The Angel Chord

To mark The Angel Chord hitting 200 comments - I've picked a few recent faves. Thanks to all who have read it so far and thanks in advance for those still to have a look and comment. All the best
Derek

"Derek, I have finished all the chapters that you have uploaded. You simply must upload the rest, you can't leave us hanging like this. I love it. Though it deals with angels and demons, you have done it in such an original and fresh way, its a joy to read, and I really want to read more. Hope you upload some more soon. This could easily be a book I had purchased at a book shop."
Gannon

"of books I have read on this site, by far this is one that has captivated my attention so quickly. I have to agree with your other reviewers that this story seems more likely to be found in a bookstore than free to read online."
Sassychick

"I'm backing this book as one with the potential to become a commercially viable,puiblishable commodity with good appeal across a number of demographics"
Michael ranson

"It's a really great idea that angels have upgraded their harps to using guitars and also fascinating that it's a key to using their powers. There is little doubt that the author Derek Tobin is a talented writer as well as storyteller. I've seen more than one book with a great premise fall flat because of lukewarm writing skills, but Tobin has a style that is every bit as good as the plot here. All three of the main characters are highly believable and likeable in their own way. readers could see themselves put into any of their shoes despite the fantastic nature of the story. Some of the personal conflicts are extremely interesting also, like having an atheist suddenly having to become an angel. I dont see many impediments to The angel Chord's success once published, it's pretty much ready to go right now. surely a movie of its own would soon follow."
John Breeden II

"This story is absolutely fantastic. This story is so wonderful that I'm reading it again this morning despite having a lot of work here in my office. Your use and grasp of descriptive words is utterly amazing. This is a really awesome story, do you know?"
Saerawrites

"The Angel Chord definately warrants a place on the Editor's desk. Backed and starred."
Ruth2904

"Hi Derek. What a stunning piece of work. Your imagery is superb and your handling of plot impeccable. I can see why you are sitting so close to the top. Rest assured you have my backing"
Kokako

"One word- fantastic"
Watchmaker.

"This is a really original piece of woirk great style and the writing really pulls you in. I could defiantely see this being published and selling"
PR Furlong

I am currently up to chapter 10, and I just had to comment to say that I am loving it. Derek you have done a wonderufl job. The narrative flows along at a nice pace and the suspense is also built up at a nice pace. Interesting and enjoyable characters. Imho this could easily be a book I had purchased at a book shop. Excuse me now I have to get back to it.

The opening scene: I’m peering down into the old man’s cramped living room. The light is uneven and yellow, coming from an old floor lamp near the old man’s lazy-boy, reflecting off the old-fashioned wallpaper. There’s a layer of dust over the top of the TV. I see these details based on those you provided. It seems there’s just enough atmosphere and tone for this to work. The story is moving forward through concise, well-edited narrative. The old man in his basement, building a mysterious guitar (Frank Zappa would’ve likely enjoyed this scene.)

And then onto Jackie and Bill, and the promise of some creepy grave digging. These first two chapters have me convinced that I’d enjoy reading on.

One tiny nit: hair is blond. A woman who has blond hair, is a blonde.

The Angel Chord is highly recommended.
To rate this less than six stars would be wrong.

I have a read a view books on this site and by far this is one of the few that has captivated my attention so quickly. I have to agree with your other reviewers that this story seems more likely to be found in a bookstore then online for free to read.
i love the visual you brought to life and the interactions of the characters in the second chapter. the whole novel is very captivating and I am currently backing it.

Well done!

I'm backing this book as one with real potential to become a commercially viable, publishable commodity with good appeal across a number of demographics.

Well, that's the business case out of the way...

It's a good read. That's good enough.

The Angel Cord is a well-honed story with strong narration and is technically sound by the author. The imagery is captivating and the dialogue is superb. From the cover to the pitch of the book, this is already an attention-grabber. You have an intriguing tale here that can draw in a wide variety of readers. This is a sensation ready to be shown to the world. Great job with this piece.

-JC Whitfield, The Misery Jar

This is my first comment so I hope to be forgiven if I sin against some unspoken etiquette. I have noticed that nearly all comments are extremely favourable and I am beginning to get the sneaky feeling that this is inspired by something other than pure admiration. Still, I'll give it a go and see what happens .

