La Vie en Rosé

Hi Melanie,

I've read a few chapters.

It's a very intelligent and very funny story. Well written and constructed.
The characters are great and their dialogue is very natural.
The narrative and phrasing ties it all up nicely.

I think this is a highly successful piece of writing.

Highly starred,

Cheers,
Adam

La Vie en Rose

I've really fallen in love with this book.
Your writing is excellent, and I think you have a great future.
Sophie is a great character. She's easy to relate to. Reminds me of the m/c in Sophie Kinsella books 'The Shopaholic Series'. Dont know if you have read them.
Sophie is the girl next door, she's funny, and she makes mistakes. She's 30 somthing, single and she's probably looking for Mr.Right. - Am I right?
This is a great catergory to write in, but there are too many books in this catergory that are boring and basically all the same - we even see them on the tv made into films! Goodness knows why. But your book is like a breath of fresh air, because it suits this market but unlike the others the story is fresh and exciting.
There are so many funny pieces in the first few chapters that I could point out that were so hilarious. In some books the humour can be dry.
I cant wait to find out what happens with those gorgeous neighbours of Sophie's so I'm putting this on my watchlist and I'm reading it later!
Brilliant book and hilarious too. Highly starred.
Ruby Middleton
'Will Ryan'

Beautiful, beautiful work!!! I've only read the first few chapters so far but I'm loving it. I'm a big time francophile and have spent a ton of time in France and so naturally love your book! (: Six stars, have watch listed it and can't wait to read more!!!

Bre
Memoria

La Vie en Rosé is the perfect antidote to a wet, Saturday afternoon. A lovely bit of escapism that is well-written and gently paced. I can imagine reading this by the pool with a glass of wine in my hand as you take me through Sophie's trials and tribulations. She arrives in France without a clue what to expect and the first chapter illustrates this perfectly as Sophie acts exactly as she would do in London, despite the fact she is in rural France. Sophie is a ditsy, loveable character just the right side of annoying at times but I know that she will come through it all. Chick lit at it's best.

Highly starred once again

Hi Melainie,
this is wonderful stuff, 'Bridget Jones' meets 'A Year in Provence'. The writing flows smoothly and I like that Sophie is not incredibly sophisticated or knowledgeable about France and that she failed her French GCSE! It makes for more interesting fish-out-of-water scenarios. It also makes her a friendly character, easily identifiable with. The first person narrative works well here.
Your work feels polished and professional and I wish you the best of luck with it. I have no major (or minor) quibbles!
5 stars from me.
Sharda
I think we were doing a reading swap, so if you have a moment, please take a look at mine. Many thanks.
http://www.authonomy.com/books/42835/mr-unusually-s-circus-of-dreams/

Hi Melanie,

I've so far read the first six chapters and will definitely be back for more! This is chick lit at it's best, dreamy men, an idyllic setting and really easy to read. The descriptions are fantastic, as is the use of the french language, the imagery and narrative really draw you into the book, I almost feel like I could be there. (Slight wishful thinking on my part!)

Like I've said - it really is a fantastic read, highly starred and can't wait to read on. Best of luck with it!

Effie.
'We All Fall Down'.

I've come back to read the chapters I didn't have time to read before. I love the chapter with the celebrity cat and snorted into my cornflakes. It's still just like that lovely French red.

Hello Melanie, more wonderful chapters since I last checked in and all as good as the early ones.

Aurélie

This is such a well written book laced with humour, a kooky MC who just never seems to get it quite right and a cast of wonderful characters. I have loved every single chapter and hope you might upload a few more soon. Six stars awarded without a second thought.

This is such a well written book laced with humour, a kooky MC who just never seems to get it quite right and a cast of wonderful characters. I have loved every single chapter and hope you might upload a few more soon. Six stars awarded without a second thought.

I've come back to read some more and all I can say is I love it. I love everything about this book. It's pure class.

Pru

Read the first chapter and dipped into several more. Impeccably written, and entertaining. Maybe a touch too drawn-out in some places, But only take notice of that if several others say the same. Well done and to be backed. Marj.

Funny, witty, charming. Perfect chick lit and I love it.

Emz

I've come back to read a few more chapters of your fantastic book. They didn't disappoint. One of my favourites.

