Book Jacket

 

rank 776
word count 13541
date submitted 10.11.2011
date updated 12.03.2012
genres: Fiction, Thriller, Horror, Religiou...
classification: universal
incomplete

Bad Juju

Dina Rae

A Voodoo bokor mentors two teens in the dark arts.

 

Lucien Nazaire flees his Haitian homeland and heads for the U.S. Once he reaches his golden years, he settles in a quiet, Wisconsin trailer park filled with elderly tenants. He hires a teen to help him with household jobs. As their relationship progresses, Lucien invites the boy into the world of Voodoo.
Jake LaRue lives in foster care with his abusive uncle. Voodoo gives him a sense of power within an otherwise helpless situation. He brings Henry, a classmate, to Lucien’s trailer.
Henry Novak has Asperger’s Syndrome. His disorder prevents him from socializing with his peers. He fixates on the 2010 Haitian earthquake. After hearing Jake talk about his neighbor, Henry begs for an introduction.
The teens test their spells on those they hate and lust. Their immature motives lead to dire consequences.
Henry’s church organizes a mission trip to rebuild Haiti. He convinces his family to sign up. The trip turns into a nightmare for Henry and his family.
Bad Juju is a balance of horror, romance, and literary fiction intended for ages seventeen and up. The novel weaves research into the mystical side of Voodoo e.g. shapeshifting, zombies, and possession.

 
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tags

bokor, haiti, hounfour, houngan, mamba, sex, soul, spells, violence, voodoo doll, zombie

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22 comments

 

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fayha wrote 50 days ago

This has been on my watchlist and I am so glad I read it. I love the characters. You write beautifully. In the prologue you capture Jessica's thoughts clearly and it engages the reader straight away.The plot is also developing well. Iam looking forward to reading more. Highly starred.

Adeel wrote 59 days ago

After going through some of its chapters i have found this book an interesting one. The story is interesting and well constructed the idea is superb with strong charachters. You have elaborated the problems of Haiti in an appealing way. I am backing this enthralling book and giving it high stars.

Pollyanna Pilsbury wrote 70 days ago

Hi Dina.
What a cliffhanger you left me with. I hope you put some more chapters on the site, what a great story.
The way you've introduced each character with their own story chapter is artful and it's not too long before we get back to Haiti. Teenagers will appreciate this, having shorter attention spans.
The book is well written and edited, I only spotted two odd things:
Chapter four: "Can I go with?...... Should it be 'with you' or 'with him' referring to Henry going to the 'zoo'.
Chapter six last line: Jake seems to have become Jason.
I was a little sad that we hadn't been given a taste of Voodoo in the chapters you've uploaded. This didn't stop it being a great read though. Young adults will enjoy this story without realising they're also learning, History, Geography, World events, Compassion and Tolerance.
Really well done and I wish you all the best. I'm still watch listing it, in the hope of another chapter.
Pollyanna. 'Marsupeople'.

J C Michael wrote 75 days ago

Just read the first few chapters. Your switch from Jessica as a child, to Haiti, and then to Henry at school, is interesting and makes me want to read more so as to see how everything joins together.

I will continue to read and think you have a sound basis for a good story there. Keep it up.

David Southam wrote 80 days ago

I've read your prologue and am eager to read more.

I just wanted to bring your attention to a few issues in the prologue before I read on.


‘The flames from the bonfire tickled her skin…’
This makes it sound like the flames are actually touching her. Perhaps ‘the heat from the bonfire tickled her skin’ would be better.
‘… taunting her of what was to come.’
You can’t taunt someone of something. I think you’ve misunderstood the meaning of the verb. I would suggest changing this to ‘giving her a taste of what was to come.’

‘Her fear stemmed from a gathering of tribal Africans…’
‘To stem from’ means ‘to originate from’ in the sense you’re trying to use it. The fear did not originate in the gathering of tribal Africans but was caused by it. Perhaps consider ‘Her fear was brought about by the gathering of tribal Africans…’
Also, you refer to the people in the gathering as Africans, but aren’t they Haitian? I assume so, as you suggest that they are speaking French and your story is largely based on Haitian custom. Haiti isn’t part of Africa. It doesn’t actually belong to any continent, but is technically on the continent of North America. I would therefore suggest that you refer to them as Caribbean, or dark-skinned people.

‘Six men in white linen carried out a white man…’
Carried him out of what?


I hope you find this helpful.