I have read a few chapters of this book. The writing is excellent: rich vocabulary, original choice of words, well-crafted sentences, believable characters and intriguing story. My problem is that the author is almost too good for his own good. A famous Dutch soccer player once said that every advantage has its disadvantage. This is very apparent here. The fancy writing is overdone. Every sentence seems intended as a literary masterpiece and there is far too much (albeit often splendid) detail for my taste. These two elements slow down the action tremendously. Perhaps readers seeking long, leisurely reads will relish this, but as a short story writer I would like to see things move a little faster. Still, this is great stuff. I've seen a lot worse published in established fiction magazines recently. So I have no hesitation in giving this book a handful of stars and putting it on my shelf.

Fantastic! This is well written and very gripping, gets you hooked right from the start.

Really fine

Just finished the first chapter and this sounds like my kind of story. Angels and demons, end-of-the-world crisis, all with a modern day twist...I can tell this will be interesting. Your descriptions are beautuful, the metaphors and similies unique. Very poetic and it flows surprisingly well. I am almost jealous. What struck me most was the simple power behind the descriptions, how simple they were but how they packed quite the punch. If I saw this in the bookstore, I'd pick this up. The concept is unique and unusual enough that it stands out.

I will defionitely be backing this.

- H

Derek, I opened my little word document to take notes, and at the end of chapter 4 all I have is 'good atmosphere'.

I really don't have anything to critique! The scene is set beautifully, you've spun out a number of intriguing scenes that beg to be brought together, the writing is tight and well handled. I'm in awe. I would genuinly pick this up in the bookshop.

My shelf is full for this month, but I will try to find some space to squeeze it on at a later date. For now, have lots and lots of stars!

I have read up to chapter 7. I think the build up to this point has been handled excellently. Indeed, it has been a very fun and interesting ride getting to this extremely important chapter of your book. I can tell that this whole story pivots on this chapter and so I am going to focus mostly on it, although the comments I make about it probably will be germane to other chapters, as well. This will be true especially as concerns the use (or lack thereof) of commas in your writing. So to begin.
First, there are many things about this chapter that I like. I like that you use it to definitely establish Sandy as the protagonist of this story and also to link him to his American heritage. It gives him and the whole story perspective and depth. I like the way you express his and his family's sense of guilt for having more or less neglected Floyd all these years, feelings that perhaps many people can identify with on many different levels. I also like the tale that Floyd tells his grandson, Sandy, on his deathbed. It is told with just the right amount of realism and emotion to make it sound very believable, very plausible. This is extremely important because you want the reader to believe that Sandy's mission is real and important and I think you have done that job very well. Bravo! I also like a number of the very imaginative ways you have expressed rather mundane things in this chapter. A good example is this sentence: 'They sat in silence as the heated windshield burned off its blinding cataract of ice.' Excellent!
Second, there are a quite a few places in this chapter and in others, as well, where you need to edit your punctuation, especially your use of commas. The instances of improper comma usage are too numerous to list up here but I will attempt to show you a few good examples so that you can begin to see the patterns, hopefully.
1. In general, you have failed to use commas before and after people's names or titles. You should be using them in phrases like these: 'Sandy's sister Kate...' or 'Sandy's dad Tom...' or 'Sandy come in son.' These phrases should be punctuated: 'Sandy's sister, Kate...' and 'Sandy's dad, Tom...' and ''Sandy, come in, son.'
It is normal writing practice to place a comma between a common noun and a proper noun.
2. Normally, you want to place a comma after an explicative like 'Well' or 'Yes', etc.. So, your sentences like, "Well I might tell you that story if there's time son." or "Well this week aint over yet Sandy" should be punctuated as follows: Well, I might tell you that story if there's time, son." and "Well, this week ain't over yet, Sandy" (please notice that ain't needs an apostrophe!)
3. There are a number of places where you have used double hyphens when instead you should be using commas. Here are a few examples: "I left home at seventeen - - not a kick in the butt..." or 'Sandy looked awkward - - thinking of Floyd's wife, Anne - - his grandmother.' These should be: "I left home at seventeen, not a kick in the butt.." and 'Sandy looked awkward, thinking of Floyd's wife, Anne, his grandmother.'
Okay, enough for punctuation. I think you get my drift.
Third, I have some difficulty with the voice of Floyd. I'm not convinced that his language use would be as substandard as you sometimes allow it to be. Phrases like "Some folks is easily annoyed, son.." or "But the owner liked that we was white..." I can imagine that he might have started out with substandard English with his poor 'white trash' background but his subsequent path in life surely would have led him to a more standard usage, especially considering that he was elected major of Aspen, Co, a haven for highly educated, wealthy people who would probably not have favored a man of such lowly speech patterns. The main problem I have is that Floyd's voice is not consistent. At times he sounds like an uneducated country hick and at other times he waxes into an almost scholarly professorial type: "Robert only ever had two recording sessions, one in ..." His language use in this passage and in others sounds more like the kind that I would expect from him. Anyway, I think the use of substandard English should be consistent throughout all his monologue and dialogue if you want to give him the laid back, country grandaddy feel or not used at all if you want his voice to sound more modern, more alert.
Finally, there are a number of instances where you are using words that do not exist in the English language, at least as far as I know. Some examples are: Mid West, his-self, and glister. Mid West should be one word, Midwest; his-self should be one word, himself, and glister should be glisten.

