Satin Cinnabar

Barbara,
I have read the first nine chapters and look forward to reading to the end of the posting, and then probably going off and paying the small pittance that you are charging for this fabulous read.
And it's a romance?!
This is a really lovely piece of amusing historical fiction, with fantastic characters, wonderful descriptions and a fun plot. It flows so very well that it reads like pulp but feels like literature. It is like dried fruit- candy that is good for you. I like it very much. I don't understand what it is doing at the 1,200s, but I need to find a spot for it on my shelf, because once people discover it, it is going to take my TSR through the roof.
Plot and hook- This is a very gory start, with an unabashed description of brains and entrails. The horrors of war are painted dramatically, but believably. To have this be followed by the charming scene in the barn made a juxtaposition that really hooked me. And then, after a short interlude with fabulous historical background, we get the romance plot going again.
I often startled at seeing the romance plot going. You could have made this a piece of serious historical fiction. You certainly have the knowledge and the writing abilities. The romance novel is somewhat juxtaposed on top of this. At the same time, it works extremely well, like the sugar in the aforementioned dried fruit (there for the purposes of preserving only, of course). The sections were fun to read and made Alex a much more interesting (and amusing) character than he would have been without. And then, of course, you have the underlaying plot of the historical piece. It all pulls very well.
Character development- Alex is very roundly developed. It is very refreshing to first see him within a hair of his life and then watch him be silly, be clever, be amorous. Katherine is an enigma at this point, but such an alluring one. But you are quite brilliant at developing even the page boys in the manor, the cook, and of course, Merevale.
Ambiance- I think this is fabulously well developed. You obviously know your stuff, and you show it off well. I loved the description of the sweating sickness, the spice shopping, and all the cooking scenes. I have already spoken about the war scene, all transport me to your period extremely well.
I have no criticisms at this point. I will read on when things calm down a bit. I give this top stars and, again, will find a place on my shelf for it soon.
Best of luck with it,
Maeve

Barbara,
Maeve Sleibhan pointed me to your book and I'm delighted she did. I thought your pitch sounded great and dived straight in.
In terms of a crit, I'd say that it did take me a couple of paragraphs to get going. The climb out of the bodies didn't fully work for me. BUT once he found his father (brilliant, brilliant description there) I was completely drawn in. That whole description of the aftermath of the battle is wonderful. Then I opened chapter two and loved the dialogue. Your book is a snip on Amazon at 0.99 cents and I am off to buy it and read the rest.
Thank you!
Kate
The Licenser

You have a pictorial way of writing which pulls the reader in, the conversations are so strong and come to life. This book is on my watch list and I will ready more after I've read your other book. However, I have back it and will put it on my shelf. Great read.

Satan Cinnabar is a chunky bite. Let me investigate if it lived up to its title

Very enjoyable! I've read the first two chapters and will be back to read more. The battlefield description was excellent and the relationship between the two main characters is starting interestingly. Good dialogue and generally beautifully written. Glad Alex supported Richard 3 . He was popular in York and owned the castle in the town where I live. His boar is engraved on the window. Much maligned, we reckon round here.

I have enjoyed what I have read so far, beautifully written. In chapter 2 I love the witty dialogue between Alex and Sara. I am interested to see how the characters and the plot develops. On my watchlist and very highly starred.

Dear Barbara

Two chapters in, and I am entirely taken up with your full, rich and descriptive writing. I love the details, the depth of your narrative, the realism evident in every sentence. Such is your descriptive power, that I feel sorry for each of the casualties on the battlefield, as you no doubt intend. You explode any lingering myth that battle is a glorious cause, that there is anything to celebrate in victory.

Which, for some reason, I find adds to the credibility of your account. Perhaps because so many historical novelists love to dwell on pageantry and the lure of power, and we so rarely explore the down side. Your book promises a vivid, intelligent and entirely engrossing read.

Many thanks, and all the best with your books. I hope you sell millions of them!

Fran :-))

Dear Barbara

I left a comment which appears to have got wiped, so I just wanted to say...that I have only read the first half of your first chapter but I am immediately taken with your strong, powerful writing. It is so exciting. You do not shy away from portraying reality (unlike so many medieval mysteries which seem to swim in a honey glaze) for which I am grateful. Your language is colourful, imaginative and shows a breadth and clarity that is deeply reassuring. Thank you.

Based on the fist half chapter, I would buy this book in a flash. I am impulsive like that. But I shall be reading more, and comment again. Meantime, highly rated.

Fran XX :-))

Awesome opening, Wonderfully and well written. You truly have a way with words. You are one of the true storytellers here on Authonomy. Your an artist when it comes to painting a portrait with words to where they become visual to the reader. Great job 6 stars.

SATIN CINNABAR
This is a story with a dramatic beginning: a battlefield, a man realizing he is alive, not dead . . . . You have a good character in Alex; he’s likable in the way he treats the nursemaid; sympathetic in that he’s inherited a big responsibility but is also terribly uninformed about what has happened. If I had a suggestion it would be to shorten up the battle scene somewhat; the description of so much blood and so many guts got (for me) to be a little too much. The same for the romp in the hay. This is wonderful writing but I was ready to move on each time before Alex was. Either way, this is a good read. Highly starred and added to my shelf. Wanttobeawriter: Who Killed the President?

