See The World Through My Eyes...

I love this and I hope you upload more! There were a few phrases that didn't quite fit, but overall, i thought the prose was incredible. I think you could be a great travel writer - have you considered submitting any of this to a travel magazine or something? Your experiences are fascinating and very down to earth, which makes them come alive to the reader. Anyway, I really enjoyed reading it, and I've rated it highly. Good luck with it! x

See the world through my eyes

These are just my thoughts as I read through your work...Please use, enjoy, or disregard as you wish, mine is just another opinion in a sea of plenty...

Cover – Nice, stands out and original.

Short Pitch – Yeah, interesting.

Long Pitch – Break it up a little, introduce some paragraphs so it doesn’t look like a lump of blurb.

Chapter 1 – I agree with the others that say there is too much going on, it feels repetitive to me and isn’t drawing me in. 9 times out of 10 people travel to find themselves, to lose themselves or to escape from their boring lives. What we need to know in a short prologue is what makes you different and why we should read. This first chapter reads more like someone is sat on a shrinks couch and is justifying their decision.

Chapter 2 – I spent a few years in the Greek half of Cyprus and regularly visited mainland Greece, so some of you descriptive passages rang true to my memories. I would have liked to see more action in this, as it does really read more like a journal than a story but the memories are pulling me through

Just looked into chapter 3, and I’m surprised they let you into Turkey from Greece, a lot of the time, that doesn’t happen and the time and placement of troops also rings true.

For a travel story this does look and feel more like a journal but it is very well written and that’s a big plus. I will come back and read more

Your pitch sounds interesting so i'm adding your novel to my watchlist. I've travelled a fair amount myself, so i'll be interested to see your take on travelling :)

I haven't read that many biographies, not really a fan but this grabbed me from the off. I was instantly pulled along into your world and what a fascinating world it is :)

Thank you Shiny for your nice comment and helpful advice. I am currently working on my intro to make it more attractive to the reader and will be shortly updating my book.

Hi there,

First things off. You can write. I'm sure you already knew that but it's always nice to hear it.

The first chapter is, in my opinion, going to be offputting for some readers. It is too much. It sets out the reasoning and background and I'm sure it felt cathartic to write but it doesn't really get the story off to a flier. I had a similar problem with my effort.

If I was you, I would start the story in the airport or on the plane to Greece or something and you can drip-feed little bits and pieces of the background as your narrative progresses.

But at the end of the day, it is your vision and your piece of work. And it is an impressive one at that.

Best Wishes,
Shiny

Hi there,

First things off. You can write. I'm sure you already knew that but it's always nice to hear it.

The first chapter is, in my opinion, going to be offputting for some readers. It is too much. It sets out the reasoning and background and I'm sure it felt cathartic to write but it doesn't really get the story off to a flier. I had a similar problem with my effort.

If I was you, I would start the story in the airport or on the plane to Greece or something and you can drip-feed little bits and pieces of the background as your narrative progresses.

But at the end of the day, it is your vision and your piece of work. And it is an impressive one at that.

Best Wishes,
Shiny

Hi Carolina,
I enjoyed reading. Your story has potential. You have a lot of interesting, informative details. The places you are describing captivate and fascinate. But you need to polish the presentation. Here are my general observations:

Unless you intend to shout at the reader, delete all other exclamation points.
Make the verb tenses consistent.
Use passive voice only where necessary.
Work on your POV.
Do more showing than telling - for example, in chapter 5, you wrote "...to watch a beautiful sunset..." Describe it, set the setting, the air, the sky, the sounds? I wanted you to bring me there, by your side, to see it.
Lastly, use double quotes when quoting; single quotes go inside the double quotes.
Break down the chapters.

I hope this will help when you revise. Your story should have broad appeal :) All the best to you!

Donna

hi
I can definitely relate to your book - the feeling of people asking you questions like: "when are you going to settle down" as though this equals fullfillment
A book thats definitely easy identify with!

hi
I can definitely relate to your book - the feeling of people asking you questions like: "when are you going to settle down" as though this equals fullfillment
A book thats definitely easy identify with!

I am enjoying your book very much!!! It has a lovely chatty style. I have to agree with the comment below, you do use A LOT of exclamation marks!! ^_^

Thanks for the great read! I'm putting this on my watchlist so I can come back and read more! 6 stars from me.

Carrie
Kimchi and Classrooms

Hi Carolina
I was really interested reading about your reaction to the book ‘Veronika Decides to Die’, as the book had a pretty profound influence on me too. A friend of mine made huge changes to her life after reading ‘The Alchemist’.
I read what you’ve written with great enjoyment. I like books like this, where people question ‘the norm’, and seek something ‘more’.
Two small niggles:
You use a LOT of exclamation marks! Most of the time your sentence is strong enough on it’s on, it doesn’t need the !
The sentence – ‘I was closing a door, and I knew a new another one was slowly opening for me.’ Either delete the word ‘new’ or ‘another’
Otherwise, well done and six stars from me :-)
Tammy Robinson

I'm a big fan of travelogues, and this one doesn't disappoint. Yes, you could profitably trim your first chapter (as already suggested) to a shortish 2/3 para prologue - along the lines of your excellent long pitch - and then lead straight in with 'D-Day had arrived', but otherwise I have no complaints at all. This is written to a very high standard - no typos or edit probs in sight - and in a wonderfully chatty and personal style which made me feel l was sitting round a fireside listening to someone's travel tales. I LOVE that you have a 'Spud' in your book too - that made me laugh! - and the account of Troy made me really sit up, since I only visited the museum in Munich with the artifacts from this site in Summer! Wow, you saw the actual site - as a classicist, I'm *green* with envy!

Good luck with this, Caro - six stars for now, hope to shelve after your next edit.

Joe Kovacs
Rupee Millionaires

p.s. I note that your chap 4 is the same as chap 2. If you edit as suggested, add a couple more 'chap 2s' beforehand - if you drop down below 10,000 words when updating, you'll lose your book.

Hi Carolina,

I like the idea of a woman taking control of her own life and not just sitting around waiting for a man!

I wonder if instead of giving us all your thought upfront in the introduction, you could infuse them throughout the book, in the form of flashbacks maybe? A lot of people tend to skip the introduction, particularly when it's longish, and it would be a shame if they missed out on that. Starting with the action "D day had arrived, I was on a plane to Greece" might grab people more. Just a suggestion though!

Or maybe you could start with a question: "This didn't seem like a spiritual journey. What does a spiritual journey look like anyway?" I wondered that as I ate my Greek salad and stared out at... (insert beautiful Greek view here) . It's a good question and one that will pique people's interest. We often want to start with setting the scene and explaining to people why we are where we are but sometimes it's good to drop people into the action and let them be intrigued before we explain.

Anyway, those are just my thoughts, and I'm an unpublished writer, so feel free to ditch them if they're not useful!

Oh - and also, those thoughts are from an Anglophone perspective. I think French writing is very different in its style and goals.

Claire

Hi Carolina,
This is an interesting book about your travels around the world to "find yourself" so to speak. I would cut back a little on the synopsis about going here, then there, etc. I thought maybe as a way to escape from the daily routine, your main character falls in love on the way - assuming that this is a work of fiction.
Chapter one seemed too long, in my opinion. Writing your feelings in the first-person is great and it brings me right in, but after a while it felt like a pity party. I think if you cut back a little on chapter one it will be much better.
It has great potential and I'm backing that potential.
All the best
Kirk
"How to Steal a Lion"