Well, I hope that these comments help you on your way to the top, Derek. You have put together a very good story. It will only get better as you polish it up with some careful editing. Best of luck!

Hi Derek

Gripped from the start, and love the story so far.

Each of the three main characters are immediately engaging, filled with experiences that attract (or repel), and idiosyncrasies that engage. They are distinct and detailed, and I love the way their stories are unfolding in parallel, leaving me wondering how you'll pull it together. The writing is elegant, spare and strong. Even the additional characters are well crafted. Only someone who has had sciatica could describe poor Bill's symptoms so accurately. I know! Plus, being the unworthy owner of a second-hand Les Paul copy, it hooked me on Ch2.

Ch7 is an absolute spellbinder. Had to root out Cross Road Blues as backing. Can't wait to see how it progresses.

Quick spell-check on Ch4 - you've got 'base' guitar, not 'bass'. Also, as you're in Scotland, make sure it's 'whisky' not 'whiskEy' (as opposed to when Robert Johnson's having a slug). Small detail, but one the Scots would notice!

"The Angel Chord" has a very interesting premise and some strong writing as well. I love, love, love the description of the "discarded spider silk," and the creation of the inlay is awesome.

That said, do watch out for punctuation/syntax errors. In an otherwise strong, flowing piece, I found myself taken out of the action by the following sentences from the first paragraph:

"The image cut to a brightly lit stage as three guys ripped searing notes from guitars; the sound immediately damaging the calm of the living room." (Really, that semicolon needs to be a comma.)

"The old man loosed an abrupt grunt as the continuing guitar blare dragged him from uneasy rest, his eyes opened." (This is a run-on sentence. It could be fixed by putting a period between "grunt" and "as."

Otherwise, this is a good piece and I can see why so many people have flocked to it.

Daniel Rider
"Indian Summer"

Derek
I never thought i would read a story about the end of days building up the way u r describing it in ur book. Here u have an Atheithis grandfather that did a lot of things in his life suddenly on his death bed found redemption and tells his grandson to make right what he made wrong. This is just a timeless and epic story. :) There also was a lot of action in it as well. Thrills and Fantasy love everything about it ! :) Congrats on a great story ! U made it on my bookshelf ! :)

Hello, Derek. Michael asked me to look at your book - I'm glad he did. I thoroughly enjoyed what I've read and I hope to finish it over the weekend. I can understand why it's where it is. Lots of stars and on my shelf because if Michael doesn't buy it, I will!

Jess

Original and well written. Could see this book appealing to many different people...can't wait to read some more.
Taron 'The Wind-Catcher'

Quite a nice attempt to follow in Brown's footsteps, I suppose. Interesting modern interpretation of avatars playing guitars.

Nicely written and also very entertaining.. The characters reactions are very nicely written with the story constantly keeping you intreeged and wanting to find out what is gonna happen next.. Great work!!

The Angel Chord
Derek Tobin

I have read the first two chapters and I must say that this is excellent. I took a few notes while I was reading and they are as follows:

Chapter 1 - The Maker

'The guitar blazing trio left their...' (guitar-blazing)
Good imagery: ' the notes that had poured sharply into his room, like jagged shadows piercing an already forgotten dream.'
'He had slumped back in his chair again...' (don't need 'had')
The paragraph starting 'Locked in the dark vault of longterm memory...' is excellent. Gives a bit of suspense, draws you in, paints the picture...very good.