Brilliant, Melanie, simply brilliant. Your narrative voice is smooth and a pleasure to read. You have such a quirky writing style and your work is peppered with witty one liners; I laughed out loud on several occasions! Descriptions such as Mr Right Now rather than Mr Right, Asking the woman if she knew the french for 'fancy a shag' and The cows were nothing like the ones in the butter adverts- brillaint!

Your work is very polished. I only noticed two tiny typos:

'You speak the language of course, don't you?' had been her first question
...his large, veiny nose glowing purple and his eyes bulging

Both lines are missing full stops at the end.

No other problems here, you've done a great job. Sophie is a great MC, your descriptions are vivid and I can see this going far. Highly starred and will be on my shelf at the next shuffle. All the best with it, well done.

Loving the book. Great writing, funny and moves along on a good fast pace. Well done!
Caroline
'Walking On Eggshells'

Loving the book. Great writing, funny and moves along on a good fast pace. Well done!
Caroline
'Walking On Eggshells'

I read your first two chapters.

General comments: An impressive start. Sophie is a charming, if naive, central character. You use deep point of view well to flesh her out. Laugh-out-loud humor. Lush descriptions. Powerful sense of place. Spiked with tension. Crisp pacing.

Specific comments on the first chapter:
1) 'Actually, she said, leaning in toward the woman ... Put a closing quote mark after 'actually.'
2) Capitalize 'internet.'
3) 'Could you change a 50 euro note?' Spell out numbers 1-99.
4) 'Er, parlez-vous anglais Monsieur?' Comma after 'anglais.' When you address someone in dialogue, offset their name or title with a comma.

Specific comments on the second chapter:
1) ' ... well, that it was all very ..... empty.' When writing an ellipsis ( ... ), only use three dots. Using more dots is unusual and pulls the reader out of your story while they try to determine what you mean to imply with five dots. You don't want that. There are more cases in this chapter where you use too many dots for an ellipsis.
2) 'She felt her eyelids grow heavy and ... ' Try to avoid using the word 'felt.' Just describe the heaviness in her lids so vividly the reader will experience it along with Sophie. When you do this, the reader will be plunged deeper into your scene. There is another case in this chapter where you use 'felt.'
3) 'It is not very comfortable,' said Julian 'and you must 'old on tight,' he said. You don't need two dialogue tags here. Also, if you retain 'said Julian,' put a period after 'Julian' and capitalize 'and.'
4) 'Non, you must 'old on to me,' he smiled.' Put a period after 'me' and capitalize 'he.' Also, remove the closing quote mark after 'smiled.'
5) 'Salut Martine!' Julian called ... Comma after 'salut.' When you address someone in dialogue, offset their name or title with a comma.
6) 'Sophie looked around her, feeling a rising panic.' Try to avoid using the verb 'feeling.' Just describe her panic so realistically the reader will experience it along with Sophie. By doing this, you'll pull the reader deeper into your scene.
7) 'Bussiers sur led is about 5 kilometres away.' Spell out numbers 1-99. There is another case in this chapter where you shuld spell out the number.
8) 'Ooh, la, la' laughed Julian. Period after the second 'la.' Also, since you can't laugh dialogue, 'laughed Julian' should be 'Julian laughed.'
9) 'She could feel a deep blush creeping up her neck.' Try to avoid using the verb 'feel.' Just describe her neck heating so vividly the reader will experienc eit along with Sophie. When you do this, the reader will become more deeply immersed in your scene.

I hope these comments help you further polish your all important opening chapters. These are just my opinions. Use what works for you and discard the rest.

Would you please take a look at "Savannah Oak" and let me know how I might improve it?

Have a marvelous day, Melanie.

Al

Hi Melanie

Not what I would usually read but am glad that I did.

Your story is well written and has a good smattering of humour that is very well delivered.

I have starred it and hope it continues to do well on the site.

Best wishes
Debbie

Hi Melanie

Not what I would usually read but am glad that I did.

Your story is well written and has a good smattering of humour that is very well delivered.

I have starred it and hope it continues to do well on the site.

