Two guys, three wheels and a dog

You had my heart at chapter 15: something made me click at that, and i am completely in love with your voice and your knowledge of dog ( even though you say you are not a dog-lover, i doubt the dogs see you as that - dogs love to bee seen too, and you do it wonderfully :-)
High starred, Peter! Hoping you'll have time to visit my non-fiction book "When fear comes home to Love".
giggling
Leelah Saachi

this book is very readable, written with care and skill to tell your subject...
l have backed your book and given it six stars******
read SEASONS...

Hi, Peter – this is your CCRG review from AudreyB. I am often accompanied on my reviews by my English teacher alter-ego, The Grammar Hag. If I say anything you don’t like, it was probably her idea.

I’m immediately charmed by the voice of this piece and want to read further, based solely on the pitches and the first paragraph. Your pitches, particularly, strike just the right note.

“…tell you what make by bicycle is…” Bet you wanted my.

I like how everyone will need to work out--even the dog—to make this trip a reality.

Your writing is clear and well edited, so there’s little for The Hag to do. Well done, you. Some paragraphs veer into wordy territory, but I think it’s a matter of style rather than a problem.

When you use dashes, you want an M-dash with no spaces rather than an N-dash surrounded by spaces.

I’m glad I read into the third chapter so I got to listen to your son’s voice as well. He strikes just the right note, demonstrating a loving amusement at his father.

I hope you get lots of crits, not only from members of our group, but also from people you meet while you are here on Authonomy.

Best wishes!
~AudreyB
Forgiveness Fits

Two guys, three wheels and a dog

Hello Peter,

This is weird, quirky and strange. It is also a bit rambly in places but I get that that the style. We managed to get through to chapter 10 really before we get anywhere the unicycling which I think is fine, because as well as the dog this is actually a story about being a Dad in the 21st century, along with a range of reflections on the world. The short chapters made it very easy to read and your personality and your family life were reflected very strongly in the writing. Quirky things like this get published, Tony Hawks A Fridge Round Ireland springs to mind for example, the story of Tony Hawks hitchhiking with a Fridge round Ireland no less. If publication was what you were looking for I think you'd probably need to be a little more structured and a little less rambling in the way you approached the story and you would need to probably take the dog out of the title as it doesn't feature at all. It might also be interesting to start with a moment on the unicycle journey to use it as a sort of a teaser and then roll through the preamble stuff in subsequent chapters, gives a shape to the book which might be more immediately engaging.

Liked it a lot, best of luck
Andrew W
(Benevolence)

Hi Peter and Joseph,
Well! What can I say? I think this book would be best read in the first week of a holiday, to unwind one's brain. It is certainly a relaxed read, and yes Peter, you are definitely a phlegmatic!
Based on your short pitch, I was looking forward to some attempt at real father son communication. However I have now read fourteen chapters without even a hint of such communication. I really think the book should start with Joseph's Introduction, as currently the first chapter is about walking the dog, and the second is about washing up and the route from Coventry to Bristol, which hardly gives the reader much insight into the gist of the story. Then chapter 11 and 12 are about the new sink and how to wash up, which would not be of great appeal to the vast number of people who have dishwashers, or who (unlike you Peter), do not like washing up.
However, I like the way you write and the way you portray your family, and if I lived in England instead of Australia, I would like to meet you all.

Hi Peter and Joseph,
I have put your book 'Two guys, three wheels and a dog' on my Watchlist to read today. Would you kndly return the favor and take a look at THE GOD PLEASERS 40 day Study Guide? I'd appreciate your comment and rating.

Hi Peter,

I liked having Joseph coming into writing the book, though I was a bit confused why the introduction came as the second chapter. I also found it was kind of repetitive. I don't mind the idea of both you and Joe commenting on the same events as long as the perspective is noticably different and unique. For instance, you say that the decision that you would ride with him was already decided before you came into the room. I would like to hear the conversation between Joe and his mom leading up to that and where they decided that you would ride with him.

Also, as I said earlier, I'd like to SEE things more, instead of just having them reported to me. For instance, when Joe's writing his chapter he could insert some dialogue between him and his mom. Maybe he can't remember the exact words, but a close approximation should be possible, and would add more life to the story.

