My Dogs & Me

My Dogs and Me. Your pitch does not prepare me for the surprise and mystery of Chapter 1. There are so many questions. Perhaps more background information could be supplied from the start? But I am compelled to read on.
I take notes as I read, but do not pretend to be an expert.

Ch.1. You have a simple, easy to read style, and your story keeps me wanting to read on, but I'm wondering if a change in the sequence of scenes might make it flow better.
It is only my suggestion, but perhaps you could begin with the paragraphs where you first see Mummy, and fill in the back story later, in dribs and drabs.
The narrator's reasoning for having to find a place to live in so urgently seems rather lame. Perhaps you could explain it more clearly?
Although the scene of the filthy bathroom is vivid and yucky, is it as important to the story as the dogs?
I guess what I am asking you to decide is where lies the main thrust of the story: with the narrator, or the dogs? Then you can weave your plot with more clarity.
The character of the narrator is coming through, and your descriptions are well done, but there are many unanswered questions about the narrator's background.

Chs. 2-4. You have repeated the bit about the puppies and the car, which is not necessary.
There are some enchantingly humourous scenes describing the puppies' behaviour, but I'd have liked to experience more of the narrator's emotions, especially when Shweet falls ill. You could make a great scene out of that.
Your account of getting the car out of the drive conjures up hilarious images. I wonder what you would think of sometimes describing the 'reality show' from the Point of View of those living in the opposite flats?
Love that sentence 'Others have nightmares when they are fast asleep, while I have mine wide awake.' (Would the present tense be better here?)

I am warming to your enchanting tale more and more. It is full of wonderful little episodes which could be expanded, and just need to be linked more seamlessly together into a stronger plot.

Thankyou for this refreshing read.
Jane (Breath of Africa)

'The more I learn about men, the more I like dogs' - I cannot remember who said this, but your story expresses it more than eloquently.It is full of humour, good observation, and much heart. This would make a splendid animation, children and adults alike would enjoy it as much as '101 Dalmatians' which also started life as a book, by the wonderful Dodie Smith. I wish you success with this - you deserve it, not only for the writing, but for your evident kind heartedness. Yours, Pan

I want a dog! I didn't think I did, but having read your wonderfully infectious story of Maple, Frizzy and Mummy's puppies, I must have one! What a pity you're so reluctant to give them away! There's so many comic moments here, it's impossible to list them all - but I particularly liked Ti Boy's "munching of stones, thinking they were biscuits". He reminds me of Ben, my next-door neighbour's crazy Labrador, who is fond of invading picnics and running off with the food baskets! And Miss Arrogant is a wonderful character - looks like a man, and is so tormented by the puppies that you reckon her maid must have drugged her to keep her from going mad, lol!

This is a sure-fire winner for dog lovers everywhere, and I have no hesitation in awarding it 6 golden stars.

What great fun! I'll be reading on as time allows.

Joe Kovacs
Rupee Millionaires

(if I have one tiny suggest, it would be to move the "exce(r)pt" at the beginning to within the text of chapter one. And to put it all in the past tense, beginning "There WAS nothing welcoming about this house..." Oh, and it might be an idea to 'introduce' all the puppies by name early on, rather than them popping up without warning. Something like: "Mummy had six puppies, which I named Aki, Binder, Shweet, Pinder, Cuten and Ti Boy."

Shewta, Charming. Absolutely charming. Of course I'm very much an animal lover, but that is not the only reason I enjoy this so much. You're a very good writer. Your story is written in very simple language, which is always something I enjoy, and it's well done. Your writing style displays your own uniqueness. I think that's the word I want. Anyway, thank you very much for the invitation to read your story and I hope you will continue on with it.
Well done! julie

This is not just a book about dogs and puppies. It transcends the dog world and is really a book about human love and warmth. After reading reading the first chapter I wanted to read more, in spite of lacking time and forged on ahead and read more. Well done!!! Thanks for sharing this story.

Hi John,

Thanks for the comment and thanks for reading the story. Send my regards to B.O ; )

This is not just a book about dogs and puppies. It transcends the dog world and is really a book about human love and warmth. After reading reading the first chapter I wanted to read more, in spite of lacking time and forged on ahead and read more. Well done!!! Thanks for sharing this story.