Best wishes
Debbie

La Vie en Rose

I've really fallen in love with this book.
Your writing is excellent, and I think you have a great future.
Sophie is a great character. She's easy to relate to. Reminds me of the m/c in Sophie Kinsella books 'The Shopaholic Series'. Dont know if you have read them.
Sophie is the girl next door, she's funny, and she makes mistakes. She's 30 somthing, single and she's probably looking for Mr.Right. - Am I right?
This is a great catergory to write in, but there are too many books in this catergory that are boring and basically all the same - we even see them on the tv made into films! Goodness knows why. But your book is like a breath of fresh air, because it suits this market but unlike the others the story is fresh and exciting.
There are so many funny pieces in the first few chapters that I could point out that were so hilarious. In some books the humour can be dry.
I cant wait to find out what happens with those gorgeous neighbours of Sophie's so I'm putting this on my watchlist and I'm reading it later!
Brilliant book and hilarious too. Highly starred.
Ruby Middleton
'Will Ryan'

Fantastic read. Love Sophie's attitude to life and I imagine that's exactly how I'd be if I were to take myself off to France! The story flows easily and love the humour. If you could spare the time I'd appreciate if you could return the read as I'm quite new to the site and have only just uploaded my book. Thanks.

Stephanie Mortimer - Feathers

I've already fallen in love with this book, and I've only read two chapters! I've always held the French in a sort of half-mocking, half-honest respect, and this book plays up to that notion perfectly. Very, very well done, six stars and watchlisted :)

Bonsoir Mélanie, I have read your latest chapters and love them as much as the first ones. This is such a great story that I would love to buy in the shops. I hope you will write more.

Aurélie

I have read the first few chapters then cherry picked some of your later ones. It's like a good French red and just gets better and better. Sophie is a very engaging character and I'm loving her adventures. Your writing is very slick and professional. I can't really come up with anything to critique. It's pretty much the finished article already.

This is simply one of the most enjoyable reads I've had in ages. Well done and keep writing

Muddy Duck

This is simply one of the most enjoyable reads I've had in ages. Well done and keep writing

Muddy Duck

Love your first chapter. Very funny. I wouldn't change a thing. Also writing a story that takes place in France and later moves to Maryland in the USA. (Theo & Me). It is a romance, with (I hope) a lot of humor.

Loved my brief time as an exchange student in France. Would go back in a minute. I will read on, though it may take me a while to get through what you have here. I am revising and uploading more, and it is taking forever. You are terrific! Wish you the best of luck here.

I chose this book to read first and to comment on first, because, after dipping into a few others, this one seemed to have an engaging, clear style that was achieving much of what it set out to achieve. In other words, it quickly made me feel good about the writing. I think this is important, because it's not an easy thing to achieve. Many writers think they're managing it but aren't, really.

Only having read the first few chapters, I am already confident this a book I would want to come back to, knowing what to expect and that the experience will be pleasurable. One of the very positive things I notice early on is the writer's firm hold on well-visualised moments of comedy. The first chapter's episode describing the entanglement of Sophie's knickers with an anonymous military type is an example of this.

One thing I am very interested in is how writers make choices about the 'voice' that carries their narrative forward. In La Vie en Rosé I hear an authorial voice whose ironic position is very close to the position of the central character. While this is useful, for the purpose of sympathy, it sometimes leads to losses. At the beginning of chapter 2, for example, there is a sentence referring to cows: "They gave her the creeps to be honest." Whose honesty is in question here, the author's or Sophie's? The author's honesty is not in question--it isn't that kind of novel. It seems the author is 'enacting' something in Sophie's attitude. To my mind, there's something to be gained from being more conscious of the distance between author and subject--to say, "They gave her the creeps"--and then to make a more pointed or telling remark about Sophie's reluctance to admit she has this feeling. But all this may be work for a second draft.

Congratulations for everything you've done so far.

(I'm not completely certain how this works because these are the first comments I've made about any book here; so, my apologies if these remarks sound awkward.)

Sharing my inner sunbeam and book Be The Human Sunshine, I return all reads and comments.

Blessings Clare :)

Very well done-- I was afraid with all the good reviews that I might get my hopes up too high, but this is exactly my cup of tea. In fact, your first chapter reminds me quite a bit of my first chapter wherein a Chicagoan arrives at Charles de Gaulle... Aren't airports dreadful? But fun to write! And "shock and bore"... hilarious!