Chapter 2 - A Proposition

'"...Only authentic articles mind you, none of the merchandised junk,"' (Then you start a new paragraph. It should be a full stop and not a comma)


Overall, your writing is clear and clean. You use descripitive language very well and you do more showing than telling, which is always a positive in my view. It is truly no wonder that you have done so well with this.

All the best
Tania Johansson
Book of Remembrance

really hooked me in fast- I very much look forward to reading more! :D

Derik, I have read the first three chapters and I must say I'm very impressed. The writing is crisp and fresh. The plot is captivating. And all the characters feel real and living. You surely have written a book that will appeal to many. I just hope I can finish reading it before it goes on sale. I'm a little tight on cash these days and so if I don't finish it soon, I'm going to be forced to buy it because I couldn't imagine going through life not knowing what happened next! Excellent!

Intriguing. I liked the opening and the 'noise' that was happening from the TV. Then, it all went quiet. I saw the 'old man' and his description was vivid. His transfer to the basement - the telling of the cobwebs, the exsoskeleton, it is beautiful writing.

Well done to reach the ed's desk.

One of the reasons why I decided to read your book was because I liked your profile which was honest and it brought a smile to my face. I read some of the comments here and it intrigued me. I think you will go a long way.

Well done. :0)

Malika

You write very well and make things develop.
One things I am not too sure about the story plot and idea. The verse really threw me off because I wasn't expecting that, which is good.
Otherwise I think you title rocks, and the pitch is written well. Also the writing itself IS well done.
Good work.

Shelby Z./Driving Winds

P.S. Please take a look at my pirate adventure Driving Winds.

Have just read the first two chapters and thoroughly enjoyed the quick-fire nature of the paragraphs. An easy read which entices you onward. I particularly liked the character of Jackie who appeared to have a little of Blanche DuBois mixed with a touch of Bet Lynch. I enjoy your choice of words and intend to read on. Well done.

Read the first two chapters and enjoying this. Biggest strength is the concept and the imagination put into the characters. The structure is solid, and so far the details seem to be getting released at just the right times to hook me in and keep me hooked.

I'm finding the actual writing hot and cold. There's some great turns of phrase, especially in the character descriptions. But there are also a few clunky sentences that break the concentration a little. The dialogue is lively, but a little unnatural at times for me. It's saying all the right things to keep the plot going, but comes off a little forced and scripted in places.

There's possibly too much use of italicised words as well. Pet hate of mine - italics have their place, no doubt, but they shouldn't be needed this much. If the stress and meaning doesn't come out in the words and the context they're in, then go back and look at the sentence again. Read it out loud, and if the stress doesn't come out naturally, then rework it until it does.

None of which matters that much to be honest. The concept of this book is so strong, the sense of colour you have for your characters, the imgaination and care with which you move the plot on - all adds up to an enjoyable read.

Hello there! As many have said before me, this is a fantastic tale. You wisk the reader away into a land of music mystery. I love both. You knowledge is sound and it's obvious you care about creating a realistic story. This tale flows, drawing us in deeper and deeper with every chapter. I notice you mention Amitriptyline which your character ceased taking - it is used as an adjunctive agent for neuropathic pain but yes, is a tricyclic antidepressant. It has some interesting side-effects (and that's the pharmacy geek coming out).

This story indeed has the potential to go far and be well received by a vast number of people. Congratulations with your writing. You have my backing.

Laura.

Before I begin telling you how brilliant this book is, I'd like to first point out one tiny error found in chapter 1 'from the light cord, hung' doesnt need the comma there. Another thing, I'd suggest picking a different sound for the bell ring at the start of chapter 2 based on the fact that dong means penis (yes I am immature xD).
And now on to the praise!
Chapter one was very intriguing and excellently written. The scene is set brilliantly, and I can picture the old man perfectly in my mind. Chapter two is quite contrasting with the first chapter, but equally well-written and fantastically well thought-out. I LOVE Jackie's character, she's brilliant. And the other characters are defined and purposeful.
I'm struggling to critique this as I have very little to say other than 'This is awesome. I want to read all of it NOW!', and I'm only in Chapter 2. I havent even got to the pitch of your story that drew me in and I already love it. This is staying on my watchlist until I have time to sit down and finish this book, because it deserves my undivided attention. Brilliant work.

Wow! Derek,

Don't know how I missed this compelling piece of work. The suspense, that alone kept me reading, you incorporated the "show, not tell" perfectly into this plot. Each chapter was building and building. I commend your descriptive tone, the workers, the store action, each sentence interpreting the scene precisely, without giving away the next climatic scene.

