Arbitration

Michael, you have one of the most unique writing voices on this site. And you write the best dialogue, too. Sharp, snappy and very observant.

I enjoyed this short and yes, I agree with you that it could be expanded. The pace is very fast and leaves the reader somewhat breathless at the end. It did end a little abruptly, but that was probably because it had been a dizzy ride through. You made me laugh out loud and had me quoting parts of this to a friend as I read. It would be a waste of the characters you created to leave them so sketchy so yes, go for it and put some flesh on these lovely bones. Thanks for pointing me here, I actually read the first part of your other story by mistake and that had me laughing, too.

Only point that jumped out at me as I read here were some of the speech tags. She announced you can get away with, he laughed, it's hard to laugh a sentence. She responded, Amanda, he sighed... your writing is good enough to evoke the emotion, or action without the prop of the speech tag so think about a purge. But, discovering you and your style, a real pleasure. All the best with it. Alexandra.

Hi Michael,

First of all The Brown Supremacy made me laugh, then it made me think. Consider that success. Well done.
The Best Years of Our Lives had me chortling and giggling semi hysterically. This was fun.
After Ever After … ‘a bit like Australia and on the other side of the moon’ … as an Aussie, I’m not sure whether to be insulted or amused! Ooh, sad ending, but it happens.
A nice little trio of modern day tales. Thank you.
Regards,

I really enjoyed this - all the more because i didn't think I would. It's crazy and funny and that's my kind of thing. Lovely to see you 'at the top of the tree'. Best of luck,

Linda

challenging

Some how i seemed to have missed this u ti lit popped up at no5. Pitch sounds really good, even allowing for the Mrs God . Will back it and read it later in the week.


david
The cOLLECTOT POF tALES

Very funny. Irreverant. Unique. Supurb dialog. You should go far, up the ladder to.... if they'll let you in.
Backed.
Tom Balderston
The Wonder of Terra

This isn't a novel in its current form, it is a bunch of one-liners, some of which are v. funny (Michael Jackson asking for his glove). I read until I got fed up of the lack of movement and lack of solid character development. It would be great if it were a play, but it's not got enough substance for me as a straight novel. However, you do pull off a distinctive first person narrative. Jake

I loved the style and flow of this opening chapter, great dialogue and very funny. Brilliant concept, I could definitely see it as a film. Some very funny references and characters.
Loved it, best of luck
Rachael

This is a 'sit-com' get it into script fomat and out to the networks. Very, very, funny, and that from a sixty year old 'up-tight' Brit!

Thanks for making me laugh.

Good luck

Backed and watching.

Maureen Anne

Very funny but also very naughty. Though God's gonna get me for this: backed.

Very funny but also very naughty. Though God's gonna get me for this: backed.

lol, damn funny... good start and going strong.
backed with pleasure
Green H
through green's eyes

Excellent theme. I had to read it, and was not disappointed. I am backing this as it is my fav book in the top ten, so I want you to get 'edited'. Best of luck.

If you have any young kids, then they will enjoy my book , Paperbat adventures, and maybe comment / back it? [Jerry - paperbat]

*can't talk, laughing too hard* *holds up a sign that says "BACKED!"* *collapses in hysterical fits*

Thanks for the backing Michael. I really enjoyed reading Arbitration, which manages to be funny, painful and entertaining, all at the same time.
Well done with this.
Backed
Pip

You caught my attention with the concept and kept it with the funny and ridiculous dialogue. Wishing you well as you seek publication.

Anne
Closeted Courage

Nice work Michael sharp and energetic,brissling with tension and carefully crafted. Bravo rise again St Michael!

Best wishes

Richard

Wow. This is some funny stuff you got here. It's somewhat light reading, but that's what sells. And most of all, it's entertaining, and that's what's important. Nicely done.

Hey

This is brilliant! Beyond Brilliant! I love all the little clues - like the whole dialogue around Michael Jackson - it's so engaging and funny! Kudos, my friend - this is great!

I would try and make it more explicit as to who is talking at what time, that's my only criticsm. For a second there I lost track of who was who.

