Chained

Karlee,
Your exposition on a turning from boy to vampire was done with such verve that I must say you have the maturity of a seasoned writer. "Chained" has all the traits of a winner, the uncluttered narrative with scintillating descriptives, the sympathetic characterizations and the unhurried treatment of a romantic bonding. The dynamic between Jake and Lacie is a salient feature of your story, certainly promises much passion as they struggle hand-in-hand against implacable odds. Thanks so much for sharing.

Kenneth Edward Lim
The North Korean

WOW!!!!!!! I was too engrossed in the story to really see much in the way of grammatical or spelling errors. However, if you truly want me to find them I will.

This book is absolutely amazing!!! It has pulled me in so far that if you don't finish writing it I actually could possibly have a heart attack if I don't get to see the entire thing. I am assuming you have read the Twilight Series, by Stephenie Meyer. But, on that, I will say you could very well be the next Vampire saga author. I had not read many books in years until then. Now I have an entirely new saga (hopefully) to fall in love with. Your first book, I already have fallen in love with!! Your writing is tremendous or I could not have ignored the errors. I was too consumed with reading the book to actually care about those. That will be taken care of by an Editor anyway. I believe this has a tremendous chance of making it all the way to your local bookstore. Then people everywhere could enjoy it as much as I am now! I love this book!! Keep it up Karlee!! It looks like you have ink in your blood too!! :)

~Bethanie

Hey Karlee.
Finished the rest of your book. am seriously impressed with this. sorry was too engrossed in the story to notice any of the grammatical errors you asked for. I love the darkness throughout the story and you didn't waste any of the readers time. great suspense and great writing.
Good luck hun don't think you will need it.
can rest on my bookshelf for now. Fully backed!

Karlee,

The anticipation is complete! I read the whole MS. An impressively haunting YA thriller with loads of mystery and a monsterously dark theme. OUTSTANDING opening chapter! Hooked me straight in, so it would definitely do the job in a book store - very atmospheric and chilling (reminded me of Saw where the guy wakes up in the dark). The First Person is written well and you've built a great character in Jake, his thoughts bring us neatly through the emotions that would encompass all the stories events. Lacie's a dark angellic horse :) and I have some ideas about the chains and why his mum is acting weird, but guess I'll need to wait for a further upload to get them confirmed.

I did notice a few typos and happy to pop them in a message if you'd like.

Overall an excellent piece of writing and very enjoyable, albeit scary, read. High starred and already WL'd!

Best wishes for the ED,
J.

I love this story. It's dark and mysterious, just the way I like it. Your imagery is amazing. You have a lot of talent and it shows in the smooth rhythm of your writing. I read up through chapter 3 and can't wait to see more. Thanks so much for the read. Hight stars on this one!

I've been dormant but I checked to see if you had uploaded anything and a nice new chapter sat waiting. I devoured it. Love it so much. That's the long and short of it really. Hope you're doing good!
Ciao ciao :)

CHAINED
This is a book with a dramatic beginning: a look at the afterworld for a sixteen year old. I like Jake a lot; the strange chain on his wrist is intriguing. Really makes a reader want to know more about him. I like Caitlyn a lot too. She’s obviously lost her heart to Jake so isn’t going to go away just because he tells her too. The best thing about this, tho, is the over mysterious, evil feeling you’ve infused into it. Something is definitely different about Jake and there’s nothing for a reader to do but keep on reading to find out what that is. Highly starred and added to my shelf. Wanttobeawriter: Who Killed the President?

Great use of colors and great use of first person to make me feel Jake's vampire attack and the all the confused psychology to go with it Karlee. You took classic cliche's and put the victim's point of view on them to make this a fresh take on the nosferatu legend. Keep up the good work on editing.--JL "The Devil Of Black Bayou"

Karlee you edited this too well! I'm really digging coming back to this novel. You took your highly creative concept and kicked it up a notch. Going re-read the rest now.--JL "The Devil Of Black Bayou"

Seriously good first chapter. I'm interested and I'm on board! Lets go!

