Tadhg and the Pockel

Michael,
I really enjoyed reading this. It is so different to anything else on here. I have immediately fallen for your protagonist Tadhg (in a motherly way). I loved the elephant image 'the heavy trunk of a hangover' and I loved your use of language. It gives it a real sense of place and a liveliness.

A couple of suggestions which you can ignore: I thought the beginning of the of the Pockel chapter might have a few too images crammed in and 'Microwaved' should be all one word I think.

Highly starred and I will back as soon as I have space.

Tracey The Crossings

Michael,
I really enjoyed reading this. It is so different to anything else on here. I have immediately fallen for your protagonist Tadhg (in a motherly way). I loved the elephant image 'the heavy trunk of a hangover' and I loved your use of language. It gives it a real sense of place and a liveliness.

A couple of suggestions which you can ignore: I thought the beginning of the of the Pockel chapter might have a few too images crammed in and 'Microwaved' should be all one word I think.

Highly starred and I will back as soon as I have space.

Tracey The Crossings

Tadhg and the Pockel is a brilliant and slightly bonkers affair, from the land where the Liffey flows, and which is evidently still alive with latent literary genius. There is quite a surreal element to the vocabulary and mannerisms of this rather unique offering as it errs and strays along, so it might benefit from a tiny bit more help in 'translation' for those less accustomed to going with the flow of the riverrun, perhaps... but it is great fun and very funny, with an unusually original and authentic voice. Someone 'from the marketing department' could perhaps do its cover and blurb better justice!

Oh, the charm of the Irish. I loved the language used, but I tend to write with a liberal smattering of swearwords too, but it sounds so much more pleasant coming from an Irish rather than New Zealand story. Your two characters, the priest and his blue-cheese shitting son, lol, were great. I have to admit I like toilet humour, and the son was bloody hilarious, the first chapter my favourite so far. I thought your descriptions were great too, the elephant one and the red the colour of a slapped arse on a frosty morning, something along those lines :) This is the best laugh I've had from this site and since reading another book "I hope they serve beer in hell." Cheers!

Thanks for your comments, duly noted. All the best.

I feel you've shortchanged yourself with the pitch. This is a potentially unique angle - well it already is - but I think you shouldn't assume that anybody here knows where you're coming from. Give us a bit more please. How is a story like Irish music? Kindle our curiosity. This is something you know more about than anyone else, so take the reins. What I also like is, you are writing about something in your blood. Most people here will claim they do, but in you it can't be denied, so make more of it. It seems you have with your Nefarious fairy tale. ;)

Thanks for your thoughts. I'll take them onboard. The language is in context. Yes it is a bit rough but that's what it's like in a session! A buttie is another word for sandwich and a Pockel is a slang word for a big, ignorant lout with goodness sweating out of him.



Overall, I have a feeling this will really appeal to your target audience (of which I am obviously not a part!).

Best of luck!
Emily

ComLit Review: Tadhg and the Pockel

I have a feeling a lot of the humor in this book went right over my head...I'm from the US and there were a lot of words I didn't understand. I read through chapter six and still have no idea what a pockel is, which doesn't bode well for this review being at all useful, does it?

For what they're worth, though, here are my thoughts:
Chapter One: Confession: I almost stopped reading after the first few lines. I get that you are working here to show Tadhg's character through his reaction to his predicament, but it just felt like there was a bit too much cursing. I felt like it interfered with the story.

Chapter Two: I liked Fr. Dower's reaction to Tadhg's destruction of his flowers. Squirmed at the description of the cane landing on the lump. I like the twist of Tadhg being Fr. Dower's son. Can't wait to see the story behind it!

Chapter Three: I'm relieved to learn that the substance in Tadhg's pants was not in fact what he thought it was, though blue cheese is an odd thing to find there...it'll be interesting to see the explanation behind this!
I don't know what bacon buttie is, but for some reason it made me giggle.

Chapter Four: Tadhg saying 'please' struck me as being a bit out of character.
I like the description of the ticking clocks as Chinese water torture (though it made me acutely aware of the clock ticking away in my living room).

Chapter Five: The line about Bunz not drinking when he drives but just smoking a couple of joints made me laugh.
At this point I wonder: did Fr. Dower know Tadhg before or are they meeting for the first time? They do seem a bit familiar with each other, so I would guess that Tadhg was a member of the church.

Chapter Six: I really like the description 'There was enough growth under the fingernails for a drill of baby spuds and the hairs on his hands could've been plaited with ease."

The chapters in this book are a good length. There were places that could have used commas ( 'Get up and face me you cur! Look at the state of this place you hell hound' could use commas after 'me' and 'place,' for instance) and I do think there are probably a few too many exclamation points...I like them for dialogue but not so much for the narrative.
I think your characterization of Tadhg and Fr. Dower is very well done, and I think you have a knack for realistic dialogue.

Overall, I have a feeling this will really appeal to your target audience (of which I am obviously not a part!).

