Shakespeare's Pink Cadillac

Love the storyline and can't wait to read more! Got in to it really quickly (which defo is a good thing) It's perfect for the YA section and something that teenagers will be able to relate to. Highly starred and on my BS! Well done!

Hi Kady,
I enjoyed rereading part of Shakespeare's Pink Cadillac. It just as good as I remembered it.
Poor Paralee, having to move all the time! Being a teenager myself, I can understand how she'd feel. I loved the part about her hair color . . . it added some humor to a tense conversation.
I hope this does well . . . it seems to be perfect for the YA genre.
Noelle :)

Hi Kady-
Reread first chapter. Have some comments for you:) FIrst, I liked your MC. Immediately - which will nudge me to read on. Re suggestions: The first paragraph needs a little work, imo. That would be some sight to see - I would rather have more description of the visuals that go along with it in a more stunning manner that would really draw me in. I know that your MC is not impressed with the sight, but the reader should be captivated by that unique visual, but that's just my opinion- perhaps you see it differently. I also felt the first comments from the kids could be juiced up a little - maybe adding 'annoying' to the braided girl. I would cut "neighborhood" from the other sentence - I don't think a young child would say that. The bully could use an adjective as well.

I liked the emphasis on the word 'move" - the story seems to really take off at that point. We sympathize immediately with the conflicts in MC's life that she has no control over, and how in response she goes to extreme measures to control what little she does have control over.

There was an instance where "exciting" was used in back to back sentences. plus I feel a teenage girl would not threaten to have her nipples pierced when speaking to her father...I realize they have a close bond, but I feel that is perhaps a little extreme. Anyway, all are just opinions/impressions from my second read. I will get to chapter 2 asap. I like your writing style and feel you are onto something good here! Best, Ruby

Shakespeare's Pink Cadillac. Love the quirky title, but you lose an opportunity for luring in your readers with the short pitch. The long one is merely an account of the plot. The question at the endprovides a hook, but also needs to show some emotion and glimpses of character, especially the wicked humour.

Ch.1. I'm immediately absorbed into the painfully unsettled world of Paralee. You describe it so well through her thoughts. Their authenticity leads me to think there's a lot of you in there.
And her appearance is seamlessly made apparent through the dialogue. Good technique.

Ch.2. Love BC's dry humour, and the analogy of being a freshman.That's a great hook to make sure I read on.
Ch.3. - which speaks volumes.

Ch.4. So she decided against the Goth look.
And BC's thoughts - if I were to pick out the exceptionally juicy morsels, I'd have to quote the entire chapter.

Ch.5. 'I checked my fingernails. That's what I always did when I knew he was buying time.' Absolutely perfect.

Ch.6. I find myself speed-reading this, as I want to get to where they meet. Ah.

Chs. 7-10. It's hardly a nit - but perhaps you might think about refining BC's story down? It is very amusing, but does go on a bit. I love the asides. And the rattle from the tail section of Mrs. Tanner's dress.

I've read and loved every word of it.
Maxi-starred, and looking forward to your reaction to mine, which isnt a Christian novel as such, but my Christian MC is no white-washed flabby character either.

Jane (Breath of Africa)

I really like the way you've built up the scene at the beginning. I read the first two chapters (being bothered by my daughter throughout!!!!) and I like the way your writing flows, telling us about the characters' deep thoughts.
One thing: I'm sure I read somewhere that you shouldn't use brackets in a story. You either need the text that's in there because it's important, or you don't because it's not. :-)
I'll try and get back and read more if I'm undisturbed!
So far, so good!
Cheers,
Mike.
(Rudolf Goes Bananas)

Hi Kady,

I ready the first 4 chapters. I was really impressed with your writing and good humour.

You show excellent details to give a sense of Paralee’s character, like noticing the angel costume was an old bed sheet, or her musing on teachers liking names and symmetry.

I thought both Paralee and her dad were being a bit too sardonic in their first argument, which lessened the tension. It seemed her dad went too quickly from trying not to laugh to teeth clenched anger.

I like the idea that Paralee shaved her head the last time he told her to change her hair!

B.C is also introduced really well – he has great wit. He’s very engaging as he muses on teenage problems – his own, and those in general.

That was quite a vivid analogy for the school year. And the introduction of a tragic occurrence is intriguing.

It’s fascinating seeing military life through Paralee’s eyes in Ch 3; I thought her bitterness at her father was much more effective here than in the argument in Ch 1.

B.C’s description of Paralee’s arrival in class was excellent. The guys had begun to smell musky was a brilliant line. You render the classroom with lovely details. It’s great fun watching BC become besotted, and his observations of his teacher and classmates show him to be a very smart and likeable character.

