Georgina's Family

I love what I have read so far! It moves quickly, and the characters are easy to relate to, no matter what kind of family you are from. This is one of my favorite stories thus far since joining this site. You are a very talented writer and your style is really refreshing. I was caught up in the emotions of the characters, without it being too heavy. I could sympathize with your characters and feel their feelings and still be laughing. It's really well written and deserves to be printed in hard copy for the general public to enjoy. Very highly backed and starred.

I really enjoyed reading what you have uploaded here. You are most certainly a very talented writer who will be going places for sure!:)
What a story! Even your pitch had me!
"Alive but not living..." Wow! Just wow! That is only a sample of the MANY unique and well turned phrases that just flow throughout your work! I only WISH I had HALF the talent that flows from your pen! Highly starred.
Blessings and best wishes,
Laura A. Diaz
"They Call Me Blanca"

I'm captivated...and so very glad that I am not the daughter of an old fashioned Greek couple.
Your writing is fresh. Your dialogue is appropriate.
You have that thing...that knack for words...that even some writers with the largest vocabularies and funniest turns of phrase can't capture.
Your prose is so subtle that I forgot I was reading. I'm backing this.

Her mind was like an enormous rug with lots of things swept under. You have a fantastic way with words, Maria. Critical green eyes looked back at her, perfect. When I was in Australia, I stayed with a Greek family for quite some time. I find myself relating to their ways as I read this novel. ;)

Beautifully written. 6 stars from me ;)

Hello Maria:

I began reading Georgina's Family and was impressed by your attention to character development. You do a thorough job of describing the interpersonal idiosyncrasies and complexities which exist, often unspoken, between the family members. Given the subject matter of the Greek family, I think this is crucial for this sort of novel.

Bless you as you communicate this family saga. No doubt it will strike many chords with many of your readers.

James

I really enjoyed reading this book. The characters are well developed and easy to relate to. I was hooked from the very beginning.

Thanks
Ashleigh Blanchard
Love lies and pregnancy

I really enjoyed reading this book. The characters are well developed and easy to relate to. I was hooked from the very beginning.

Thanks
Ashleigh Blanchard
Love lies and pregnancy

Georgina's Family.

Great book. Well Written and an interesting story.
Extremely good character developement.
A very smooth lighthearted read.
Highly starred.
Ruby Middleton
'Will Ryan'

Beautifully created.
The story weaves the beauty of a culture throughout the pages.
There is a lot of depth and feeling all through this.
The story is different and written in a new stylish way that the readers can't help but be pulled in.
A six star book.

Shelby Z./Driving Winds

Maria, your first chapter got me hooked. It's easy to see the family moving around the house with each one of them being different while joined together by their culture. I loved it and look forward to reading more. 5 stars so far and a place on my watch list and on my shelf.
Back soon.
Brigitte
You will dance again!

I love what I have read so far! It moves quickly, and the characters are easy to relate to, no matter what kind of family you are from. This is one of my favorite stories thus far since joining this site. You are a very talented writer and your style is really refreshing. I was caught up in the emotions of the characters, without it being too heavy. I could sympathize with your characters and feel their feelings and still be laughing. It's really well written and deserves to be printed in hard copy for the general public to enjoy. Very highly backed and starred.

Hi, Maria! I've come back to read chapter three, and enjoyed it greatly. It was very interesting to learn about Georgina's work life, and I loved the rich description of the May morning that began the chapter. I could just see the flowers! (incidentally, we just planted another Yoshino cherry in our yard this past week.) I also liked the glimpse into Katharina's work life, and am interested in seeing how her relationship with Markus builds.
~Hannah

I really enjoyed this, Maria, such a smooth, lighthearted read. Your characters are very believable and the dialogue in particular is good; I especially liked Christina. As we are all here to help one another, I'll point out a few minor points that could do with a polish:

...on the floral patterned
...adrenalin she had felt was after a
...chiffon fabric of her skirt and her...
The three lines above cut off in the middle of their paragraphs, which stops the flow.

...looked down at the changed switch,'
The apostrophe at the end needs removing.

She had learned to be alert and not let her guard down, like a soldier protecting the crown jewels.
This line made me smile.

You have a knack of slipping in witty lines like this and it really gives your story a quirky edge that is a pleasure to read. Great job with this and I wish you all the best with it. Highly rated, well done.