THere's a lot of 'I' and 'me', which is apparently a big no-no too early in a story. I dunno though and I obviously break this rule from the very start.

http://www.killyourdarlingsatl.com/2011/02/04/writing-tip-submerging-the-i-by-chuck-palahniuk/

I'm loving the dialogue with the Mom! It also leads us into the big 'what if' really well.

Also, the relationship with Caitlyn gets off to a great start. I'm interested and amused and it's not cliche. Awesome.

i like the way you keep the readers interest right from the beginning
its well paced and flows easily
i really like the beginning as it makes it one of those books where you just wanty to read on
A great read

Karlee,
Your exposition on a turning from boy to vampire was done with such verve that I must say you have the maturity of a seasoned writer. "Chained" has all the traits of a winner, the uncluttered narrative with scintillating descriptives, the sympathetic characterizations and the unhurried treatment of a romantic bonding. The dynamic between Jake and Lacie is a salient feature of your story, certainly promises much passion as they struggle hand-in-hand against implacable odds. Thanks so much for sharing.

Kenneth Edward Lim
The North Korean

Just read the first four chapters and I think this is great.
You have kept just enough suspense in what you haven't said rather than what you have described. I'm intrigued as to who Lacie is, who was the girl in the trees after the strange fire, what's wrong with his mother, why his father left, why nobody acknowledges him at school..... So many things that makes the reader (me) want to carry on reading to find all the answers.
I really do think this is fantastic. Your writing flows beautifully and is so easy to follow without getting lost in lots of unnecessary waffle.
I wish you luck with this - top stars indeed!!!!
Mike.
(Rudolf Goes Bananas)

Chained - by Karlee Hall
I especially liked how you started with Jake's dream (or is it?). It gives the reader something to contemplate as the story moves forward. You have a good sense of the dramatic, and how to develop those elements within your story.
Your writing is very nice, but like me, a little wordy in some places. I like that you give your characters life early in the story. This gives the reader a reference point with each character. And in many places you don't tell the reader about your characters, you show the reader - a good writing technique.
There is a lot of narrative, but I like your easy writing style, so enjoyable to see someone else who cares about the use of language.
Your writing style is clear and easy, but well constructed, painting a vivid image of what you are telling. I did see a few minor punctuation and spelling issues, but I would just turn on my checker and let the software remind you. Reading, and re-reading; editing, and re-editing. These are the tasks most good writers are faced with. Keep working at it, you have an excellent work here.
Chained will be on my shelf, and I will check back to see more of it in the future.

P Alan Davis
The Red Poppy
Raindancer

YARG
(We agreed to a swap and then I noticed that you were part of YARG - feel free to use my story for your tally as well!)

Interesting start! The opening scene/chapter was pretty intense, leaving the reader with a lot of questions, which in turn, makes you want to read more. It definitely has a creepy feel, and I think Jake's reaction to the situation was very believable.

Speaking of Jake - I like him. You write a realistic POV of a teenage boy. I like how he cares about his mother, and their relationship. I wish he'd be a nice nicer to Caitlin, since she's the only one that talks to him, but in the end he seemed to appreciate her.

I'd maybe avoid putting those clumps of information during the beginning of Chapter 2. It sort of breaks the flow of the story. Sneak in little things like the mom's appearance, for the fact that his dad isn't around, or that Caitlin in clingy, instead of explaining them outright.

I have only one problem with your writing, and that would be your puntuation, specifically comma usage. Here are some examples:
- "It wasn't a peaceful and relaxing darkness, it didn't feel safe it felt wrong"
- They floated in perfect sync, it ws almost hypnotizing"
- "never far-away from each other" (why the dash?)
- "who looked, maybe, fifteen with short brown hair"

Other than that though, no problems. Technical things are always easy to fix. =)

Overall, I think you've got an intriguing idea here.