Highly starred. Looking forward to reading more – the writing is excellent.

Andrew.

Thanks so very much for your kind words Andrew! ~Kady

Hi Kady,

I read the first 4 chapters. I was really impressed with your writing and good humour.

You show excellent details to give a sense of Paralee’s character, like noticing the angel costume was an old bed sheet, or her musing on teachers liking names and symmetry.

I thought both Paralee and her dad were being a bit too sardonic in their first argument, which lessened the tension. It seemed her dad went too quickly from trying not to laugh to teeth clenched anger.

I like the idea that Paralee shaved her head the last time he told her to change her hair!

B.C is also introduced really well – he has great wit. He’s very engaging as he muses on teenage problems – his own, and those in general.

That was quite a vivid analogy for the school year. And the introduction of a tragic occurrence is intriguing.

It’s fascinating seeing military life through Paralee’s eyes in Ch 3; I thought her bitterness at her father was much more effective here than in the argument in Ch 1.

B.C’s description of Paralee’s arrival in class was excellent. The guys had begun to smell musky was a brilliant line. You render the classroom with lovely details. It’s great fun watching BC become besotted, and his observations of his teacher and classmates show him to be a very smart and likeable character.

Highly starred. Looking forward to reading more – the writing is excellent.

Andrew.

Hi Kady,

I revisited Pink Cadillac. I’m pretty sure I had read the whole thing (except for maybe the last chapter) the first time around, but I think I can come up with some new observation.

Your characters are delightful - witty, real, and interesting. And your writing? It’s exactly like your characters. I am impressed with your ability to entertain. The story is quick and lively and is sprinkled with all kinds of fun to read teen-aged slang. The story of how Leland - B.N. Stokes got his name is hilarious and indeed a work of comedic art.

I will be curious to read how you turn this story into a story of redemption. Paralee is so beautiful, it would only seem right that her outside attractiveness would be enhanced by a total makeover of her inward self.

Is your book finished? If it is, why are you holding out on your fans? I’d love to read more! If I had six more stars I’d give them to you. I’ll have you on my shelf soon.

Dianna Lanser
Nothing But The Blood

Hi Kady,

I revisited Pink Cadillac. I’m pretty sure I had read the whole thing (except for maybe the last chapter) the first time around, but I think I can come up with some new observation.

Your characters are delightful - witty, real, and interesting. And your writing? It’s exactly like your characters. I am impressed with your ability to entertain. The story is quick and lively and is sprinkled with all kinds of fun to read teen-aged slang. The story of how Leland - B.N. Stokes got his name is hilarious and indeed a work of comedic art.

I will be curious to read how you turn this story into a story of redemption. Paralee is so beautiful, it would only seem right that her outside attractiveness would be enhanced by a total makeover of her inward self.

Is your book finished? If it is, why are you holding out on your fans? I’d love to read more! If I had six more stars I’d give them to you. I’ll have you on my shelf soon.

Dianna Lanser
Nothing But The Blood

Hey I read the opening two chapters and I love the way it feels like a person is saying what you're writing, not a writer writing it. Especially Chapter Two. I felt more involved because the character is talking to me, it's not a disenchanted voice remarking about things. Two thumbs up and I'll be back for more. Great stuff Kady.

very different and interesting. backed and starred. You made me feel nostalgic with the type writer font. I will comment further after I read few more chapters.

thanks for backing - I really appreciate it! Kady

very different and interesting. backed and starred. You made me feel nostalgic with the type writer font. I will comment further after I read few more chapters.

Hi Kady, I read 1-6 and was stopped by the gateway-timeout, but shall continue when I can get through again.

This is YA from a very different culture than the one I grew up in, yet I still could relate to the characters, both adolescent, and 'enjoyed' their thoughts and anxieties, as well as laughed at the cracks of humour which are strewn all over the pages. You have bestowed a lot of individuality upon them and their different life-experiences come across as natural and compelling.

The aspects of teenage anxiety come across with great insight, and on the periphery many general problems of our time are touched on, - the contradictions of being a Christian church-goer in a market orientated world, the fight for recognition against overwhelming body-image pressures, budding sexuality on part of the male species at a younger age than girls, and the broken relationship between parents and children in a performance-driven society.
The language sounded authentic and appropriately age-related. Reading your story I could imagine the different sceneries, which are drawn with just a few sketch-like sentences and still make them 3 dimensional and believable. One thing which I didn't enjoy quite as much from the beginning was the font, but after a couple of chapters that didn't seem to matter as I was getting into the story-line and the dialogue, which in my view are handled with literary know-how and expertise. Last, not least, I found your use of hooks convincing.