This is an interesting story enhanced by the details of the family dynamics. The scenes are well done. I visualize the house with its one bathroom and the problems that can cause and the nearby neighbor. It's going to be fun to find out how things progress. I'm giving it lots of stars.

I'm here for my reading swap. Sorry it has taken me a little longer to get here than anticipated. This is a well-written piece with some strong turns of phrase and is very easy to read. The characters are developing well in this first part and I am enjoying getting immersed in Greek family life! If there was one thing I think would make it even stronger, it would be if you looked at the number of points of view you are using in the first chapter. You have a tendency to bounce around from one character to another which can be confusing for the reader and can dilute the emotion of the writing. It may be better to limit the viewpoint to say, Georgina, as she appears to be the main character. If you want to tell parts of the story from one of the other's point of view you could have separate sections or chapters for their thoughts.
Anyway, that is just my opinion and you can take it or ignore it as you see fit. I enjoyed reading this and it will remain on my WL for now so that I can continue. I will leave further comments as I read.
All the best
Julia
Shadow Jumper

Maria,
I got caught up in Georgina's family right from the start, the hustle and bustle of their daily routine strangely captivating. Not since "My Big Fat Greek Wedding" have I seen activity like you described under one roof, centered on a woman getting older and everyone trying to get her hitched. Your writing is straightforward and easy to follow, the dialogue sparkling with interesting and comedic asides. Thank you so much for sharing.

Kenneth Edward Lim
The North Korean

You had me at, "there must be more to life". That very phrase ran through my mind one day while I was still in the club. I thought I had evertything I could want. A sweet and awesome chopped Harley,plenty of girls, alcohol, drugs and money. I lived in a beautiful place Santa Barbara. One morning that phrase popped into my mind word for word. After that everything changed,my world started to fall apart. God was setting the stage.
I loved the characters, I had a Greek friend in the army and his dad adopted me like a son. You have a smooth, sweet and flowing style of writing. I read the first three chapters, but will keep it on my list to read more. God Bless. 6-stars from me

Maria,
Thank you so much for the encouragement. As you already know I am behind "Georgina's family"! I am so glad to see it ranking high! I am so very happy for you. Once again, your support means alot to me.

Dearest Maria

Thank you for your beautiful comment on Be The Human Sunshine, I am so very glad that it touched you and the intention of the book ful-filled. I am so very grateful, I shall return the read this evening.

Sending much kindness, brightness.

Rainbows a plenty Clare :)

HI Georgina, this is a beautiful written descriptive work which draws you in and leaves you with a warm feeling that you know these Characters. Excellent and highly stared, Karen Bates Faking it in France.

Dear Maria,

I look forward to reading more of 'Georgina's family when it comes up for review in the CLF, but I wanted to pop in for a little visit today. First of all, (on a bit of a superficial note) I LOVE your cover, title, and both pitches. These simple aspects are so much harder to do well than one would think, and you have done them all very well.

I was immediately drawn into the first chapter. You have done a marvelous job showing the interpersonal relationships of a large family...poor Dimitri with all those sisters! :) You provided excellent characterization of the whole family in the opening, yet skillfully managed to keep the focus on Georgina. It is no easy task to introduce a variety of people, yet you do it in such a way that does not cause confusion for the reader. Excellent.

You had some great imagery as well. I loved: "chocolate-brown skirt," "frayed bathrobe," and "pedicure pads between her toes." :) I look forward to seeing where you go with this well-written, engaging story. Wishing you every success.

All the very best,
Faith Rose
Now To Him

Maria-Your pitch is unbelievable. I want to read this book already. I identify with the age of your main character so I am already enthralled. I plan to come back and read more. I also added you to my watchlist. Best of Success and blessings to you!

Not the type of novel I’d normally read, Maria but I really enjoyed this.

There’s a freshness to much of the prose which makes for a very involving, energetic read. Some of the phrasing (eg. ‘while tan shoes stood to attention at the foot of her bed,’ ‘Sophia hobbled in with pedicure pads between her toes,’ ‘lines like a railway track ran across her forehead’) is superb. It's quirky and original and extremely visual and lends the novel an appealingly vivid, almost filmic quality. I did, however, find much of the word choice/sentence structure (eg. ‘the bathroom door flung [was flung?? swung??] open,’ ‘organised by her mother for the benefit,’ ‘cousin Peter alone,’ ‘conceivably see more than Georgina dared exposed’) a little clunky/confusing and quite a few times in the opening chapter I had to re-read a sentence a couple of times before I could work out what you meant. Personally, I think the novel would have a much smoother feel (and the reader would be able to identify more readily with your lead characters) if you simplified the sentence structure and kept tone of the prose more conversational, almost chatty. Just a thought.