Think of it as watching the story unfold on a TV screen. You could video your headshot as you tell us the story, but while it may be the most interesting story it wouldn't grab the audience's attention as much as watching you and Joe and riding, Neo running alongside. I know this is non-fiction, but it is a very interesting story and can still come alive as you paint a picture with your words.

All the best,

Nathan Maki - A War Within

Hi Peter,

Well, here I am to read and comment on your book as promised. Sorry it took a little while. :)

I like how you just have a straightforward and honest voice in writing. Your sense of humor comes through as well, which I like. I found that this first chapter read more like a blog than a book, though I can't decide if that's a good thing or a bad thing. :) I think in terms of the immediacy of us not knowing whether you finished the ride or not, and YOU not even knowing if you did or not as you write is very good. On the other hand, I would like it if you found a way to incorporate more showing into the narrative somehow. I didn't get a really good picture of Joe on his unicycle for instance. That's a really interesting facet, but not explored that much here. Most readers will think of unicycles as clown and magic show props, not as a long-distance conveyance, so that's different and interesting and I think you should develop it right from the start. Even though you're "telling" us the story there are still ways you can "show" us the story as well.

Here's a few minor issues I picked up on in chapter 1:

“What make (by should be my) bicycle is”
I was confused with “on the pavements.” Do you mean sidewalks? I’m not sure that pavements would be a widely recognized term.
“Joe doesn’t seem too (phased should be fazed) by them.”

I'm interested to see how the story develops so I think I'll read on a chapter or two and comment some more at that point.

You drew me with your pitch - it's unusual, and has plenty of potential in terms of relationships and emotions to explore - and you kept me with your voice. I like it a lot - it feels like sitting down by the fire listening to a friend tell a story. The first few lines are great although I wasn't sure about the part about being distracted by the comparison with Joe - I had to go back and read that a couple of times to understand what you meant exactly - can you make it clearer, or maybe cut it completely? Just a suggestion, though- I'm an unpublished novelist so my thoughts are not gospel! Highly rated.

You drew me with your pitch - it's unusual, and has plenty of potential in terms of relationships and emotions to explore - and you kept me with your voice. I like it a lot - it feels like sitting down by the fire listening to a friend tell a story. The first few lines are great although I wasn't sure about the part about being distracted by the comparison with Joe - I had to go back and read that a couple of times to understand what you meant exactly - can you make it clearer, or maybe cut it completely? Just a suggestion, though- I'm an unpublished novelist so my thoughts are not gospel!

Peter I have now read right through this and love the theme and the way you bring in domestic and religious thoughts along the way. The style on the whole flows well and I like it but it can get a little verbose in places, I thought. Good idea to bring in the son's perspective as well, although the first time he appeared it jolted me - perhaps that is good! And I don't know much about fiction writing but is it long enough for a publisher? Is the unicycle trip actually credible? Coventry has certainly changed - there wasn't any cycle path from Coventry to Kenilworth in my young day!! All the best with this. I've given it 4 stars!

Peter,

I just read the 1st 2 chapters and greatly enjoyed it! It's written like a stream of consciousness which you managed to make work very well. I had to laugh as your thoughts wander here and there before coming back to the subject at hand. I gave you high stars!

All the best to you! Please check out my book (He Was Never a Cat) if you get the chance.

Thanks!

Patti

CCRG Review

This is an interesting story, and you chose an interesting perspective. Chapter 3 kinda threw me when you wrote a chapter from the son's point of view. Then chapter 4 when you suddenly changed to year 2005, when you just stated it was 2010. I know it is a memory, but it still didn't feel right.

I like the father's input, and being in his head. I like his thought process. Hard to imagine that long of a ride on a unicycle, but I'm sure it is possible. Definitely unique! Great idea, and it is progressing quite well.

Sincerely,
D S. Hale
jessup and the Teleporter

catchy beginning - promising start - but that's as far as I have got so far! Hope to read more soon. By the way I lived for quite a while in Coventry so personally intriguing as well!

