Bad Men And Bad Odds

"The first thing I see is my feet". Cover them or don't look down at them.

"What the hell happened" "Hell no, that's not gonna happen"

Anyway, the point of the mentioned is that there are plenty of punches to grip and hook readers. I enjoyed reading "Bad Men And Bad Odds"

Bad men and bad odds

Great start to an exciting book with an interesting storyline.
You do the first person well, you have excellent writing skills.
The m/c hit it off with me straight away; he's a very positive, and powerful character.
The end of the chapter could do with something more punchy -not that it needs it but it would make it even better. Also like my own book ithe first chapter could do with being a bit shorter. These are things others have advised me to do, take the advice or leave it.
Great book
Junetee
FOUR CORNERS.book one.The Rock Star.

Hi Roy,
Thanks for the invite to read your book. Interesting. Personally, I don't enjoy reading work written in the 1st person. For a thriller especially 'cos you know the MC is going to survive - he's the one telling the story! That said, a good and enjoyable read.
Rob Lawrence

Roy,

I read several chapters over the weekend and really enjoyed the reading. This writing style certainly reminds me of Spillane, and I agree with Brian (below) that a good typo check would be wonderful. I am sure that you will see some in mine, though I'm trying to edit each day.

Highly starred!

Thanks for your support.

Chris

I really enjoyed the set up for this story. I was on a break for work and was late getting back because this kept my interest. I don't want to rate it yes because I am only 1 chapter in. C'mon lunch time so that I can read more.

Watchlisted and will most likely back this book.

Chris

The story is full of action and set up excellently. The prologue is effective. Diego is a strong main character. I like how Fortunato is the merc trying to do the right thing for once.

However, all the typos and grammer mistakes drag this down. Go through it carefully and clean it up. Here's what I found in the first two chapters.

Typo: "Way TOO light."

Typo: "I figured he was just another overworked professor turned kook by TOO many hours working alone."

Use question mark: "How could he with his past?"

Remove "was": "The black gun felt light in my hand..."

Typo: "And men like to TO come to think of it..."

Myself is one word, not two.

Typo: "Sometimes he seemed TOO idealistic for his own good."

Typo: "I thought IT would buy time."

No need to repeat that it was a stupid question over and over. I got it.

Typo: "I muttered as (I) suffled forward..."

Typo: "I wanted TO spin and take the guy out."

Typo: "The man's decision made SENSE."

Typo: I THREW my head back and heard a loud crack."

Typo: "Don't SAY you wouldn't have done it."

Typo: "You went TOO fast..."

Typo: "you know better THAN that..."

Typo: "Is it TOO late to switch sides?"

Typo: "No one in their right mind would BUY a property..."

Typo: "Not much more to them THAN that."

Typo: "We had a smooth operation going, NOW it's all disorganized."

At some point the leader should ask who hired Diego. He makes it obvious that he was hired, so they should want to know. And why don't they kill them right away?

Typo: "All I could do was STRUGGLE against his grip..."

Typo: "..expect instead of metal bars THERE was a large glass door..."

Typo: "larger THAN the average cat..."

Typo: "There are TOO many lives at stake..."

Typo: "You HEAR that?"

There is great promise here. With a good edit, you will be on your way. I'll back it.

Brian Bandell
Mute

I finished the first 16. The book will be quite good when you finishm it and edit it. Let me know when you do. I want to finish it. jack hudson

Hi Roy,
My kind of book, I enjoyed it from the start. Intelligent and well paced, the style suits really well. On a break at work just now but look forward to coming back to this work soon.
Do you want comments on grammar and typos?

Come back to you soon

regards

Cyrus - Hellion 2

Electrifying start! Read two chapters so far and will read on. I like your style and pacing. Ranking four stars preliminarily. Will probably increase as I read on. jack hudson.

Hey,
I've just read abit of your book, and i fell i must read more, its so well written i love it!
EllenMichelle:)
'A Model's Summer'

Hey Roy, just reread the first chapter of "Bad Men" so I can give you a little feedback, more to come.

First off, I applaud your choice of perspective, first person is tough to master and you have done it justice. The depth of your descriptive writing is also great, although sometimes I feel like there's a little too much and it detracts from the fast paced action, for instance when describing guns. Although it does build the character well, Risk is obviously a gun nut, it can be a little overcooked.

Your dialogue is excellent and fitting, terse and perfect for the action. I also really like your beginning in the doctors, it gets you into Risk's mindset early on :)

A couple things to watch; there are lots of instances of you using "the" instead of "they," and "to" instead of "too," ie "to fast" should be "too fast." This is the bane of spellcheck, but is easy enough to remedy. Also in the "Mac" section, you refer to him once as "Mack." Little inconsistencies like this can put off potential publishers.