The dialogue is particularly good. It feels real and purposeful and helps both to energise the scenes and subtly flesh out the novel’s various characters. The interplay between the sisters seems especially convincing. It’s snappy and punchy and often very funny and cleverly hints at the underlying family dynamics. I did think, once or twice, some of the exchanges could be abridged slightly to lend the dialogue a more natural, informal feel (eg. ‘Just drying myself. Out in a sec.’ instead of ‘I’m just drying myself. I’ll be out in a sec.’??) but that’s an easy fix should you choose to do so. I’m afraid I also had a bit of a problem with the phonetic representation of Christina’s dialogue. I’m sure your ear for first generation Greek immigrant word choice/sentence structure etc is much better than mine but, even so, phrases like ‘You canno wear jeans’ and ‘I donno who you take affa’ do have a slightly stereotypical, almost cartoonishly clichéd feel about them (I'm afraid I was instantly reminded of Harry Enfield’s 'Stavros' character??) which does rather undermine the realism of the scene and the integrity of Christina’s character. Maybe think about toning down the stylised phrasing slightly??

Georgina comes across as an extremely likeable, kind hearted, appealingly flawed main character, someone the reader can immediately empathise with and root for. I wasn’t one hundred percent sure precisely why she was so disillusioned with her life (your evocation of her general feeling of lifelessness, emptiness etc is very convincing but I would have liked a few more specifics as to why she’s feeling this way??) but maybe this becomes clearer as the novel progresses. The subsidiary characters are also well drawn. They’re clear and distinct and work well off each other. I did get slightly confused in the middle of chapter one when the point of view appeared to flit from character to character before returning to Georgina. Clearly POVs don’t have to remain fixed but, given how intensely the POV is focussed on Georgina for most of the chapter, the constant narrative shifts mid way thru the chapter did feel slightly disorientating. Maybe keep the POV with Georgina but have her observing the interplay between her family??

The only other observation I’d make about ‘character’ is that, for an opening chapter, there are an awful lot of names/personalities (both in the house and mentioned in passing) to come to grips with. Could you maybe limit the cast list to the immediate family and introduce the other characters later in the novel?? Also, maybe think about referring to Christina as ‘Georgina’s mother’ or perhaps even a particularly distinctive Greek diminutive for ‘mother’ so the list of names the reader is expected to come to grips with is trimmed slightly and the Georgina-centred POV of the novel is further reinforced?? Up to you, of course.

The chapters themselves feel very well structured with a good blend of action/dialogue/character introspection etc and nicely underplayed climactic plot hooks to encourage the reader to read on. The plot as a whole sounds well thought out and multi-layered and, with its mix of drama/pathos/romance/comedy/social commentary etc, should appeal to a broad cross-section of readers.

In short, a vibrant, vivid, terrifically real depiction of modern family dynamics.

Highly starred and kept on my watchlist for further reading. Thanks and best of luck with this. P

Hi Maria,
here for our reading swap!
This is a rich seam to furrow. A Greek family living in Britain and the conflict between tradition and modernity as well as personal quests for happiness. These issues will chime with many female readers.

Your short pitch is OK, but your long pitch is a little too descriptive. You need to entice and intrigue more, don't just describe the story. Also break it up more, it looks like one big lump of text which makes it seem difficult to read.

I liked the start of chp 1 with the brother waiting at the bathroom door, lots of nice description here and I could really imagine the scene clearly. But then there were a few paragraphs with back story so the overall pace slackened off. Stick with action - you are so good at helping us see pictures.

I also felt there was a bit too much about clothes etc. Only include it if it helps us to understand a character or to further the plot, otherwise take it out or cut it down.

