Rudolf Goes Bananas

CHIRG review

A refreshingly modern Christmas story. Totally balmy but funny - am sure children will like it (and adults too).
Like the up-to-date sleight with airbags, anti lock brakes and wing mirrors.

Like your explanation of that age old question as to how does Santa get all the toys in his sack - he doesn't!

Flows well and easy to read. Perhaps it will become a festive favourite,

Debbie
Speedy McCready

Geddy
Rudolf Goes Bananas is a great story!
You were right it is for all ages. And very funny!
I really hope this gets published by next chrismas, so I can read it to the kids.
Enjoyed it.
Well done.
Rob Slimm
Slickswitch

I haven't read any Santa story before. Thank you for entertaining me with such an exciting story. Easy language, smooth moving, suspense, live characters- great! Children must love it.

An intriguing start to the story, which is definitely different from most Xmas stories.
I especially love the title, which will hook children in from the start.
Your writing flows with ease and you are the consummate storyteller.
Strong and captivating characters.
I like the idea of Santa being a little eccentric; it gives you the chance to amuse the reader.
Illustrations would only add to this story and bring the children deeper in to plot.
The POV is good and you writing are staccato and fluid.
Would fit into schools and on a Childs bookshelf.
I like a lot, will recommend.
XX well done.

I really like this and I've downloaded it onto my Kindle so I can read it to my grandsons. Backed!

CHIRG review

A refreshingly modern Christmas story. Totally balmy but funny - am sure children will like it (and adults too).
Like the up-to-date sleight with airbags, anti lock brakes and wing mirrors.

Like your explanation of that age old question as to how does Santa get all the toys in his sack - he doesn't!

Flows well and easy to read. Perhaps it will become a festive favourite,

Debbie
Speedy McCready

i think i've commented on this before. Have I?

Anyway, have rated this with a flourish of stars.

KC

Not much my type of read, but would be fun for kids. I think your spin on the names was done purposely- right? (no copyright infringment and such?) If not, it's a good excuse hahaha. The only thing that concerns me is that kids will look at this and not want to read unless they are rather young (possibly too young for chapter books), mainly because (at least when I was a kid this was my thought) the things the reindeer do are relatively close to humans and kids know that's not possible. I know your intention was for imagination and humor (believe me, I'm big on imagination), but that's the only thing that would concern me. All merely opinion, of course!

Honestly though, your writing style is great for kids. It's easy to follow along and funny at times.

Highly starred!

Brittany E.
Melaney and the Mirror

A funny new take on an old Christmas story for children and also adults who like to let their imaginations run a little.
This book definitely should be up there on everyone's watch list. It can be read year round to keep everyone in the Christmas mood and get a laugh in here or there.
Add this tale to Frosty, and the other classics and you will be chuckling through the New Year!!
Well done!
jenny

Hi Mike,

What a great story so far. It has made me smile and laugh. I love the fact that the reindeers have retired and live in various places around the globe.
I didn't notice any mistakes, but I was too engrossed in the story to look for any.
I think people of all ages will really enjoy this, well done!

Highly starred, I hope it gets the recognition it deserves!

Cheers,
Adam

Hi Geddy/Mike,
I read the first two chapters. It's an entertaining story that warmed my heart and made me smile. Heavily starred.
But did you intend to spell "Rudolf" with the "f'?
I'll send you two more comments via email. Great job, and with a few touches here and there I believe you can find a publisher because this kind of story is beloved by many, including my wife, who adores Christmas stories, especially those with animals in them.

Dean Lombardo

Finished it with zeal. Great little story for the whole family to celebrate the holiday and the idea of gift giving. Adventure mixed in this should be a good read for many. Janice

Eye catching cover page. I love Christmas and I really enjoyed this wonderful story.
Good luck.
Dawn
Sammy and the Wise Willow

A good beginning, a different twist on santa and all his deers. You are giving each one a persoanlity of its own. I will continue to read and put it on my shelf. Jan Abel

Read a little of this. Good spoof on the Rudolph story. All I can say is I want to be friends with Donner, hang out on an island in the Caribbean and drink fruity cocktails all day while a grill sizzles my dinner. LOL!
Georgia
The Woman From E.A.R.L.

