Loser

In a nutshell - I love this. I love everything you write. There was something about this that really reminded my of Moore's "Bloodsucking Fiends," and "You Suck," not sure exactly why, but it is still completely your own.

These are the notes I made to myself as I read, but honestly the only comment I really have is - when can I read more???

Chapter 1

Love the bit about smoking pot in the parking lot with the lady who drives the Books-On-Wheels bus. In another life, can I please be that lady?

I like the bit about the magazines a lot. Porno is passe - business is porn today...

Haha - love the bit about God's comeback tour...

Love the bit about the tanned and coiffed newscasters.

Chapter 2

I smiled throughout the entire scene with the dog. Funny stuff. Love it. "kraken" funny. and the peeing on the door.

"the scent of insanity and dog chow" - love that.

"getting chewed on like a chicken flavoured milk bone" - you crack me up, Gerry.

Chapter 3

you and your Baba Uriah Heep...you had me laughing.

"vomit esoteric dogma" - funny.

Haha "Relax, I've seen Trainspotting like four times."

Chapter Four

Love: "hairy wrecking ball"

And this: "a beacon of unholy light in the wasteland of the damned"

Okay. I laughed out loud: "He would rip off a leg and ass fuck me with it"

Amazing. I love it. You're the next Christopher Moore.

Backed since the day you uploaded it. 6 starred of course.

- Rena

Once again superbly assured writing. Your sentences create that excited anticipation for the next one which is the hallmark of all fabulous writing. And at times incite a joyful shout of recognition. You've got the tone spot on. The voice is beguiling and exciting. It's dead clever how you can get so much uplifting humour from such shadowy and menacing terrain. It's even uplifting to realise just before we're told that the accident victim is Dr DietZ because of how cleverly you've engineered the narrative. (Brilliant name too Diet Z). My only reservation with the first chapter is that ending could be tightened up a bit. If this was my book -
“If this is an emergency...”
Across the room the book stood open. From where I was I could even tell which page it displayed. It was page eleven, J through M of my yearbook photo page.” And I'd end the chapter here. I think you're overmilking a little after that.


Chapter two immediately has us grinning again. And the grin stays put. This chapter is utterly fabulous. Exhilarating and masterful. The dog fight is laugh out loud brilliance.

Chapter three: the grin's back. And the grin stays put. It's pure pleasure reading this. My only complaint is why can't I buy this in a book store and read it on paper.

I read this book a couple of weeks ago but I didn’t leave a comment at the time. I didn’t want to be one of those gushy types ‘I love you, I love your book, it reads like a bed of literary roses’. But really, what choice do I have? I have to admit this is brilliant. Every now and then I stumble across a book here that really blows my mind. It doesn’t happen often but it has happened with Loser.

Your characterisation is superb. I adore a book that pulls me in and actually allows me to be part of the MC’s world. Avery has such a hard life and it’s reflected very well in his slightly jumpy personality - a nice subtle way of allowing the reader to see inside his fragile mind. I think the secret to your success here is the ease of snippets of backstory, the narrative flows so smoothly. You almost make something that most writers struggle with look like a piece of cake.

The subtle humour is great especially against the backdrop of such a menacing opening.

I really would like to see this on the Ed’s desk, or better again, in my local book shop.

Janny

Chapter 1 - I thought this was a little hard to follow until I got into the flow.
Your main guy is really disturbing, and very hard to like or care about, but he does make me wonder what he's capable of doing and what's going to happen to him.
When Avery's doctor died he seemed not very worried or upset about her, but about how it affected (or is it effected? Always get them mixed up) him, which I thought was very realistic and very under-done in other books.

I'm reading and enjoying...backed with pleasure.

Gerry,

Gerry Gerry Gerry,

"Loser" is amazing! You remind me of a more muscular Robert Rankin by way of Elmore Leonard. I love your noirish overture and sci-fi parodying undertones, in some ways this even reminds me of my own book "No Excuse Bruce." It is exactly the kind of story I want to read :)

Your writing is pacy, poetic and hilarious as well as technically excellent. I would love to proffer forth a correction or two but it is also extremely well edited.