Ame

Hi Ame,

Thanks for the read, review, starring, and backing. You were very detailed in your review and I appreciate the attention you gave Shakespeare's Pink Cadillac. And after reading Wolf Mother, I'll bet my story was so different from how you grew up in Europe because seems like I remember you were driven to school in a limo! My poor character has to drive himself in an old car.

I've been off authonomy for awhile tending to other things -- busy busy -- but I have starred and backed Wolf Mother and will get to your other book as soon as I can. However, I can't wait for you to finish Wolf Mother. Can't wait to see where you are going with it and how it ends.

It's been so great talking with you. I truly wish you the best with your writing! ~Blessings, Kady Colter

Hi Kady, I read 1-6 and was stopped by the gateway-timeout, but shall continue when I can get through again.

This is YA from a very different culture than the one I grew up in, yet I still could relate to the characters, both adolescent, and 'enjoyed' their thoughts and anxieties, as well as laughed at the cracks of humour which are strewn all over the pages. You have bestowed a lot of individuality upon them and their different life-experiences come across as natural and compelling.

The aspects of teenage anxiety come across with great insight, and on the periphery many general problems of our time are touched on, - the contradictions of being a Christian church-goer in a market orientated world, the fight for recognition against overwhelming body-image pressures, budding sexuality on part of the male species at a younger age than girls, and the broken relationship between parents and children in a performance-driven society.
The language sounded authentic and appropriately age-related. Reading your story I could imagine the different sceneries, which are drawn with just a few sketch-like sentences and still make them 3 dimensional and believable. One thing which I didn't enjoy quite as much from the beginning was the font, but after a couple of chapters that didn't seem to matter as I was getting into the story-line and the dialogue, which in my view are handled with literary know-how and expertise. Last, not least, I found your use of hooks convincing.

Ame

Hi, there – this is your CCRG/YARG review from AudreyB. I am often accompanied on my reviews by my English teacher alter-ego, The Grammar Hag. If I say anything you don’t like, it was probably her idea.

Hmmm…A Christian YA book about a kid who grew up in the military. Didn’t I read a book about that recently? All kidding aside, I would obviously be pulled in by your pitch. There are so few books written about kids in the military, and we are so much more interesting than other people.

Dear Audrey,

Thanks so very much for your YARG review. I appreciate all of your tips and suggestions. I've been so busy lately and haven't had much time for Authonomy but when time permits, I will take your suggestions to heart. Blessings to you and I'll get back with you when I can. Thanks again! ~Kady Colter - Shakespeare's Pink Cadillac

In your SP, after “A story of redemption,” you want a colon after redemption.

In the LP you want a period after the first occurrence of redemption and a colon after “Dad informs her.” You have CA girl where I think you should spell out “California.”

I think our jumping red-head would not be quite so articulate. Perhaps he’d say, “I hope I get a new football! I lost my last one when we moved.”

We never had eight month’s warning about a move. More like two months. But you’re talking about the new Army; my dad was in the ancient Air Force.

The first chapter is made up mostly of engaging reflection. I like Paralee very much, and think YA readers will also like her. I don’t understand why, at the end, Paralee wants to discover the secret behind the latest orders to move. There’s no secret.

I love B.C.’s description of his car and how it marks him (=: Fourteen-year olds could also drive in Idaho, where I lived shortly before I turned 14. Seems absolutely insane to me now that I’m an adult. I also like the way he describes Teensie Gwynett and her friends as mean-ingful. Very funny. I like B.C. quite a lot. I also like how B.C. expresses his feelings about his faith. It’s clear from the outset that we are reading about a Christian character, so I expect certain behaviors from B.C., but his personality suggests that we won’t encounter any sermons (except from that we might find amusing).

As an adult, I love reading about the thoughts of these two characters. I wonder if a YA reader will give them the same time to develop? It may be important for Paralee and B.C. to face a bit more action in these early chapters.

This is a wonderfully enjoyable read. I think publishers of Christian YA would be foolish to pass it up!!

~AudreyB
Forgiveness Fits

PS – when you want to respond to someone who has left a comment, hit “send message” rather than “reply.” No one sees the “reply” unless they come back to your page, which is unlikely.

Hi, there – this is your CCRG/YARG review from AudreyB. I am often accompanied on my reviews by my English teacher alter-ego, The Grammar Hag. If I say anything you don’t like, it was probably her idea.

Hmmm…A Christian YA book about a kid who grew up in the military. Didn’t I read a book about that recently? All kidding aside, I would obviously be pulled in by your pitch. There are so few books written about kids in the military, and we are so much more interesting than other people.

In your SP, after “A story of redemption,” you want a colon after redemption.

