sites, sounds and smells without overwhelming me in flowery prose. I like the opening scene, the chaos that it portrayed and the vulnerable position in which you had placed yourself.

As the scenes with Hasan developed I found myself constantly questioning him - it's almost like a well crafted piece of fiction, keeping me guessing the true identity/character of this man. I'm also left wondering what you were escaping, what pulled you to Hasan and to Turkey? You knew he was a liar, that he could be manipulative but that's part of what seemed to attract you and I want to read on to find out why. You seemed like someone who was running away, searching for something.

Good contrast in cultures, and I find that, and the setting, fascinating.

This is great. I have put it on my watchlist to read more. I don't know what else to say really. You have set the scene brilliantly, I can really see, and smell, the place. There's a strong hint of menace of the male dominance kind and you've created an interesting and believable character. High stars.

You have set the scene so brilliantly that i have been hooked to go through more of it. The story is intriguing with sound breezing tone. The book is written beautifully and description of charachters is vivid. I am putting it on my WL for future backing and giving this work the high stars.

The story is an intriguing one. You have a breezy tone and I enjoyed the rich detail with which you paint your scenes and unusual characters with their antics and quirks. I felt annoyed with Ismail and Hasan not being truthful – an instant turn off.
The personality of your characters is well brought out by their actions and conversation. This is very clever. Well done.
There were some parts every now and then where I felt like I had read them earlier in the story – like a daily journal or blog. But all in all, I found your brave adventure(s) fascinating and was glad to get a glimpse of the real Turkey through your writing.

Lucy, I've read all of the six chapters currently posted. I've never been an avid fan of non-fiction, have read some but preferred fiction. Since joining this site I'm finding a greater appetite for non-fiction, especially of the travel variety. Your story is a prime example of why I'm enjoying it more. You have used just enough description to satisfy, allowing me to imagine the sites, sounds and smells without overwhelming me in flowery prose. I like the opening scene, the chaos that it portrayed and the vulnerable position in which you had placed yourself.

As the scenes with Hasan developed I found myself constantly questioning him - it's almost like a well crafted piece of fiction, keeping me guessing the true identity/character of this man. I'm also left wondering what you were escaping, what pulled you to Hasan and to Turkey? You knew he was a liar, that he could be manipulative but that's part of what seemed to attract you and I want to read on to find out why. You seemed like someone who was running away, searching for something.

Good contrast in cultures, and I find that, and the setting, fascinating.

An interesting milieu , I must admit that I have always given Turkey a bit of a wide berth , but it is a fascinating country nevertheless . A single woman must have beeen desperately vulnerfable at that time. Very well written and you manage to convey that time and place very well. Would you be able to look at the first chapter of my novel 'A Buccaneer' , which is set amongst pirates in the 17th century , with best wishes from Strachan Gordon . Watchlisted and starred.

This is great. I have put it on my watchlist to read more. I don't know what else to say really. You have set the scene brilliantly, I can really see, and smell, the place. There's a strong hint of menace of the male dominance kind and you've created an interesting and believable character. High stars.

Hi Lucy,

I've just read the first chapter. I think this is very well done. I love your long sentences when you're describing the things around you. It makes me feel like I'm slowly turning my head, trying to take it all in at the same time as you are writing it. I loved the bit about watching the earrings too...I feel we can all relate to paying attention to small and silly things like the movement of someone's jewelry.

I am looking forward to reading more. You've set up some nice suspense with the story of violence..and we know that you are returning to a Turkish man who might also be 'violent'.

I have only one suggestion: At two points you use the word 'now'. 1. I now become an obstacle. and 2. It was dark now. And I think in the first sentence, you could just say 'I became an obstacle' because the sentences around this one are all in the past tense. And..in the second case, maybe something a little more subtle like "The sun was dropping" or " daylight was fading"..keeping with the past tense or observational.

Otherwise, VERY good start.
I'll get to reading more as soon as I can!
You're on my watch list, and I'll get you on my bookshelf!

Jenny

A Slowly devolving story that turns into something great! I Struggled through the opening, but soon i was hooked. The crisis of you V Hassan is well fleshed out and plays out like a drama. I need to read a bit more when i have the time, added to my w/l for later!

Joe,
The Hooligans Of Kandahar

lnteresting, feels like a novel. very well written; excellent narrative style, good flow...good book...
backed...
read SEASONS...