Second para ch. 3 "...Santa insisted he took off ..." the common phrase (at least here in Yankee land)is "insisted he take off ..."
Para starting, "There were four teams ..." you've split a phrase into two pieces by putting "through the night" right in the middle of it. Try putting "through the night" at the very beginning of the sentence or the very end (frankly, I vote for the beginning of the sentence.)
para starting: "The sack team kept monitoring..." in this day and age, it's possible that your comments about girls getting soldiers and boys getting dolls could be construed as sexist. (Major eyeroll, here but it's the truth.)
Joyce

Ch. 2 first para: "...He asked how his flight had been but all he got back..." That first HE should name who is speaking (Santa). Since you just recently referred to Rudolf by name, it implies that the following "he" should refer to Rudolf.
First reference to a "satnav" should be spelled out (satellite navigation system)
"Brittish-isms" to watch out for if you're looking for an international audience: "lorries" (semi's in Yank-talk); "football pitch" (rugby -or "football" field in Yank-talk)

Ch. 1 para starting, "It wasn't Rudolf out there ..." you mention "Donner", but I think, if you check Clement Moore's book, "A Visit from St. Nicholas" where the reindeer are named for the first time, the name is "DonDer".
You also refer repeatedly to "hands" but I think it would be better to give the reindeer back their hoofs!
para starting "Santa thanked his old friend ..." "electrical" or "electronic" shops? Might be funny if you used a takeoff on the name of a real chain (like Radio Shack -- Computer Hutch)

Love. Love. Love! So nicely written and easy to follow, so Chrismas'sy (is that a word?) Would defiatly read this to my little one! On my watchlist and highly rated! Well done! :-)

Hey Mike,

First, Rudolf Goes Bananas is a very cute title, and has a funny/corky opening. It really captured my attention, and made me chuckle. I like the idea of a fun holiday book and you certainly offer very entertaining visuals with the dialogue. Your book is different and I think it has great potential to do well. I am giving you full stars because you put a big smile on my face.

Best of luck with this! I know you’ll do great!

Christine Rees
Spark

Very cute and entertaining story. I read the first three chapters and love your writing style. Perfect for all ages. Good job.

Susan/Greenleaf (Chameleon)

This has exactly the right mixture of the familiar and the unexpected - hi-tech sleighs, banana-loving/dangerous-sports-club reindeers and NASA co-operation - to keep children (um, and adults) entertained to the highest degree... at any time of year. I read chapter 1 tonight and look forward to reading more.

Mark, The Devil's Fan Club

I read your first two chapters.

General comments: A clever, comedic twist on the familar. Delightful characters. Strong imagery. Vivid sense of place. Not a lot of tension. Smooth pacing.

Specific comments on the first chapter:
1) Hyphenate 'high heels.'
2) 'She never tired of the lovely smell wafting through the air and ... ' When you mention 'smell,' try to characterize it. Was the dominate smell vanilla? Cinnamon? Brandy? When you characterize smell, you'll pull the reader deeper into your story.
3) "Hello Albert, what can I do for you?" Comma after 'hello.' When you address someone in dialogue, offset their name or title with commas. There are many more case in the two chapters I read where you address someone in dialogue, but didn't offset their name or title with commas.

Specific comments on the second chapter:
1) "That would be really helpful," nodded Santa. You can't 'nod' dialogue, so put a period after 'helpful' and change 'nodded Santa' to 'Santa nodded.' There are more cases of this type of problem.
2) " ... to the sack from the store rooms at the north pole." Capitalize 'north pole.'
3) Hyphenate 'non stop.'

I hope these comments help you further polish your all important opening chapters. These are just my opinions. Use what works for you and discard the rest.

Thank you for your kind comments on "Savannah Oak."

Bless you.

Al

A wonderfully done kids book. I could see them loving this. Hell, I'm 23 and i liked it! Its like a re imagining of a classic. highly starred.

Father Christmas has gone hi-tech! With his new electro-magneto-moto drive, he needs only 1 reindeer, not 8 or 9. Except hi-tech isn't Santa's forte. The new sleigh also features heated seats and floorboards, a horn, and a sunroof– or in this case a rainroof.

See Prancer and Vixen got married, moved to Norway, and had 14 children. Cupid ran a modeling agency. And Rudolf– he's into extreme sports.

Things started going haywire when Rudolf visited Donner at his Caribbean beach house. Rudolf went, well, bananas. And that's what the story's about.

Read, enjoy, back. I did!

Hey great story and yes it is about the same age range as mine. Nice pace and funny. I like how the reindeers are around the world - Caribbean - great choice. I'm not sure about your opening question because it can be a bit touchy for some children and parents.
It's on the shelf.