Have you only written up to Chapter 5 or are you holding out on us? I want more, i'm addicted man! "Loser" is the crack of Authonomy, hehe.

Keep up the good work, I'd love to know what you think of "No Excuse Bruce" too if you get a chance. Six stars and I shall recommend you too :)

Dave

I wasn't sure about this book to start with, I'll be honest. I was drawn in by the intriguing pitch, however, and the fact is it's certainly kept my interest. There's a lot of mystery, a lot of tantalizing hints, a lot of unanswered questions in the beginning of this book. I have a feeling that some readers might be turned off by this and give up reading. But there will be a whole lot of other readers--myself included--who will stay to learn more, and they will be rewarded, not necessarily by answers, at least not right away, but by an engaging, flowing style and narrative voice and some excellent humor and exciting scenes. While much is narrative, albeit engaging, interesting narrative, the scenes where something happens to the narrator really pop: the visit with the sympathetic shrink is touching and the dialogue sharp, the offshoot gutwrenching; the dog attack is shocking and highly sensory, while at the same time it gives us a better view of the narrator; the scene with the fake nurse is bizarre, but believable, and most of all compelling.

I've read three chapters, and I'll read more. I'll also be putting it on my bookshelf. It's not something that will appeal to everybody, but there's no denying that it catches the interest and holds it. I think it deserves to be published. It's polished and seems ready to go. I hope you find an editor who can get fully behind it. This is good stuff!

Fantastic writing.
I start these reviews wondering how far I'll get before something upsets the flow with the narrative. But the smoothness to your writing is almost soapy. You glide through it.
The sentence 'I've taken the guided tour through Hell and have...' was the point where I felt a slight hiccup but only because it is such a huge statement-a big ask. You have set yourself a signicant task in justifying that statement. But I feel confident you wouldn't come up short.
Delicious humour.
I'll probably cheapen any meaning my words have now by mentioning Holden Caulfield but that is who I am reminded of here. Not because they are similar, more so how they are conveyed to the reader's imagination.
Thank you Gerald.
To be backed soon.
Like the blog btw, is that why don't you leave more comments here on Autho?
John
Dropping Babies

This is an odd book but very well written. The idea is really different.
The style develops slowly but in a way that catches the readers interest.
The pitch also is a huge drawer because it has interest of curiosity in it.
The title is creative too.
Good work.

Shelby Z./Driving Winds

P.S. Please take a look at my pirate adventure Driving Winds.

This is an effing good read.

Seriously, I can only say 'Bravo!' on yet another truly excellent yarn. Top stuff in all respects.

Nailed to my shelf and all the stars.

Simon.
Yuko Zen and other scribbles.

This is more popular culture novel than literary novel. It will sing to the people in your age bracket and give you a lot of high fives. It should be a good seller once it gets published. My grand daughter loved it. Good luck.

This is more popular culture novel than literary novel. It will sing to the people in your age bracket and give you a lot of high fives. It should be a good seller once it gets published. My grand daughter loved it. Good luck.

Chapter 1 draws you into Avery’s world, the yearbook, the library and the magazines with the pages stuck together. You want to know what happened to Boxy Trenton straight off. Chapter 1 delivers and surprises throughout with the violent death of Dr Dietz. You can almost feel Avery’s misery when he watches the news. The sadness and the irony of the doctor’s ‘emergency’ message is brilliantly understated.

Chapter 2 hits you with the Tourette’s sufferer Saul, and the contrast with Avery is to make you become him. The voice is great: “systematically erase four years of torture and rid myself of The Book” It draws you into the apartment. You’re almost willing the lock to turn, and when Hulk finally gets his man, it seems like the end of everything. Okay. I cut the review short and decided to back it when Hulk wipes out Avery . That’s very well done.

There are so many things I could say about this book that I don't know where to begin. I love your writing style which is incredibly quirky. Just when I started to feel that Avery's dire situation was beginning to drag me down with him, you put in a humorous line to drag me back up to the surface. Avery is a real lost soul, someone who will always be on the edge of society looking in. I like the way you hint at his dark secrets, guaranteed to keep the reader turning the page. There are many superb lines but one of my favourites is It's not like the brain comes with a dump valve. Wouldn't that be cool! Highly starred and good luck on your way to the ED.