Good luck,

Liz

Hi Karlee
I like the opening, its one of those stories that grabs you right away from the opening line and you want to know where it will lead to next. Your dialogue structure is spot on and easy to read and the dialogue as well as the story itself is very visual. You ARE talented and I hope this leads you along the path of a lifetime of writing. Don't worry too much about grammatical critique as they are barely noticible because the writing flows smoothly and one "sees" the story rather than analyze it.
Well done
John-Paul

Good dialogue and better descriptions with a good hook and foreshadowing.

I'm not done with this chapter but just a thought on a part where we meet his mom. is her full name nessary? Do we ever really call our moms by thier first names? i understand the idea but it feels like he's narrating it oddly like not just everyday life but as if he's telling the story to someone who doesnt know anything about him.
just a thought but love the idea so far.
good work!

wow first chapter and i could visualize it all, the chains the creepy boy, if i was dying i might not want to know that i'm early to be there and that i am dying. going to keep on reading and figure out what else happens! can't wait.

also let me know what you think of any of mine. you might like in love with darkness too being that your story is a darker one but id love feed back on what hurts the most too.

good read so far back with intrest! it kinda reminds me of the old vamp/adult novels i used to read when i was younger! haha love it

I like the story - it has a good premise. However I feel you are very good at describing what is going on around the character, what does it look like etc. - but you 'forget' to convey the emotions of the character while doing this. Is he scared, does it make his heart beat fast, sweaty palms - relief when his mother wakes him up etc.? These are the things that I, personally, was missing to get me completly into the story.

Otherwise I think the description is done really well :-)

I wish you the best of luck.

I really love this so far - the way you build the suspense in the first chapter, making the reader wonder where the heck this void is and what will happen next. Nice hook at then end. I'm headed back to read chapter two but on my shelf for now! Liz

WOW!!!!!!! I was too engrossed in the story to really see much in the way of grammatical or spelling errors. However, if you truly want me to find them I will.

This book is absolutely amazing!!! It has pulled me in so far that if you don't finish writing it I actually could possibly have a heart attack if I don't get to see the entire thing. I am assuming you have read the Twilight Series, by Stephenie Meyer. But, on that, I will say you could very well be the next Vampire saga author. I had not read many books in years until then. Now I have an entirely new saga (hopefully) to fall in love with. Your first book, I already have fallen in love with!! Your writing is tremendous or I could not have ignored the errors. I was too consumed with reading the book to actually care about those. That will be taken care of by an Editor anyway. I believe this has a tremendous chance of making it all the way to your local bookstore. Then people everywhere could enjoy it as much as I am now! I love this book!! Keep it up Karlee!! It looks like you have ink in your blood too!! :)

~Bethanie

Good story line here. You brought more tension and a better job of the visuals on the characters plaguing Jake. Give a little more description of the room and Jake himself and this going to really grab you a lot of attention. Dialogue again well written and believable.-JL

I like that you started in another plane of existence and made it a sort of dream sequence. This is good work so far especially the originality of your concept. You have purpose driven dialogue and you set the "hook" early to peak the reader's interest to carry on.

May I suggest the following:

1) Take that first paragraph and deliver the shape, size, texture, smell, or color of the room in more detailed description. In a dream or transdimensional plane, the color, the sky, and the odorsyou choose or unlimited. It will trigger memory and help your work really flash up. Example: The fragrance of purple lavender and tan muir, the essential scent of a soaps and perfumes, permeated the air of the grand gray temple.

2) I like your characters but I'd like to see more of what they look like. Give me an idea of what Jake looks like and more detail of the boy on the throne.

Just a few suggestions. Keep up the writing it's got great potential.

I found the opening chapter very interesting, a boy who meets a king, prince of god, and finds out that he's not meant to be in what is suppose a place like heaven, or afterlife encounter. I still haven't any idea what the book is about at this point, but it does draw my interest.

I found the opening chapter very interesting, a boy who meets a king, prince of god, and finds out that he's not meant to be in what is suppose a place like heaven, or afterlife encounter. I still haven't any idea what the book is about at this point, but it does draw my interest.

