Out of Mischief

Gordon A. Long

Thrown into a nasty rebellion by a schoolgirl prank gone wrong, Aleria is shielded by a spy who seems too enthusiastic about their violent charade.

Aleria is typical of her class: talented, pretty, and spoiled. Her search for a challenge drops her into serious trouble, her only aid from a dubious source. The lingering effects of this exploit lead her to decisions that few young ladies would dare to consider.

Haunted by the paralyzing fear of might-have-been, she turns to martial training to regain her confidence. However, her new skills lead her into even more danger, with life-changing results.

This is a coming-of-age tale with a far-from-normal conclusion. In real life, Cinderella might not want the Prince; sometimes Snow White decides she likes it much better in the forest.

A darker, more violent story for the older YA and Adult market.

The whole book is available to any who wish to read it.

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tags

action, anger. danger, courage, fear

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2 comments

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NMGriffis wrote 94 days ago

Hi there! So, I only read the first two chapters, but I liked what I saw. The problem is you have zero description. I don't know what this world or the characters look like, nor their internal landscape for that matter. I don't have any sense of anything, really, except the characters' temperaments through dialogue. And the dialogue's great, but that can't be the *only* thing to count on. I think if you flesh this out a lot more, you'll have a really great book on your hands.

Good luck!

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Shelvis wrote 135 days ago

I’m sorry it’s taken so long to give you this feedback! ^_^

I’ve read through chapter 4, and here are my impressions. Your writing style reminds me of Patrick O’Brien, in that he uses more conversation than narrative to describe the action of the characters. I like that you use dialogue to tell the story, and my imagination fills in the rest.

In my very humble opinion, this also makes it a little difficult to follow. I was a little confused at times as to who was speaking, or where the conversation was going. You know me: I love a setting! And you know that my style is much, much different, so don’t take this to heart. But maybe when you’re leading off with a speaker, indicate in some way right off who’s speaking?

The scene in the alcove was very clear, as was the one with Envelune, mostly because you described her appearance and actions so well. I was anxious to know the girls’ appearances, the color of their hair and eyes. Mito was described a little more, but I was left with my own concept of beauty. I could easily see the young man with her.

I found myself craving narrative, and was happy when you used it, but this may be one of those kinds of stories that’s told with little narrative and much dialogue. I also get the impression that these kids are at least high society, if not nobility, and sometimes their manner of speaking was surprisingly formal for teenage girls. But I’m sure there’s a very good reason for that, and I may just be missing it!

I’m not one to critique, as always, but those are my thoughts.

Hana

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