Hi Peter,
Great idea for a book title... but for me that's where it ends... it isn't possible.
When I got to chapter 2 and you mentioned the unicycle... a single wheeled vehicle...
I lost the plot. I know the area around Warwick... Kennilworth... etc; and I have driven from Coventry to Bristol many times... I used to live in Plymouth... and it is a looooong drive. You might ride 100 miles in one day on a bicycle but there is no way you could ride a unicycle from Coventry to Bristol in a single day... no matter how good you were... As for riding a unicycle on the main roads... well I have to wonder... is it legal? I'm afraid I just don't buy it... although the idea is teriffic... I'm afraid commonsense suggests it isn't.

Good luck with your writing in the future however.
Tom Hull
"King Arthur and the Secret of the Universe"

I know exactly what it means to be a father of teenagers. I got two already!
The story reminds me of a British book titled, "This Time You've Gone Too Far, Sir" which is also about a man travelling by bike across Europe (and Asia).
Had to back it.
All the best.
Kirk
"How to Steal a Lion"

Loads of humor in this book which makes it a worth while read.
To attempt what you have and all the hard work behind the scenes is a credit to you.
Although the book appears rushed at times, I did enjoy the antics of all.
Pleased to star rate your book, a very pleasant read.

Kind regards,

Neville. The Secrets of the Forest - The Time Zone.

2 Guys 3 wheels and a dog.

Ch.1. I'm relieved - I wondered how the dog was going to fare on your long trek.
Love that bit about forgetting to check your watch when you set out from home...
And I enjoy your comfortable, chatty style.

Ch.2. There are an awful lot of 'I's in that first paragraph, and I wonder if it's wise to start it with I. Also - it seems as if this could be the first chapter, as I presume it's going back in time. Did you mean it like that?
You digress rather, over the kitchen sink, but I still enjoy your chatter.

Ch.3. Another attempt at a first chapter! What on earth is a giraffe unicycle... I'm enjoying veiled humour.

Ch.4. You dont need forbidden words like nice. And I'm not sure the digression to the 2005 house move would go down well with your readers. This is reading a bit like a diary of random notes. The bones of your story are there, but I suspect you will have to do quite a bit of judicial cropping if you want to turn it into a smooth and exciting publishable story. You have an easy style of writing which flows well.

Chs. 5-6. I suspected you were playing games with us readers! But perhaps you should also revise the lengths ofyour chapters. For this site, granted, short ones are recommended, but you also want to encourage some sort of onward flow.

Chs. 7-9 I'm giggling like a schoolgirl - and somehow you manage to make the most banal drivel easy to read. I didnt skip a word.

Chs.10-12 I confess I did skim over quite alot of this. And I have no interest whatsoever in your kitchen. But you might be able to do something constructive with the turning of wine into water.

Ch.13. I have a feeling this chapter could turn into an interesting and amusing account, if you expanded it a bit, included more description, and related it in chronological order? you certainly know how to raise a laugh.
Another forbidden word: actually. You say it three times.

Ch.14. You should tell your son to avoid using the word unicycle so many times. He'll know how to solve that problem.

Ch.15 Lovely!

But I really must go. Your 'story' has put me in the right frame of mind for visiting my grandkids in Australia tomorrow.

Jane (Breath of Africa).

Two guys, three wheels and a dog

Hello Peter,

This is weird, quirky and strange. It is also a bit rambly in places but I get that that the style. We managed to get through to chapter 10 really before we get anywhere the unicycling which I think is fine, because as well as the dog this is actually a story about being a Dad in the 21st century, along with a range of reflections on the world. The short chapters made it very easy to read and your personality and your family life were reflected very strongly in the writing. Quirky things like this get published, Tony Hawks A Fridge Round Ireland springs to mind for example, the story of Tony Hawks hitchhiking with a Fridge round Ireland no less. If publication was what you were looking for I think you'd probably need to be a little more structured and a little less rambling in the way you approached the story and you would need to probably take the dog out of the title as it doesn't feature at all. It might also be interesting to start with a moment on the unicycle journey to use it as a sort of a teaser and then roll through the preamble stuff in subsequent chapters, gives a shape to the book which might be more immediately engaging.