Great book. Read the whole book. Very good with the description in the novel. I love that its a thriller. Great job.

Hi Karlee,
I read through the first two chapters, and this is very good work. I like Jake and Caitlyn as your lead characters and the dependency they seem to have on each other; thinking back, I can relate, and I believe many other readers will as well. Jake's visions are chilling, and I assume the chain is the connective charm, or the focal point, for some of these supernatural occurrences. Nice! And red-eyed demons ... they are always frightening yet equally fascinating so I look forward to reading more. The story is building nicely, and I just know Jake's trial, whatever it may be, is going to challenge him and take him to the precipice between life and death. I caught a few minor things related to possessive punctuation and your choice of words, plus I have a few other suggestions that I could send via email, if you like.

Let me know, Great job. Stay in touch.

Dean

I found a lot of passion and introspection in the passages I read, and was impressed with the realism of the dialogue. As a dramatist myself, I often imagine a scene unfolding and write down the dialogue first, building everything else around it. Be careful with too many adjectives. A phrase like "I smiled exaggeratedly" is clumsy compared to "My smile was way too big." Or "I smiled like a fool." Or "I flashed a big fake smile." Depending on the affect you're aiming for. You're an inspired storyteller.
-Steve

Hi Karlee!

Well, I just finished the chapters you have posted, and I like your story very much. I was waiting for Lacie to reveal that she was a vampire, I read quite a bit of fantasy creature lore and popular books, so the clues were quite clear to me. Although I thought they unfolded nicely for Jake. One thing I'm not so sure of though is how easily Caitlyn and Lacie became friends. Caitlyn clearly had an interest in Jake, and for Lacie to just appear and cling to him seems like it would far more likely create rivals or even enemies between the two girls, at least for a while. They can end up as friends, but begin as friends? Not so sure. Also, you do spend a little bit too much time emphasizing Lacie's and the vampires' beauty. I do like Jake though. I'm very interested to find out more about the chains, what powers they have, and how they will influence the story. I'll definitely keep watching for more.

YARG!!!!

Very interesting. The pitch alone was enough to get me reading. It's quite well written, and "the flow" is definitely present. Kind of 1AM right now so will give it a longer look later.

Really enjoying it Karlee! Keep up the good work! :-)

Hi
Thanks for your message - I have just finished reading it and I really enjoyed it . I am a fan of supernatural fiction so this was right up my steet. You build the sense of intrigue very well and I liked Jake your main character and how you described his dreams , thoughts and feelings. The plot develops at a really nice pace and your description is very effective. I look forward to reading the rest

Steph

Hey Karlee.
Finished the rest of your book. am seriously impressed with this. sorry was too engrossed in the story to notice any of the grammatical errors you asked for. I love the darkness throughout the story and you didn't waste any of the readers time. great suspense and great writing.
Good luck hun don't think you will need it.
can rest on my bookshelf for now. Fully backed!

Love it!! This just keeps getting better and better. I look forward to more as you add the chapters. You are weaving such a great story!! I love the mystery and almost like a challenge that Elisha and Holly have thrown in front of Jake. I only found a few typos, but I'll message them to you instead of leaving them on this space. Great writing!!

~Bethanie

Karlee,
I'm afraid I only had time to read the first chapter, but I like what I've read. You draw the reader in from the first sentence and keep them interested. I've put it on my watchlist until I have time to give it a proper reading. I invite you to read my YA fantasy: Kailai and the Dragon Prince, and leave any appropriate feedback. - Gao Zuojia

And the plot thickens...

Another strong instalment from the talented Karlee Hall. Especially like the ‘waking up’ and ‘stumbling about’ bit at the beginning (made me chuckle). And the inhumanely gorgeous girls mentioning scent, blood type, and then turning water to ice; definitely cranks the intrigue up a notch...

Best,
J.

Yarg review.
Excellent start, you set the mood and hook the reader in.