Awesome book! :D

Backed! (when I get home)

Ammy
By the Night

I backed this after reading the pitch, it's a true original idea, when i actually get to read some I'll comment again. Korvet.

wow.

Hylarious!
typo? "You're telling (me) two hundred and fifty thousand..."

Hi Michael,

Great pitches that really get the readers attention, from intriguing them to using names from pop culture such as Mr. Winkle.

Now, onto the book. Chris is quite a character. Right from the first paragraph you have us questioning if everything he says is truly reliable. The narration is interactive and really fleshes Chris out as a character as he throws littles things in that makes him seem real and not just a narrator.

I really enjoyed the way you broke it into acts and Chris is such an entertaining character to read and follow. Match that with the fantastic and amusing dialogue and it's brilliant read.

hello! great speaking on the forum and as its turned out i am backing your book because it look like one of the more unusual satires I have seen and certainly has a unique style. in the synopsis alone i spot race, religion, political correctness,the cult of trashy celebrity, paranoia of terrorism........ a heavenly courtroom idea reminds me of the old film "stairway to heaven" also known as "a matter of life and death" from the 1940's. best of luck when you get to the editors desk, ben "the vril codex"

Michael, I enjoyed the book very much... I love your discription, and the dialogue is so real that it's as though I am there.. That is one of my favorite things about reading and writing is going into a different world if you know what I mean..

And as for no vampires I also read and write books with no vampires in them as well :).. Thanks for the message and I'll keep reading and let you know what I think!!!

Michael, I enjoyed the book very much... I love your discription, and the dialogue is so real that it's as though I am there.. That is one of my favorite things about reading and writing is going into a different world if you know what I mean..

And as for no vampires I also read and write books with no vampires in them as well :).. Thanks for the message and I'll keep reading and let you know what I think!!!

Michael, I enjoyed the book very much... I love your discription, and the dialogue is so real that it's as though I am there.. That is one of my favorite things about reading and writing is going into a different world if you know what I mean..

And as for no vampires I also read and write books with no vampires in them as well :).. Thanks for the message and I'll keep reading and let you know what I think!!!

Alright Michael, it is bonkers but flawless, who am I to say more than that? I would love to see this on the editors desk - are you going to let it get there? I hope so. Hapless.

Oh my goodness, that is brilliant! Love it!

Laughing from the start. Backed with pleasure and a giggle. Hope to be reading more over the coming days. Lizzie Scott :-)

You should write this for the stage. Good dialogue, few set changes, with musical interludes. I think you're right...even in the King James version there are a lot of rules that have changed over the years.

Hi Michael,
This is a rather unusual read for me because of where I come from but I must admit it is fast paced and downright humorous in its telling. You are brutal I must say with your words :)

Tell me more when you come up with the rest of your chapters...I will be here.

Romilla
Forgetting Sally

this is a very interesting and unusual book. also an enjoyable read, written with great style- on my watchlist for now...
read SEASONS...

very witty. As a Christian, I wasn't sure some of it wasn't just a bit too irrevernt for my taste, but that'll just make it appeal to non christains all the more.
Backed

Hi,

Reading this gave me a giggle. You write dialogue very well. Concept of heaven was clear and somewhat unusual!
Good luck. Shelved.
Bobbee
Kali's Daughters

A very original work that I will back - perhaps you could have a look at my books - goodluck -----------!

I didn't get far into this before I was giggling at the voice. So natural and I could really empathise with the way things just went wrong. Almost like what happens to me sometimes although I ain't dead (The wife might disagree). What irreverent fun. Good stuff. Backed. Cheers, B. Cameron Lee (Diary of a Serial Killer)

This is really hysterical. I couldn't stop laughing! In a way, it's a very sad story, but the way you tell it is fantastic. I only disagree with the "no cats in heaven". What's that about? Seriously, the only line that bothered me was "bawling like a bitch". It's possible the character is sexist ... but that's almost the writer's voice coming through, as it's not something the character "says" outwrite- anyway I found it slightly offensive. The rest didn't bother me, it's how the character sees women (and the meat-cleaver- chasing wife scene was hysterical)!
Backed.

Michael, I couldn't remember if I'd backed your book so I've come back and had another read. You've had more than enough comments so I won't bore you. I'll back it. All the best in the quest for the ED.

