Not unto Death but unto Life

Read your story a while back but didn't comment on it.
It is slow paced and easy to read, which is good for the theme.
However it didn't grasp my interest, but that is just me.
It's voice is very well done for this theme,
Good job!
Best wishes with your work.

Shelby Z./Driving Winds

P.S. Please take a look at my Christian pirate adventure Driving Winds.

Dear Andrey: You have a story to tell and the ability to tell it well. I hope it gets to the top five, but if it does it may be blocked by mere grammatical issues. Is English your second language? If so, I'd suggest you find someone whose first language is English and have them go through your manuscript (preferably an English teacher). Let me give you some examples of what I mean from Chapter two (chapter one is just your intro). Readability of your striking story would be enchanced by a little more brevity and more appropriate use of articles as follows:
Let's go by paragraphs in Chapter two:
paragraph 1: omit "their"
paragraph 2: change "an engine roar" to "the engine roar."
paragraph 3: omit "cells"
omit "feelings of" and change the sentence to read: "along with that feeling came another."
omit " ; it was following the plane and"
paragraph 4: break up your sentence so it reads as follows: "The man was paralyzed with fear. He froze and couldn't move."
omit "it was filled with freezing despair and hopelessness." (this is a repetitive idea)
Did you mean to write, "as in the real world"?
paragraph 6: omit "The feeling of horror he had experienced...vivid." (again, too much repetition of an idea)
Did you mean for Lena to say: "It's the third time they have cried tonight."
Andrey, my suggestions are offered not to criticize your work - you are a much better writer than I - but to help you get to the publisher's desk. Please find someone who teaches English and have them look over your manuscript. Blessings, Pat

Nothing stands in the way, now!

upward to the top!

I like the way you move.

Turning around, going the right way

great effort, don't give in yet

Let's all agree, the SSR's were worse than what we have now.

Don't be discouraged

keep the faith

outstanding

no better book to back than this

everything fictitious?

excellent scenes clear read furth catch right away from that point.

Hi,
Very interesting start to your book. It has a Peretti kind of feel to it. I think the main suggestion I would make, would be to clarify the dream sequence a bit. During that part, I didn't catch right away that 'the man' was in fact the same man in the kitchen, so everything from that point on was confusing. For example, if he was in the kitchen, how could he see the dragon hovering over the plane? Things became clearer after I reread it a few times and then read further on, finally realizing it was all a dream.

Nice start to your story. It will be interesting to see where it goes. All the best!

Dyane
The Purple Morrow

Seems to me that this book should be rated higher, given the number of backers you have.???

Don't despair. Ask for help in the forums.

Always here for you, bro.

Keep being patient, but pushing a little will help. Go shake a few hands in the forum!

Getting a few dozen of your parishioners to register and back you would be a good move.

this is a story that we all need to read. Thanks for writing it!

Hello Audrey:

I began reading Not unto Death but unto Life and was refreshingly excited to read a novel by someone who clearly has an understanding of the spirit realm, and the power and authority which we carry as believers.

Bless you as you open many people's eyes to the unseen reality around us.

James

At first it would appear that this book is targeted towards people of faith. Reading on though proves that it is much more than just that. The reader is immediately confronted by our greatest fear and then children are brought into the scene which will touch a nerve with every parent. This demands more reading and I will definitely return to do just that. On my watchlist and bookshelf, good work!

It is very refreshing to read a book that immediately pulls into the story such Christain concepts and lifelong principles. We often relate countries like the Soviet Union to these types of happenings, yet, I think few people here in the United States even pause to realize that these things could easily happen here in America. Too often we read books as a diversion from reality but this book pulls us into what could easily become a reality. Thank you for sharing this realistic story. I hope you hit it out of the ballpark.

Blessings, Joy Eastman God's Gracious Gift

NOT UNTO DEATH
This is a frightening book to read because it speaks to a great fear in all of us: our government is more concerned with itself than in protecting us. I like your descriptions of what life in Russia was like: the thin walls of the apartment, the overall feeling of distrust . . . makes this a good read. I’m adding this to my shelf. Wanttobeawriter.

I think you have an interesting story here...a little editing to get rid of unnecessary wording would help tighten this up a bit and make the events a little more clear and concise for the reader. I liked how the family dealt with the nightmares and demonic presence...have experienced something similiar.....Good luck with this! Ruby, Eclipse of Faith

There was plenty of passion here that's for sure but I did find much of it rather confusing. I don't know whether it was because of the style of writing or because the usage was different from the usual. Whatever it was I found it rather off putting which was a shame because you have an interesting story and as I said at the start plenty of passion. I think that I will leave this on my watchist for now and come back now and again and see how you progress with it - Good luck - Diane

I think this will prove to be a political novel. That is the sense of it from the beginning, even though the church is prominent in the narrative, and of course there is a lot of politics in religion.