You move the reader on with a mixture of action and suspense.
Dialogue nicely woven in creating dynamic scenes, which introduce the characters.
Love the end of the first chapter, how could a person not carry on reading.
Your style of writing is almost nightmarish; this is said as a compliment.
It’s surreal macabre, all you would expect from this genre.
Then you dive into normality, leaving us with unanswered questions- Great.
Your use of the written word is sharp and impressive, I feel like I have been put on a rollercoaster ride.
This is the kind of story you would read at night, and then sleep with the light on.
This book grows and grows and you give it an interesting voice.
Really enjoyed.

I’ve wanted to review this for ages and I finally got around to it. I love your short pitch, and your long pitch is also fairly strong. The first chapter is interesting, and the rest do not disappoint! Chapter four was my favourite, but they were all well written. The narrative style is easy to read, I like the use of italicisation, and there are some good descriptions. I like Jake’s thoughts about others (such as his “definition” of his friend and the guys at school). The character of Lacie is particularly intriguing. I’m sure the rest will be just as good!

This is a YARG review and you can take or throw away any of my comments.

This is an interesting story, with a good idea and characters - the following observations are the things I thought might make it even better, and I will give them first, before commenting overall.

I think it would benefit from stripping out a good few words that are superfluous - not adding anything and in some cases weakening the story. Have you tried the exercise of saving a chapter in word, then pretending you have to strip out 100 words? I do this often, and almost always, it makes the writing tighter.

A couple of small examples -
chapter one - the boy on the throne - 'like a (small) king.' - he's a boy, so we know he's small. Like a king is more powerful an image.

'throne like because.....' this bit is wordy. Just saying, for eg - '.. large chain..... throne like, except it held no extravagance...'

Missing word - 'stopped me in my tracks like () wall.'

Word meaning? - 'amongst the chains a white glow illumnated from the boy's wrist...' - you can say 'illuminated the boy's wrist (as in lit it up) but not 'illuminated from...' Wondering if the word you wanted was 'emanted.' 'emanated from....'

Word - 'Your body is dying...... but it is loosing..' - should be 'losing'

Where he says 'I don't understand, you're making no sense!' I don't think you need 'feeling slightly over dramatic but shamelessly allowing it,' - what he says expresses all this and by adding that, you tell us nothing new, and take away from the tension of what he says.

lose words - (clearly) played out in my head like a filmstrip..'
'(soon) realised...'
'emerging (out) from his ice cold smile..'
'My body quivered as I (now) lay in my bed, frozen with (my own - (who else's?)) terror.'

all these seemingly unimportant words are words you don't need, and reduce the tension of the moment.

Chapter two - 'I had decided one year to paint my room, but like many other experiments of mine it ... (what? the idea? a tin of paint? the room?)

You also say 'the only colour in my room was the dark blue bedding, garments, and a pile of rubbish...' which sounds like the garments and the rubbish are coloured.

typo - 'creamed coloured carpet.'

I hope these comments don't sound like an endless list of moans. They are meant to be helpful - if you agree with them, and to be ignored if you don't of course. They are just what occured to me as I read. I think if you gave it an edit, it could only add to the sense of menace and tension.

The story is a good one - entertaining and well told, and made me want to carry on and find out what was going on - who the boy is, how they are the same, what is happening to him - and these are the most important elements in storytelling.
Cariad.

Hi Karlee

I've read 2 chapters. It is promising. My notes:

I'm not sure about 'despite all this' - that suggests that it's almost contradictory to what's gone before. But there being no temperature, wind or smells doesn't mean that sound is unlikely or improbable.

I don't think 'quickly' is necessary before 'spun around', since spinning around is usually fairly quick anyway.

If there's nothing but a grey void all around, there being chair sounds out of place. Perhaps if you mentioned that it seemed to float in the endless grey, or something.

The sentence 'Scanning my way down [...] was a young boy' doesn't make sense.

"You shouldn't be here, at least not yet' would read better, I think as two sentences. A comma doesn't seem strong enough.