There is a lot of good in here, but it probably needs a good edit (don't we all!!)
Keep up the good work but be sure to tough on yourself when you go editing. Take out anything that is not essential to plot or character.
5 stars from me!
All the best,
Sharda.
http://www.authonomy.com/books/42835/mr-unusually-s-circus-of-dreams/

Hi, Maria. I'm stopping back by to read another chapter. I wish it hadn't taken me so long to get back; I remember all over again why I loke the characters, and did not see much that needed fixing in chapter two. The party is well-written; with a group of characters so large in one place, it's easy to lose track, but you handled them all well. I'll be back again...
~Hannah

I haven't critiqued many books before (at least not on this site). I don't know what to say except that I stumbled onto your book, started reading, and was hooked. I'm about a quarter through the chapters posted on here.This is really good! I'll probably finish reading in a few days.

I'm captivated...and so very glad that I am not the daughter of an old fashioned Greek couple.
Your writing is fresh. Your dialogue is appropriate.
You have that thing...that knack for words...that even some writers with the largest vocabularies and funniest turns of phrase can't capture.
Your prose is so subtle that I forgot I was reading. I'm backing this.

I like the opening chapter, with all the bustle and chatter as the family prepare for the party. I also liked the early insight into Georgina's mental state, which acted as a hook to make me want to read on. There were so many characters introduced so early that at times I had to look back to remind myself who they all were, although overall I think this really helped build the sense of a large family darting around getting ready for the party, so was effective in setting the scene. By the end of chapter two I felt much more comfortable with Georgina, Katherina and Sophia in particular, and could easily pick their voices out of the ever growing family throng! Overall I thought this was interesting and well written, and I look forward to reading more.

Best of luck with it!

Oktober

Maria,
Here's my half of our reading swap.
First of all, I love the way you instantly introduce emotion the the story. It sets the scene brilliantly and I'm glad that you didn't feel the need for a long introduction.
The relationships between the siblings are realistic - mild bickering with the brother, casual conversation among the sisters. Smoothly written with some humorous comebacks.
You've got a light and easy way with words and I love some of your little phrases. One example is in paragraph 10 - "the cloak of I'm-doing-just-fine was a challenge to wear."
I also liked the way you portrayed Christina's accent - her voice is practically audible as I read.
Of course, I am going to back this book as soon as possible. Have some stars for now until I put you on my bookshelf.
Best wishes,
Isabel.

Great character development on your story. The characters so remind me of many misadventures I had hanging out with my Greek friends in New Orleans. Or was that "Zorba The Greek"? Georgina, Katherina, and Sophia are complex and entertaining.

I loved the first chapter, great style of writing. Your characters are also very interesting on my watchlist will read more.

I began reading Georgina's Family and I really enjoyed it. Very interesting, can't wait to have a minute and read more .

Hi Maria,

I just stopped by to acquaint myself with Georgina’s Family. They sound like they all live with some semblance of respect and harmony. I love the family dynamics, and I have a feeling Georgina’s age and singleness is going to be big factor in this story.

You have a wonderful way of letting the reader see your characters without giving too much deliberate description. Thank you for letting me use my imagination. I love that.

Your writing is really put together well and you use some very creative similes to form descriptive word pictures.

One thing I noticed -- you seem to jump from one point of view to the other as the characters are introduced. First we are in Dimitri’s point of view and then it jumps to Georgina’s, Sophia’s, and later Katherina’s and Christina’s and then back and throughout the first chapter at least. Since the book is entitled Georgina’s family, I take it she is the star of the show. So things should probably be seen through her eyes. It’s okay to change the view point, but usually that is separated by chapter breaks or section breaks.

Also, the first time Christina speaks in chapter one, I thought you were leaving out words, but then I realized her English is broken. It might help to have Sophia address that in her thoughts. (If hers is the view point you want to write in) I see Dimitri addresses his mom’s accent, but that is after Christina has already spoken.

All in all, you have a really great story going and I’m sure it will prove to be a winner! I ‘ll be back to read more soon. Highly starred!

Dianna Lanser
Nothing But The Blood

I know what you mean about the break in lines - I had trouble when I uploaded the chapters and it has not come up the way it is on my computer; I tried to rectify the line break, but haven't been able to do so. Apologies for the way it looks. Thanks for your feedback - I really do appreciate it.