Alexey certainly seems to be in a nightmare. There is a good atmosphere, set in the first chapter and maintained into the third, where I stopped reading. I think the hitch for most readers will be the clumsiness of some sentences which are not quite acceptable English, or which strike as archaic.

Otherwise, there seems much to commend this novel since it centres on the large matters which affect the ordinary individual in a time of crisis and impending drama.
Lara
A RELATIVE LOSS

Its an interesting book that slowly pulls the reader in. I think this would interest many readers

I don't think this book is limited to the 'Christian' audience. It has universal appeal

This writing has a lot of potential, particularly if the author would engage an English speaking collaborator.

A review of that sort from Carolina Al is a blessing. His comments were all just grammar. He loved your story.

there are people on Authonomy who will actually volunteer to line edit a chapter or two if they like the book. Not me, but some do.

I read your first chapter (Authonomy 2).

General comments: A moving start. A credible main character. Realistic descriptions. Good tension. Nice pacing.

Specific comments on the first chapter:
1) ' ... pounding as if wanting to jump out from his chest' is cliche. Consider writing the same idea but in a more fresh manner.
2) Hyphenate ' tomb like.'
3) "Oh my God, what's wrong with you?" Comma after 'oh.' When you address someone in dialogue, offset their name or title with commas.
4) "I'll tell you later" he said ... Comma after 'later.' 'He said' is a dislogue tag (tells who said something). When a dialogue tag follows dialogue, the last sentence of dialogue is punctuated with a comma (unless it's a question or exclamation).
5) "No way, demons" said the outraged Alexey. Comma after 'demons.' 'Said the outraged Alexey' is a dialogue tag (tells who said something). When a dialogue tag follows dialogue, the last sentence of dialogue is punctuated with a comma (unless it's a question or exclamation).
6) "You guys really need to discuss it all at 7.30 a.m.", The comma goes inside the closing quote mark.
7) ' ... it hit Alexey like a ton of bricks, ... ' 'Like a ton of bricks' is cliche. Try to find a more original way to say the same thing.

I hope these comments help you further improve your all important first chapter. These are just my opinions. Use what works for you and discard the rest.

Thank you for your continued support of "Savannah Oak."

Bless you.

Al

The nightmare captured my attention immediately and I feel compelled to read on just to see if it foreshadows future events in some manner. Way to suck me in!

Four chapters in and it almost feels like a modern day retelling of the book of Acts. i'm very intrigued.

Wonderful to see your cover! Best of luck. I read your book and love the way you worked things out.

Just reading the first little bit of the beginning - you need to draw your reader in to the people themselves. Right now you describe feelings, sounds, a little bit of the physical surrounding - but almost nothing about the people. Make your reader care that the people are frightened. Let them experience the fear as if they are the two people sitting at the kitchen table. As you have it now the fear is sort of floating around the room - it needs to be centered in the people.

"The man felt a sudden rush of fear, his palms going clammy and his heart hammering in his chest..."

Obviously I don't want to write your book for you, nor would I presume to try, but the above is just sort of an example of the difference between what you've got right now and what I'm saying in contrast.

Interesting idea. Keep at it.

:)

interesting idea, told very well; written with good narrative and pace...
l shall back...
merry christmas!!
read SEASONS...

You have a bit of work to do. Don't waste all these backings.

Hmm...interesting start. Gets right into the action, doesn't it?
I've got to say though, I'm a bit puzzled as to why this has gotten so many backings in just the four days since it was uploaded, because this needs a lot of work. The dialogue is wooden, and much of the narration consists of passive constructions; this distances the reader and makes the action seem less immediate. Try reading the dialogue aloud and see what you think.
You definitely have a good premise here, and I do believe you can write, but my suggestion would be to spend more time refining your work before you push for the ED. You get one shot at an HC review; I assume you'd want to put your best work forward.
Best of luck!
Emily

I am not a Christian but were I a Christian I might suggest there is the whiff of dishonesty about some of your backers - all those similar names and shadowy faces suggest they may not be entirely real - and that such practise will ultimately backfire on you.
However, I am backing your novel because you can really write. Admittedly, you are a little verbose, but that only adds to the Russianism (if that is a word) . I would also prefer a more traditional format with paragraph breaks for dialogue (and perhaps one or two commas!) to make it easier to read (which is not the same as an easy read) but overlall, I am impressed.
Colin.
NB. I only read the start of chapter 8 and another chapter I chose at random so cannot give true feedback.

I think this story shows promise. Not very well edited yet, but, the story is the thing.

The very best book on this site by a dam site.