The Magic Door knob

Enjoying the story; however, I really don’t like speech incorporated or hidden in a paragraph. The first chapters are riddled with them. A few sentences annoyed me; ‘I stacked them neatly and placed them in a pile’. Definition; Stack= a pile of things more or less neatly arranged one on top of another. So why repeat it.
It was obvious Basher was in the basket because Ricky put him in it. And more obvious Ricky was at the top when ‘hauling the up the basket’
You repeat ‘Dad’ in one noticeable sentence; ‘Dad could be hurt. How about I give you the doorknob if you help me to find my dad?’ Why not ‘help find him?’
Like it though.
Pat

YARG review:
This is a great read, fast-paced and entertaining. It's very well-written, with a good balance of dialogue and description in each scene, and the first person voice is convincing. I like the way you end each chapter with a cliff-hanger, too, as this will keep young readers turning the pages. It's hard to find a genuinely original fantasy book, but although you use some common fantasy elements you do so in an original way, creating a unique fantasy world and some great characters. It was really hard to find fault with this, and I'm confident that it'll be a hit with the target audience.
Six stars, and best of luck with this!
Emma

I instantly thought Aunt Sarah was a total (insert curse here.)

This caught me right off, and I'm not sure if I can say a lot of books do that. I'm deffo going to read these eight chapters tonight, keep up the good work!

Prepare to be YARGED.

This is brilliant, you're going on my shelf.

This is the most instantly readable book I've come across on Authonomy. (and I'm not just one of those many people on here who say they like everything). You have a very nice easy style and the plot races along. I'm definitely going to read the rest and hope there's a way I can read the remaining chapters.

Here are my small observations, hope they help.

Aunt Sarah and Uncle John HAD arrived THE DAY BEFORE.
You should get rid of it. You do know they’re full of disease?” – not a particularly natural reaction – even for someone who hates dogs
or got lost or hurt, or lost his memory…” – 2 losts
My dad wouldn’t leave us. WE know that, even if you don’t – 2 sentences
Sounds like an extremely big tree house and would have presumably needed electricity if it’s also a workshop – possible but not instantly plausible – shed maybe better?
On the back of the chair, next to the table, was Dad’s geeky white coat. I reached out and lifted it up to my nose. It smelled of oil and earth, and was green with damp. – I don’t find this to be a very natural action, especially (sorry) for a boy to do to his father’s clothes.
Great ending to the chapter.
Why the chapter title?
Ch 2
hit the wall with a thud. I dropped the torch. It hit the floor with a bang – bit repetitive a sentence.
“What are you?” I grabbed a long, copper pole. – it’s not very clear this – i think you should attribute it - “What are you?” I ASKED grabbING a long, copper pole FOR PROTECTION.
Thanks, Dad. – also not clear I’d delete it
Actually, TO BE PRECISE, HE was A vomit sprout-green.
“So let me get this straight. You’re looking for a doorknob. You are joking, aren’t you?” This was getting crazier by the minute. – He’s just met a green man surely the fact he’s looking for a doorknob is fairly normal in comparison???
And you’re not going to believe this—a doorknob. – not sure about him addressing the readers – unless he’s going to do this throughout I’d avoid it.
You say this is yours and that it opens a magical door – at this point that fact is not very clear, even by joining the dots.
give you the doorknob if you help me find HIM
another good end to the chapter but I think I’d like to know a little more about how Ricky is feeling throughout this section. He seems to accept it all rather matter of factly.
We don’t find out what Boris was doing there - is this answered later?

Great work!