A few thoughts. You have excellent ability to describe and atmosphere. You need to get into the action a bit sooner. The start is a bit slow. Not good to lose readers before you even get to your story. I have been told here to "show rather than tell". I am trying hard to incorporate that. Perhaps you could start with p. 5 and then weave other information into the story. You can skip the entire paragraph about "Why was I interested in...." and get tot he dialogue. Explaining how the girl(?) looks to achieve confidence could be better served by showing...."She gave him a confident gray eyed stare, while quaking in her boots....etc." Not an actual recommendation, but you get what I mean. The sooner I get to the STORY the better. I'll be back.

I have read the first chapter it didn't grab my attention straight away but developed slowly.
I like the atmosphere you have created I felt I was there. I love the descriptions. its written beautifully and you have some interesting characters. will read on as I get time. On my WL.

PS: Forgot to add that I actively like the straight forward narrative non-fiction 'plot', and think that maybe if people read large amounts of genre fiction, the notion of 'plot' becomes more all-consuming; whereas with non-fiction, although it needs to have a proper narrative structure, it does not need to be mauled to try to fit into a fiction category mould. Just a thought. Anyway, I've backed it...

Dear Lucy, I really love the sensual atmosphere of the watermelon and 'the sun lower in the sky now' scene at the end of first chapter. On a purely visual level I think the cover seems a bit dry and 'British Museum' for this story, and could perhaps benefit from being more 'of the souk', colourful, evocative of the smell of carpets and cumin (heat, dust, dusk, musk etc)... I agree with breaking up chapters, and would possibly even dare suggest a little more dead-wooding of text [I am going to do more of my own ruthless dead-wooding too, cutting ever more out of Ch1 and 2 of Crumbling Country, partly due to Joe's crit]...

Okay, Lucy, I've read your chapter two now, and while I stick with my earlier suggestion that it needs breaking up, it's marvellous stuff! The plot-line may be a little thin (could you cook up a 'baddy'?) but the rich, incredibly authentic, dialogue moves it along at such a brisk pace that I didn't really mind. I would have liked to know more about Annette - what does she look like, does she have any physical tics or pecadilloes - and indeed more description of your characters generally. At the moment, this reads more like a travelogue than a novel, which is fine, but a little less dialogue and a little more character development (i.e. flesh them out) would imho pay great dividends. I LOVED some of the humour, even if it was a bit black. Hasan's comment that drivers in Istanbul were 'always close to God' reminded me of 'my Hasan' in India who casually remarked 'I have this driver for 8 years. I like him because he is not dead.'

Just occasionally, you step out of the narrative into 'thought'. "I laughed, but it is true I thought to myself. You have". This is very effective, and could be used a lot more in your story (as 'italicised' thought speech) BUT in isolation (it seems to be the only place you use it) it sticks out like a sore thumb. If it IS the only place you use it, I suggest you stick with the 3rd person and say I laughed, but it WAS true I thought to myself. HE DID.

My last suggest concerns the (ahem) rather chaste description of your and Hasan's relationship. This is a sexual relationship? If I hadn't read chapter one (which I did again, to refresh my mind) I wouldn't have guessed, it all seems rather 'cosy' like a brother-sister thing. I'm not suggesting Jackie Collins here, or even Mills and Boon, but didn't the fires of passion burn brighter than just putting your head on his chest and listening to his heartbeat?

Hope this helps, Lucy - your new stuff is a VAST improvement on what you had before, and I look forward to reading again after your next edit.

♥ Joe

I'm just heading into your stuff now, Lucy, but before I do, can I respectfully repeat something I said earlier - I think you'll get a lot more readers if you break up these two verrrrrry long 'chapters' into four or five. When I first loaded 'Rupees', my chapters were verrrry long too - nobody would read them until I chopped em up!

(your new pitch is great - perhaps take out the words 'in springtime', and it'll be pitch perfect!)

Thank you, Lucy, for uploading the next section of your story. I have everything here, and will return for the next installment, whenever you wish to post it.

Your writing is well paced and simply beautiful. Such evocative scenes you give us. This is a wonderful memoir, that reads like a travel guide, mystery, and spooky love story in one. I wonder whether you are doing any submitting?

Take care. Top rating now, already on my WL.

Fran :-))

Just read the new sections, it brought back such memories of Selcuk and Ephesus - was the beach Pamujak Beach? I remember sitting in a rooftop 'kosk' in Selcuk, with the Temple of Artemis on one side, one of the oldest mosques on another, and the ancient Church of St John on another!

