Would-be horror novelist Julian Boyle uploads his magnum opus onto Authonomy and waits for critical adulation and a place in the coveted Top Five....
He might be waiting a while....
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authonomy, earwigs, gore, horror, sadly-deluded horror novelists, satire, writers
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145 comments
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most i ve ever read in one sitting on hereusually only read first couple of lines or the shorter of opening chapters ;)militant in its ironywhether certain sectors can laugh at themselves in this most wonderful of parodies will remain to be seeni try to use this term sparingly, but this really is bordering on genius
Bloody brilliant!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! You are SOOOOOO shelved!
Genius!This has to be the best opening line in any work posted here!You've obviously been here for a while and have a real talent for observational wit.I was laughing so much I had to read some parts three or four times!Some fantasticlly bad sentence structure and spelling, and the 'comments' were hilarious, and the gratuitous 'sex' scenes were superbly crafted.We need more of the Earwig!!!
exquisite satire. i have to say i think writing comedy is the hardest of them all. i can generally manage to be funny 2 or 3 times per 100k words. this is non-stop. read the lot in one sitting. easy as eating pie. brilliant ! (particularly liked the invented adverbs, like: 'awryly' FFS !)
recalled the work of william gass / italio calvino, the meta-narrative and post-modern jump cut style, esp the end with the spam mail which was a delicious running gag like snippets at the end credits of a comedy film. This satirical work is a looped reflection, incorporating the material of the site it is integrate into, regurgitating, recontextualising, in a sense it is a literal work of fiction. i enjoyed the writer's (in the story) drive, his irritation at the comments left struck a chord with me. i can understand the compulsion to write a story about the maddening experience of trying to be a writer on a site saturated with platitudes. loved the large breasts and slutty behaviour. Authonomy for me is a textual form of porn
Aw man, this is the funniest thing I've read this week - no, it's the funniest thing I've read so far this year. I've attempted to tackle horror-writing a few times, thus Julian's attempts come off as absolutely hilarious. The funniest part is that he's so serious about how great his story "Night of the Earwig" is (and by the way, that's a really cool title), and how other people react to his comments. Especially the part with just typing a generic comment into wordpad and then copy-pasting it on over 100 titles, and the "I'll bookshelf you, so you bookshelf me" strategy XD
Why not provide a synopsis so we have a clue?
This was funny as fuck! Oh my god, you have soooo cheered me up, thank you. :) x
Read 2 chapters. You are very funny. Authonomites would surely appreciate this book. Not sure who else would though! Good luck.
Clever how you disguised your true identity in amongst the scam spam section, which incidentally was so wonderfully recalled. It must have taken you ages.
all I can say is, absolute legend!!
dear authonanon -- "Night of the Earwig" is too funny -- even if you're just having a laugh it's still pretty amusing; backed with pleasure k x "American Sycamore"
dear authonon --"Night of the Earwig" is too funny -- even if you're just having a laugh i'm still highly amused -- you're backed. kx
OMG! I love your genre and i HATE earwigs. Will be reading, comment, and back . Will read and comment first thing in the am, will back as soon as i shuffle my shelf. I know it's going to be good :DMaria x"Dark of the Moon"
I looked for this to reback it and couldnt find it so glad its poped up again. This is one of the best comedy?thrillers since monty python had a giant cat. A great cure for depression or anyone taking themselves too seriously. Sue Knowing Liam Riley - I hope you fancy a quick catch up on mine x
Delightfully, wickedly, sinfully funny. I think I may have wet myself.
Can only echo what has been said, Many people will recognize themselves in the opening. Andh yeah, giant earwig, Brilliant.
Ohhhh, this may be the only horror book I ever read. :)M.V. MunozPride, Prejudice, and Cheese Grits P.S. I'm gonna go shorten my first chapter now...
Heh, this provided me with momentary amusement. I've read the first three chapters, but since the gag hasn't changed - since, in fact, nothing really changed at all, I haven't gone further. There's a great deal more for you to satirise in the wannabe-world (exploring for instance, how these people interact with their friends and how other people regard them) so I hope you move beyond the cheap gag. Granted, this is a half-assed attempt probably not meant for any but authonomites, but you could still do more...Backed, just for shits and giggles. Cheers
Well there is just something about this book, i dont know exactly what it is but I am very engaged by the concept.
