Lifers

HCG Review

This reads as though it has been the victim of an axe attack itself. I don't mean that in a bad way though, I mean it in the sense that it seems very well cut down so as to keep the momentum and suspense going through the first few chapters and I could help but wonder; did you wrote it like this straight off or was it many an hour in your editing dungeon that got it to this point?

As far as enjoyment goes I liked it, particularly the first chapter, the only downside was that we then jumped 70 years when I wanted that particular story to continue. I assume some kind if coverage of the intervening years comes later in the book?

The only thing that struck me as a little off key was how quick (Ok, there were 3 strikes, but still) Greg was to take on the Sheriff. Just a little prior indication as to why he would feel confident enough to take on someone that solid would have just made it a touch more believeable.

Other than that I don't have much to say. I don't know enough about the technical aspects of writing to comment so I'll leave that to others. Would I read on if I had time? The answer to that is yes and with that in mind you can say job done and done well.

HCG Review
Lifer
First i would like to say this sounds like a great story because you have us trying to figure out who or what Harold and Alice are trying to get away from. They are risking their very own existance to get to freedom even if they have to go against a harsh enivornment.

Very gripping story and you used a lot of adjectives to describe the emotions for your characters. I must admit in the beginning i was kinda of lost until i kept reading, then the story started to picking up. :)

I don't quite understand the following phrase:
her nose tucked in the trough between her knees as her chewed fingers twisted un-brush blonde hair

Watch your spelling we all make mistakes in that area I know I do all the time. :)

It was then he realised (realized) the true nature of his pain
The sound (sounds) of water rushed through the swelled creek

I really enjoyed reading your book and wish you all the best and success in publishing it. :)

Andrea Collins
Immortal Lovers The Ultimate Sacrifice

HCG Review – Lifers

I couldn’t decide at the beginning what to think of this – some of the language didn’t flow, but the hooks were great…

i.e. The first sentence runs on a bit and the tense in sentence two is off putting – BUT They’re coming for you tonight? Awesome

He has a hate on for their parents – why?

So I got past the opening – the hooks won :)

From there to the description of the rain storm was brilliant – had me locked right in.

I would lose the sentence about the conditions for their escape – just tell us what he sees when he looks at the street.

Watch your tense agreement – it seems to jump around and that is distracting. You use dialogue well to advance your story. Also watch the use of some words – a smile rescinding makes me go … wait, to rescind is to take it back, can you do that with a smile? … I suppose you could … does that work? And so the story thread was lost … :)

This language use and the tense changes are the main advice I would give you. The story is interesting and you tell it well. With a bit of work, this could be a very good book! I also love that you seem to have something unique with these water wounding creatures…

HCGR
Lifers
Great action from the start, Love the characters of Harry and Alice and the escape was very well described. The same continued into chapter 2 and Greg was a real character. This work runs very fast and is full of suspense. Chapter 3 with Vicky and Jill and chapter 4 with Larry and his memories of Michael and Daniel Madison all make for an action packed thriller that I really enjoyed reading.
Christian

nice cover, nice pitch, not my usual genre, but this book is worth a look...
j

Dear M A,
The most amazing thing about your work is the action and suspense. As you read along, blood pumps and you expect something to happen. Your words are well put and intrigueing.
Watchlisted for more reading!
Josphine
Notime goes bye

Lifers.
By M.A. Lewis.


Exciting start to your book , which is capable of holding the reader to it.
The description of Harold and Alice, desperate to make it to Tarboro Ridge is very vivid.
I could feel the damp atmosphere and the rain as they climb the slippery slope staggering and falling here and there.
A sharp twist to the story as Harold wakes up to the fact that he is now ‘one of them’.
I’m wondering what ‘they’, are. Hoping to find out more as I read on.
Sadly I have to stop here but will be back again and most likely back your book...its well worth it on what I’ve read so far.
It’s on my w/l to continue and for now...well starred.

Kind regards,

Neville. The Secrets of the Forest – The Time Zone.

I like this! you've got a good start here.

one thing you might want to keep an eye on is the long sentences you've got going when you're in description mode. you use a lot of commas which makes for run-on sentences where instead you could shorten the sentences for more impact.

looking forward to more!

At first I thought I must have missed a chapter, it took me until halfway down to make sense - this could put some readers off what actually becomes a promising tale. Have a think about re-writing the first couple of paragraphs because, for me, it detracts a little from your skill. Overall though, I liked your story and will pick it up again at a later date - it will go on my watch list for the moment.

Good luck

All sorted now.
MAL

At first I thought I must have missed a chapter, it took me until halfway down to make sense - this could put some readers off what actually becomes a promising tale. Have a think about re-writing the first couple of paragraphs because, for me, it detracts a little from your skill. Overall though, I liked your story and will pick it up again at a later date - it will go on my watch list for the moment.

Good luck

Cyrus - (Hellion3)