Dear Mike,

What a fun story! I can see children and parents greatly enjoying this book together. You have taken a well-known tale and created a new, unique treasure. Kids will love experiencing all their North Pole favorites in a new light. Your language is the perfect mix of understandable yet challenging. Also, the witty humor and energy are sure to entertain. Love it. Starring this highly.

Faith Rose
Now To Him

Hi, Mike. I hope Santa was fully comp on that sleigh. There have been quite a few stories, books, films about Santa, who doesn't love Christmas, so it's always nice to see a new angle on it. Although I'm clearly not the target audience I enjoyed what I read, the humour is good clean fun. A traditional story updated, good stuff.

Paul

A fun story. Needs a bit more polish and editing but a strong base.Good luck

Hi Mike,
I’m here for our read swap. Sorry it’s taken me this long to get here. Family stuff has come up. Below are my findings/comments. They are of course my humblest opinions, so please take them for whatever they are worth.
I’d change “All the reindeer” to just “The reindeer”
Too many “nows” in there
You might consider adding “comedy” to the list of sub genres.
“Little do they know” is a bit cliché.
Chapter One
“high heeled” should be hyphenated in this case.
If she’s short and angry because “you” don’t believe in Santa, wouldn’t you already be crossing her?
While I like these opening couple of paragraphs, they’re a bit choppy and maybe could use some polishing up.
I love this opening chapter. It’s a fun, smooth read, with some great characters and wonderful dialogue. Excellent pacing for a children’s story and fascinating twists on the North Pole.
It might be tough to find your demographic here on Authonomy since we’re past Christmas, but I hope you stick with it, because it seems like a great start to a fun story.
Best of luck,
Phil
(Deshay of the Woods)

Rudolf Goes Bananas

Fun story. Christmas always sells. Enjoyed the fluid way you tell the story. But with 15,000 words, it's too
long for a picture book. So let's think this through as to why it's maybe not selling if you e-pubbed it. (I'm thinking this is the one you e-pubbed but if it's another one, please forgive me) Kids usually don't believe in Santa after third grade or about nine-years-old and I can't see that many children owning Kindles or Nooks at a younger age - unless they have rich uncles or parents with more money than they know what to do with.( I guess those kids could ask for a Kindle or Nook for Christmas.)

But usually, children that young like to see colorful photos when they're reading to give them a visual -- especially for the youngest or slow readers. If it was published more as a middle grade book, for kids who no longer believe in Santa but just love a well written Santa tale, a good idea would be to self-publish (if you still can't get a traditional publisher) and have an artist help with sprinkling in some black and white drawings throughout.

However, if you market and promote enough, you might sell it for $.99 to grandparents (or parents) looking for a good read for the kids who can listen closely without having to look at pictures. (Some children just can't be still unless they have a visual)

But I love the idea of doing the black and white drawings, even something that they might color with crayons after reading. And those wouldn't be as expensive as full blown color which are outlandish for the normal person (and why PB's are so expensive and not selling well now) and could also fit into an e-book format.

High starring you and good luck with this!
Kady Colter
Shakespeare's Pink Cadillac

It's cute, it's funny.

You've got a pretty good sense of humor. But I'm not sure about the age range you're shooting for. As Trainspotter noted there might be a bit too much detail in places. Also, watch out for grammar and punctuation things here and there. I think there are a few places where one sentece might be split into two for easy readability for younger readers.

Keep up the good work.

RUDOLF GOES BANANAS
This is a fun, fun story to read. Your dialogue is good; your characters are good because you’re able to flesh out them out in only a few words. I think you’ll find an audience for this among both parents and children. I’m adding it to my shelf. Wanttobeawriter: Who Killed the President?

What a great story! I've been reading this to my two boys and they've thoroughly enjoyed it. What age group is this targeted at? My two are 5 and 9 and I had to shorten some of the lengthier paragraphs to stop their attention wandering. If you streamlined it a little, it would be perfect for the 7-9 age range. Just an example: Para 3 about Mrs Claus' baking - great, but too much detail.

They loved the humour and silliness in the story (and so did I - the Comet reference made me chuckle). You definitely have a gift for telling a funny story with high drama thrown into the mix. The boys especially liked lines like: 'It was during one of these visits that things started to go wrong.'

Backed for now and we'll keep reading...

My children will love this book. I can't wait to have them read this and I am sure they will love it!
Thanks,
Scott

Rudolph Goes Bananas. What a delightfully muddling pitch. No doubt all will become clear as I read on - I make notes as I do this, but dont pretend to be an expert.