Hi Karen,

Thanks for the insightful suggestions. I'm already thinking of how to go about the dialogues (and also about my life) but I know it is going to take time. Try I shall till I get it : )

I decided to take up the challenge you set and have just read the last two chapters uploaded. Firstly this book is more than a book about dogs it is so funny and insightful of your life its more than just a dog lovers (which I am one) book. If i were you I would try to somehow make this apparent not easy I know as everyone thinks my book is about France and its not its about my life, like yours!! The other bit of advise I was given that if you intent to go for publication, they like at least 3 scenes per chapter: dialogue so you could have the maid and you in a conversation this would work very well especially if you could get over her personality it would make it even funnier with her night time manovers and carrying on. Its a lovely warm read and very enjoyable, high stars, Karen x

Thank you, Kim for the comment. It is wonderful to know that I've got support from amazing people like you (on this site).

Best Wishes,
Shweta

The more I read of this novel the more I am amazed that after all the puppies have put you through you still love them to bits! This story will melt every dog lovers heart. I like the way it is told in a simple style that suits the subject. You paint a vivid picture of what it is like to live without the luxuries of life but hey when you are surrounded by that much love from those gorgeous dogs you have much more than material wealth. I agree with some of the other comments that this book would appeal to adults and children. I wish you the best of luck.

Kim (Pain)

Hi Sue,

Thank you very much for your wonderful comments. Yes, now that you've mentioned, the title really needs a change. Thought of hijacking Marley & Me to the ED ; ), it's not working ; (. Any suggestions would be welcome from you and everyone who reads this.

Thanks again,
Shweta

What an enjoyable read, really flowing and entertaining. I loved the description of the house - yuk! The antics of the puppies are fun, although they might well drive one nuts! I'm dogless at present so enjoy reading about them. Dog books are always popular so I can't see why this shouldn't be snapped up by a publisher. The only thing that put me off was the title (sorry). I know it sounds a bit like the block busting Marley and Me but I think you need something with a bit more zip and humour. I was trying to think of something but ...
Lots of stars from me.

just to echo the comments below, well done with this. a highly used subject matter told in a fresh and charming way.
j

Dear Maretha,

Thanks for your kind comments.

1. Use of present tense
I used the present tense for impact so as to make the reader feel as though he /she is experiencing what the writer was feeling at that moment.

2. Use of but, and, where
Thanks for pointing this out. I shall look into this and change where it is possible although some writing guides make room for this.

3. None - can be used with both singular/plural verbs
If you check the Oxford dictionary, it allows a plural verb to be used when one is talking about a plural noun(in this case food containers).

Will definitely take a look at your book and thanks for your kind wishes.


Shweta
My Dogs & Me

Dear Shweta
Your book again emphasizes that"a dog is a man's best friend" I found it hard to accept how no one really helped you and despite the fact that you are a woman finding for herself you are doing a great job urged on by your obvious love of dogs. Your book shows someone with a great heart and for just getting down to writing this book I rate you five stars.
If you have someone who can help you with your tenses.e.g.you describe your first evening in the present tense. I personally would stick to simple past tense.
Also words such as but,and,where are better used apart of a main sentence in other words trouble to avoid starting a sentence with them unless you use "where" to ask a question.
Also none is used with a singular verb, eg. There was none, not there were none as in the case of the dog's bowl.
As you are no doubt an animal lover I would love you to read from ch 4 - 8any of these as they are stories on their own and rate if warranted. I've ve had a few comments on the first part of the book.
Hope that your book does well because I have no doubt that you would use not just your funds but your energies as well to help animals.
I'kept you on my watchlist and rated five stars for the story which you told so candidly.
Kindest regards P.S.if you find typos I'm using a stylus and phone pc crashed
Maretha African Adventures of Flame Family Furry and Feathered Friends

Hi FC,

Thanks for the wonderful comments. Glad to know that you enjoyed reading the story which is a real boost to my writing. The cover is by the great Bradley Wind. Thanks again.

Hi,

What a lovely story, you really touched me at chapter three, you were trying to set the puppies up for adoption and then the tuition mom arrived to pick him up and you were reluctant. I felt the emotion of the scene, each sentence was eloquently articulated.

I believe this book would be a big hit with children also, it might not be in the "kids books" genre, but for the pre-teens it would be ideal... The love you have for the puppies jumps off the page, your writing style is straight forward but makes it point clearly.

The cover is cute and catches your eye.

Its really nice to read something different, and this was pleasantly different.

Highly starred

Thanks
FC

Thanks for taking a look at My Dogs & Me, Karen. Be glad that you missed the antics... looking back now I laugh at their antics but at that point in time I was at nerve's end trying to figure out a way to overcome their 'juvenile delinquency' ! : ) But adore them just the same...