'"What do you mean 'I'm early?'", I questioned(,) not bothering to take a step closer' - Several things about this sentence: the quotes don't work, because you're quoting something he didn't actually say - the quotes could go around 'early', but they aren't necessary (actually, looking back, he didn't even say she was early, so the quotes don't work at all). Second, if the quotes were to remain, the question mark should be outside, because it's not part of the quote (actually, that depends whether you're American or not, I think), and the only comma you need is the one I put in. Third, 'not bothering' doesn't really make sense, especially if she wants to.

'destined to be here(,) Jake'

'layered brown hair'? That's not the sort of thing a boy would usually notice. Short brown hair, yes; layered, no.

'proving to be the first time( )for many new things' - I'm not sure if 'first time' and 'new things' go together. It seems like an either/or kind of thing.

I really don't think a boy would think about how his mother could have any man she wanted. Perhaps you could get this across by saying he'd heard people say...

Gasping is the opposite to air being knocked out of your lungs.

The diamond concerns me. He just casually wears a bracelet with a red diamond in it? Firstly, I'm not sure a nearly-16 year old boy would wear something like that; not openingly, anyway. Second, a red diamond would surely be pretty valuable, and not really the sort of thing you'd have just dangling off your wrist. And 'charm' kind of suggests a cheap trinket, which something with a red diamond in it certainly would not be.

Why does a small white house sound like 'the dream'?

'rocking shindig(,)'

If she's the kind of mother who he can't hide a thing from, that suggests she is very attentive, which also suggests she wouldn't be the kind of mother who doesn't notice that her son hasn't visited that friend for three years.

'As much as I'm enjoying this conversation...' should be in the same paragraph as the last bit of his dialogue, since it's still him.

'Are you ok(ay)'

'shouldn't I be inside consoling her(?)'

'anything that allowed it to come off to be honest' - 'to be honest' makes no sense. I suppose it's a case of balancing the nonsense that comes out of young people's mouths and what actually makes sense.

Dismissing his chain growing as coincidence doesn't make sense, either. Dismissing it as his imagination, perhaps?

If the dad is the kind of person that leaves his family, why would he want to know him?

I know it's used all the time in such circumstances as an excuse as to why the character doesn't look into things more closely, but I really don't think a person's first thought as seeing something strange is that they are going insane.

If he left early, how come he's now running late?

'looked up in alert'?

It is pretty well written for the most part. Really the main thing is commas - there aren't commas in places they should be, and sometime commas where something else is needed. That would be the main thing to look at in the next edit. The other thing is that there are a few Americanisms (like 'high school'). I liked it, and the premise sounds interesting. I'm sure it will do well. Good luck with it :)

I'd appreciate it if you have a chance to have a read of, and comment on, my own book, too. Thanks :)

I just finished reading and I am so impressed with your writing in chapter 6 your descriptions are so beautiful. whether ur describing the character of lacie or the surroundings I felt I was there. I love this genre of writing and you kept me gripped.
very creepy and haunting in parts.
well done very well written highly starred!

I just finished reading and I am so impressed with your writing in chapter 6 your descriptions are so beautiful. whether ur describing the character of lacie or the surroundings I felt I was there. I love this genre of writing and you kept me gripped.
very creepy and haunting in parts.
well done very well written highly starred!

Karlee,

The anticipation is complete! I read the whole MS. An impressively haunting YA thriller with loads of mystery and a monsterously dark theme. OUTSTANDING opening chapter! Hooked me straight in, so it would definitely do the job in a book store - very atmospheric and chilling (reminded me of Saw where the guy wakes up in the dark). The First Person is written well and you've built a great character in Jake, his thoughts bring us neatly through the emotions that would encompass all the stories events. Lacie's a dark angellic horse :) and I have some ideas about the chains and why his mum is acting weird, but guess I'll need to wait for a further upload to get them confirmed.

I did notice a few typos and happy to pop them in a message if you'd like.

Overall an excellent piece of writing and very enjoyable, albeit scary, read. High starred and already WL'd!

Best wishes for the ED,
J.