Ch.1. I love your beginning. And the snappy writing style. I'd like to know what Loopy looks like (apart from being an elf, and with hindsight, I dont think he's mentioned again in the story...); perhaps you'll have illustrations. Comet and Prancer sound as if they're reindeers, but they're also men; then there's Rudolph who likes bungee jumping and lives in a cottage of all places.
I can see I'll have to take a bigger step into your fantasy world.

Ch.2. Cant help myself. I must read on. I like the bit about Health & Safety, and having to do a practice run.

Ch.3. I can picture each team quite clearly, with all their duties in a mixture of flight and rocket procedures. And children will love th go go go and the yo ho ho.

Ch. 4-6. This reads more and more like a frantic control centre where everything goes wrong. It's quite above my head, but I'm sure the kids will love it.
It would also go well in a film sequence.
Love that touch - Santa using his pompom as a microphone.

Ch.7. I have a feeling that perhaps you could cut down some of the repetitions, to make the story flow better. Could you remind the reader of the frantic search, and the loss of the presents in a couple of sentences, rather than in several paragraphs? And do you need Dasher t find Santa twice?

Ch.8. A great chapter!

Ch.9. I'm afraid you've lost me - how can elves be stealing the presents at the same time as control is sorting them... but then I'm only a granny. I sure need those instructions from the internet.
Aha - a fine tug o' war is going on. But perhaps somehow you could clarify things earlier (in fewer paragraphs).
And a good round satisfying ending.

There's some refining to do - ironing out of repetitions etc. but we all have to do that. Your plot is simple and your style racey. With appropriate illustrations, or even in film/video/whatever, I can see this appealing to its target audience.
Thanks for the enjoyable read.
Jane (Breath of Africa).

This is lots of fun and I can imagine kids would love it.
The writing is good, although I think some editing is required to make it a little snappier.

However, these comments are nothing compared to Tina's daughter's. Children are the very best critics - you'll only ever get honest opinions!

I'm backing and starring this now and wishing you lots of luck.
Diana
Pascual's Birthday

I really like this and I've downloaded it onto my Kindle so I can read it to my grandsons. Backed!

I read this to my 9 year old daughter and these are her comments:

She is upset that the 8 reindeer left santa.
She likes Rudolph's tatoo. She says that is funny.
She doesn't understand how a reindeer can make gadgets and tools.
She thinks its cool that Santa will have a heated chair on his sleigh.

The rest of the comments are mine:

I like the techno aspect of this story. It is quite humorous. Whether it is believable I'm not sure, but that's what we use our imaginations for, right?

I noticed a few places that lacked style because of grammatical errors. You might read back through it looking for misplaced modifiers. For the most part, it seems to be very well written as far as grammar and punctuation.

I'm not so sure about the opening. Ms.Claus didn't seem quick to anger in the other scene.

I have the book on my watch list. I will continue reading. Will comment more when I get a chance.

I think you have a fabulous idea. Keep up the good work.

Tina Burton
Battle of Love

This is a very fun and imaginative story. It made me smile. Will star and back this as I think other people should read it and enjoy it, too. :)

Dyane
The Purple Morrow

The comedy in the story is great. Some of the mental images that you told is a very creative. I would never assocaite reindeer with (snowboarding, white water rafting, tattoes or energy drinks). I like the adventurous plot of how Santa has to pull off christmas it's very detailed and well thought out. I'm not sure about some of the words you use with an (s) instead of a (z) i.e. realise..realize.. Overall the first eight chapters I read seem like a very funny children's story..

Thoroughly enjoyed. I will back this.
Kelly
(The Rise of The New Bloods)

An intriguing start to the story, which is definitely different from most Xmas stories.
I especially love the title, which will hook children in from the start.
Your writing flows with ease and you are the consummate storyteller.
Strong and captivating characters.
I like the idea of Santa being a little eccentric; it gives you the chance to amuse the reader.
Illustrations would only add to this story and bring the children deeper in to plot.
The POV is good and you writing are staccato and fluid.
Would fit into schools and on a Childs bookshelf.
I like a lot, will recommend.
XX well done.

This is a fun and imaginative spin on the North Pole, and the characters we already know and love. Very humorous. I like it. I made note of a few things as I read.
1. It's not necessary to put one's thoughts in quotes unless they are spoken aloud. It's easier for the reader to differentiate between thoughts and actual speech if the two are set apart and thoughts are italicized.

