By the Light of the Silvery Moon

Hey Kristen :-)
Nice style, nice way you paint with words. I'm not a critic, just a guy who enjoys a good journey. Will place up my shelf soon.

blessings,
jim

Historical Fiction Readers Group

This made me think of Anne of Green Gables, which I recently read. Both stories have a young girl coming to live in a new place and not quite getting along at first. I only read the first two chapters, but I did get a feeling of not much happening.

Thinking about Anne of Green Gables, it seems like each chapter is sort of a story unto itself, and then there are overarching themes which carry chapter to chapter. I wonder if you might be able to make the second chapter more into a story of something beyond meeting the townspeople, because I feel like I'm not really being pulled into the story yet.

Many times you use the very construction that sometime was doing something, such as "was pouring". Most of the time, I think you'd be better off with a simple past tense, just "poured", etc.

I always had a few general questions, such as what year is this? How old is Aimee? Why did she take a stagecoach the whole way rather than taking the train most of the way?

Here are a few specific suggestions:

Chapter 1

"had been passing by" might change to simpler "had passed by"
"elderly man who was sitting" might change to simpler "elderly man sitting"
I think maybe your very brief descriptions of the town in the very beginning should perhaps be filled in a bit more. It's not immediately apparent to me why she is filled with such horror.
"The walls were painted a clean white..." Perhaps this sentence might be better as "A border of dainty stenciled roses leapt out from the clean white walls."
"had gotten married" perhaps change to "had married"
"Ever since Connie..." most of this paragraph could be made into dialogue between Aimee and Connie, which might be more effective than straight narration.
"sophistical comfort" should this be "sophisticated comfort"?

Chapter 2
"was going to have to learn" might be better "would need to learn"

Regards,
Kevin Clark
(Will of God)

BY THE LIGHT OF THE SILVERY MOON
Historical Fiction Group Review. Chapter 10 - 12. Aimlee gets ready for the husking party and then earns a kiss because of the red corn. I like the way Aimlee is having trouble choosing between Nathan and Alex. A thing you might think about changing is Aimlee’s constant insistence that she’s better than these people like thinking a simple kiss in public is immoral and the way she keeps wishing she could leave and go home. You don’t talk a lot about what her life was like before she came to Kansas but I don’t get the feeling it was all that exciting, so I’m getting puzzled why she thinks it was so much better than Kansas.
Cover and pitches. The silver on your cover is good; your pitch well describes what the story is about.
Pace: This is a gentle love story so I expected it to move at a gentle pace and it does. Some people, I’m sure, would like it to move faster but things do move this way in Kansas.
Point of View: Telling the story from Aimlee’s point of view is good; as I said earlier, tho, I’d like her to complain a little less about how much she hates Kansas (me thinks she does protest too much).
Authenticity (Historical accuracy): I’m not sure what year the story takes place so it’s hard to judge this.
Characters:: You have a wealth of good characters. Aimlee is well fleshed out. The contrast between Alex and Nathan is good. Frank, unexpectantly, is one of my favorite characters. I like the way he always causes trouble when he’s in a scene.
Descriptions; You do these well; I get a real feel for what living in Kansas would feel like.
Dialogue: If you were looking for a place to speed this up some, cutting dialogue would be the place to do it. Characters spend time exchanging a lot of everyday pleasantries (How are you? Good morning, etc) which really aren’t that necessary for the story
Plot: The plot is the oldest one going: a woman having to choose between two men but that’s good because it always works. It never seems to feel old.
Publishability: I have no idea what publishers want to publish or why they publish what they do so I can’t judge this. I suspect, tho, an editor would suggest you find a way to quicken the pace of this before he/she gives it a second read.
Style : You have a very readable writing style; no pompous words, just clear straight writing
Technicalities (grammar, repetitions, typos, etc.): None I noticed. Overall, I enjoyed reading this. You have a good