In the LP you want a period after the first occurrence of redemption and a colon after “Dad informs her.” You have CA girl where I think you should spell out “California.”

I think our jumping red-head would not be quite so articulate. Perhaps he’d say, “I hope I get a new football! I lost my last one when we moved.”

We never had eight month’s warning about a move. More like two months. But you’re talking about the new Army; my dad was in the ancient Air Force.

The first chapter is made up mostly of engaging reflection. I like Paralee very much, and think YA readers will also like her. I don’t understand why, at the end, Paralee wants to discover the secret behind the latest orders to move. There’s no secret.

I love B.C.’s description of his car and how it marks him (=: Fourteen-year olds could also drive in Idaho, where I lived shortly before I turned 14. Seems absolutely insane to me now that I’m an adult. I also like the way he describes Teensie Gwynett and her friends as mean-ingful. Very funny. I like B.C. quite a lot. I also like how B.C. expresses his feelings about his faith. It’s clear from the outset that we are reading about a Christian character, so I expect certain behaviors from B.C., but his personality suggests that we won’t encounter any sermons (except from that we might find amusing).

As an adult, I love reading about the thoughts of these two characters. I wonder if a YA reader will give them the same time to develop? It may be important for Paralee and B.C. to face a bit more action in these early chapters.

This is a wonderfully enjoyable read. I think publishers of Christian YA would be foolish to pass it up!!

~AudreyB
Forgiveness Fits

PS – when you want to respond to someone who has left a comment, hit “send message” rather than “reply.” No one sees the “reply” unless they come back to your page, which is unlikely.

Hello Kady:

I read the first few chapters of Shakespeare's Pink Cadillac. I think the tongue-in-cheek tone will resonate with the YA target audience, though for me personally, it seemed to dredge up a lot of memories that I would just as soon forget.

Chapter 3 is really, really short. Do you think you may need to combine it with another chapter?

Blessings and may you find wonderful success!

James

SHAKESPEARE’S PINK CADILLAC
This is an interesting book. Both of your main characters are great; I’m not a military brat but we moved a lot when I was young so I identified with Paralee immediately. I like the way you infuse detail into settings such as mentioning Gree Stamp catalogs; I’d completely forgot those existed until you reminded me. Overall, you have a good read here. I’m adding it to my shelf. Wanttobeawriter: Who Killed the President?

Dear Kady,

‘Shakespeare’s Pink Cadillac’ was an enjoyable read. I’ve read two chapters and can see this going a very long way with genre-fans. So, best of luck with it. Here are a few suggestions, which you may find helpful.

Short pitch:

‘A story of redemption (period)
Two troubled teens forge an unlikely friendship as they struggle to save their city from disaster.’

Long pitch:

Well written. Just some minor changes in the last 3 lines - ‘… Paralee realises to her horror that the city may not be the only thing that need’s to be saved. But can she climb out of the hole she’s dug for herself in time?’

Main text:

You develop character with great care and skill. Your attention to detail is commendable. While you’ve pinned the entire blame on P’s dad, maybe, a few words on how her mother feels and copes will also help at this stage. The absence was noticeable. But the fact that you’ve chosen to leave it out may be important later.

The second chapter was hilarious. Ber-nerd. What a guy! I really felt for him. Had it been me, I would’ve jumped off the terrace before I found myself even leaning on mum’s ‘pink’ car! Social death warrant indeed. Incidentally, BC has a whole different meaning in my native tongue. But if I share that with you here, the authonomy administrators will simply throw me out! ;-)

I found BC’s POV account to be much better written than Paralee’s. It also makes me wonder that you may need to take a second and a third look at your long pitch. You can most definitely make it tighter and crispier.

Please allow me to offer an alternative:

‘A coming of age story about friendship and redemption.
Paralee is a fifteen-year-old military brat who’s attended more schools than she can count. All that she craves for is stability.
Fourteen-year-old Bernard has a dysfunctional family and drives to school in his grandmother’s ‘pink’ Cadillac.
His friends call him ‘BC’, short for ‘butt crack’.
Two teens from opposite ends of the ‘coolness’ spectrum are brought together by a simple act of fate. The odd couple soon stumbles upon a terrorist cell with heinous plans for the city.
As matters get more complicated, Paralee realises to her dismay that the city may not be the only thing that need’s to be saved. But can she climb out of the foxhole she’s dug for herself in time?’

Characterisation and dialogue are the cornerstones of any good story. You excel in both. Trust me, that’s a big compliment coming from someone who rarely reads or watches comedies and is almost always juggling with darker and gloomier stuff.

