The Fire Pendant

This would make a great childrens or young adults fantasy novel.( I noticed you never stated which it was.)
It is a wonderful storyline, very much like a fairytale. You have created a very 'magical' story.
You have written it well. Your writing flows wonderfully.
Highly starred
Junetee
FOUR CORNERS.book one,The Rock Star.

Hi Andrea,
I quite enjoyed this story, even though it's clearly for readers much younger than I am and unfortunately lacks that subtle maturity that I would normally go for. Having said that, it is well crafted, has great potential and its target audience will love it. Good luck with it.

Hi there,
This sounds like a fun children's book. From the genre description, I was expecting something a little more adult, so I agree with one of the comments below that it would be helpful to the reader if you specified the age group.
Some things to consider: perhaps defining things a little more. Like what kind of power was put into the pendant that would make it so dangerous in the wrong hands? What's the connection between the elves and the children? Why does he need their help? Have they worked together before? You probably answer these questions down the line, but perhaps some added information or context would support the story more. Also, it might be nice to have a description of the demons and a little of what happened when they stole the pendant.

This is a nice beginning to the book. All the best with it. :)

Dyane

Interesting blend of myth and modern. The tyypeface does not do it justice here on Autho but in a picture book would be fine.

The pitch is a little to long, perhaps think of shortening it a bit.
The font is a rather large.
Otherwise the idea is a drawing one for the plot. It has a good pace as well as it starts off.
I don't know too much about such things so I don't know much about magic and whatnot.
Good work.

Shelby Z./Driving Winds

Interesting pitch, it has a good draw for the classic type of fantasy with a modern twist. I really enjoyed your opening paragraph for the first chapter, but it did feel a bit forced and didn't flow how I think you wanted it to. "Flame upon flame bore down on tree, bush, shrub and blade of grass." Maybe something like "The large flames destroyed trees, bushes, shrubs, and grass." With the "bore down" part it feels forced when you were writing. Small things like that would really help improve your flow and pacing and really make the reader fascinated because the opening would be more intense. Your style of writing is great though and I like the variety of paragraph lengths and sentence lengths. Your dialogue seems fine. I would however work on your dialogue tags here and there because it can slow down the reader and take them away from the world they are entering. I think this is a great start and I wish you the best of luck on reaching the Editor's Desk.

Auna June
Catalaysia: The Curse of Five

Your story reminds me of The Lord of The Ring. Really enjoyable. I like your simple easy sentences. There is a cadence and smoothness. Good luck with it.

This is a very imaginative story. I have starred it. Best of Luck.

Hello Andrea,

From the genre description (literary fiction, science fiction) I was expecting something for an older age group, so the huge print was a bit off-putting at first. Is it because you’re pitching more at children? I think you should maybe add ‘children’ in your genre list.

I don’t know if Sparkler works metals other than gold, but if his thing is gold it might be more poetic to call him a goldsmith rather than a welder, which makes me think of plumbing and battleships!
I really think you ought to have Saint Patrick get rid of the snakes in Somar – it’s his job after all!
‘When everyone was through, the rocks shifted back to their original position. Nobody could follow them this way now.
There was a canal. But there was also great danger.’
This bit doesn’t seem to follow on from what goes before. One minute they’re under water drowning, then they’re not, and we learn that they have been saved by Naiads. Since this is a story for young kids it might cause a little confusion if you don’t describe the Naiads saving Solina and her friends from the canal.

This is real fairy story material. First the girls’ parents ask if they can help out an elf who’s lost a magic pendant, then they get on a train to a magical country, meet a Hansel and Gretel style wicked witch and get saved by a coal fire called Connie! If it wasn’t a rude question I’d ask you what you were on when you wrote this! The dialogue made me smile, things like when they ask the coal fire what was her name, and she says: “Connie – still is.” It really tickled my funny bone. Kids would love this!
I wish you lots of luck with this story, it's completely unpretentious and deserves to rise in the authonomy galaxy.
Jane