2. He now lived alone in a small cottage, not far from Santa at the North Pole, and tended to keep to himself most of the time.
I just reworded this a bit. This whole paragraph is a different tense than the rest of the story. That needs looking into and the 'tended to keep himself to himself' seemed a tad repetitive.

Please keep in mind these are only suggestions. Use what you want and throw out the rest. I enjoyed your first chapter. If I get a chance I'll read further. Til then, WLed and highly rated!

Best of luck,
Trista

I haven't read any Santa story before. Thank you for entertaining me with such an exciting story. Easy language, smooth moving, suspense, live characters- great! Children must love it.

Hi Mike. Good read the kids should love it. Donner playing guitar is an image I can't get out of my mind. I play guitar and the only comparison I can make with a reindeer strumming away is if I tried to play with boxing gloves on. A touch tricky methinks.
Good luck with this,
Cheers, Sully.

Geddy
Rudolf Goes Bananas is a great story!
You were right it is for all ages. And very funny!
I really hope this gets published by next chrismas, so I can read it to the kids.
Enjoyed it.
Well done.
Rob Slimm
Slickswitch

Good Christmas story. You have potential here. The first chapter may seem all over the place, which can easily be fixed, but the rest is on it's way. keep it up.

RUDOLF GOES BANANAS: CH 4

Dog biscuits is a nice touch. Never thought of that being a problem for Santa. Very creative.

I did raise an eyebrow that Santa didn’t know what all of the dials were for ... This struck me as odd. Wouldn’t the elves have given him a run-down, or he would make it his job to know exactly what each switch was for. Granted, I did skip forward to this chapter, so maybe this is addressed earlier.

Whew, emergency parachute! Also, very creative that this is part of his Santa uniform. I’m SUCH a fan of how you have modernized the Christmas story. Good job with putting a new twist on this.

I find that the reindeer are capable of driving a little too much for me. I don’t know why, but it seems that they wouldn’t be selling cars in France. Maybe giving reindeer rides, or taking a nice vacation working at a petting zoo. Those are just ideas, and are far from perfect, but I wanted to let you know that at least for me it was a little too far of a stretch for Dasher to be selling cars.

By the way, did you create your cover? One of the things I love about your story, is that I can see the illustrations that should go along with it in my mind. Once again, good job with this! It’s an impressive read, even based solely on the creativity.

Ashley

RUDOLF GOES BANANAS

Okay, I'll give you a more in-depth review of this later. I just wanted to post my initial thoughts on this intriguing story. I see that this is a recent book posting. You are already climbing fast. This is a fresh idea on a the typical Christmas story. It is is time that Santa's sleigh had some upgrades and that a hot-chocolate machine was being worked on in the North Pole. These little touches brought a huge smile to my face and I'm sure children will love it. I'll be on the watch for this book to climb the charts fast. Promote this book and you can be in the 100 within a couple months. By promotion, I mean read and comment A LOT on other books, if you have the time. This story stands a solid chance at grabbing the attention of a publisher and/or agent. Good luck with this. You get six stars from me and based upon further reading, a future backing.

Ashley

Enjoyed the fast pace of a modern Christmas story using traditional characters. My nephew (8) enjoyed this book very much as he still believes in Father Christmas but finds a lot of Christmas stories too babyish for him.

Enjoyed the fast pace of a modern Christmas story using traditional characters. My nephew (8) enjoyed this book very much as he still believes in Father Christmas but finds a lot of Christmas stories too babyish for him.

This is a very creative idea, and could become a tradion, if the right person sees it, and promotes it. You writing is clear and concise. I could see the action, and envision the people and elves. The only thing I saw that you may need to work on, is your use of words like "great, everyone, every, always, and very". As a reader, these words don't create a picture because they are vague. Try putting a more descriptive adjective/adverb where you find these words. This was something I was taught years ago. I try to weed them out of my books, but I'm not always that good at it. lol People still bring it to my attention, too. Just something I learned, so take it with a grain of salt.
Unique and creative.....just what publishers are looking for. Good luck with this, and high stars from me.
Sincerely,
D. S. Hale
Jessup and the Teleporter

Very creative Mike! You have some unique ideas with this. Definitely a fun book!! Hope you get the name issue straightened out. As far as marketing, I would encourage you to get out into your community with it where your target audience would be. Contact schools, etc. where they might let you come and talk about the book and what it's like to be an author. Or look for opportunities to set up a vendor table at events where kids and parents would be. If they like what they see, they'll buy it. I've done some of this and have found good success so far.

All the best to you!

Patti

I like the originality of your story, I think this would definitely appeal to its audience!