David Southam
Author of The Keeper of the Sightless Eye

Christian Bell wrote 89 days ago

Enjoyed the dream sequence and could picture the scene, which is a good sign I think. Chapter 1 I thought was excellent, the descriptive way you explained the trip, the area and situation in Haiti was in my view very good. I do agree that perhaps Natalie could of been better introduced but that did not distract me from the story line, I did think Nat's temperament was that of a teenage girl so never questioned her rantings "typical female teenager" I have one of my own. LOL ...... Overall I enjoyed what I read and shall try to come back to it tomorrow as its well past Midnight now. I have placed it on my Watch list and shall update my views to you when I have read somewhat farther on. From what I have read so far this is a well construed and I think very good book.
Christian

revteapot wrote 109 days ago

Hi Dina, sorry it's taken me a couple of days to get to this.
I liked this. Just some points.
Prologue
How old is Jennifer? Adult or child? Not clear soon enough.
"The flames from the bonfire tickle her skin, taunting her of what was to come." - tenses are mixed.
"carried out a white man on a cot made of tree branches and canvas" - you might want to consider a comma, for clarity.
"face, but she presumed he was dead.  But then his body began to stir once they approached the" - repetition of 'but'. Also, properly speaking, you shouldn't start a sentence with 'But'.
"d recited a prayer.  It’s definitely French.  Four years" - mixed tenses again.
Good start! Nice prologue, giving us a head-start on your protagonists.

Chpt 1 
I didn't notice any typing errors here - so either your typing is better or your writing ;)
I think you should introduce Natalie before she speaks. It feels like a bold from the blue, especially when you've introduced Harry so comprehensively.
Also young Natalie is, for me, less than convincing. 'sorry for complaining' and ' don’t you have something easier for me to do?  I’m a girl!' are two phrases which jump out at me.

I hope this is a bit useful and you can take what resonates :)

Lindsay
A Priest's Tale

Tarzan For Real wrote 144 days ago

Having grown up in the bayou's south of New Orleans, gone to Port Au Prince and all over western Africa, it will be exciting and nostalgic to read your book. It seems an interesting concept so far.

BangtheKanga wrote 152 days ago

I've just finished reviewing the downloads of all the chapters of my book on this site. I had time so I thought why not browse some of the books on my shelf and yours was what I chose. Sadly, I'm a fast reader and I came to upload six on this site: Your Book! More please? I came to the end when I was still in a reading mood. I guess I can wait until the rest of it comes up. A few notes to you: I have 14 years under me in the area of special needs, direct care work at various levels within that discipline. I compliment you on your protrayel of an autistc individual. They're actually some of the most difficult to work with but highly rewarding as well. Along with this aspect, I am drawn into your lesson in Voodoo. You're weaving an interesting tale. . .I look forward to more.

BangtheKanga wrote 153 days ago

Read the prologue and found it interesting. Now that it's on my shelf I can keep reading it. I'm looking forward to delving into your work. Of course I'll be back here to say more as I go on. . .

Shark wrote 156 days ago

Quite a page turner! Like the story and the research you put into it. Will continue to read. 6 stars.

Amy Pope wrote 157 days ago

Hi Dina

Thank you for your kind comments about Lifestyles, they're very much appreciated. I read your book in return and was very impressed - superb story idea, and your writing is wonderfully clear and seductive - a real page turner. I'll add to my bookshelf for a couple of days to give you a boost, even though I have read it. All the best
AP

Jacki Johnson wrote 162 days ago

Dina,

Your writing is professional and your characters are real. I love how it didn’t take long to get to know them. I feel like I understood each one by the end of the first chapter.

Authonomy chap 1:

For me, there are two problems I see in ch1. The dream sequence as your prologue is cliché. I recently read several other openings on this site with dreams in their prologue or first chapter…it seems mysterious, but it is overdone. The other thing I noticed was the replacement of ‘he said, she said’ at the conclusion of dialogue (Natalie griped, Tom instructed…) The reader knows that Natalie is complaining, and we deduce that Tom is instructing.

Aspergers Syndrome is spelled with a ‘p,’ not ‘b.’

I love how we get right into the dialogue and how you weave everything around it. We are engaged immediately. I really like this.

The very last sentence seems detached (emotionally.) Tom, the father, adds ‘if he’s still alive’ at the end of his prayer. He should at least be choking up as he says that. Perhaps he chokes back a lump in his throat as he thinks (instead of says out loud) the last end of the sentence?

Authonomy chap 2:

I absolutely love this chapter, you do a beautiful job here. No complaints. (And it looks like you corrected the spelling of Aspergers :)

Authonomy chap 3:

Back to Asbergers…

The biggest distraction to me continues to be the end of dialogue tags. I understand your desire to avoid the boring ‘he said, she said,’ but here is not the place to insert creativity. It slows down the pace and is unnecessary. Not that you can’t EVER do it, just do it very sparsely. Also, I would consider being consistent on the ‘said character’ vs ‘character said.’ I would pick one way and stick with it.

‘Instantly’ means ‘immediately;’ ‘instantaneously’ means ‘simultaneously’ (kinda…) I’d look it up so you understand the difference. I believe it is use incorrectly in the sentence, ‘…killing it instantaneously.’ I could totally be wrong though…haha

I really like the description of Jake’s aunt.

In summary, I really, truly like this. I hope my critique doesn’t make you think the opposite. I have more good to say than I do bad, I just didn’t specify these things…
Your mistakes are consistent and acute, which, in my opinion, is a good thing. That means they will be easy to locate and fix when you do another edit. This is a great story so far.