Hi Barbara,
I’m here for our read swap. So sorry it’s taken me this long to get here. Below are my findings/comments. They are of course my humblest opinions, so take them for whatever they’re worth.
I think the short pitch has the right idea, but to be honest, I’m undecided on how effective it is. I have no context on what you mean by “battlefield” (is it a literal battlefield? Figurative?). I’m not for the inclusion of too much back story in the pitch, but I do think a bit more context is needed here.
In the long pitch, I think “straight forward” ought to be hyphenated and “murder mystery adventure” ought not to be.
I think “is dressed for greater safety as a boy” should be reworded. It’s a bit clunky here.
The premise is fantastic and the structure of the writing is solid, but there’s too much backstory and nuances in this long pitch. It reads more like a synopsis to me. Maybe whittle out those components and try keeping it to simply the hooks of the story. Remember, your goal is to entice the reader to open the book, not to summarize the plot.
Chapter One
Delete “Being”
Great opening line hook.
“the heat, being airless, was inescapable” is a bit awkward. I’d avoid the word “being” when possible. It’s a weak word. Maybe “the airless heat?” Although, that might warrant explanation. Heat is not “airless,” but I think you’re trying to say that oxygen is significantly reduced in intense heat. OR, you’re trying to say that there was no air down there, in which case, this needs to be reworded because it reads as though the heat itself makes it airless and not the encasement of dirt.
Should be a comma after “Deep”
“the sounds of nightmare” What does nightmare sound like? This image needs to be clearer.
Wonderful! You incorporate smell. That’s often hard to do and typically an overlooked imagery.
“gagged at the throat” I believe one gags when something is caught in the throat. I’m not sure anything “gags at the throat.” Might consider revising.
I’d choose a different word for either gulped or gagged. Alliteration in this case is not your friend as it downplays the tone. In this case, I think you’re wanting a more intense mood.
“therefore, perhaps, after all” confusing and clunky. These should not be lined up like this.
In my humble opinion, there are too many fragments in these first few paragraphs. Also, you might consider reserving the philosophical questions for a bit later. Keep the reader in the moment—and it is an intense moment. Would he/she really be considering these things, or would the narrator be focused on what to do next?
“So Alex knew himself alive…” kind of awkward.
I’m not sure all the passive voice is as effective and impactful enough to match the narrator’s circumstance.
Wonderful story here. Right up my alley. Chilling, harrowing with strong pacing to lure the reader in. You have a knack for understanding how to tell a story the right way. My biggest suggestion is to scrub the prose for readability. Sometimes overly formal, passive voice is overused, presumably to increase tension and mood. But I think it has the opposite effect, and at times, I’m finding myself pulled away from the drama of the moment. This is a very, very good start, but I think it could be even greater if cleaned a bit in some spots. Nothing major. I love what you’re doing with this and think this book will do well on Authonomy. Best of luck! It’s an enjoyable read. Still gives me chills.
Phil
(Deshay of the Woods)

Interesting idea and I love the setting. You have a great voice and flow from the start. The reader isn't caught up on anything, and the opening scene is great. This is my kind of book. I like how Alex has to crawl out of a pie of corpses. It makes it even more intriguing for the reader. I think the pacing is great and you do a goo job of keeping the reader in the scene at all times. You have great descriptions throughout and the dialogue is great. This seems well-edited and the transitions between chapters are nice and smooth. I wish you the best of luck on reaching the Editor's Desk. This book deserves it.

Auna June
Catalaysia: The Curse of Five

I love your content, very intriguing and interesting, your descriptive aspect may be slightly long ( something I am guilty of myself ) but it's difficult to get a good balance on this so please take that comment with a pinch of salt. an enjoyable read - backed and waiting for more
regards
Sheila

Just finished reading 'Fairweather', a wonderful tale by the same author- this one is now on my "must read" list prior to heading back to work after my Christmas holidays- can't wait to get stuck into it!

My favourite time period. Well done and very involving from the off!

I absolutely loved this book, I was absorbed from the first page, with it's description of the battle field, I was swept into the medieval dirt and intirgue.

I'm loving this book, I'm already in love with Alex and I can't wait to find out what happens next!
I don't agree with the previous commenter who says that it's too descriptive - I've read so many different historical romances and this is the first one that actually made me feel like I was there, the descriptions are great, and really helped me to picture what I was supposed to be seeing. This writer seems to really know what she's talking about too (as far as I can tell anyway), and I'm loving the mini history lesson but at the same time I love that there are no pretensive thou's and foresooths - I like to be able to read a book without having to work out what the hell they're saying ;)
I've backed and rated this book - and looking forward to reading more!
(A quick warning - this book is extremely addictive, I couldn't stop reading and stayed up until 5.30am!!)

Read to the second chapter.
It is very good story line and idea.
Some of your descriptions seem TOO descriptive at time.
Otherwise good writing.

Shelby Z./Driving Winds

As with her other book 'Fairweather', I loved this one, full intrigue and depth, Alex and Kate come alive in this dark medieval back drop. I must say 'Fairweather' would be my first choice but this comes a very close secound.

Hello , I am a history teacher and was very impressed by your powerful beginning which throws the reader immediately into a very dramatic situation , which is described using powerful language . Watchlisted and starred. Would you be able to look at the first chapter of my novel 'A Buccaneer' which is set amongst Pirates in the 17th century , with best wishes , Strachan Gordon

I came to this because of the connection to Richard lll and the Tudors, and was not disappointed. I hope to see more.

I read, rated and put on watchlist. Would love to find out what happens. Please let me know when and if you upload more. If you just want to share full stories let me know. Alex reminds me of one of my characters, Max. His Little shedevil is named Kate as well (Book not uploaded). Would appreciate if you would take a look at mine, Those Eyes of an Angel..Thanks