MY RATING: 6 STARS (well deserved)

Best regards,
AGC

I really appreciate all of the helpful comments. Hopefully, I can implement these soon. So much to do, so little time! ~Kady

Kady,

I have read the first few chapters of your book and was immediately pulled in. Having grown up a “military brat” I well know the culture and the dread that a new “move” can cause. I went to 5 schools by the time I graduated, like I said, I understand.

The story moves along well, great pacing. I don’t tend to read for grammar or punctuation, all the same I did not really see anything that made me pause. Now, I was not really looking for it, but nothing jumped out at me either.

It’s a great story. I wish you the best with it.

Sharon
“Lyakai”

Thanks a bunch Sharon! ~Kady

Kady,

I have read the first few chapters of your book and was immediately pulled in. Having grown up a “military brat” I well know the culture and the dread that a new “move” can cause. I went to 5 schools by the time I graduated, like I said, I understand.

The story moves along well, great pacing. I don’t tend to read for grammar or punctuation, all the same I did not really see anything that made me pause. Now, I was not really looking for it, but nothing jumped out at me either.

It’s a great story. I wish you the best with it.

Sharon
“Lyakai”

Dear Kady,

‘Shakespeare’s Pink Cadillac’ was an enjoyable read. I’ve read two chapters and can see this going a very long way with genre-fans. So, best of luck with it. Here are a few suggestions, which you may find helpful.

Short pitch:

‘A story of redemption (period)
Two troubled teens forge an unlikely friendship as they struggle to save their city from disaster.’

Long pitch:

Well written. Just some minor changes in the last 3 lines - ‘… Paralee realises to her horror that the city may not be the only thing that need’s to be saved. But can she climb out of the hole she’s dug for herself in time?’

Main text:

You develop character with great care and skill. Your attention to detail is commendable. While you’ve pinned the entire blame on P’s dad, maybe, a few words on how her mother feels and copes will also help at this stage. The absence was noticeable. But the fact that you’ve chosen to leave it out may be important later.

The second chapter was hilarious. Ber-nerd. What a guy! I really felt for him. Had it been me, I would’ve jumped off the terrace before I found myself even leaning on mum’s ‘pink’ car! Social death warrant indeed. Incidentally, BC has a whole different meaning in my native tongue. But if I share that with you here, the authonomy administrators will simply throw me out! ;-)

I found BC’s POV account to be much better written than Paralee’s. It also makes me wonder that you may need to take a second and a third look at your long pitch. You can most definitely make it tighter and crispier.

Please allow me to offer an alternative:

‘A coming of age story about friendship and redemption.
Paralee is a fifteen-year-old military brat who’s attended more schools than she can count. All that she craves for is stability.
Fourteen-year-old Bernard has a dysfunctional family and drives to school in his grandmother’s ‘pink’ Cadillac.
His friends call him ‘BC’, short for ‘butt crack’.
Two teens from opposite ends of the ‘coolness’ spectrum are brought together by a simple act of fate. The odd couple soon stumbles upon a terrorist cell with heinous plans for the city.
As matters get more complicated, Paralee realises to her dismay that the city may not be the only thing that need’s to be saved. But can she climb out of the foxhole she’s dug for herself in time?’

Characterisation and dialogue are the cornerstones of any good story. You excel in both. Trust me, that’s a big compliment coming from someone who rarely reads or watches comedies and is almost always juggling with darker and gloomier stuff.

MY RATING: 6 STARS (well deserved)

Best regards,
AGC

Hi Kady

Will definitively have a nose through this as I have a few spaces on my book shelf and WL. Would you be so kind as to have a quick look at my book - The List. Feel free to leave a comment.
ta very much.

David J Baron

i think youve got a really interesting story here. i liked the voices of your characters. they seemed really real to me and seems to be your strong point. the only crit i would really suggest is that i found your long pitch to have waaay too much detail. i felt like you gave too much of your story away. i felt like after reading it, i needed to take a deep breath. i just couldnt keep everything straight. please keep in mind though that thats just my personal opinion, others may not agree with me.

i wish you the very best of luck with this.
melissa :)
Gut Instincts

Thanks Melissa, will work on this.

i think youve got a really interesting story here. i liked the voices of your characters. they seemed really real to me and seems to be your strong point. the only crit i would really suggest is that i found your long pitch to have waaay too much detail. i felt like you gave too much of your story away. i felt like after reading it, i needed to take a deep breath. i just couldnt keep everything straight. please keep in mind though that thats just my personal opinion, others may not agree with me.