Diehard dog lover,
Shweta

I love dogs and so was drawn to your book. I have really enjoyed the antics of the puppies- I missed this with my own, as Sam is a second hand dog. lovely, funny incidents that I can relate to. Well written and enjoyable.
If you like dog tails(!) too you could take a look at chapter 4 in my book Faking it in France and see how Sam helped mend my grieving heart.
Karamak Faking it in France.

Thank you Kerrie for commenting on My Dogs & Me. You are so right - live I did without lights and drainage. The puupies are one great bunch : )

A charming, simple, enjoyable tale. Dog lovers will like it best, but the house sounds intriguing. I can't imagine how anyone would manage with the lack of lights and drainage, but that just shows how spoilt I am. So many live without any kind of real house. This story shows the joy and pleasure of the puppies makes up for the lack of material possessions.

Thank you Philip for taking a look at my book. Am glad you enjoyed the read. Yes, will get down to editing it soon : )

An interesting entertaining book which will please many who have owned or own dogs, which of course is a great many people, a bit of editing here and there could be done but overall I enjoyed the read very much, has a space on my shelf.

Portraits Of A Small Peasant.

Thanks J.T. Carroll for the comment. Yes, you're right. I've not been actively working on this book lately but I must admit your message has nudged me to move ahead. I have noted your suggestions and will try to incorporate them as best as I can.

Best Wishes,
Shweta

The story itself is interesting and will make a fine book. As the previous reviewer noted, there are some flow issues that are probably keeping readers from getting very far. Since they mentioned some, I will concentrate on others. The emotional feel of the italicized description of the house is quite contrary from that one would expect from the book pitch. Then, the narrative changes in time and mood going back to the purchase of the house then fast forward, then apparently highlights from different days. It would be good to analyze this first, very important, chapter. Decide what is the main point, what should be in the beginning, middle, and end. What will hook the readers? What will leave them wanting to find out what the next chapter holds. Then, examine each paragraph, if it doesn't contribute towards that goal, or confuses the reader by moving forwards, backwards, and then forwards again in time, move it or take it out. The simplest structure is a chronological account. Flashbacks are OK, but for new writers, they can be difficult to pull off. Best wishes!

I love dogs, and I got your e-mail asking me to take a look, so here I am. I'm starting with the pitch. I think that although the book premise sounds good, the pitch needs work. This is a sentence fragment: A dumpy landlord bent on evicting them for reasons known to himself. The whole first paragraph, and especially it's last sentence: "Soon it appears that the maid and the landlord seem to have a common agenda that more than meets the eye..." doesn't build up the reader's anticipation, it is too vague to stir interest. Perhaps after I read some, I'll have better suggestions.

this is really great. i agree with you on making a fool of yourself. for me, it´s cats... enjoy your journey.
j
what every woman should know

I love your book, Shweta. Great writing, lovable characters, and dogs. Who could ask for more? I'm an animal lover and that's what first drew me to your story. The charm, the descriptions, the humor, the clear writing--these are what kept me there.
Sakari (In the Deep, Dark Woods)

An interesting series of events. The maid and Shorty have me livid and the house and puppies are definitely a labour of love! Looking forward to what is coming next!
I agree with jibwye on the critiques; though the description of the bathroom does put the shape of the house into perspective. I think there maybe a use of two tenses in chapter 2 (?) when you first talk about Cuten, you use 'is' and then 'was'.
Keep writing!
Johanna

Your love for dogs certainly shines through, leaving me to think you must have a kind heart as well! Keep on writing. Danehagen

Hi Jane,

Thank you very much for taking the time to read my book and for leaving a comment here. Your suggestions on improving this book are inspiring and insightful. I've noted them all down and am definitely going to work on them. I especially like your explanations and the tips on how to go about this. This will be of great help to me indeed.

A constructive feedback is always a joy to work on : ) !

Shweta

My Dogs and Me. Your pitch does not prepare me for the surprise and mystery of Chapter 1. There are so many questions. Perhaps more background information could be supplied from the start? But I am compelled to read on.
I take notes as I read, but do not pretend to be an expert.