Kim (Pain)

The prose is excellent, which mare than IO can say for some of the books here. I like the writing style and the effortless narrative. Good book.

I'm on the squeamish side, but I really enjoyed this. It's dark, damp and really quite disturbing. Wise move to stuff it full of humour. You obvisouly know exactly what you're doing.

One question - have you given any thought to describing Avery's surroundings in more detail? All I know about where he lives is that he has two books on his shelf and an ASBO for a neighbour, which gives me some indication of his ablility to function, but I'd love to be able to picture his apartment in more detail. For example, has he bothered to furnish it? Does he eat his dinner off a plate? Does he even bother to eat? Is it a flea pit, an empty shell, a shrine? I think knowing a bit more about Avery's personal space would add another layer of insight into how his past is continuing to effect him. Although maybe that's just me.

Highly starred and on my WL, will be backing.

I wish I could say more than what has been said. I think this maybe the best piece I have read on authonomy. I can see this in print. If not something is dreadfully wrong with the publishing industry.

Best of Luck,
Shain

If I thought it was possible, I'd totally have sexual intercourse with this book and have its pamphlets. I have a new religion and whatnot, and its God is a Loser.

Winner.
Z

I read this book a couple of weeks ago but I didn’t leave a comment at the time. I didn’t want to be one of those gushy types ‘I love you, I love your book, it reads like a bed of literary roses’. But really, what choice do I have? I have to admit this is brilliant. Every now and then I stumble across a book here that really blows my mind. It doesn’t happen often but it has happened with Loser.

Your characterisation is superb. I adore a book that pulls me in and actually allows me to be part of the MC’s world. Avery has such a hard life and it’s reflected very well in his slightly jumpy personality - a nice subtle way of allowing the reader to see inside his fragile mind. I think the secret to your success here is the ease of snippets of backstory, the narrative flows so smoothly. You almost make something that most writers struggle with look like a piece of cake.

The subtle humour is great especially against the backdrop of such a menacing opening.

I really would like to see this on the Ed’s desk, or better again, in my local book shop.

Janny

Read four (and was looking forward to five) tonight. You've got a riveting story going on here with brilliantly drawn characters (Hulk gets my Oscar for best pet on the site). The juxtaposition between now and then in the narrative voice is flawlessly done. Really very clever cos that's often a hard trick to pull off smoothly. Consistent top drawer writing. I'm in Avery's world, my heart beating in time to his. It's about time someone out there with a cheque book discovered your writing.

Great read. I was only going to read first couple o chapters but this completely hooked me and I've read all you have uploaded. There was a small error I spotted (think Chapter 3) - The Fat Man's speech.

Have given this a well deserved 6 stars.
Mike
Rudolph Goes Bananas

Once again superbly assured writing. Your sentences create that excited anticipation for the next one which is the hallmark of all fabulous writing. And at times incite a joyful shout of recognition. You've got the tone spot on. The voice is beguiling and exciting. It's dead clever how you can get so much uplifting humour from such shadowy and menacing terrain. It's even uplifting to realise just before we're told that the accident victim is Dr DietZ because of how cleverly you've engineered the narrative. (Brilliant name too Diet Z). My only reservation with the first chapter is that ending could be tightened up a bit. If this was my book -
“If this is an emergency...”
Across the room the book stood open. From where I was I could even tell which page it displayed. It was page eleven, J through M of my yearbook photo page.” And I'd end the chapter here. I think you're overmilking a little after that.


Chapter two immediately has us grinning again. And the grin stays put. This chapter is utterly fabulous. Exhilarating and masterful. The dog fight is laugh out loud brilliance.

Chapter three: the grin's back. And the grin stays put. It's pure pleasure reading this. My only complaint is why can't I buy this in a book store and read it on paper.