I love this story. It's dark and mysterious, just the way I like it. Your imagery is amazing. You have a lot of talent and it shows in the smooth rhythm of your writing. I read up through chapter 3 and can't wait to see more. Thanks so much for the read. Hight stars on this one!

This is not normally something I would pick up... but I read right through to chapter 6! :-) Dark, but in a good way, it draws you in and is really well written. Well done on a REALLY good opening chapter too! Your on my WL and will def give you a spin on my shelf (highly starred) x

I am just 2 chapters in and I am hooked the opening grabs the readers attention and anticipation grows.
your description is very vivid I became totally involved. very mysterious and creepy I love this genre thank you for tellig me about your book, you are a talented writer will definately read more. given it some well deserved stars.

Hey Karlee,

Just on Chapter 4, it's all very intriguing and shadowy. I love it. Jake is immediately emotive because of how you have written him, excellent stuff. It is pacy without being hurried, another good thing. Well this is made up of great things, keep writing (for me, I am selfish like that), you are on my watchlist.

Michael

Kind of like when you read mine, I am totally in new waters. This genre is not something i normally read. That doesn't mean i didn't enjoy it! Great long pitch, well done cover to start with. Seems very strong for a YA work, which is good. I like how it handles dark subject matter without getting brooding and cliche.

Hi Karlee,

I started from the middle because I'm sure you've already gotten a lot of reviews and advice about the beginning.
I started at chapter 5. I think it's interesting that you are writing in first person w/ a male voice. That's not an easy feat when writing in third person sometimes, so well done.

I thought you captured his fear very well. He seemed like the soft geeky type to me and i wondered why he felt comfortable enough to continue his cry with Lacie being there. What was so reassuring about her. I'm probably taking this the wrong way, but it seems almost motherly.

You're doing a good job.
I am going to message you some things I noticed or questioned.

-Aliah
Her Demise

Hello Karlee--

book--Chained--

Great dark and forbidden looking cover here, sets up the genre nicely-
Pitch explains a lot in a compact way-

after reading five of the six posted and will read the six later on to night- I
was impressed with the writing, as used in an imaginative way to describe a horror and fright
situation; as Jake stumbles through trees and scrubs in is haste to get home.

The vampire encounter is also chilling as she bites his neck. as he remembers those bloody red eyes.
I liked the thought of him meeting an angel in his bed, nice touch of fantasy here-

all in all and in it's genre it has the making of a very good book for young adults to enjoy-
good luck with it Karlee-

tom bye
book -from hugs to kisses-

please oblige and glance at chapters-16, angels galore and 17 and perhaps 18- thanks-

Very good, Karlee. This is shaping up into a good paranormal story.
I've read a couple of chapters and the reading is easy.
You've got a good story-telling technique.
I've read a couple of chapters and enjoyed them.
The story is interesting and mysterious. I find myself wanting to know what is wrong with Jake, feeling sorry for his isolation and hoping he dosen't turn bad.
So, good job on hooking your reader.
I wish you good luck with this.

Nice, Karlee! Intriguing! I'm only two chapters in and you have accomplished what is primarily an author's main goal...to keep a reader interested so that they want to find out more. I will be back to finish up. But just wanted to say good job. The story looks very interesting.

Hi Karlee,

First of all, I like to say I really like your book cover and the title, 'Chained'.
I think you have an interesting story here and the pitch really does hook you. The first chapter is brilliant. We are instantly drawn into the story, which I like. You leave the reading wanting more because we want to know what is happening to Jake, which shows how gifted you are as a writer.
I will continue to watch this book, to see how it grows.
Best of luck
kelly.

Hi Karlee,

First of all, I like to say I really like your book cover and the title, 'Chained'.
I think you have an interesting story here and the pitch really does hook you. The first chapter is brilliant. We are instantly drawn into the story, which I like. You leave the reading wanting more because we want to know what is happening to Jake, which shows how gifted you are as a writer.
I will continue to watch this book, to see how it grows.
Best of luck
kelly.