I have just read the first chapter of your book. I really enjoyed it! The characters are strongly drawn and I relate to them at once. There were only a few editorial things I noticed:
“floral patterned carpet”: don’t begin a new line here.
When you introduce Christina, it took me awhile to figure out that she was the mother and not some sort of hired help. Try inserting a sentence like “The girls’ mother still spoke in broken, accented English, despite her __ years in England.”
“the last rush of adrenaline she had felt was a…”: don’t begin a new line here.
Next paragraph: “walking into…with”: Technically, it sounds like the music goes with her into the bedroom. Although I can figure out what you mean, it’s always best to be as clear as possible! :)
“chiffon fabric of her skirt and her…”: don’t begin a new line here.
You have a very interesting story begun here. I feel drawn right into the family as I read. It was especially funny to think of the uncle putting a temperature control on a vacuum cleaner!!
Wishing you all the best,
Hannah ("Carolina and Hubert")

I have just read the first chapter of your book. I really enjoyed it! The characters are strongly drawn and I relate to them at once. There were only a few editorial things I noticed:
“floral patterned carpet”: don’t begin a new line here.
When you introduce Christina, it took me awhile to figure out that she was the mother and not some sort of hired help. Try inserting a sentence like “The girls’ mother still spoke in broken, accented English, despite her __ years in England.”
“the last rush of adrenaline she had felt was a…”: don’t begin a new line here.
Next paragraph: “walking into…with”: Technically, it sounds like the music goes with her into the bedroom. Although I can figure out what you mean, it’s always best to be as clear as possible! :)
“chiffon fabric of her skirt and her…”: don’t begin a new line here.
You have a very interesting story begun here. I feel drawn right into the family as I read. It was especially funny to think of the uncle putting a temperature control on a vacuum cleaner!!
Wishing you all the best,
Hannah ("Carolina and Hubert")

You use your adjectives quite simply yet they paint such vivid pictures. I found your story easy and flowing. It captured my attention and painted vivid pictures of all the different personalities.

A terrific read! Mega stars and backed!

And thanx for really great comment for me...wish you all the luck in the world!
michelle
Dummies for Dating: a book about character defects

I very much enjoyed this story. I admit I wasn't too sure after reading the pitch but the writing itself is delightful. I like how you unravel the complex family situation without ever forcing an information over load on your reader. My favourite aspect of your writing is your unique phrasing. It's very tempting in this genre to slip in the odd tired cliché but you avoid this wonderfully by adding your own unique description. Looking forward to reading on....

Janny

i took a look at another chapter and i really do think this is nicely paced. you give us more hints as to why georgina is upset with her life and im curious enough to read on. her family is enjoyable to read about. reminds me of a bit of mine sometimes and all your characters being so fresh and unique, are fun to read. one thing i did think of while reading is maybe you could offer us a few more hints as to where the story is going. oh and p.s. love the new cover! overall, i really enjoyed what i read.
best of luck with this ! :)

There is certainly a lot going on in this first Chapter. Your characters are very well developed and the mystery of why Georgina is so upset builds beautifully.

Georgina's family. I like your bright cover, and your pitches tell me what to expect. However, take care not to repeat words close together - change. The long pitch reads a little clumsily. That sentence about Sophia seems out of place. Perhaps you could mention earlier on that the household is full of family love, conflict and laughter, and leave out Sophia who is not a main character? But it's your book...

Ch.1. You are in two viewpoints at the same time in that opening scene, which doesnt allow the reader to identify with a character. I'd advise deciding one one Point of View for the whole chapter - Georgina.
But the scene is naturally portrayed, and already gives a life-like snapshot of the family.

Be careful not to split your infinities: 'I help her not to think...' is correct.
There are some unnecessary words to avoid: abruptly, already, just. You'll find your work flows better without them.
Again, you've drifted away from the main VP where Sophia decides to drop the subject. But your dialogue is crisp, and flows well.
To solve the VP problem, you could have Christina saying she was too busy to have a look at the vacuum cleaner, instead of thinking it.

I love that bit: "'Any girl who have Dmitri will be very lucky,' Christina said, increasing a few inches in height as she spoke.' (You dont need the 'proudly'. You show it very well without.

Your dialogue flows much better than the narrative pieces, but there are some real gems there too:
'The finality in her mother's tone fuelled Sophia's sense of injustice and she gnawed her lower lip.' (except you've changed the VP yet again!)

You have 'time' three times in the short paragraph where it was approaching four o'clock.

Despite all the editorial nits, yours is a comfortable tale, which flows well and paints a pleasing natural picture of their family life.
When you have sorted the viewpoint problems, and ironed out the glitches, this will turn into a charming story, I'm sure.