Hi Gerald, just read 4 chapters [5th is in edit mode]. This is a wonderful voice speaking, full of terror and rage and oddball humour. It's probably going to end in tears, but I have to read on. I particularly liked 'The shrink, with her shrink wrap, tried to shrink wrap my head'...Highly starred, and I'll be back for more - Frances K

I wasn't sure what to expect, but as soon as I started reading I was hooked. I read all four chapters. Your writing is smooth. I noticed a few typos, but no serious grammar or punctuation errors. I like the mystery/suspense and hope you'll upload more chapters so I can find out more about Avery. I'm not sure why he thinks he's responsible for Dr. Deitz's accident. Maybe he is a magnet for tragedy, or thinks he is.

Susan/Greenleaf (Chameleon)

Gerald,

I really enjoyed reading the opening chapter from 'Loser.' There's some really great stuff crammed in here - Forbes and Time magazine replacing Playboy, God's disregard for the human race. Your irreverent prose bristles with bad temper and modern neuroses, which is both darkly comic and scathingly true - I loved the unfortunate Dr Deitz's demise towards the end of the chapter. Moreoever, the luckless Avery is the perfect MC for your story. You capture the 'voice' from the first few sentences, and it really drives things along at a rattling pace, sprinkled with teasing signposts of what is to come.

On a techincal front, this is highly polished stuff. Only a couple of very minor things caught my eye. I wasn't sure about 'hopped in' (Dr Deitz, that is) perhaps 'chipped in' or 'interrupted'. Not sure. And when Avery is watching the news 'polished and watched the news' you might want to use 'continued polishing' to avoid repetition.

That said, a hugely enjoyable read, with a real bookstore feel to it already. Happy to give you backing.

Regards

NA 'The Butterfly and the Wheek'

I want to read more books way up there at the top of the list, but every time I do I'm doomed to add yet another book to my WL for future backing.

This is amazing. Many writers can do the verbal patter business, but few can fill the patter with tantalizing details, meaning, and honest-to-goodness questions about the existence of God. Oh, and guys masturbating over Forbes. Almost forgot that.

This is like nothing I've ever read, and I'm quite a reader. Well done.

I saw your short on Read With Mother and thought I'd check your work out. This is really very good. I have only read the first chapter, but plan on reading more.
*Mad Harvey

Here's one for your Confession thread: I think I may have backed this before, but done so without reading it. This time I've read two chapters and were I not about to log off and do some work, I'd read on. The voice is pitch perfect, rhythm compelling and the oh so dry dark wit sublime. Some really wry observations - too many to quote - dropped neatly and quietly in...

It's often the case that we encounter folk on the forums whom we find witty and fun, yet for some odd reason never go along to read their books. Strange that. But it's so. Glad I took a look at this one. Will read on when I have more time.

Loser by Gerald D Johnson
A well-written and portrayed account of a disastrous life, the life of Avery. Through metaphor and good writing, the story unfolds and vividly paints Avery's troubled life. The language is appropriate and the accounts are as twisted as Avery's past.
I read all five chapters and the need to read more grew as I progressed. This will achieve many stars and a place on my shelf.

P Alan Davis
The Red Poppy
Raindancer

I hate doing the glowing, empty praise thing, but what else can I say? You clearly can't learn anything from me, and I'm not sure if I hate you or my book more after reading this... neither, really. I just hate being made to feel inferior. ;)

The only advice I can offer is that you start sending out more queries, or I may just have to come over there and have words with your wife.

In all seriousness, I got into this right away. I immediately cared about your MC and felt his pain when his hope and doctor were simultaneously crushed... and this only in the first chapter! I'm off to look for a space on my shelf now...

I've become a bit apathetic with Authonomy recently, but I stumbled across this via Jon Doe's thread. Very impressive stuff, and very easy to read. Hope to get beyond first two chapters in next few days and have shoved it on my watchlist. Also, an impeccable short and long pitch - and I really like your cover too, compliments your writing well.

PS. I agree with what 'minx2minx' said about the English spelling of 'come' in that context. I only mentioned that because you've spelt 'sceptic' the English way. Hardly a shattering indictment of the quality of the book though!

Cheers,
Pete

This reads very well. I like it and shall read on - going on my watchlist until I've finished when I will comment properly.
Cariad.

Yeah... Please upload more. Or email me some more. I need it.