BY THE LIGHT OF THE SILVERY MOON. Historical Fiction Group Review.
Chapter 6. Aimlee learns to cook and meets Pudding. I like the way Aimlee is beginning to adjust to things around her rather than worry so much about things being different.
Chapter 7 & 8. Pudding comes to live with the family. Aimlee is scolded by both Alex and Connie. The way Alex was able to see through her was interesting. I was surprised Aimlee thought baking a cake would be difficult – then realized she was doing this without a box of cake mix so it was difficult. The fuss over her biscuits is a bit overdone. I’m not much of a cook either, but, as Connie pointed out, biscuits are almost impossible to make wrong.
Chapter 9. Aimlee learns how to sew. I like the way the relationship between her and Alex is developing. I also like the way Frank is becoming a real trouble maker. I can count when he’s in a scene, there’s going to be a lot of teasing, fun conversation.

BY THE LIGHT OF THE SILVERY MOON
Historical Fiction Group Review: Chapter 1. This is a good introductory chapter in the way it both introduces Aimlee and Stone Creek. I liked Aimlee right away. If I have any problems, it’s that I’m not sure how old Aimlee is. And I don’t know what year it is. Is there a way to slip those things in somewhere? If you hadn’t listed this story as historical fiction, I might think of this was happening in the present.
Chapter 2. Connie introduces Aimlee to townpeople. A good chapter as it offers a lot of Aimlee’s thoughts about the town.
Chapter 3. Aimlee meets Nathan and Stone Creek begins to look better to her. It’s another good chapter. I’m just not sure we needed to meet so many people before Nathan; I was getting as tired of meeting new people as Aimlee was.
Chapter 4. Aimlee meets Alex. I like the way she’s frank about how she feels about a blind person and then how surprised she is to discover, underneath, he’s just like everyone else.
Chapter 5. This chapter begins to introduce a possible rivalry between Nathan and Alex for Aimlee’s affections. The warmness of all the people in Stone Creek is a good contrast to the bleakness of the surroundings. Makes me want to continue reading to see how this plays out (I have to take a break, tho, to fix dinner for a hungry family; will get back to this tomorrow).

Being a native Kansan, I just had to check out your book-- to see if anyone sees 'here' better than I do.

Once I'm at Connie's(, )things will be different.

I've never heard of tears stinging the eyes; tears are to prevent that from happening.

While stupor is the right word, maybe something a little less harsh would be in order; peaceful numbness, quit calm, drunken stupor, blissful delirium, sleepy trance. Just my opinion, as all of this is.

How old is she, that she still thinks in the infinitives? Forever and eternity, those are the words of naivety. I understand that she is naive, but she seems to be much younger and simpler, with that word usage. Once out of the teenage years, we begin to get a perspective that things are not always and forever, but ever changing and never definite. Forever would be after death as well, does she think she is going to die and go to Kansas? Eternity would be with the father, God; does she think Jesus is moving to Kansas, just to be with her, in paradise?

Again, these are just my thoughts, and are offered only for consideration. You write very well, and should be proud of what you have-- just remember that others are reading your story, who don't know 'exactly' what you want them to think.

I'm several chapters in, and this is a nice gentle read. No terrible typos or horrid grammatical glitches.

Kristen,

I read only chapter 1, but I think it is a surprisingly lovely story.
Your writing is fluid and easy to read, nicely spaced passages and easy conversation. Everything seems to be in place, no awkward sentences for the reader to struggle over.

Very well done.
Best regards
warrick

Very well written and good pace for the time period you've chosen to write in. I like that it is old fashion surroundings.
Good work.

Shelby Z./DRIVING WINDS

Hi Kristen, what a welcome change from the many fantasy/vampyre stories in other worlds: this story is so very HERE, and i trust your narrative to take me with it. I like the metaphor of the blind who is more seeing than one with " ordinary" senses - I think these simple stories about man's heart have a lot to teach us. I like the simplicity in yours, it is unobtrusive.
best of luck -
Leelah Saachi
"when fear comes back to Love"