Ch.1. You have a simple, easy to read style, and your story keeps me wanting to read on, but I'm wondering if a change in the sequence of scenes might make it flow better.
It is only my suggestion, but perhaps you could begin with the paragraphs where you first see Mummy, and fill in the back story later, in dribs and drabs.
The narrator's reasoning for having to find a place to live in so urgently seems rather lame. Perhaps you could explain it more clearly?
Although the scene of the filthy bathroom is vivid and yucky, is it as important to the story as the dogs?
I guess what I am asking you to decide is where lies the main thrust of the story: with the narrator, or the dogs? Then you can weave your plot with more clarity.
The character of the narrator is coming through, and your descriptions are well done, but there are many unanswered questions about the narrator's background.

Chs. 2-4. You have repeated the bit about the puppies and the car, which is not necessary.
There are some enchantingly humourous scenes describing the puppies' behaviour, but I'd have liked to experience more of the narrator's emotions, especially when Shweet falls ill. You could make a great scene out of that.
Your account of getting the car out of the drive conjures up hilarious images. I wonder what you would think of sometimes describing the 'reality show' from the Point of View of those living in the opposite flats?
Love that sentence 'Others have nightmares when they are fast asleep, while I have mine wide awake.' (Would the present tense be better here?)

I am warming to your enchanting tale more and more. It is full of wonderful little episodes which could be expanded, and just need to be linked more seamlessly together into a stronger plot.

Thankyou for this refreshing read.
Jane (Breath of Africa)

What a lovely, lighthearted read. I'm also a dog lover and enjoyed this a lot, well done.

An enchanting story, wrote with real feeling and an understanding of your characters.
You are at ease with your storytelling techniques.
The pace flows beautifully and the POV is perfect, and makes the story more captivating.
Your description is enthralling and the dialogue is gripping.
You end each chapter with a riveting hook that makes the reader turn the page wanting more of the feeling you convey in your lines.
I can see your feeling run deep with the writing of this book and it shows in the finished piece.
Well done, I have rated this very highly and would recommend it to others.
xx

Backed My Dogs and Me. Enjoyed the chapters you have posted. Being an animal lover we always adopt every stray that makes its way to our door. Anyone who has not had a personal relationships with a dog or cat has not really loved!
CC Brown

Read the first two chapters. WOW what an adventure you had with a litter of pups! They had to be very smart pups to have figured out all those escape routes.
You might want to introduce each pup in a few word, maybe have a paragraph where you name them all and tell why you chose the names that you did.
You are a wonderful woman, taking in Mummy and her litter of puppies! Their antics as told by you, make a very entertaining read. Good luck with your lovely story.
Georgia
The Woman From E.A.R.L.

Happy to back such fine writing! Hope you have a chance to take a look at Dark Side by CC Brown.
Sue50

Hi Shweta,
I've just finished reading our book so far and really enjoyed what you've written.
The dogs sound adorable, though I was upset at Maples death.
As a reader I think it should do very well, although once it is completed I would get it edited and proof read.
Well done!!

Lainie :)

'The more I learn about men, the more I like dogs' - I cannot remember who said this, but your story expresses it more than eloquently.It is full of humour, good observation, and much heart. This would make a splendid animation, children and adults alike would enjoy it as much as '101 Dalmatians' which also started life as a book, by the wonderful Dodie Smith. I wish you success with this - you deserve it, not only for the writing, but for your evident kind heartedness. Yours, Pan

Hi Shweta,

I took a look at your book, as you requested. I'll confess I had a lot of trouble with it.

The prologue was hard for me to follow. I wish I could find a nicer way to say this, but I found the writing clumsy. "The interesting part of it..."is bland. "if you are a ....fan" you wou would..." should read "you will." There are quite a few awkward constructions and cliches, and the passive voice - "Panic attacks became rife" - rarely makes for lively writing.

You may have a good story here. If you're really committed to getting it out there, I suggest you look into a writing coursr. A terrific book on writing is "Bird by Bird" by Anne Lamott. Also, read some quality fiction and non-fiction and pay attention to how accomplished writers use language and structure.

Good luck with this.
Bestg,
Andi

l hesitated to read this as it was about dogs. however, after reading some pages l can now say this is very good and entertaining book. l shall place this on my watchlist...
read SEASONS...

I want a dog! I didn't think I did, but having read your wonderfully infectious story of Maple, Frizzy and Mummy's puppies, I must have one! What a pity you're so reluctant to give them away! There's so many comic moments here, it's impossible to list them all - but I particularly liked Ti Boy's "munching of stones, thinking they were biscuits". He reminds me of Ben, my next-door neighbour's crazy Labrador, who is fond of invading picnics and running off with the food baskets! And Miss Arrogant is a wonderful character - looks like a man, and is so tormented by the puppies that you reckon her maid must have drugged her to keep her from going mad, lol!