Loving it...when you going to get some more up? This works as it is, quotes/italics may make it better, only bit I wondered at was the use of the word 'come'...maybe it's 'cos I'm English...but we spell it 'cum' in the context you are using.
Keeping you shelved because I love the way you write.
Lizzie :-)

This is hard edged, uncompromising writing. It is witty and funny. There is a good balance of dialogue, description and action. I think the writing would be easier to follow with full quotes, especially as the narration is first person, but it made sense to me.
The action is very dramatic and the dog attack is brilliantly gruesome. There are some great one-liners in here.
I'm glad to keep this great book on my shelf. Candy.

you certainly posses an effective writing style that relays your tale that keeps us interested...
l shall back...
read SEASONS...

Loser / Gerald D. Johnston


First of all, load some more of this up so we have a bit more to go on.

Literary Fiction to be sure, the story features Avery, a young man struggling with his sanity after being raped as a child and coming home to find his mother had blown her head off with a shotgun right before prom time. It causes him to loathe the yearbook she purchased him the morning he was off to school just before she did the deed he would come home and find the result of.

Avery lives each day in mental fear. In the early part of the story, he suffers a setback when the only shrink he's ever built a relationship with becomes the victim of a random act of violence and he sees the report of her death on the evening news. Later, his neighbor's dog tears up his arm in an attack provoked by the owner of the dog, a beer-guzzling redneck he can't stand but lives across the hall from.

While at the hospital he meets the 'nurse girl'. She....is a piece of work to be sure, essentially kidnapping him and bringing him back to his own apartment to fix up his damaged arm. (A lot happens in four chapters)

The writing is quite good, however a few typos and points of punc do make for a few bumpy parts, especially the untagged dialogue from Avery. Avery has a sense of humor through all that he suffers. His state of mind comes out in the writing in a very crafty way the author has portrayed. I found this to be a very interesting angle of writing.

Characterization is given to this character very cleverly. We feel his thoughts. Many of them are in segments, much like they would be from a man whose mental condition would be that of Avery. Remarkable literary prowess is on display here and I think this author is one crafty penner. Segments of backstory are fed in small increments allowing the story to move forward at an even keel like Lit Fic should.

All in all, this is most unique work. I'd really like to read a bit more to see how the plot develops. Of course, this is the writer's intention but just saying, if I were he, I would post another chapter or two to 'hook' the reader even further.

Very nice work. Good balance, great characters. Good craft.

My very best to you with this and good luck.

E M Delaney

This book is as good as the best reviews posted below. Please upload the rest of it!

Holy cats, beyond amazing. Pissed that there are only four chapters. Take care of that soon please.

Gutsy and powerful. A well crafted MC in Avery. There aren't many wasted words here. This is a book that doesn't compromise and I wished there were more chapters. Not normally my style but very readable. Shelved.

Enjoyable and one for the top. Loads of stars.

Powerful first two chapters. Love how you weave in the main character's back story while proceeding with the story. Found your guy fascinating and even felt pity for him. Sophisticated similies used for characterization. BTW-Revelation does not have an "s". The baggies gave me a sense of the foreboding creeps. This reminds me of Red Dragon by Tom Harris. Highly rated and recommended.
Dina of Halo of the Damned and Bad Juju

For anyone reading:
I plan to change all the portions of mc dialogue to having quotes - or at least be in italics . It seemed to fit better at first, but after a few comments regarding Avery's dialogue, I guess I'll need to switch it up. I don't want something like lack of quotes to be a stumbling block for a reader. Peace out and Merry Christmas.

Loser
Chapter 1
I thought "yearbook" was one word, though I could be wrong
I love the humor
Chapter 2
I would just let the dog bite me in the ass. There's good money in that. Better yet, record the whole command given by its owner.
Oh.... nevermind, that doesn't sound pleasant.
I wish it had quotes around what Avery was saying.
Will be back to read more. Very enjoyable.

Hey Gerry. I read the four chapters and would have happilly kept going had you posted more. Talk about getting kicked in the nuts at every turn. Loser, is dark and nasty and daft and hysterical all at once. I love it... and whatnot.

Paul.

There are only four chapters posted, you pussy. Where are the rest of them?

Loved it. Go get 'em, big man.