Anyway, six stars for sure, and I look forward to enjoying the rest!

All the best,
Ella Black
Café Trocadéro

Fabulous, fabulous, fabulous. Celebrity fights, CatGate, and a sexy love interest. What more could I want?

Hi Melanie, I have really enjoyed reading about Sophie's adventures in France. You write so well. It's a joy to read and just the sort of book I would buy.

Pru

Hi Melanie, killing time before I'm off to hospital, so I thought I would cheer myself up with a little La Vie!
Read up to chapters 8 now and you make me smile with each line! This is so funny and true! I'm just sitting back nodding and exclaiming yeah that's so typical! You write beautifully it's pure joy to read. I'm saving the rest for my return home, it will give me something to look forward to!
All the best Karen. Faking it in France. x

There's a element of magnet that suck you in so that you read to the end. But its a good cos its delightful read

You found my soft spot. I have a dream of moving to the South of France if I ever get a best seller. I have another book that a publisher is considering which may get me there, so I will come back and read the rest. However, I liked what I read so far. You have an easy prose style that is very readable and I am giving it five stars. I will probably back it when I read the rest.

RCG Review

Hi Melanie,

I’ve read seven chapters so far and plan to keep reading, I’m very impressed!!

1. Short and long pitch both good and give a good teaser for what is to come.

2. I liked the plot and the opening chapter, it just sucks you right in. I especially liked the part on the plane where Sophie silences her annoying travel companion, wouldn’t you just love to do that!

3. I felt the pacing of the story was good, kept on moving through with no boring bits and I wanted to keep on reading so that’s always a good sign.

4. Didn’t notice any spelling mistakes.

5. I loved the dialogue and Sophie’s carefree style. I noticed a couple of instances of sentence confusion but nothing serious and easy to sort with editing.

6. I felt the voice throughout the story was easy going and flowed really quite well.

7. I thought your characters were very likeable all apart from Tracey who I think will turn out to be a diamond in the rough.

Overall, I loved your book; I think you’ve set the scene to perfection. I need to ask, is Sophie’s ex boyfriend mentioned in chapter six Brian Cox?

All the very best........ Will keep on reading.

Sue – Up And Down

Loving the new chapters. The one with the cat is hilarious. Please get a book deal before I go on holiday so I can read the whole thing.

Justreadin

Great chapter two! I loved it! The imagery is fantastic. I laughed aloud at your descriptions of Gerard. And twins of one of my fav actors! Oh, yeah! And the ending...all I can say, this is fabulous, funny, and your mc is perfectly adorable. Excellent flow to the chapter, great pace, very interesting, good blend of scene with story, you maintained the character's voice throughout. I think this is excellent writing!
TDonna
(No Kiss Good-bye)

Hi Melanie, I've read the first few chapters and dipped in and out of others. Your mc Sophie is a likeable, amusing cross between Bridget Jones and Becky Bloomwood and her quirky escapde in France is like the girly weekend away that is never quite what you expect. This is one of those books you drag outside with a sunlounger and a glass of wine on a hot summers day.
Starred & on my wl :)
Terry

Beautiful, beautiful work!!! I've only read the first few chapters so far but I'm loving it. I'm a big time francophile and have spent a ton of time in France and so naturally love your book! (: Six stars, have watch listed it and can't wait to read more!!!

Bre
Memoria

Mmmm. A great holiday read or one for a wet Sunday. I feel the urge to kick back with a glass of wine and indulge in a bit of French life, Sophie style. I enjoyed reading the start of this and only the fact that I'm running out of time before tea, has made me stop. It's well-written. A few full stops missing but that is all I found. I laughed and cringed in equal measures. The woman on the plane was funny (I knew someone just like her in Spain) and then Sophie's own attempts at the language. I will be back to read more, but in the meantime it's watchlisted and highly starred. Well done.
All the best
Julia
Shadow Jumper

this is a good flowing novel, full of humour, and engaging...
l have backed...
read SEASONS...

Hi Melanie,

La Vie en Rosé is the perfect book to take on holiday! Sophie is such a fun character to spend time with. I hope you'll upload the rest of this soon. Reminiscent of the works of Helen Fielding and Nora Ephron, I can imagine this in print soon.