i wish you the very best of luck with this.
melissa :)
Gut Instincts

Shakespeare's Pink Cadillac--A YARG review

Just had the opportunity to read over your first several chapters, and here are my thoughts:
I think the voices for both your teenage protagonists are spot-on. Really enjoyable to read; it flows well.
It took a moment to get used to switching between two first-person narrators, but once I figured it out, I was all right (perhaps I should read the chapter titles, hmm? :))
The thing that jarred, really, when you shifted between the two characters was not the two first-person narrators but the two different time frames, especially since Paralee's eventually caught up to Bernard's. Maybe group Paralee's story up until she starts her new school as one chapter and then go from there? Just a thought.
Love the nicknames--I remember in high school most everyone had one, and they weren't usually flattering. Bernard may not like that B.C. stands for Butt Crack, but in my personal opinion that's better than being called Dingleberry :).
I like that this is a Christian book that does not put the Christian part front and center. It will reach a wider audience that way.
A few editing issues (a annoying girl, in chapter one, for instance, and teradactyl instead of pterodactyl later on) but it certainly wasn't enough to interrupt the flow of the story.
I'm personally glad that no one in my state can drive under the age of sixteen, period. The idea of a fourteen year old with a license terrifies me! I honestly didn't know that happened anywhere. I guess you learn something new every day!
Best of luck!
Emily

Thanks so very much Emily - made the 2 error changes and yes, scary 14 -yr olds have a license to drive, however, in more rural areas, kids know how to handle a car/truck by the age of 9 or 10 because they're driving tractors and trucks on farms in pastures. Some kids mature faster than others because they have more responsibility, however, most 14-year-olds do not have good judgment when it comes to other things that go along with driving. I think it depends on the individual and why someone has to be evaluated for a hardship license.

Shakespeare's Pink Cadillac--A YARG review

Just had the opportunity to read over your first several chapters, and here are my thoughts:
I think the voices for both your teenage protagonists are spot-on. Really enjoyable to read; it flows well.
It took a moment to get used to switching between two first-person narrators, but once I figured it out, I was all right (perhaps I should read the chapter titles, hmm? :))
The thing that jarred, really, when you shifted between the two characters was not the two first-person narrators but the two different time frames, especially since Paralee's eventually caught up to Bernard's. Maybe group Paralee's story up until she starts her new school as one chapter and then go from there? Just a thought.
Love the nicknames--I remember in high school most everyone had one, and they weren't usually flattering. Bernard may not like that B.C. stands for Butt Crack, but in my personal opinion that's better than being called Dingleberry :).
I like that this is a Christian book that does not put the Christian part front and center. It will reach a wider audience that way.
A few editing issues (a annoying girl, in chapter one, for instance, and teradactyl instead of pterodactyl later on) but it certainly wasn't enough to interrupt the flow of the story.
I'm personally glad that no one in my state can drive under the age of sixteen, period. The idea of a fourteen year old with a license terrifies me! I honestly didn't know that happened anywhere. I guess you learn something new every day!
Best of luck!
Emily

YARG review

Kady,
I'm no expert, so I usually point out mostly where I stumble as a reader and the occasional line I like. I read the first four chapters and they were pretty clean. Here are the few minor things I noticed.

-Image of the boy on the pogo stick is nice.

---You might recheck the wording in the sentences below. I think it's the relationship you'd heard about not the sisters.

love-hate relationship between sisters I'd heard about.
vs
love-hate relationship I'd heard about between sisters.
---------
-----
not sure if you need the apostrophe in a.k.a.s , I can see why you did it though.

Chapter two flowed nicely. Grabbed me more than one.

The line before the Shakespeare quote about bosoms -"I had a horror I might say something stupid like:" seemed off to me, It was like you were trying hard to work the quote in. Teenagers do worry they're going to say something stupid, but I'm not sure they worry a rehearsed Shakespeare verse is going to accidentally slip out. IMHO

Great start
Love the title.

Best
Bill

MARGARET ETHEL g.a.

Dear Kady

I read a couple of chapters of your book. I was very taken with the title you gave it, and the premise pulled me in well, though I think you could break up your long pitch a bit.

The writing is nicely pitched, with plenty of realism which never feels heavy or overdone. Your narrative moves well, and I am sure will appeal to your target market.

All the best with this

Fran Macilvey, "Trapped"

Thanks for the read Fran, I'll get to your book soon - ~Kady

Dear Kady

I read a couple of chapters of your book. I was very taken with the title you gave it, and the premise pulled me in well, though I think you could break up your long pitch a bit.

The writing is nicely pitched, with plenty of realism which never feels heavy or overdone. Your narrative moves well, and I am sure will appeal to your target market.

All the best with this

Fran Macilvey, "Trapped"

I've been reading what you put up and I like it very much. You are an excellent writer, concerning language and wit. I didn't like some of the moosier monologue but then, I'm not a boy and way over fourteen. Maybe teenages think that way. I got over it to read on because I think it excellent.