On the whole though, this is a sterling effort and I will definitely read on and give you more feedback in the next few days. Good stuff indeed :)

I was intrigued by the italicized portion at the beginning of the chapter. I especially liked the fourth paragraph--the one that began, "Beyond my feet..." But when I read the rest of the chapter, I was confused about how they connected--kept wondering if the choice of the name Fortunato was a reference to Poe's "Cask of Amontillado," where Fortunato is buried alive.

What the hell happened! Nice refrain,

Best Regards,
Rian Torr
New London Masquerade

I like the opening of the book and the way in which the whole scene in the room is described vividly. The story is interesting, easy to read and captivating. I am placing it on my WL for backing in near future and adding 6 stars to it. Well done Roy 11.

Hi Roy

I've put your Bad Men And Bad Odds on my watchlist. I'll get back to you with any comments asap. Don't worry if it takes a couple of days, it's just because I work silly hours.

If you have any time could you take a look at my Motive Irrelevant? It's a crime thriller with a few twists.

Regards

RB Ray

thought its not my genre, this book offers enough turns to keep it from being the same old story, which is the risk here...not to be confused with the RIsk here. nice characters names which equal their development. enjoy your journey with this one...
j

Good writing style. Very well suited to the genre.

Regards Philip John

An accidental find and not even my choice of genre, but I'm backing this for its convincing tone. The author knows what he's about and his characters know how to talk to each other - tersely. Good plot, good opening, good dialogue. Cover indifferent.

Backed
Lara
A RELATIVE LOSS

I really like this, Roy and I'd definitely buy it.

Robbie

I just finished reading the first two chapters. You have a very unusual way of writing and it took me a bit to get into it but once I did I liked it. You have a very distinct rhythm and it definitely stands out when you read it. I have given it a high star rating and wish you luck with the project. Something as original as this should go far.

This is a real page turner you had me hooked on the first couple of paragraphs. I loved it you are a very good writer.

I read your first chapter.

General comments: Intriguing premise. A cleaver, entertaining start. A credible main character. Your descriptions bring your scenes to life. Well-managed tension. Swift pacing.

Specific comments on the first chapter:
1) Your opening paragraphs hooked me.
2) 'But I'm to weak.' 'To' should be 'too.'
3) 'I fell asleep and woke up 40 pounds lighter.' Spell out numbers 1-99.
4) "We're here Risk." Comma after 'here.' When you address someone in dialogue, offset their name or title with a comma. There are more cases where you address someone in dialogue, but didn't offset their name with a comma.
5) 'He's large, easily 6'3 and 230 pounds. Spell out numbers 1-99. Also spell out '.
6) 'He has scars that he wore like badges of honor.' 'Like badges of honor' is cliche. Consider a fresher similie.
7) "You know I didn't" Period after didn't.
8) 'Like the he's trying to put together a puzzle that ... ' Remove 'the.'
9) "To much." he sighs, "Economy's shot." 'To' should be 'too.' 'He' should be capitalized. Put a period after 'sighs.'
10) 'there's more than a hint of sarcasm there.' Capitalize 'there's.'
11) "I'm just a grizzled old merc," Period after 'merc.'
12) ' ... shiny boots swung out of the drivers side.' Drivers (plural) should be driver's (possessive).
13) 'I stayed their awhile holding the sharp blade ... ' 'Their' should be 'there.'
14) 'Sometimes he seemed to idealistic for his own good.' 'To' should be 'too.'
15) 'They had their gun's hanging from ... ' Gun's (possessive) should be guns (plural).

I hope these comments help you further polish your all important first chapter. These are just my opinions. Use what works for you and discard the rest.

Thank you for your kind comments on "Savannah Oak."

Bless you.

Al

Apparently, telling a fellow writer that their MC has an authentic voice is a bit of a cliché, here on Authonomy. But I’m going to say it, anyway.
Writing a story in the first person is perhaps the most difficult of all to pull off successfully but judging from the first three chapters that I’ve read, I think you’ve managed it. Perhaps that helps in that there is something about Diego that is empathetic, even though he his high testosterone day job would imply the opposite.

The world of the character is utterly convincing. I particularly liked this description: ‘It was fair game. If you find it unattended in the street it’s as good as yours. If you use that type of logic with women in the wrong neighborhood you might end up with a guy in a dress. Or a cop in a dress for that matter.'

I really like the way you invert character stereotypes and turn them on their head – I particularly liked the merceneray who wanted to be a hero… It’s those kinds of details that make this a compelling read. You know, one of the best opportunities here on this site is to be able to read books that, aren’t my normal reading matter.
But all credit to you for allowing me this chance to blow apart any pre-conceived notions of this genre.