T. L. Bartush
Bleak House Bleak Shed (a short spin on your shelf for this small satire would be appreciated)

Chortled at your premise-- brilliantly original.
Started reading and was totally hooked by your unreliable, real, and snappy narrator.

Good job! I think this one is very witty. There is alot that folks can relate to. I found it funny. I found myself not being able to stop reading. I tell you what, if anything, you may offend some real tight religious folk, but the should realize that this is for entertainment purposes. I really liked it and i'm backing it.

I love your mc's voice. You bring him to life (if you pardon the pun!) in the very first paragraph. I like the description of heaven and the humour in this. I am backing and I wish you good luck with it.

Best Wishes

Anna

Michael, this is brilliant. Just read C1 & C2 and i really enjoyed them. I have to be honest, when i took a look at the pitch, the word that sprang to mind was "Brave". But i thought, you know what, I'll give it a whirl. I was so surprised. You style is truly unique, i've never read anything like it before, and the dialogue is witty and realistic (even when you're talking about the devil wearing Prada, or God being allergic to cats). This is definitely going on the shelf. Great stuff.

Lee (Not getting into Heaven on account of my colour)

I enjoyed the read Michael.

Sometimes laughing at a problem is a start to looking at it more seriously

Your sense of irony has created a satiric parable that uses religious beliefs very effectively as a tool to skewer stereotypes.

You entertained me Abso, while making me think about some serious issues, and in the end that's all I ask for.

The man who makes me laugh gets my attention and my affection. OMG, is this good. And, personally, I think Heaven might be this way, and maybe I have just enough Native American to slip through the gates. And, nobody thinks the Irish are really white. Right? Here's hopin'! Kudos and I'm rearranging my top five favs to include your laugh fest.

Memphisgirl
Ashes By Now

I am backing this book on the strength of the read which I found impressive enough to back. The problem is that while my Talent spotter ranking sank below one hundred I have been inundated with requests to read. If you require detailed comments please message me otherwise I was proud to back you and will watch with interest. Cheers for now. BACKED.

I have to admit there is a whiff of crystal meth amphetamine in the writing style - manic in parts - but the whole thing is handled well and there are also some very amusing jabs in there as well. Not sure about the Chris Rock comment (unless we all prescribe to the 'one person, one idea' exclusivity - and Mr. Rock isn't the first to put the idea forward, by the way) but I sure as Hell enjoyed it, regardless. Mainly because of the way you handled it - confident and with style.

Read and really enjoyed - backed with pleasure.

Amazing! This is similar to the movie Down to Earth by Chris Rock. "Why does everybody hate Chris?" That sounds familiar too. Well, if it worked for him, it can work for you. Over all, it is well written, if a bit schizophrenic, but that can be part of the appeal. Thanks for the read.

I only read Chapter 1 (because I was reading it in bed last night on my iPod touch when I should have been sleeping) and I intend on reading the rest ASAP. I just want to say I laughed so much while reading this that I thought I would wake my husband up. Your narrative voice is excellent, I really felt like someone was sitting right there with me telling me about your story...and what a premise. I give a big 'A' for originality. I did notice that there was a bit of dialogue that didn't have quotations around it...but without going back through the first chapter I couldn't tell you exactly where it is at. I love how everytime Chris curses God rumbles thunder and how the preachers wife was busy singing Karaoke oh, and the "bouncer" he was hilarious. I must say that I am looking forward to reading the rest of what you have posted. I am happily backing. :)

~ Lisa

Just read ch1 and I already love it. Great and unique writing voice I find refreshing to glue my eyes to.

I hope to continue it and comment again when I can get around to it.

It's nice to see a style similar -yet different in it's own way- to my own. Sick of reading the same crap lately :P

Good luck,

Tay Tay

Michael
This is a most unusual but brilliantly-written piece of work. However, it is very irreverent and some people might find it offensive. Nevertheless, I have backed it.
Regards
William (The Caves of Caerdraig)

Very entertaining, love the internal and external banter. This is probably the most off center piece I have read and it is a refreshing one at that.

Backed.

AmyR

Trust Me