Hope you will meet with success and acclamation for a great piece of writing, A. Walker

I appreciate the read A. Wondering what moosier means. ~Kady

Great fun. This is well written and engaging, and leaves you wanting to read more. I wasn't entirely sure about the character flip-flops between each chapter - it works OK to an extent, but I felt it was overdone. The dialogues are nicely structured, and your insights into teenagers' minds seem to work well.
Peter

I appreciate the read Peter. ~Kady

Great fun. This is well written and engaging, and leaves you wanting to read more. I wasn't entirely sure about the character flip-flops between each chapter - it works OK to an extent, but I felt it was overdone. The dialogues are nicely structured, and your insights into teenagers' minds seem to work well.
Peter

I've been reading what you put up and I like it very much. You are an excellent writer, concerning language and wit. I didn't like some of the moosier monologue but then, I'm not a boy and way over fourteen. Maybe teenages think that way. I got over it to read on because I think it excellent.

Hope you will meet with success and acclamation for a great piece of writing, A. Walker

Kady, I'm kind of new at this and wanted to give you stars, but for some reason when I hit on the rating nothing happens. ?? anyway, let me know what I'm doing wrong. julie

Kady, I've read several chapters tonight of your book and have to say you write very well. You have a good flow of thought and you do stay with an idea once you get there. I was a little confused at times going back and forth between the two characters narrating, but as things progressed it got clearer. You certainly seem to nail down the psychology of teenagers pretty well. And that's probably not easy to do. You're wonderfully descriptive and yet you don't overdo it. The characters are interesting and likable. Your dialogue is very real, and that's also another thing I think isn't always easy to pull off. Anyway, I think that's about it for now. thanks again so much for your comments on mine as well.

I like the new cover!!

Thanks Shelby!

I like the new cover!!

YARG review

Hi Rachel!
I'll start off the way I start off a lot of my reviews, and that's by saying this isn't my usual genre, so I feel quite out of place and under qualified reading it :)

I particularly enjoyed the fact that you've dropped in subtle Shakespeare references (I've only read the first chapter, but I immediately noticed "hoary head" from A Midsummer Night's Dream, I hope this continues, I thought it was a great idea!)

First few paragraphs seemed a little confusing to me, I couldn't quite figure out who the Santa figure was, who was speaking, what was going on, but after a couple of lines I started to pick it up.

That's all I have to nitpick on, really, the rest of the writing is succinct and tight and very well done.

High stars for this one :)

RK Summers
The Albion Pages

Hi RK,

You wrote this message to Rachel, however, you referenced Shakespeare's Pink Cadillac and mentioned the Santa and the hoary head so I'm sure you got the book correct, just my name wrong. However, thanks for the YARG review. Really appreciate it! ~Kady Colter

YARG review

Hi Rachel!
I'll start off the way I start off a lot of my reviews, and that's by saying this isn't my usual genre, so I feel quite out of place and under qualified reading it :)

I particularly enjoyed the fact that you've dropped in subtle Shakespeare references (I've only read the first chapter, but I immediately noticed "hoary head" from A Midsummer Night's Dream, I hope this continues, I thought it was a great idea!)

First few paragraphs seemed a little confusing to me, I couldn't quite figure out who the Santa figure was, who was speaking, what was going on, but after a couple of lines I started to pick it up.

That's all I have to nitpick on, really, the rest of the writing is succinct and tight and very well done.

High stars for this one :)

RK Summers
The Albion Pages

Thanks to all who have posted comments and backed so far. This is wonderful fun and a way to get constructive feedback. Can't wait to get to know everyone better and a Merry Christmas to all.

Hi a YARG review.
I like the title and the premise of this.
The thought of driving a pink cadillac to school on the first day makes me cringe. The poor kid.
I enjoyed the second chapter, the first didn't grab me as much. The voice reminded me of an older Diary of A wimpy kid, kind of tone. You capture the age really well.
I only noticed a couple of nitpicks otherwise the writing was smooth as silk. Very well done.
Best of luck with it,
Cheers Jacoba

Chapter one

secret everything ( take out sometimes, makes it stronger)

Chapter two

I'm confused most of the time lately. ( to tighten)

Jacoba,

Thanks for the YARG review!