My absolute favorite thing about Bad JuJu so far is how apparent your beliefs are, yet you remain unafraid to display the ugly parts of the world. You portray this unapologetically, the way it should be done. Kudos, kudos, kudos. You have my attention as both a Christian and as someone who understands that people say evil things and do evil things. Really beautifully done.

Starred 6 and backed.

Blessings!
Jacki
The Causter


Jesselowe wrote 171 days ago

This is an interesting book on several levels. I've known several parents with autistic children, but I've never heard of Asberger's Syndrome. Also, you do an excellent presentation of the problems and issues of Haiti. The voodoo religion is still very active and dangerous there, which makes this book a must read. Jesselowe

earthlover wrote 172 days ago

Read the prologue and the first three chapters. I wonder what Jake and his friend Luciene have to do with that prologue. I am sure there's a connection and this ISS group will have far reaching consequences.
I like the "realness" of your characters! I feel like no matter how bad things get, they will somehow be okay in the end. Henry is surrounded by much love. Love can overcome evil, a theme, I sense, of your story.
I have no comment on your writing. I enjoyed your descriptive Haitian sunsets!
Good Luck to you!
Highly starred!
Georgia
The Woman From E.A.R.L.

Cupcake xx wrote 174 days ago

For our swap!

I think your writing is incredible! You pack so much description and atmosphere into it! Well done.
Your characters are well characterised too.

A couple of things I did notice:
- the chapter titles need to be bolded or underlined or something to seperate them from the actual writing.
- your dialogue tags need a little more variation. they aren't bad exactly, but they just need to be more...have a little more something about them.

But, anyway, the plot and writing are really good! Starred and backed, when I can move my shelf around! :P

JasmineP wrote 176 days ago

I read the first chapter this morning, it is wonderfully atmospheric and the characters are really strong, the end of the chapter leaves you wanting to read more. I was particularly interested that you chose to give one of your characters Asberger's syndrome this will give the story a deeper meaning for me- highly starred, good luck with it

J E Nice wrote 177 days ago

I've read the first chapter so far and the writing is strong. It has a good ending; made me want to read more. My only criticism would be the amount of exclamation marks but that might just be me. An exciting premise with the promise of some interesting characters.

Scott Toney wrote 181 days ago

Dina,

What a powerful prologue, interesting and well written first chapter and fantastic lead in to the rest of the book! To have their son taken away from them must be so heart wrenching! I couldn't imagine that emotion but you bring me to it and make me feel a part of the experience.

This piece has a great premise and I love your setting of Haiti after the quake! That is an event that we've read so much about and to be placed in a story there I think enriches your work and our view of it.

6 well deserved stars from me and a place on my watchlist until I get an opening on my shelf! Thanks for the fantastic read and all your time with my books as well!

Have a wonderful day!

- Scott, The Ark of Humanity, Eden Legacy and Lazarus, Man

Brian Thompson wrote 183 days ago

To be a successful writer I truly believe your words must live up to your imagination. The skills to master our art must therefore be learnt over time allowing us to bring our stories to life. So for me I can sum up your art in two simple words. Truly remarkable.

Shannon Edwards wrote 190 days ago

I am beginning to read this and am enjoying the idea of the story...but I feel like some things are over explained. Like in the first line, you don't need to day something obviously evil. Just let her fear read through and let us slowly discover it is evil, let the dread sink in. Just my opinion. Also, if the guy was awake, why wasn't he screaming? The lack of scream could add some kind of eerie/wrong feeling to help show things here are not natural. But without any addressing of the screaming, I was left wondering why he wasn't. Great potential and I will be checking in on it to keep reading.

coCinstrumental wrote 191 days ago

I have Asperger's also. I don't like the talk about soemone needing a haircut, male or female unless the male's hair is a length that wouldb e long on a female and looks like one. I'm really touchy about that sort of thing. I thing you should tone down the cussing an duse substitute wrods like "Jerk" or "idiot" or something. The writing is very good an dI could relate to Henry's not good social skills. I also point out about mine too, becaus epeople need to know that and I don't mean to come off as rude or annoying I just am obsessive because I also have OCD and no good social skills because of my OCD. I am finally learnign them way better than I did when I was younger, like just realizing or getting a grip or whatever if that and I'm not sure. Okay, good writing. Thank you for backing "The Show is On". Maybe if somehow the mom learns not to say Henry's friend needs a haircut unless he looks like a woman AND his hair is a length tha tis long on a woman. I would have Henry be more outgoing, because that's what Asperger's is. We are extremely outgoing and talk about the same thing over and over and have the same thoughts, kind of like OCD. A very hard thing to break and something you may want to dig deeply into. I hope this helps, comign from someone who has it. It's sad when it's only the other end of autism that gets noticed- wher eyou don't even talk and you roxck back and forth- but this spectrum where you are extremely outgoing but still struggle socially doesn't get teh same awareness. Both should have awareness. Can you imagine how people always talk about opening yourself to others gives you more friends but that isn't the case for us? Sometimes it gives us less frriends.
Anyways, just trying to help.

Sincerely,
me

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