Cheeky devil! And the satire is doubled as we all comment on your book! Backed for all the gratuitous mamary description,Christa
Dear Authonanon, I love your phrase "you obviously don't know horror if you think my story is unorginial" - I laughed so hard. :) Your book is so humorous - I love it. :) Before I began to read your book, I was prepared by your recap/pitch,which was very well done. Your story is good because you create interest by having short paragraphs & lots of dialogue, which makes me want to keep reading to find out what's going to happen next. I'm "commenting & backing" your book to help it advance - this will help yours & mine move up on the charts. :) Could you please return the favor by taking a moment to "comment & back" my TWO memoir books, "He Loves Me, He Loves Me Not" & my completed memoir unedited version? "Tell Me True Love Stories," which tells at the end my illness now & 6th abusive marraiage." Thanks, Susie :)p.s. Remember: Every "comment" & "backing" you do moves your book & the other person's book closer to the top. :)
The pitch is perfect for this awesome story. It is obvious a lot of work went into the book, with the carefully chosen words, and awesome dialogue.I loved it. Best wishesScottThe Esrevinu Chronicles/Secrets of the Elephant Rocks
I love a well done satire and yours definitely fits the bill. It takes a lot of skill to write the novels bits so terribly, yet write witohut flaw when you ar ein the protagonists' voice. "Only her fulsome, blood-spattered breasts naked breasts, seemed relatively intact-" I laughed hard at that bit. I don't how far when you can climb the ranks while poking jabs at this very website, but I don't take myself too seriously to appreciate this unique and very funny work.
Freaking hilarious! *So* backed.AmyLove Match
This is a clever story: A book about a book. Funny, funny, funny. I think I've received the same list of Nigerian scams you posted in your fourth chapter. Makes a fitting conclusion for this. I'm adding this to my shelf. Burgio (Grain of Salt).
This. Is. Absolutely. Hilarious. And true. Kudos on calling us all out, because I know we all do it, whether or not we'll admit it. I'll raise my hand if you ask whether I've checked the length of Chapter 1 before, but I can laugh at myself and this is a great use of wit and satire. Backed with a smile.
How can I not like a book about a giant earwig!! Seriously made me laugh, shelved for a wicked sense of humor.Sessha
Authonanon This is hillarious....I read it all....Mmm...If I give you my mother in laws address, could you send earwig over.? ....He likely wont be hungry enough to eat all of her, but maybe he could just scare her to death and eat her friend, who I like as much as my mother in law...I want more.......Shelved.....
Beauford PublishingBloomington, IN 47403February 7, 2010Dear “Authonanon” [LOL]Thought I’d congratulate you on your brilliant idea!You are having an effect in Authonomy, people are beginning to like your story. Have you thought about what you are going to do with it? Will you continue it?What a brilliant ploy to spook some of those twits. A parody of themselves! HA! This will certainly move you up a few pegs in our little publishing venture. You’ve got people around here wondering whose job you are after. This is good stuff!It’s not my job your after, is it?Freddy FudpuckerVice President, CirculationBeauford Publishing
Chapter 2Unaware that she'd been a slut while she was alive, he silently vowed that he would avenge her death! This is the greatest horror novel I've read since Tuesday! The Authonomy stuff is pretty spot on, too.
Chapter 1It came from beneath the earth! To gorge on bratty sluts! Oh, God. I'm still laughing, my blood and guts going everywhere. This is like Holden Caufield writing a monster movie book. If you're not just totally taking the piss, then I think you should drop the specific reference to Authonomy and make the narrator a simple struggling writer. Brilliant.CheersJohn
Forgive me if, after two weeks on Authonomy, I have forgotten everything I've learned about language from my own education and from editing others' writing. (I'll admit that I sometimes found after a day of editing that I couldn't remember if "the" was spelled "t-h-e" or "t-e-h.")Chapter 1—should be “copied and pasted;” should be “sated, “ not “saited” (or is that another of those pesky British spellings, as one writer pointed out to me when I commented on his spelling of “yoghurt”?)Chapter 2—“your” = possessive while “you’re” = “you are;” I do love the Brit. Lit. “behaviour,” though, which seems to imply “your behaviour,” since it has most of the word in it....“asked them inquiringly” = (intentionally) redundant…and my personal favo(u)rite, the masterful use of imagery in this sentence: “He gently closed the eyelids of the girl, then carefully put her head down again, much closer to the body, to make things a little easier for the police.” What a guy!Chapter 3—Come on, now, find an identity with your spellings: How unglamourous is your spelling of “glamorous”! “Obviosly" ☺ your not attempting to maintain the writer’s voice!How long did it take you to write this? I think you may have refuted Wolfit’s notion that, “Dying is easy. Comedy is hard.” Thanks for making me laugh.