I like the way that by chapter 3, you haven’t elaborated any further on that mysterious set-up, where Diego is about to undergo some weird medical procedure. As you say, what the hell did happen? And because of the strength of your writing – economic and precise - I want to read further. Highly starred and W/Listed.
Lambert Nagle – Revolution Earth

Dear Earl,
The problem is that once I’ve set my mind on backing a book, I can no longer find faults in it.
I’m too busy enjoying myself. The opening sequence was sufficient, but I still had to read the full chapter.
I'll come back for more. Beginning of next week, this one will be on my shelf.
Well done, my friend.
Best regards,
AGC

This first chapter leaves me with more questions than were answered. - Why did they take out the driver and the guard, strip them of their uniforms, put their cloths on, tie them up and then wait for the other mobsters to come out of the building? When they were driving away from the scene of the crime how did they know which way to go? How come the guys with the crate didn't recognise immediately that there was something wrong and disarm them before setting off to the drop off point? Who are these guys what's there pitch?

I'm pretty certain the word "Mack" is generally spelled "Mac" - Also there are quite a number of typos where you have missed off the letters "Y" from what should be "they" and a couple of "S's" to make it plural. - in addition " ...that require(d) (a) special(ly) made key ..." - They were a number (of) building(s)" - " ...the road (we) were on had devolved..." Devolved is rather an odd word to use in this context as it means transferred - like power devolve's to a lesser authority or group etc. - all in all it started off really well and I was enjoying it - I think only Americans can write in this particular genre of tough guy stories - Raymond Chandler, Mickey Spillane, and Elmore Leonard spring to mind. So I don't know whether my comments have helped but have starred you accordingly and wish you all the best - Mick (He Was a Most Peculiar Man)

I think that I've worked out that you are American so I'm not going to say anything about grammar/spelling/word choice - not a derogatory comment. It is a fact that they differ between UK English and US English. End of story!
A great story well written is my conclusion. You were very brave to write in the 1st person. It is a limitation to the story telling because it means that you have to be there in every scene! Was it an accidant that I detected a touch of Chandler? Thank-you for inviting me to read. By the way, high stars and a place on my shelf.
Rob Lawrence.

My type of a manly book. On my watchlist just waiting for some room to be shelved. LOL I love the danger, gun toteing, action packed style books. I'm ex Army so that should be a no brainer. I only read 3 chapters so far but i will definitely be finishing this in due time.Keep up the good work.
David Ware
A true thug wWillsin

Bad Men and Bad Odds.
By Roy Earle.


I really do like the way your book opens with Diego Risk waking to find he’s no longer the person he was a while back.
Your description of the whole scene in the room is very captivating and an excellent start to a story of intrigue. The use of ‘white’ is a great way of emphasising the desperation that the character feels.
The sense of a sterile atmosphere is all too evident and keeps the reader wondering what’s happened .

...For the first time I see the mirror opposite (mirror)...Mirror twice?

This is a tough, action man story that you have here, I like what I’ve read and think it has a lot to offer to the male reader. It’s a book that I would pick up and glance through in a book shop having read the pitch. With a good book cover it would make it to the till.
Well starred!! Well done!!

Best wishes,

Neville. The Secrets of the Forest – The Time Zone.

Roy,

I'm really enjoying "Bad Men and Bad Odds!" You have a great premise here and a writing style that has a real and tough feel to it. Diego is also a fantastic main character! I've rated your book six out of six stars and have it on my watchlist now. I can't wait to return for more!

Have a fantastic day and thanks for you time with The Ark of Humanity and for your support!

- Scott, The Ark of Humanity

Roy,

I read most of charpter one. I found a few things for you to look at, but generaly your writing is good. The story is interesting, and your style is good, well paced and easy reading. Great opening and good catch to keep the reader interested and provide intrigue - how did he get to this state?

You have used "to" a couple of times when you should have used "too".

Your sentence "I see the mirror opposite mirror." does not make sense, looks like you ned to lose the second "mirror".

In "What I saw was an terrifying caricature." the "an" should be "a".

In "...like my reaction fits to bill..." I think the "to" should be "the".

Where you write "Usually it’s my cover I go in..." I think you need a comma after "cover".

Best regards
Warrick

Hi Roy,
Dropped by for a couple of chapters and was very impressed. You write with a real confidence and ease and the MC's voice has real personality. Some nice, dry humour interwoven -has a Carl Hiassen feel to it. I like the mixture of shorter and longer sentences for effect -used very naturally. Perhaps just a few times you could slim down on the similes in a few places but it seems to suit the narrative voice.

Well done -highly rated - I think you'll go places here:)

Kaal Kaczmarek
Cousin Felicity and the Eels of Misty Point