You have a creative imagination and it is articulated at the highest level in this book...

Not only, this one, but the sequel and its sequel... this book might seem "heavy" to the non-genrers (yes, I know its not a word), but after the second paragraph you are hooked...

The e/d is just one step away..

This is a definite publishable book and a future publishable series, so good luck at the finishing line!

Thanks for this read!
FC

Hi Derek, So far i've read the first three chapters and will be certainly reading much more! You've created a wonderful and intriguing masterpiece which i enjoyed very much. Characters are totally believable through each chapter so far. Description of events works for me. Certainly deserves to be published worldwide-will be giving you the full six stars on what i've read and gets maximum backing from me.
Good luck

Derek,

I have just gotten around to reading a few chapters of this book and, man, am I ticked at myself for waiting so long. I love the premise and I can't wait to read more. Good luck this month in the top 5. Backed and highly starred.

Chris

nice!
keep up the good work!

I'm not just backing your book because its well writte-which it is, I'm backing it because this is something I'd pick up off any store shelf in a quick second and devour. Thanks for the good read!

Sara
War of the Wastelands

Good and something different. You have angels there too. TV presenters, very modern scenario. very long and still incomplete. this will many good series of books.
Good thinking.
4 stars.

I love this book a lot. Although i just read chapter one and i love what i read. You have a powerful description and see i have given you six outstanding and i promised to read all.

Isoje David

Animals In Paradise

I love your concept of divine beings, and I concur. Also a good commentary on rock music.
Damon Stentz

Derek,
I really like the premise of the book. Here are my comments on the first chapter:
1) I'd break the first paragraph up where the TV presenter starts. It's a bit hard to follow in its current form.
2) Sometimes your language choices caused me to stumble in reading (i.e., only to him and but a few others; trenchiing a path; rheumatoid fingers, painted with dust). Don't sacrifice accuracy to be more evocative. For example, "trenching" isn't a verb. Perhaps "tracing" or "carving" would work better. Same with Rheumatoid. It's a disease. If you want an adjective, try rheumy or just swollen. His silver hair was tinged or Sweat tinged his silver hair, etc.

I found this book to be a very enjoyable read and would have no problems in recommending it. It deserves to be so high up the charts.

Hi Derek,

I've started reading The Angel Chord and find it hard to stop - what a page-turner! I'm glad to see it where it belongs - on the Editor's Desk.

Backed with best wishes,

Annette

This piece of writing starts really well. It is very well executed from a technical perspective, slick, and full of suspense. i'm looking forward to reading more. Well done!

If you have a moment to read the opening chapters of my novel Four Movements, that would be wonderful!

Good luck!

Sally

Sorry for the delay, but here's my half of our read swap.
This isn't the kind of book I'd usually read, but the pitch is attractive and I enjoyed the book even more than I thought I would. You have a clever way of using one or two strong descriptive words where other authors might be tempted to use several lines - highly appropriate in your book, I feel.
I liked the constant, tantalising guitar references throughout the first chapter, and the hook at the end of Ch2 was exciting and chilling.
Good luck with this - not far off the top spot now!
Isabel.

I can't find fault. Or at least - it would be churlish to do so for this is just too good. I only meant to read 2 chapters (time is pressing) but I have read 5 so far and will be back another day for more. The sense of urgent excitement is infectiously thrilling, the writing is expert and flows beautifully, the plot is intriguing and seems original and the whole package is thoroughly enjoyable. The pace really races you along too, and I just love the beginning. Well - it's obviously extremely clever! What more can I say, except it deserves its number 9 spot and I am sure it will go into the top 5 where it belongs. A great read.

i found the first couple of paragraphs slow to start but once i got into it i enjoyed it. i felt your use of language very effective and the idea for the story interesting and original. i will be puttng this on my bookshelf and continue reading it.

I really like this book. I look forward to reading the whole story.

Break up the first paragraph. You have a lot going on, especially with the considerable information that's given via the news coverage of Dark Matter's performance.

Other than that, the first chapter was a really interesting and effective hook. Incorporating a few, one or two, sensory descriptions would be great. Maybe say something about the texture of the guitar, at the beginning of the possess or at the end, the feel of the grooves. Sensory descriptions (used sparingly) really add depth to the narrative.