Anything that makes me smile as many times as the prologue did gets my vote, and that's before the giant ebony beast even comes onto the page. Did you ever see the Night Gallery story about the earwigs burrowing through the man's brain - in one ear and out the other? It struck terror in the hearts of millions and it was only an ordinary sized insect. Julian's attitude is good, a bit understated but very writerly in its elements. Can't wait for the film version.
Well done.You can have a morning on my shelf for sheer cheek.
Are you Guy N. Smith? :D
My first reaction was that this is set up purely as a joke, to see how far it could go. Congratulations on your success in proving that some people will back anything. Well, okay, I suppose it's quite a funny joke.Gerry McCullough,Belfast Girls.
Pretty much covers the authonomy scene. Even so, there are a large number of people on the site who are conscientious and want to improve their writing. I agree, though, the run for the desk is rather pointless. So far, the vast majority of the HC reviews have been pompous and condescending. The site itself, though, is a good way for people to get some feedback and some confidence in their writing. It's better than wasting your time watching the boobtube and waiting to die.
This was incrediable. I loved it. What else can I say. I'm speechless, and overwhelmed at how good this was!!! Backed because the editors need to see this. I wish I knew who you were. I tried to go to your gmail, but was not able to get there, oh well.
Saw your post in the forum about being picked up by a publisher and had to check out what you were talking about. Brilliant! I don't usually make it past the first chapter when reading, but this was so funny I had to keep reading. Congrats on the publication. Keep us all posted.
Clap! Cheer! Clap! Clap!.......my adulation as requested.Backed!!
A horror in more ways than one. Please tell me Authonomy isn't really full of people like this... (Or am I already one of 'them' without realising it?)As others have said, hilarious - yet also terrifying. It would be delightful for it to get to the editors' desk, even though it would be a shame for whoever was number 6 that month...Excellent collection of spam, by the way.
Hey A,I've been planning to peek at this for ages, but after seeing your most excellent news in the forum, I decided to hurry over before you decided this place was beneath you. After giggling my way through the first chapter, I popping this up on my shelf - mostly because I want to be one of the cool kids who can say I knew you when...Oh, and please tell me you'll be leaving a message for bd-eye.~TraciTangled Web
He pointed to the alley approximately 65 metres away.o god you cruel bastard
That is funny. "Maybe in those last few minutes suzie was thinking that if only she'd let some decent guy take her out..."hahaha!Keep us informed when we can buy this. I'm still tittering.
I have never laughed so hard in my life. Fuck.T.L Tyson-Seeking Eleanor.
Night of the EarwigHi Anon,A fantastic piss-take of all of us (yourself included no doubt) - what more to do with this than, quite obviously, as Julian's worked out - shelve this - Andrew W.Who are you really?
lol lol lol rofl lol lol lol lol rofl lol lol lol lol
VERY funny. And soooooooo true. Excellent writing and OMG, if one more person picks up that "you wrote dont. It should be don't " in y comments, I will take a chain saw to them. GET A LIFE! If JK Rowling can write DVD's when actually it should be DVDs ....you can F**** off! Good job. You said it. Mignon (Opposite Island) please read?
Mozart wrote something he called 'a musical joke', a pastiche of all the rubbish others (like Salieri?) were writing at the time. The real joke is that people play this as if it were not a joke. It used to be the signature tune for some sports programme! I can only pay you the compliment of saying this is the writer's equivalent of 'a musical joke'. You have to be talented to produce something as awful as 'Night of the Earwig' and to do it so that it's only a tad more horrible than some of the stuff you can read on here. And how sharply you lampoon some of the pretentious twaddle that's offered in the form of comments. You've just made my Sunday morning.Alan (aka Lee)
If you need a critical comment let me know; if not, then enjoy the backing!I could use your comments on my book when you get a chance. Cheers!JC CavazosThe Obergemau File
Yep.......If anything is shelf worthy, this is it.