Hope you dont mind me pointing out all the nits - your book is worth presevering with. We all have to edit and re-edit our work.

Jane (Breath of Africa)

Georgina’s family

These are just my thoughts as I read through your work...Please use, enjoy, or disregard as you wish, mine is just another opinion in a sea of plenty...

Cover & Title – Cover is lovely, I assume u are drawing on their Greek back grounds and it works. The title, well from the pitches it seems to work.

Short Pitch – Yep good, but I would make it 2 sentences rather than 1

Long Pitch – I get what you are trying to do but you repeat yourself too much, not repeating words but repeating what the novel is about. You tell us she has to take stock of her life and challenge her Greek values then in the next block down, tell us she needs to resolve inner conflicts. You need to give this a rewrite just to clean it up. Sometime less is more

Chapter 1 – I started reading and was instantly drawn to how alike the family are like the Greek family in My big fat Greek wedding. Not with that I don’t mean its the same story but just how instantly their Greekness comes across and thats down to the way you use dialogue which some will say is spelt wrong but is exactly as a greek person speaking English would say. (I lived in Cyprus for years and it brought a smile to my face as I read the line “There you go “ one of my friends fav saying lol)

I’m not sure about the switching POV, unless you keep a tight reign on it, your readers are going to get lost. For instance, in the middle of the chapter when talking about the hoover, characters appear and disappear and I had to read that part a few times to understand who was who. But the chapter doesn’t get too bogged down by lots of characters and the build up is good.

Chapter 2 – Again we are introduced to a large number of peripheral characters and see their interactions with the girls. There’s no real drama at the party which was a little disappointing with that many people. But is filled with the conversations that we all have with our relatives.

I really do like the way this flows along so far and although there are a few miss placed commas and the odd run on sentence, you really don’t notice as you read.

Im putting this on my list of books that I want to give a deeper read. Ive highly starred it and I will give it some shelf time as soon as I possibly can

I just had a quick scan through but it is definitely the type of book that I would buy... Reminds me of some of the lovely Greek families I know!
Thanks for sharing it on here,
Liz

Like the new cover!

Shelby Z./Driving Winds

Comfortable writing and story-telling makes this very easy to fall into.
It reminds me of My Big Fat Greek Wedding with the old v new attitudes battle that we all understand.
There's a large market for this kind of story. I think with a little editing (as highlighted by other far better at advising than me!) this could do very well.

Wishing you lots of luck!
Diana
Pascual's Birthday

I have read to chapter seven so far and feel this family story flows very well. It develops very naturally as we learn more about all the family members. The party was a perfect opening to get a sense of everyone's place within the family. I think Gina and her sister Katherina are the characters we will learn most about as we follow them in work and socially. I already like these characters and want to know how things pan out for them. Especially with their love interests with the pressure they are under from their mom Christina. I was very distracted reading chapter 2 as I read it before dinner and my mouth was watering when I was reading your descriptions of all the wonderful food. The chicken comment made me laugh.
This is a lovely insight into a family and their culture.
High stars, on my list for backing.
Olive.

Hi Maria, good start to your story. The easy conversational way of telling your story works very well. The way you have presented the various characters works well too. we can relate to Georgina, her sisters and Dimitry. A setting of family is created.

Just a pointer, in chapter one, there are two areas where sentences are disjointed and appear in the next paragraph. A small mater. Your story telling is good Maria.

All the best to you. I will keep on reading and as i go along i will add comments...So far ...Great. I enjoyed your story!

Mohan

Hi Maria

I just had this LOONG comment typed for you, but I pushed something and now it's gone. AAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHH!!

Ok, the short version:
I love your style and the easy way you tell the story. It plays as a movie in my head, painting a picture of a crazy family which happens to be Greek (it could also apply to any family.)

Tips: I think you can add more drama to the party, the build up was there and the gossiping and nosiness of the family members. I expected something to happen to Gina, something embarrassing to make her resolution at the end of two (her secret bday wish) more explicit to the reader. It could also add some humour which I'm sure can be found aplenty in such a big family.

I think your POV shifts can be jarring, especially when we're still in Gina's head and then jump to Sophia's. I suggest adding two lines to separate par.'s. The reader is a lazy thing ;) and needs visual typographical clues to show the shifts.