Sentence starters. There are endless ways to begin a sentence so you avoid multiple 'The's in a row. In your first paragraph of chapter two, you have all but one sentence that starts with The. It is a very simple way to begin but repetitive and takes away from the narrative.

Your dialogue punctuation is incorrect. Second piece of dialogue in paragraph two should have a comma after 'Gesturing...she said[,]' because your introducing dialogue. Also it is a general rule of thumb that a new paragraph is starting every time a character speaks. So, a new paragraph would begin with 'Gesturing...'

Here's a great resource for punctuating dialogue: http://www.be-a-better-writer.com/punctuate-dialogue.html

Great suspense built up in the third chapter. But there was a lot of telling going on, a bit of an info dump that nudged the narrative forward instead of pulsing along as did the past two chapters.

I'd like to see a little more explanation, by that I mean character reactions and memories that show a trait instead of stating it. For example, you could say John Doe is quick tempered. Or you could have John Doe lose a game and have him lash out at his competitor. It just adds depth to the character.

So far I'm enjoying the read, it's got a pretty steady pace and that chapter lengths are nice, a bit on the short side, but easy to follow.

Watchlisted and Rated.

This site is for amateur writer but you aren't one. You are a pro. You're example of a brilliant writer. you're the prototype great authors

I don't have a lot of time, Derek, but I"ll check it out when I can. You're right abut the appeal of the genre. You have a tag of religion but not a subject so I'm assuming that religion is a setting? You're not seeking converts? I've added it to my watchlist under that assumpton. Like your writing style - the way you create atmosphere. Reminds me of someone who can do a good, fast, dark charcoal sketch. Good luck! Rebecca

Your writing is very good. The imagery, particularly the similes, creates a very vivid picture mere paragraphs into reading. I'll be sure to continue! Thanks for the opportunity!

I've only read the first two chapters of The Angel Chord and I absolutely LOVE it. It is so fresh and original and beautifully written. I am so totally absorbed by the story. I have no interest in critquing this work of art. I am just along for the ride.

Sylvia Talo
Deadly Dot Com Revenge

This is great stuff Derek. I've just read the first eight chapters and i'm completely engrossed.

I love that you intertwined the devil legend with this unusual tale. The description is spot on and you certainly have a way with words.

I can imagine this book to be one of those cool books that line the shelves at HMV(and of course Waterstones!) I think there's definitely a place for this book on many a music lovers' bookshelves.

Interesting - didn't quite get the 'hallowed rock history' at first but it became clear. Not at all bad
5*

WL

JS

Derek,

I finally had a chance to read a bit of your book. I don't think it's really my style but you clearly are a very talented writer. I wish you all the best!

Patti

I found 'The Angel Chord' to be fluently written and showing a detailed knowledge of guitars- thus I feel it has a cross-over appeal with a large ready made market especially because it the story moves across the Atlantic and shows detailed knowledge of different milieus and generations.
I think the characters have a lot of 'back story' and that the concept of the book is suitable for a series and has great potential to be adapted for T.V and maybe a sort of mult-media ePub format with embedded music and graphics. In fact, maybe it could be developed for a game of the 'Guitar Hero' type?
I personally find book series more satisfying to read because then the characters can really develop and situations become more and more dramatic so I hope the author will keep up with the good work.

I've only read up to chapter three, but The Angel Chord is brilliant! Your writing style is so natural and flows beautifully. The way you describe scenes and settings is absolutely top class. I sincerely hope you make it to the editor's desk - The Angel Chord deserves it. I could easily see this being a novel you'd pick up in a bookstore. Well done!

- Hogarth Hughes

Hi Derek
You've got an amazing imagination. I particularly liked the way you link your theme to historical events such as Hitler's sway over the masses and the Pied Piper. Can't imagine where it is all leading- partly a good thing but perhaps you should leave some subtle clues. I have read some of the other posts and don't want to repeat what they have said. One minor technical issue- I would have preferred to have seen more commas, for ease of reading. For example, in Chap. 3, I had to reread "At twenty-eight some.. (my first take was that the some referred to 28. A comma after twenty- eight would have resolved the possible ambiguity. Good Luck.
John Melville
Consequence; I saw the light

It is a bit off putting to read that you have received 200 comments and still need to slog on. It makes me wonder if the true intention of this site is to test one's tenacity and ability to schmooze rather than one's writing ability.