Best of luck!
Emily

I feel you've shortchanged yourself with the pitch. This is a potentially unique angle - well it already is - but I think you shouldn't assume that anybody here knows where you're coming from. Give us a bit more please. How is a story like Irish music? Kindle our curiosity. This is something you know more about than anyone else, so take the reins. What I also like is, you are writing about something in your blood. Most people here will claim they do, but in you it can't be denied, so make more of it. It seems you have with your Nefarious fairy tale. ;)

An abrasively immediate author's voice. It packs no punches. I appreciate how you've wrought your own similes. Yes, it is original. It's early days yet, but if a pattern emerges where we can see some sort of consistency in the author's voices imagery then it could work ... but it feels, at present, like the custard has a few lumps in it. It's colourful, but seems not yet as cohered as it might. I would encourage you though. I've put this on my watch list ... and I'll come and pass new comments as we go on. I don't place a lot of hope in the system here servicing the best reading, but it is good for feedback. I use this site to help me with editing ... which I am constantly doing. I'll read more as I go along and see if I can find anything helpful to say. Keep it up ... as the actress said ... ;)

Hi Michael,
I’m here for our read swap (I believe you’ve already checked out mine). So sorry it’s taken me so long to get here. Below are my findings/comments. They are of course my humblest opinions, so take them for whatever they’re worth.
In your short pitch (which I like, by the way), I might add an apostrophe to “n” and I’d hyphenate diddlee-dee” so it’s easier to read.
In your long pitch, “no holds” should be hyphenated
I don’t think you need to say “of a ride”
“half mad” should be hyphenated
Seems like there should be more in this pitch.
Chapter 1
“open his eyes up” delete “up”
Open his eyes up at the same time…as each other? I’m confused.
Oh, I see. Maybe clarify that line.
Should be a comma after “Right”
“Grass and mud invaded” Invaded what? The order of things is kind of off. You are concerned with his eyes, then you jump to taste, but I’m still wondering what he sees. Is that what the grass and mud invaded? In which case, invaded is not the word to use.
This is a great opening. Excellent voice, and the pacing is brilliant. The reader has no choice but to read on to determine the predicament the narrator might be in.
Hilarious, too! Gross, but hilarious lol.
Chapter 2
Should be a period after “Fr.”
“micro waved” is one word
Really, really hilarious stuff, Michael. You have a great sense of comedic timing and a wondering, wondering voice for comedy. Highly starred, and if I get a chance I’ll definitely try to check out more.
Phil
(Deshay of the Woods)

Michael,
I read all the chapters that you posted. 
This was really a very fun read in a holiday at the beach kind of way. So much so that, while I pride myself in taking notes as I read, I found myself just enjoying it, and ignoring typos because I was having too much fun.
I think you have a fun thing going and that it will be very entertaining when it is done. The idea of having the whole thing revolve around a group of musicians and a priest adds to the merriment.
I think that my greatest comment is that I would suggest you reconsider your first chapter. Although you portray very well how unbelievably pissed this man must have gotten the night before, you may consider easing the reader in a bit. I was almost turned off by it, especially the bit with the cheese, only we did not know it was cheese. So I might have liked getting introduced to the priest first and then getting Tadhg's side of the story after. Just a suggestion. 
You paint your main characters well, although the lot of musicians is a bit indistinguishable at this early point. Not a big deal here. The priest is not yet well defined- he goes from being a bit of a prude to playing the fiddle with the band, but, again, it is early in the book and you have lots of time to develop the character.
Your description of pouring Guinness made me drool a bit. You do this well and should write copy for them!
I saw few typos, but some of them may be stylistic- for instance, sometimes you write we when I think you meant wee. You were also a bit informal in your use of quotes- you sometimes did not use quotes within quotes when a character was telling a story. 
All in all, it is shaping up to be a good read. I have given it a bunch of stars.
Here are the few comments I made as I read:

"He would have to put with it though, the priest was looking answer
morsel and it felt like the bear’s previous damage had been wondrously undone." Some words missing. 
5
When you say thon pokel, if it is a name (makes no sense otherwise) it should be capitalized, no?
6 "When, after the obligatory wait for the black gold that is Guinness to settle, he picked up the glass it looked like a thimble in his grasp.
The creamy foam of well hung Guinness clung to the sides of his glass until they succumbed to a deep inhale and were gone." Made me crave.

9 a bit informal with the quotes 

11
 c’mon you we fucker,”. Wee?
Great beer descriptions 
"right ok, Father you wouldn’t show us that we picture of me again would ye?” wee?
“Da Daaaa!  ‘Tis I Bruce of the Forsythes and for your pleasure I will dance the rumba!” he yelled and up onto his tip toes he got." very funny. 
"Son enough the hinges let go their load and " soon?

Best of luck with this,
Best,
Maeve

Hey this is funny!--Up to Chapter nine will continue---Best

This story keeps getting better and better the more i read. I keep sitting her, laughing my butt off! I can't wait to keep reading, though I do have to stop since im at work and have had some funny looks due to my laughter.

K.R.Slifer
The Darkness of Gold

One word-Original.
Dina

Tadhg and the Pockel.
By Michael Sands.

One of the best laughs I’ve had for a long time.
This book is a must for anyone who likes humour.
You have a great ability in this field.
I think you would do well writing comedian scripts.
Don’t waste your talent.
Highly star- rated and will shelve when I can.

Kind regards,

Neville. The Secrets of the Forest – The Time Zone.

Very, Very funny. I read 1 - 4 and am intrigued and splitting my sides, love Irish humour, which is funny even when not meant to be. Brill read, does what it says on the tin. Will star and back, best wishes, Mary

Hi, I've reposted this book to see what you think. I'm happy to report I've published my first novel, details here www.nuthollow.com and got some really good tips from authonomy first time round. I look forward to hearing from you.