Book Jacket

 

rank 5457
word count 28495
date submitted 08.11.2011
date updated 21.11.2011
genres: Fiction, Literary Fiction, Romance
classification: moderate
complete

Shift

Allerton Rutherford

A young man, struggling to deal with the nhilism of the modern world, relives his best memories while he sleeps.

 

"The light above us suddenly burnt out and shattered and sparks rained down like rain made of gasoline. We stopped thinking or breathing or anything and I had this experience where time stopped and we weren’t on this planet anymore. We didn't have to care about the world or people or cheap furniture and instead all we had to do was be in awe of the stars and colours and the effort that went into making the universe so warm. And the plastic signs, the paper price tags, and the cheap metal and glass exploded into a world of alarming opportunity, hope, wonder and dreams. So we stood there, two kids underneath a rain of sparks and fragile glass, holding our breath, wondering what the future would hold."

 
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tags

beautiful, disaster, dreams, fantasy, forgotten, hurricane, loss, love, memories, romance, sad

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8 comments

 

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Diwrite wrote 183 days ago

This could be a work of genius.
But, it's a bit beyond me I'm afraid.
There's obvious skill in your writing and the concept, and for that I'm popping you on my shelf as soon as there's space. Hopefully that way, more intelligent readers than I will spot it and comment more helpfully.

Diana
Pascual's Birthday

Fred Le Grand wrote 194 days ago

Hi
read three chapters because the pace is electrifying!
I love the MC's voice which comes acrosss strong, hard and clear.
I think you need to work on the narrative prose a bit. Make things happen in the opening chapters and bring in the rumination later.
The pitch doesn't really tell you enough about the plot, so you need a hint, at least of the content of the book early on.
Just a thought.
Love it really.

Mr. Green wrote 195 days ago

Bear with me! Only read the first couple of chapters so far and really like it!
So nice to read something with some bloody cynisism and depth!

That's the problem with stories these days - there not enough of streams of concsiousness! To me, they mean originality instead of a fecking formula!!!

Warrick Mayes wrote 196 days ago

Allerton,

I am sorry to say I did not really get it. I was expecting something about a boy that relives his best memories whilst asleep. What you gave me felt like a stream of concsiousness - some of it was very good, and like the previous comment says, very artistic, but not what I was expecting!

You write well, and It feels like you have some very interesting and valid things to say - especially in the frst chapter. But I get the feeling that the message is being lost. I don't know what to suggest to improve this, that sort of thing is way out of my league, but I would say it is definitely worth working on.

Warrick

leelah wrote 197 days ago

I feel nourished by your voice: this is an artist writing. The atmosphere in it is alive and breathing.
Leelah Saachi

OpheliaWrites wrote 197 days ago

Chapter 1

Deep stuff and a very poetic voice. I'm hoping that chapter two begins with some plot-driven action and that the treatise on society will be expertly meted out in careful doses throughout. You have a great point, one well made, but don't cram it down a reader's throat. Drinking from a fire hydrant is a one-time deal and you want the reader to turn the page.

Again, powerful & natural poetry!

earthlover wrote 197 days ago

Allerton,
You are really gifted with the ability to use words to express nitty gritty emotions. A talented writer. I am glad I took the time to read your first chapter and will read on. Highly starred. Blessings!


My book, my style of writing is so different from yours, but I'd be honored if you'd take a look. Thank you.
Georgia
http://www.authonomy.com/books/38389/the-woman-from-e-a-r-l-/

bunderful wrote 197 days ago

What struck me most about your work is your voice. It's fresh and edgy and uniquely you. The prose here is engaging, fast-paced, modern and intense. I'm very impressed so far.

It seems to me that this might be more "literary fiction" than just "romance" as you have labelled it.

Perhaps you's consider joining out literary fiction critique group: http://www.authonomy.com/forums/threads/86496/rena-s-lf40-salon/

Stop on by and check it out. It seems to me that you might just fit right in.

You are clearly a talented writer.

- Rena (Bunderful) author of Master of the Miracles

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