Benedict

YARG review.
Your writing is clear and easy to read and get into. There's a great sense of mystery from the first chapter. Ricky makes a great main character and you write him really well. I find him very believable as an actual person. I really enjoyed reading this and will read on when I get the chance. I've just gotten to the part where Boris pulls Ricky through the door. Can't wait to read what happens next.
Highly starred.
Karen =)

good imagination, entertaining. i was bit lost on the middle chapter..cant remember anymore which chapter...but an overall it is very well written. after reading it... is it more for children / adolescent novel or i am mistaken. well done and all the best for the future... x

Hi Aurora,
I enjoyed reading your book. There are some lovely and imaginative ideas there. I couldn't help feel that a little bit of depth was mssing at times. For example the trees-Grinders. I did wonder, if they had been people, why weren't they helping the others and not hindering them. We do find out in later chapters that (also) Grinder, was controling them. You have Ricky feeling a tree at one point, I wonder whether he could feel a Grinder tree and sense the person trapped inside, in much the same way as he has commassion for the Vulpin.

I was going to mention some punctuation mistakes but Jantet has mentioned them earlier. Well done, looking forward to reading the rest of it.
Ronnie (Kirabo, Kirabo and the Sea Serpent's Pearl)

hi, your story very good. Good Luck with it

Hello

What a fun story. I enjoyed it a great deal. The writing was clear and easy (meant in a way that is good) :-) It does reminisce other storie, but it is fresh in its own way. Basher is a cute name for a dog and appears to also fit the story. I could see youngsters reading this in their beds at night. Cute idea and story.

Sorry it took so long to read.
Jennifer Killby
The Legend of the Travelers: Willow's Journey.

Three chapters in and I like where this is going. It's very child friendly with no difficult words for younger readers to get tangled up with. However, there are a set of school books for first time readers involving a magic key which opens doors to other worlds, you might want to check those out.

Sorry it's taken me so long to get around to reading this! The title is intriguing and so is the short pitch. If I were looking for a book for my kids, I'd definitely pick it up to see if I liked it. I like the first paragraph too - good scene setting that kids can relate to. Tiny nit - Mum had been panicking ever since, and this had put her in a bad mood or similar would be better. Or even which was putting her in a bad mood. Grammatically, otherwise "putting" has to have the same subject as "had been panicking", which would mean his mum is putting herself in a bad mood - not very logical.
I wonder if you might do better saying the part about "looking for Josh" after the part about the dog and sarah - which is good stuff, but it might be best to really hook your reader in with the idea of the dad who has disappeared - make them wonder what that's about. and then they'll be happy to read on.
Anyway those are just my thoughts - hope they are helpful, but if not feel free to ditch them!

Aurora,
I like this. You have a great hook and super kid appeal. The pace of the story is excellent. Not an expert, but saw a few errors. As always, take what is useful and ignore the rest.
Cute cover, nice title. knob should be capitalized too.
The story moved so well, I didn't notice any errors until chapter 3.
'over by a tall, tree' move comma after tree
I was confused by the action near the end of this chapter. the dog was yowling and Rick tried to pick up Basher but then in last paragraph you have the Mizle raise him before her beaks. Need to clarify this.
Chapter 4
She was dressed in a brown top and trousers. Since she sounds like a brownie, thought you meant a brown top and brown trousers.
She raised the staff high above her a head. Omit a
The paragraph What a good idea, Boris, etc. sounds kind of snarky. If it's his thoughts should be in italics. Not needed, I would omit it
You have a typo 'trying to fend of' should be fend off.
'I took the doorknob and showed it Cerwyn' should be showed it to Cerwyn
'I felt stupid as she was stood' should be 'was standing''
Sentence 'not too happy with idea of eating fruit from tree with a life of their own' seems wrong.
All trees have a life of their own, they are living things. Maybe you meant 'eating fruit made by another living being.'
You know when you have a lot of small things, the list can look bad. These are just sent to help you with the editing. It's a great story. Very cute idea and likable characters. I love the green guy and his black teeth, the wonderful dog and the plucky inventive boy. Even your bad guys are all great. I know children love any story with magic, especially magic doorways into strange worlds.
Keep at it, this is very promising. I'll try to come back to read more. Ranking you high and keeping you on my watchlist.
Good luck in your writing,
Janet
The Milche Bride
Clarissa's Kitchen
Hope you will read and critique one of mine if you have time. Can use some stars and shelf space.