A couple of things I noticed: At the start of ‘Magnesia’, Lucy refers to ‘what had happened’ but I feel the ‘Annette’ section in between distracts reader so it’s difficult to realise it is what happened in Kusadasi that she is talking about.
In ‘Coins’ – at the end – Hasan says: ‘How old is the old city? They are have rebuilt it...’ delete ‘are’?
I love reading this, Lucy - keep it coming!
Dee

Read Chapter 1 and have now rated and backed your book. I've visited most of the places in it and love your evocative descriptions - both of places and Turkish men! Have now put off what I was going to do today to read more!
Dee

Oh Lucy - it's so nice to read another book about the places in Turkey that I know and love! I've only read as far as 'Bodrum', as it's very late tonight, but you're on my Watchlist and I'm sure you'll be on my Bookshelf tomorrow! I'd be chuffed if you'd read/comment/rate my novel, set mainly in Turkey. It's called 'When We're Least Expecting It' by Dee Fitzwilliam.
Cok tessekur ederim!
Best wishes,
Dee

Dear Lucy, just finished your uploaded material, really enjoyed it. Turkey is one place I have never been in my travels, so I learnt something new here. Your writing is clean, the dialogue fantastic, and the characters vivid and alive. My only two suggestions - if you want to get your book read by more people here - are a) to start your book with a 'hook' ('Somewhere near Istanbul's Topkapi Gate, there is a bus station. Trouble was, I couldn't find it.' is a GREAT hook, you could filter in the 'travel diary' stuff shortly after if necessary), and b) divided your first chapter into four or five. Few people here will read 10,000 words at a sitting!

High stars for this Turkish delight of 'Hasan and Juliet', will return after your next edit.

Joe Kovacs
Rupee Millionaires

Dear Lucy

I have read what you have uploaded in one sitting, which means it is excellent.

This tale feels like a lot of things rolled into one: first, a travel diary for those of us who would like to travel but either can't or won't. Some descriptions are very beautiful, colourful and involving so that we armchair tourists can just relax and enjoy.

Then there is the passage where Hasan finds you again, and I feel a Mills and Boon story coming on, with a twist. You could be writing a love story.

Finally there is the question of what Hasan, with his brooding silences, might do if you decided one day, "Right, now, I'm going back to Britain tomorrow." There are some spooky moments when this could tip very easily into a slippery, intriguing thriller twisting uneasily around cultural misunderstandings.

Wonderful descriptive writing. Top marks. All the very best to you.

Fran Macilvey

I'm writing this on the run, dear Lucy, but your short pitch is fine. The long pitch might scan better as 'the magnificent sites OF THE PAST', and a comma after Hasan?

Not sure about 'enigmatic old goddess', made me think of the shifty old lady next door, lol! How about: "Turkey, with its inscrutable ancient goddess and its unscrupulous carpet-shop salesmen, offered me a both a thrilling escape and intriguing new possibilities."

The last para is fine, though you might consider putting an 'and' after fantasy, so that it reads "The ancient world became a fantasy, and I had to decide what to believe about Hasan, about the past, and about myself.

If this was fiction I would, by the set-up immediately start to think that this was a cross-cultural holiday romance that was going to end in tears, at least the tears of the jilted young woman. But after reading all that you've uploaded I really don't know where it's headed but I'm intrigued enough to want to read on. I suppose I was drawn to this as it reminded me of my own adventures at around the same age and what it was like to set off on your own. I think it will appeal to a similar kind of readership - or perhaps one that never got the chance for a gap year and might be inspired to head off in later life..........

I liked being an armchair traveller on the ferry trip: 'The black Marmara had shimmered, sending a sharp breeze over the ferry deck, but now I dozed in warm, safe comfort as we rolled on southwards through the night.... The girl to my side leaning drowsily against the windows, gold earrings a-sway.'

I'm intrigued by what the goddess of Ephesus will reveal later on in the story..... I have been to Bodrum and Ephesus and your descriptions not only bring the place to life but re-kindle memories for this reader. I must have hit Kusadesi on a bad day as it seemed far from cosmpolitan to me but perhaps I am being unfair as I did only go to a very tacky bit near the beach.

This reads well and I look forward to finding out just what happens to the crazy carpet seller and his girl...
Highly starred and the best of luck with it.

Lambert Nagle - Revolution Earth

I really want to read all of this,so please get on with it so I can enjoy the published version as it should be enjoyed - curled up in front of the fire with a cat on my stomach and a glass of wine... 5 stars and on my watchlist.

A CARPET SHOP
Lucy Heath
Hullo Lucy. you have got some nerve girlfriend! I do not think that I would last long in the area of the world with my red hair and temper. But, it sounds great and reads well too. I have starred you and hope that you will peek at my book too. KKK

i was at a rug shop in ephesus in april! i might just know the one you speak of! and i loved selcuk, too. takes me back. enjoy your journey here!
j

i was at a rug shop in ephesus in april! i might just know the one you speak of! and i loved selcuk, too. takes me back. enjoy your journey here!
j