Best wishes,

Annette

Have read first couple of chapters and enjoyed it. I can identify with so much of Sophie's experiences and your lighthearted approach and flowing descriptive makes this a promising read!

Hi Melainie,
this is wonderful stuff, 'Bridget Jones' meets 'A Year in Provence'. The writing flows smoothly and I like that Sophie is not incredibly sophisticated or knowledgeable about France and that she failed her French GCSE! It makes for more interesting fish-out-of-water scenarios. It also makes her a friendly character, easily identifiable with. The first person narrative works well here.
Your work feels polished and professional and I wish you the best of luck with it. I have no major (or minor) quibbles!
5 stars from me.
Sharda
I think we were doing a reading swap, so if you have a moment, please take a look at mine. Many thanks.
http://www.authonomy.com/books/42835/mr-unusually-s-circus-of-dreams/

Hi Melanie,

I liked the entire first chapter I had the chance to read today. I liked your intro of characters and start of story. Sophie is so likeable, with spunk and thirst for life. The humor is great, too, with "Mr. Right Now" and not "Mr Right" and the cow patties and several other funny remarks. For me, it was an absolutely delightful read to lift my afternoon and will be back to read more very soon. Well deserved high stars from me, too :)
T.Donna
(Although our genres are different, one line grabbed me where you wrote "when she had decided to leave everything she knew and loved in London and move to deepest, rural France," that made me think you might enjoy my story titled No Kiss Good-bye -- about unexpectedly escaping communist Romania and the resulting complications during a prolonged immigration to the U.S. because my mom decided to leave her life in Bucharest and seek asylum. I would welcome any feedback you could offer.)

I read your first chapter.

General comments: An engaging start. Sophie is a fascinating main character. I'm intrigued by how she'll make out in her new home. Hilarious, fresh wit. Effective descriptions. Strong sense of place. Good tension. Smooth pacing.

Specific comments on the first chapter:
1) 'Ladies and Gentlemen, as the Captain has now illuminated ... ' Both 'Gentlemen' and 'Captain' should be lowercase. In this context they are common nouns.
2) Capitalize 'internet.'
3) 'She felt a brief twinge of pity for her friends, ... ' Try to avoid using the word 'felt.' Just describe her pity as realistically as possible so the reader will experience it along with Sophie. By doing this, you'll draw the reader further into your scene.
4) Inside she found herself sweltering in the 40 degree heat ... ' Spell out numbers 1-99. There is another case in this chapter where you should spell out a number.
5) 'Within seconds she could feel sweat coursing down her back in ... ' Try to avoid using the verb 'feel.' Just describe the sensation of the sweat running down her back so vividly the reader will experience it along with Sophie. When you do this, the reader will be plunged deeper into your scene.
6) 'Do you MIND!' she shouted crossly, ... There is no need to write in all caps. Writing in all caps is unusual and pulls the reader out of your story while they try to determine what you mean to imply with all caps. You don't want that. Use italics or an exclamation mark (which you did) to emphasize words.
7) 'What in God's name are you doing woman?' he boomed in ... Comma after 'doing.' When you address someone in dialogue, offset their name or title with a comma. There are more cases in this chapter where you address someone but didn't offset their name or title with a comma.
8) 'Wasn't is a universal truth though that passport photos made you look ... ' 'Is' should be 'it.'
9) 'Tenez' she said. Comma after 'tenez.'

I hope these comments help you further polish your all important first chapter. These are just my opinions. Use what works for you and discard the rest.

Would you please take a look at "Savannah Oak" and let me know how I might improve it?

Have a marvelous day, Melanie.

Al

Hi Melanie, I have just read chapters 3&4 and didn't want to read anymore....because I want to buy the book!
I am going away to Brittany next week and this would be a perfect read for a holiday in France!
Sophie is so engaging and I love that she thought she would find a cash point ! and your right why do they have massive churches in tiny hamlets!!! (we have one but no shop!) Love it I will read more tomorrow night.
Karamak

Hi Melanie,
I have just cleared all my books from Authonomy and posted a new work, Hellion 2. There are issues within this work that I am most anxious to get right. Would you please take a look and let me know if there is anything that you feel might cause offence, regarding the holocaust.

many thanks

Cyrus

Hi Melanie, love your book and have backed it and put it on my bookshelf !
It's a great read and a real page turner what will happen to Sophie!
I have uploaded my book Faking it in France and would love it if you would please consider reading a few chapters .With best wishes Karamak.