Dear Aurora, Your book is still on my shelf and I'm waiting for the continuation of it impatiently. It's to my liking and I'm sure, children will like it greatly too. Pay attention to the fact that people, children in particular, perceive the world through images.Whenever possible we have to avoid dry narration. Your Images are really bright. Stick to them and you are on horseback!

nautaV P.S. If you have time, have a look at my ESCAPE. I'd be grateful for your opinion about it

Hi!

Primarily, it seems like you have excessive use of the passive voice. It's a pet peeve of many readers and really slows down the pace. I'd recommend switching to more direct verbs. Some of the descriptions - such as 'dirt dropping' - seem slightly awkward as well. Readers will much more easily identify with something like 'dirt falling' rather than 'dropping'.

The beginning of your story needs to get to the point faster. Adult readers may be more willing to accept a slower developing storyline, but if a child wants to read about the magic brass doorknob, they want to read about it from the word go. Perhaps cut to the point with the brass doorknob and start from there; it would elicit a much stronger inclination to read, as the element of mystery becomes present very quickly.

This is clearly for younger children - maybe 8-10 - and I don't think they are usually aware of female body image issues. With their peers, if someone is overly fat, then yes, but otherwise, no. If you still want to present this image, then use more vivid images.

I feel like Aunt Sarah is a particularly flat antagonist. So far, she feels like a pale reflection of Aunt Marge in Harry Potter, but without the interesting fleshed-out parts.

Also, why is Mum not saying something to Aunt Sarah? Dad is HER husband after all. The reaction to this feels illogical and contrived.

"She'd be furious, but I wasn't bothered. I was mad with them all." A much better way of expressing emotion would be to get inside Ricky's head a bit more. You're using first person and could be utilising it much better here.

A children's book is not usually terribly long, and we have spent a whole chapter not hearing about the doorknob, with no understanding that there is magic involved. This could be contemporary fiction, for all I know. Good first chapters make it clear from the start what the conflict is and what the genre is, all while building tension and anticipation for the next chapter. Get to the point much sooner and sharpen up the prose. Pay attention to how other children's writers use first person and describe emotion.

Hope this helps!
Georgia

My initial comment goes right to your first paragraph, repeating yesterdays thoughts. The torch fell from my hand, hitting the floor with a bang. You'd be saying the same thing yet removing the I and providing more of a visual for your readers.

Sinking to the floor, I searched for the torch... same paragraph, same problem.

Para. 17 I'm unsure whether more of this is intended as internal monologue, some words are italicized which clearly indicate the internal mono, although some of the other portions sound internal to me. If I'm wrong then your fine if not then you should consider remaining consistent. I've read that either way is fine as long as you are consistent throughout your work.

I think the part where the room begins to glow could be much more descriptive, magical even.

Your book is on my shelf, I'm going to keep reading and I hope you can find some time to review mine as well. Good luck!

Your story has plenty to keep a kid reading! I'm no adventure buff but I want to know what comes next myself. My suggestions are only about phrasing and word usage - forgive me - I'm a retired teacher. Sometimes, maybe you use more words than necessary. So, in your last sentence of Chapter eight, since you used 'loud crack' you don't need 'noise'. Repetition can slow down suspense. You just need something like 'What was it? We all turned.'
I look forward to your next chapters.

Hi
Well written(content and style only, my grammar should never be relied upon), pace is wonderful, fast enough for interest, not too fast for details. Age of reader was my only concern, what age of child are you writing to? Children's books fall into a wide age range. This is only my opinion, but the beginning seems to be speaking to an older child than the later pages.
Good luck

Well done so far. Just completed chap 1. The only thing I found that needs some work was the overuse of the word I. In some cases you can rephrase the sentence and move it around so that there aren't so many. I'm very curious to see how this story develops. Keep up the good work.