Liked it a lot, best of luck
Andrew W
(Benevolence)

Hi Peter,

Read Chapter One - well written, noticed you used the word Google and it should be capped, I believe. You painted a picture of how awkward it must be to try to get the dog used to traffic, leash, where he's supposed to be in relation to bikers. Love the last line! Would read more if I had the time. Starring you! ~Kady Colter
Shakespeare's Pink Cadillac

Hi!

I like it! I've been reading it bit by bit between classes and have put it on my watch list so I can keep coming back.

Thanks for the read!

Carrie
Kimchi and Classrooms

Hi, Peter – this is your CCRG review from AudreyB. I am often accompanied on my reviews by my English teacher alter-ego, The Grammar Hag. If I say anything you don’t like, it was probably her idea.

I’m immediately charmed by the voice of this piece and want to read further, based solely on the pitches and the first paragraph. Your pitches, particularly, strike just the right note.

“…tell you what make by bicycle is…” Bet you wanted my.

I like how everyone will need to work out--even the dog—to make this trip a reality.

Your writing is clear and well edited, so there’s little for The Hag to do. Well done, you. Some paragraphs veer into wordy territory, but I think it’s a matter of style rather than a problem.

When you use dashes, you want an M-dash with no spaces rather than an N-dash surrounded by spaces.

I’m glad I read into the third chapter so I got to listen to your son’s voice as well. He strikes just the right note, demonstrating a loving amusement at his father.

I hope you get lots of crits, not only from members of our group, but also from people you meet while you are here on Authonomy.

Best wishes!
~AudreyB
Forgiveness Fits

Hi peter,

this book is both funny and relatable. A good read!

Pete,

here for the return read. I managed to reach chapter 4 and I say "managed" because this is so far away from what I usually choose to read. I found it hard to follow the details given about the trip before the trip and the prose, although clean when it comes to grammar, it was a bit heavy-going, a bit thick.

Other than that, I think the premise of a father -son trip is a good and entertaining premise for the readers of the genre.

Good luck with it,

Yannis

Peter,

I love the premise of this book and the title is entertaining in itself, even if you say you arn't much of a dog person. It's well written and done in a manner that keeps me interested in what will be said next. I agree with turnerpage that this could be a great book to read while traveling and I'm excited to see the further interactions between the son and the father. I've starred "Two guys, three wheels and a dog" highly and look forward to returning soon for more. Have a wonderful day!

- Scott, The Ark of Humanity

P.s. Thanks for your time with my book as well!

HI Peter, thank you so much for inviting me to read your book. Although I am trying to read as many thrillers as I can as they're the same genre to Revolution Earth. I made an exception for your book as I was attracted to it because it had that winning combo of dogs and bicycles but like Janie it was the writing that kept me reading. It has the potential to be a great travel book, your writing style reminds me of Stuart Maconie's. I agree with LanetD's comments re the short pitch which doesn't do justice to the amusing tone.
The very best of luck. Lambert Nagle, Revolution Earth

Two guys, three wheels and a dog

Hi Peter, I don't usually leave comments but I have to with this one.

The title definitely brought me along for a read, and yes, it was because of the dog, however, it was the writing that kept me here. I found it refreshing, different, and amusing without being forcibly funny, if that makes sense.

I found the paragraphs a bit long but I enjoyed reading it very much. I agree with LanetD, you wrote a chapter about the dog going for a long walk, and kept me entertained throughout. Nice one.

Good luck, Janie :0)

Circumstances being what they are, bicycles and unicycles don't usually do it for me, and nor does washing the dishes. Mine, however, are very personal reservations that do not really bear on the substance of this manuscript.

I like the tone of the writing here: both father and son write well, with witty and interesting observations that I find refreshing. Chapter fifteen had me in stitches. And your writing gets more assured and funnier as you get into your stride(s).I do struggle on occasion with the number of asides in the narrative, particularly in the first two chapters. My eye felt it was leaping about too much.

This is a father/son collaboration, which in itself is an appealing idea. You use different type faces for each voice, which is inspired and works well, but what if you put the dialogues side by side, so that we could feel the family conversation? There are times this could work well, for example when father and son are both busy explaining the reasons for your project. And perhaps mum could be in the middle, shaking her head from time to time....