Hi Melanie
A really well written book. Interesting that you use CAPITALS to express yourself. I like doing that but my editor told me not to!! I like them as it expresses how you feel. I don't read many books, but I'd definitely read this and WHEN it's published I'll definitely buy a copy. You express how you feel in a very humourous way - down to earth, which appeals to me. I really do wish you good luck. I'm going to highly star you and put you on my bookshelf as I genuinely like this. xx

La Vie en Rosé is the perfect antidote to a wet, Saturday afternoon. A lovely bit of escapism that is well-written and gently paced. I can imagine reading this by the pool with a glass of wine in my hand as you take me through Sophie's trials and tribulations. She arrives in France without a clue what to expect and the first chapter illustrates this perfectly as Sophie acts exactly as she would do in London, despite the fact she is in rural France. Sophie is a ditsy, loveable character just the right side of annoying at times but I know that she will come through it all. Chick lit at it's best.

Highly starred once again

This seems like a fun read as Sophie stumbles across the French countryside.

The start was a little slow, with a lot of exposition and backstory. If you're going to tell us how Alex reacted to her plans I'd rather he say something that gives us a glimpse of who he is (and why she was into him) rather than a Simpson's quote. Bear in mind that if she was in a relationship for six months with a moron, that says something about her.

You report the conversation with the woman on the plane. It would be better, I think, if you actually showed the conversation as it took place.

You tend to show each step of the journey, and in great detail even when not much is happening. It makes for a slow pace and not very memorable action. If she's just the victim of fate (weird people accosting her, suitcases falling apart, taxi driver late etc) she will feel like a very passive character, always reacting. If it's her story she should be the one in the driving seat.

For example, her not knowing how to get a taxi and sitting around doing nothing for ages and then asking someone for help and getting a number fro a cab, is not a very interesting narrative. He problem is very minor and told in a laid back manner, and the solution is easy and doesn't really tell us very much about her. It's all a bit lacklustre.

An example of a similar problem where she is the driving force behind the narrative would be if she got into a cab and demanded to be taken wherever and the driver put on his cap and she realised it was a police car. I'm not saying that's a good idea, I'm just trying to demonstrate the difference between passive and active behaviour from a main character.

Especially for an opening chapter, your character spends too much time in her own head rethinking past events for the reader's benefit, and not really living in the moment, in my opinion. I realise that will probably change as the story goes on, but readers may not stay with the story that long if you don't engage them sooner.

Melanie, reading this gave me great nostalgic pleasure. I spent a year in France. Your sense of the paysage, the rural community and the divisions between the expats and natives is fine and true. I like your central character for her wit and self-deprecation, and feel sure that in the chapters we don't see here [all of which I have devoured] she will truly find herself, even if she does not find romance. Occasionally I wondered if the English characters verged on the stereotypical - but the mood of the novel is so humorous and enjoyable I thought it was a quibble. And those first impressions will doubtless change as Sophie gets to know them better []perhaps]?
I took some notes as I went along, though this is hardly a detailed critique, but I take membership of the RLCG seriously, so hope the following are useful to you:
[punctuation] seemed like such a good idea at the time - well, to her, at least.
Oh, well, his loss, she had told him
She could see him now [this would seem to refer back to Alex, the last noun, but in fact it is the wine grower and it might be useful to translate that here].
I already warm to Sophie and her predilection for puns!
Not sure about spelling of 'Al Queda' - 'Al Qaida' or 'Qaeda' I think?
First description of the cottage is utterly delicious - love the 'roses like little sweets in wrappers' - you convey so well what makes Les Tuileries adorable.
'capote anglaise' not 'capot'
Ah - I remember the first time I saw a kingfisher, in the Dordogne. Just as you describe.
'Saga louts' - I am one myself - made me smile.
Finally - this gets high stars and a shelving from me. Yours, Pan.