This is a sure-fire winner for dog lovers everywhere, and I have no hesitation in awarding it 6 golden stars.

What great fun! I'll be reading on as time allows.

Joe Kovacs
Rupee Millionaires

(if I have one tiny suggest, it would be to move the "exce(r)pt" at the beginning to within the text of chapter one. And to put it all in the past tense, beginning "There WAS nothing welcoming about this house..." Oh, and it might be an idea to 'introduce' all the puppies by name early on, rather than them popping up without warning. Something like: "Mummy had six puppies, which I named Aki, Binder, Shweet, Pinder, Cuten and Ti Boy."

Shewta, your easy-writing style makes for easy-reading which makes the reading enjoyable. I suggest that you tighten it., as other reviewers have also suggested. For example, when you write "so I can run to the market and return" and start the next sentence, "upon returning." I would propose that you could eliminate "and return." There are similar things throughout that you could easily remove and that will make the storyline progression smoother. I'm adding it to my watchlist. Happy writing!
Donna Robison
No Kiss Good-bye

Have read to the end of your first chapter - a couple of comments, if you don't mind. Firstly, some confusing tense issues - for instance, in your excerpt you use the words 'saw' and 'looked' even though you're writing in the present tense. It is an interesting piece of writing all in all but my main concern is that you have put in far too much unimportant - perhaps even irrelevant - information. You first chapter could be halved, or even more, in length. It's a promising book that could be improved with some brutal trimming; for example the passage about your financial problems and your hurt shin could be covered in far fewer words, the reader doesn't want to know all the details and might get bored. As an animal lover I shall WL your book and read some more; it is definitely of interest.

Shewta, Charming. Absolutely charming. Of course I'm very much an animal lover, but that is not the only reason I enjoy this so much. You're a very good writer. Your story is written in very simple language, which is always something I enjoy, and it's well done. Your writing style displays your own uniqueness. I think that's the word I want. Anyway, thank you very much for the invitation to read your story and I hope you will continue on with it.
Well done! julie

I think that there are some good ideas here and certainly people will want to read it as animal stories are always popular but I think you could add some tension to your writing, You tend to come straight out with what is happening but you could make it more interesting by focusing more on how you feel not just what is happening. . For example, when you think their is an intruder, you could describe how you feel, what you can see and hear instead of simply saying you think there is an intruder. Then when you realise that the papaya tree has fallen, describe your relief as a contrast to how you felt earlier.
The ideas are strong here so I think you will be successful.

I really liked this! I like your voice in this story. You must really love dogs! Your writing is clear and concise. Your story kept my attention as I wanted to see how you would get out of the mess of not having a house to rent! lol And the mess just kept snowballing. Makes for great reading.

Good luck with this! If you get a chance, I'd be honored if you glanced at my novel, Jessup and the Teleporter. I am also a christian, and have been led to write. Welcome to Authonomy! You will really enjoy it here, and find many new friends.

Sincerely,
D. S. Hale
Jessup and the Teleporter
D.

Hi Patti,

Thanks for the idea. Guess I've got to figure out how to go about it... : )

Shweta

Shweta,

I can certainly relate to how a pet can change our lives forever. You have a nice story started. One suggestion I would make is to perhaps not go into quite as much detail with the various happenings of the house, dogs, etc. By doing so, the reader can then use more of his or her imagination to fill in the gaps and be drawn into the story in a stronger way.

All the best to you!

Patti

Hi Katherine,

Glad you enjoyed reading it. Merry Christmas : )

Best Wishes,
Shweta

Hi Shweta, Written from a true lover of animals' perspective, this also engages with the essentials of human life. I liked the parallels, the urgency of the move and the dog that comes with the house. The first chapter portends much natural story about these favorite animal companions. Katherine

Hi RK Summers,

Thanks for your comment. This certainly gives me the motivation to complete my book faster. : )

Regards,
Shweta

Aww, what a touching story! I thoroughly enjoyed reading this, it makes a change from all the swords and sorcery I usually read :)

Your pitch got it rit, there is a distinct Disney feel to this, but that's a good thing. Heart-warming and great to read by a fire on a cold winters night.

RK Summers
The Albion Pages

Hi Lisa,

A Big thanks to you for backing My Dogs & Me. It is greatly appreciated. Glad you like it. Will upload more chapters soon.

Regards,
Shweta