Scuts
Locked and Loaded

In a nutshell - I love this. I love everything you write. There was something about this that really reminded my of Moore's "Bloodsucking Fiends," and "You Suck," not sure exactly why, but it is still completely your own.

These are the notes I made to myself as I read, but honestly the only comment I really have is - when can I read more???

Chapter 1

Love the bit about smoking pot in the parking lot with the lady who drives the Books-On-Wheels bus. In another life, can I please be that lady?

I like the bit about the magazines a lot. Porno is passe - business is porn today...

Haha - love the bit about God's comeback tour...

Love the bit about the tanned and coiffed newscasters.

Chapter 2

I smiled throughout the entire scene with the dog. Funny stuff. Love it. "kraken" funny. and the peeing on the door.

"the scent of insanity and dog chow" - love that.

"getting chewed on like a chicken flavoured milk bone" - you crack me up, Gerry.

Chapter 3

you and your Baba Uriah Heep...you had me laughing.

"vomit esoteric dogma" - funny.

Haha "Relax, I've seen Trainspotting like four times."

Chapter Four

Love: "hairy wrecking ball"

And this: "a beacon of unholy light in the wasteland of the damned"

Okay. I laughed out loud: "He would rip off a leg and ass fuck me with it"

Amazing. I love it. You're the next Christopher Moore.

Backed since the day you uploaded it. 6 starred of course.

- Rena

I read all four chapters and I have to say, this is really good. You have a really unique voice, tinged with sarcasm and humor at the most inappropriate places...and it works. I found myself pulled into the story, by turns feeling sorry for, creeped out by, and amused by Avery. The guy has issues!
I'm very interested in knowing where the nurse-who's-not-a-nurse fits in here. She seems like the last person on earth who would help anyone, and yet seems to be going out of her way to help Avery. I totally don't understand what's going on here, but I'm eager to find out...post more soon, please!
In the first paragraph I did notice that 'instil' needed another 'l', but after that, I too engrossed in the story to pay much attention to spelling and grammar. Nothing else stuck out to me, though, so I'm thinking you're in pretty good shape in those areas.
Definitely one of the more unique books I've come across here. Glad I happened to stumble upon it.
Best of luck!
Emily

- Loser -

(chapters 1-4)

I enjoyed this a lot. The writing is tight, imaginative and funny with an intelligence that's not overbearing.

I liked:

- The voice of the MC, witty and acerbic.

- The characterisation of Saul and the not nurse girl, particularly through their dialogue.

- The subtle hints at portent and what's to come. The way chapter one ends has you feeling nothing is going to go right for this guy and I'm intrigued to see how he gets screwed up, moreso that it. Chapter four is obviously less subtle and that leaves us with a pretty hefty conflict faing the character.

Not much to crit. I genuinely thought it showed class throughout. The only bit I kind of went a bit brow-knotty at was the bit with the business magazines in the library. I get the inference and meaning of money as masturbation fodder but the joke seemed a bit on the nose for me. I'd have found it funnier if fellas were rustling in the stacks over some good old fashioned porn or, better, cracking one off over some relatively innocuous Good Housekeeping magazine or something of that ilk with photos Of women donning marigolds or discussing upholstery or something.... just a thought.

As I say though, excellent classy stuff.

All the best with it,

Ross

"Relax, I've seen Trainspotting like four times." LOL

LF40 Review

Funny. Bleak. Tightly acerbic prose. Avery is an anti-hero bar none. This is a stylish rummage through his torn and twisted psyche and a very entertaining journey to boot.

I noticed one typo – it should be “Mister Last” not “mister”.

I know I ought to say more, but I’m not sure what else I can add by way of meaningful commentary. Based on what I have read it deserves to be published, but then, of course, I don’t know how much blacker it becomes….

J.S.Watts
Witchlight

I meant protagonist. Oops. I have enemies on the mind. Hah hah.

I saw this book on the weekly spotlight and it enticed me. Now that I've read some, I'm interested to read more. There are some similarities between your antagonist and mine. Both are "losers," so to speak. I'm interested in reading more of this, and I'm putting it on my watchlist. Jack also put my book Psych-holes on the weekly new spot. Check it out if you'd like. Best regards.
-Cassandra