This is a good read and gets high stars from me.
If anything is a bit unclear, just ask. I typed this at lightning speed, so mistakes are to be expected ;)

Michelle
The Gypsy's Daughter

I have read your opening three chapters, and you certainly have a large cast of characters. A sprawling complicated greek family - and the sisters are very different from each other. I'm not keen on the shifting POV as it is difficult to know who to root for. I also think it decreases tension if we know what everybody is thinking, but I didn't find it disorientating or diffuclt to follow. I found the chapters I read a little quiet - something needs to happen at the party to make the reader want to continue - maybe Georgina is humiliated infront of everyone or does something daft. There is I imagine a lot of humour in such a large and close knit family, maybe you should play on this more in these scenes, where nothing much is happening in terms of plot. Chapter 3 at the school again suffers from being a little too quiet. Driving to work and the task of her day are not hugely interesting to the reader, focus on the key scenes, like when she meets what I assume is going to be the 'love interest'. Family sagas are very popular and I wish you success in shaping this and getting it read. Juliet

I just finished the first two chapters and so far I’m really enjoying your story. I was sucked in right away and wanted to read on. You imagery is fantastic and you’re dialogue is smooth and natural. I could definitely feel the family dynamic in the first chapter. Your pitch is great but I would sure like to see some good cover art as well. Thanks for the read. I will be giving this one high stars.

Well written story.
The pitch and title are good.
The story line is new and creative. The characters are well developed as is the story.
I like the pacing of your book. It's really a good speed!
No flaws as far as I read.
Keep up the good work and good luck with your book.

Shelby Z./Driving Winds

Maria,

Short pitch-is good
Long pitch-I didn't care for and believe you can use your creative writing skill to draw the reader and add a bit of mystery. Think of being in a bookstore reading the back of a book...you need to capture the reader's attention enough for them to purchase the book...so intrigue, mystery, something to make them curious enough to want to keep reading.

Right from the crying in the bathroom scene, the reader is instantly drawn into this intimately told story of family and tradition. You show the connection between and develop the characters well. The mother with high traditional expectations, the rebellious daughter who wears what she likes, the son who can do no wrong...etc. I would have preferred to see less narrative and more dialogue to show not tell the reader, but that is just my preference.

There is a bit of confusion with having characters with the same name...two dimitri's and one dimitra, I assume this is true to life tweaked to fit fiction. It would really happen in a family based on tradition. I also wonder if all the narrative is needed...there were places that I stopped and wondered, do i need to know this? So you might want to trim by asking does this move the story forward. Also a bit of mystery at the end of each chapter, something that leaves the reader wondering what comes next might be a suggestion.

All in all the writing, sentence structure and flow is good. The sentences weave from one to the next. You have a talent to portray a large family and the different personalities well. I highly starred based on the story.

All my best,
Wendy

And When

i actually really like the way you write. each sentence flowed nicely and was easy to follow. i also really like certain points in your pitches. they were intriguing and easily relatable. i also really enjoyed the dialogue. its realistic and natural. one thing i do think you could work on is your long pitch. at times, it felt like you were rambling almost. not a big deal because you do have some great points hidden in there but just something i thought i would point out. highly rated and i wish you the best of luck with this!

melissa :)
Gut Instincts

A fascinating window on life in modern multicultural England. The characters are very strong here and they are described with a warm humour. I know families like this living in London - they seemed so real. The traditional attitudes to the sexes comes over really well. Some great one-liners here. I enjoyed this and will read more. Candy.

Just read two chapters, ans thought it was very well written. It had the feel of a large family saga developing. These sagas can prove either to be gripping or, if the family annoys, something of a turn off. From what i read though, the family dynamic you establish fairly quickly means your book is more likely to be the former than the latter.
I read the chapters without reading you tags or pitches, so i'm not sure what your genre or target audience is, but it at time had the feel of a YA book. If that's your audience, then you hit it very well, if you're aiming for a more adult readership, then you might want to have a thing about that and the dialogue. Otherwise, no real criticisms, and high stars.

I read the first four chapters of your book and got instantly drawn in. You develop your characters very nicely and I felt Georgina's unhappiness with her life, forced by culture and family traditions.
Highly starred from me and will remain on my WL until I can get back to it.
You have done an outstanding job!
Best of luck;
Elke