Hi a YARG review.
I like the title and the premise of this.
The thought of driving a pink cadillac to school on the first day makes me cringe. The poor kid.
I enjoyed the second chapter, the first didn't grab me as much. The voice reminded me of an older Diary of A wimpy kid, kind of tone. You capture the age really well.
I only noticed a couple of nitpicks otherwise the writing was smooth as silk. Very well done.
Best of luck with it,
Cheers Jacoba

Chapter one

secret everything ( take out sometimes, makes it stronger)

Chapter two

I'm confused most of the time lately. ( to tighten)

Hi Jacoba,

Thanks so much for the YARG review of Shakespeare's Pink Cadillac! Your comments are much appreciated. I'll try to take a peek at your book soon! ~ Kady Colter

YARG Review

I like your first chapter. I read it all the way thru and enjoyed it. I didn't see anything grammatical, or anything that knocked me out of your reality. The only confusion I have, is trying to determine who the main character is. One minute I thought it was a little girl, then I thought maybe an adult, then at the end, maybe a boy. Maybe you could clarify the sex and age of the main character in chapter one? Other than that, great book!

Sincerely,

Donna S. Hale
Jessup and the Teleporter

Hi Donna,

Thanks for taking a look at SPC! This is a book written with more than one POV - more than one main character. For instance, in The Help, the book was written from the POV of 3 characters, just a different way to write a book. But I'm confused about your comment about you not being able to tell the age and sex of the characters. In the first chapter, Paralee's dad calls her "doughnut girl." Pretty obvious she's a girl from the get-go. Both of my characters state their age in the beginning of their first chapters of introduction and Bernard has always been a boy's name.

Perhaps you have my YARG review mixed up with another you've done?

But thanks for the remark it's a great book. ~Kady

Hi a YARG review.
I like the title and the premise of this.
The thought of driving a pink cadillac to school on the first day makes me cringe. The poor kid.
I enjoyed the second chapter, the first didn't grab me as much. The voice reminded me of an older Diary of A wimpy kid, kind of tone. You capture the age really well.
I only noticed a couple of nitpicks otherwise the writing was smooth as silk. Very well done.
Best of luck with it,
Cheers Jacoba

Chapter one

secret everything ( take out sometimes, makes it stronger)

Chapter two

I'm confused most of the time lately. ( to tighten)

YARG Review

I like your first chapter. I read it all the way thru and enjoyed it. I didn't see anything grammatical, or anything that knocked me out of your reality. The only confusion I have, is trying to determine who the main character is. One minute I thought it was a little girl, then I thought maybe an adult, then at the end, maybe a boy. Maybe you could clarify the sex and age of the main character in chapter one? Other than that, great book!

Sincerely,

Donna S. Hale
Jessup and the Teleporter

I found this interesting - my momma was an army brat growing up too, and she's always referred to the hardship of moving from state to state. I have to say I'm still not fully grasping the story, but I enjoyed the narrative, good build-ups of tension and an emotive first-person narrative.

Thanks for posting on my threat and best of luck.
Alex
F.M.F.

A YARG review-
Hi Kady,
It was your title that pulled me in. Fun, interesting, and not cliche in the least.
As I read through the first four chapters, I liked your characters more and more. Sarcastic, insecure, and totally teen. Your chapters are nice and short, and your sentences are great. No typos that I noticed.
I like it! It's just droll and sarcastic enough to really interest the YA age group, but it's too dry humor and it's fun.
Nice!

Thanks so much Noelle for taking the time out of your day to write a YARG review. Much appreciated! ~Kady

Noelle J. Alabaster

A YARG review-
Hi Kady,
It was your title that pulled me in. Fun, interesting, and not cliche in the least.
As I read through the first four chapters, I liked your characters more and more. Sarcastic, insecure, and totally teen. Your chapters are nice and short, and your sentences are great. No typos that I noticed.
I like it! It's just droll and sarcastic enough to really interest the YA age group, but it's too dry humor and it's fun.
Nice!
Noelle J. Alabaster

Hi Kady, a return read :-)

Are you seriously allowed to get your license at 14 in Tennessee?? That's pretty scary if so!!

Chapter 2 – ‘In elementary school, I always threw up an couldn’t sleep the night before’ should be ‘and’

Labour Day – need to capitalise the L

Easter egg aqua? – not sure what that means. Are easter eggs all aqua foil covered there or something? Here they are all chocolate with multicoloured wrappers.

I enjoyed the first three chapters.
Starred :-)
Tammy Robinson

Thanks so much for catching those typos. And yes, 14 is legal age for TN hardship license and it is pretty scary however, a lot of kids in the South are driving tractors and trucks in the fields by the time they're 9 so they have the skills and it's the parents who have to use judgment - they're only given for certain things like driving to work and to school if both parents work.

Also, we dye real hen eggs and some turn out a beautiful aqua blue, however, we do have some chocolate covered in foil of same color. Yum! :D Thanks for the Star!