I wish you both well with your interesting and varied approaches to life, and would be happy to read more of the well-observed wit that make your philosophy so welcome. It is a pleasure to read amusing and well written stories such as this.

All the best

Fran Macilvey, "Trapped" :-)

this book is very readable, written with care and skill to tell your subject...
l have backed your book and given it six stars******
read SEASONS...

I've only read the first chapter, but my thoughts so far:

Your short pitch could use work; your long one is great! I just didn't feel grabbed by the shorter one; I was actually really afraid this story would be really boring.

You spoke of the "arrangement" with the lease a couple different times in the chapter. Consider using a different word the second time; it sounds too stiff and rehearsed after the first appearance.

You kindof just jumped into thet story at the first sentence and I was confused as to why you would think I THOUGHT the story was about a dog...

In general, I like your writing style. You have a subtle sense of humor that is really refreshing. The fact that you managed to write an entire chapter basically about how your dog went along for a bike ride is pretty great, especially because I was entertained.

I look forward to reading more.

Peter, I really enjoyed reading your book which I did (all of it) at one sitting while eating lunch!
The book is a lovely mix of family life, relationships, endeavour, musings and philosophy. I think you are onto a winner here and if not, at least you have had a great experience!
I took notes as I read, sometimes getting so caught up in the narrative that I forgot I was reviewing and had to back track several chapters.
There are some great lines in this book and several times I laughed out loud! I didn't expect to be amused by the book when I read the pitch, but I was.
As an avid washer upper (I have never owned a dishwasher in my life and think they are horrid, sulky creatures that take a long time to do a simple task and mean that you need double the amount of crockery and also often have to wash the dishes by hand afterwards) I really enjoyed those sections and the rules for washing up were absolutely correct and as they should be.But I rinse EVERYTHING in clean, hot water not just the glasses!
I have, as I said, made notes on typos and things that struck me. I hope you don't think I am overly nitpicking but often typos are invisible in one's own work and need another eye to discover them. I only mention them because I wish your book to be as perfect as possible as it is worth the trouble.
Chapter 1
A cracking start to this enjoyable read.
'I would need to go out and look at the frame to tell you what make by (my) bicycle is.'
'phased' - would suggest 'fazed'.
(If I don't mention a chapter it is because I just simply enjoyed reading it and have no nitpicks!)
Chapter 3
Joseph mentions 'after everything that had happened in the last two months' - did I miss something?
Chapter 7
'circus lacks a quote mark after it.
I loved Joseph's description of learning to ride a unicycle and laughed at the line 'Don't forget to move your hand' hahaha
Chapter 8
Loved the conversation in the car!
Chapter 9
deserves a prize for surely the most original opening line to a chapter!
You use 'phased' again.
Chapter 11
The best chapter about a kitchen sink that I have ever read.
Chapter 12
Yes, the washing up chapter complete with the correct temperature for the water! So informative. one can learn stuff with this book!
Chpater 13
The funeral cortege. Wonderful. Ican imagine someone in one of the cars thinking 'Uncle Earnest is dead and now we're going to his funeral and I'm hallucinating seeing unicycles. I'm in a worst state of greif than I realised.'
Maybe you could add to the humour of it by describing how you had to wait, cycling helmet respectfullly in hand, while the twenty or so cars slowly passed and Joseph cycled out of sight ahead of you?
I didn't know who Esther was at this stage but maybe I missed a reference along the way?
Chapter 14
Wonderful and sincerely felt description of what it is like to ride up and down hills on a unicycle!
Chapter 15
Yes, absolutely, there was someone at the door, at the door, someone. I had a dog like that but he also told me about every car that passed our house and all the cats anf foxes in the garden and a bird on the bird table! Exhausting.
Neo is a real character in this book.
Chapter 16
Nice chapter on names and your church. I am sorry to hear about poor Trinity. A very difficult decision to make.
Chapter 17
Would it be appropriate here, where Joseph mentions getting sponsorship, to tell the reader which charity he is supporting? I know you mention it later but the reader might be interested when Joseph first raises nthe subject it (at school).
Chapter 18
I have done some research on the word 'chauffeure' (well, I asked my partner, who is French) and am reliably informed that it should be chauffeur no matter what gender the driver is. You can change conducteur to conductrice but there is only a chauffeur, I'm afraid. Just thought I'd mention it.
Chapter 19
Very much enjoyed Joseph's account of the ride.
Chapter 20
'keep out of (the way of) passing cars. '
Chapter 21
What an achievement that journey was. Nice descriptions of and information about places along the way. Very well written.
Chapter 22
The interlude works well.
Chapter 23
Overuse of the word 'strtetch'
'The stretch from Gloucester to Berkeley was a really lovely stretch of cycling.' Then again you use 'stretch' later on in the chapter.
Chpater 24
Very well written chapter but 'stretch' used again.
Chapter 25
How true that all teenagers have 'unconditional negative regard' for their parents. Very well put!
Thanks onc again for a funny, informative

My first impression (as I reach the distaste for lycra) is your quirky and humorous style.
Chapter 10 we’re in February, dealing with Valentines and the Chinese new year and in chapter 11 we are back to January, you might want to take a look.
I’m not quite sure how you managed to amuse me with instructions on washing-up, and the new kitchen sink, but you did. In fact I laughed (not quite out loud, more of an inner chuckle) quite a few times throughout the entire book. I had to read it all. I liked your list of heroes too, including the sewage workers. I have been to Stratford (upon) or is it just (on) Avon? I agree it’s a lovely place to chill out and relax. Haven’t seen a theatre production yet, maybe I should make that one of my NY resolutions!
Joseph sure has an unusual hobby. Please pass on and express my admiration for his skills. And good luck with the Land’s End to JOG’s trip!
I don’t know what your intentions are, whether you intend to publish this as a short travel book, or expand further into a novel? I think it’s absolutely fine and dandy for travel, for a novel, I’d LOVE to see more interaction as a family. I understand that Joe may spend more time grunting rather than talking, but you have an interesting voice and I think it would make for some snappy, witty and at times gentle sarcastic dialogue.
Whatever you decide, good luck with it.
Sue

Peter,

I loved the first chapter.
I was not brought to a halt by any clumsy sentences or obvious mistakes. I'm not going to try and correct grammar and punctuation, as I believe that these days we can get away with most things, and I'm no expert anyway.

The only negative comment would be on the length of your paragraphs. They look a little daunting when you start off, and don't offe the reader too many chances to rest and digest.

Otherwise, an excellent read.

Best regards
Warrick

Thanks Leelah,
You're right - Neo's barking at anyone who comes to the door, like Joe's teenage grunts, are part of what makes him who he is; so while it annoys me intensely, there is, buried deep inside, just a tinge of affection for the hound! Have added 'When fear comes home to love' to my watchlist and will have a look.
Peter

You had my heart at chapter 15: something made me click at that, and i am completely in love with your voice and your knowledge of dog ( even though you say you are not a dog-lover, i doubt the dogs see you as that - dogs love to bee seen too, and you do it wonderfully :-)
High starred, Peter! Hoping you'll have time to visit my non-fiction book "When fear comes home to Love".
giggling
Leelah Saachi

Thanks Strachan, I have added it to my watchlist and will have a look. Best wishes

Peter

Hello Peter , it is always fun to read about a journey , particularly one across country and this is no exception , though at the moment my sympathies are with the dog. Watchlisted and starred. Would you have time to look at the first chapter of my novel 'A Buccaneer' which is set amongst Pirates in the 17th century, best wishes Strachan Gordon

Hello Peter , it is always fun to read about a journey , particularly one across country and this is no exception , though at the moment my sympathies are with the dog. Watchlisted and starred. Would you have time to look at the first chapter of my novel 'A Buccaneer' which is set amongst Pirates in the 17th century, best wishes Strachan Gordon

You had my heart at chapter 15: something made me click at that, and i am completely in love with your voice and your knowledge of dog ( even though you say you are not a dog-lover, i doubt the dogs see you as that - dogs love to bee seen too, and you do it wonderfully :-)
High starred, Peter! Hoping you'll have time to visit my non-fiction book "When fear comes home to Love".
giggling
Leelah Saachi