Good pace. I did have hard time seeing the green creature, Boris, as clearly as it should be, especially for youth you are writing for, but it is a good story and keeps me reading more.

Yarg Review:

Hi T.D, I don't have a great deal of time for doing reviews at the moment (I've read chapters 1, 2 and 3 so far). I think you have a fantastic start to your story and it's clearly aimed towards younger readers. The quick pace adds to the story (rather than detracting from it), but there's also enough detail/imagination to keep it interesting. There are clearly elements from popular fantasy stories - such as Artemis Fowl, Willy Wonka, Chronicles of Narnia, Spiderwick Chronicles etc - but I think you've done enough to make these ideas your own. Watch out for differences between past and present tense ie. I sunk to the floor, searching for the torch - should be - I sank to the floor.

There we were, standing across from one another. Me with a copper pipe, acting like a ninja and feeling like a scared little boy, and him waving his hands like he was directing traffic. - Brilliant!

You have excellent dialogue throughout. The idea of Ricky's Dad going missing doesn't seem too far fetched. Boris reminds me a little of a Gremlin!

My only other comment would be to mix up the fantasy world a bit more. There's a lot greenery. I also found the plant monster battle slightly confusing/difficult to picture. You write about orbs and heads as well as tendrils and arms. If you could make it a bit clearer I think that'd be great.

I'll be sure to watchlist . . .

Ben

I read the first two chapters you have posted and here are some of my thoughts:
You seem to have captured the perfect tone for a children’s book. The wording is generally clear and easy to understand, but it’s also humorous. The action is fast-paced, which captures the reader’s interest right away. You also seem to have mastered the ability to end a chapter at just the point where the reader wants to find out what’s going to happen next. And finally, character motivation seems pretty clear. For example, Ricky’s reason for going out to the tree house could have seemed very contrived, but it didn’t; it made perfect sense that at this point in the story he would want to be near anything his dad was a part of. So, great job on that!
I did notice a few phrases that could possibly need fixing.
“Uncle John sat at the top of the table.” Should this be “at the head of the table”? When you use the word “top” I had the image of him sitting on top of the table. Maybe it’s just a phrasing that I’m not familiar with, though.
In the first paragraph of chapter two, the sentences are all structurally similar. “I jumped back so fast I hit the wall with a thud. I dropped the torch. It hit the floor with a bang.” Those two phrases are very similar to each other. If you altered one a little bit, it might sound a little smoother. Maybe something like: “I jumped back so fast I thudded into the wall.”
And shouldn’t “I sunk to the floor” be “I sank to the floor”?
“Now guess what he had in his mouth? And you’re not going to believe this—a doorknob.” This is the first time Ricky’s thoughts have been directed toward the reader; it’s as though he knows the reader exists. Unless this is a consistent part of your writing style, I would change this; it feels like it doesn’t go with the rest of the story. If there are going to be asides to the reader throughout the story I feel it would be less surprising if you put them in sooner.
Anyway, great story. Good luck with it.

I like this and believe it has potential. I would give the layout some attention but otherwise I think it will do well. JB. Woods

Having grandchildren, and having read many children's books to them, I think I have an idea by now what works well - and why.

The language should be crystal clear and unpatronising, the pace brisk, the story pitched squarely at the age group in question, and the characters credible and interesting. TD's book ticks all these boxes, and adds more than a dash of creativity, humour and imagination to the mix. Mentioning snot, and other bodily fluids, a few times seems to work with kids, too.

Ricky's age is not stated, but I visualised a boy in his pre or early teens, and I see the readership fitting into this broad category.

The story is well-structured with effective 'what next'? endings to each chapter. There are great visual descriptions of the characters, particularly Boris, and I liked the humour of the tree getting its own back on Basher, the dog, for cocking his leg up it! Nice.

There is excitement and action whn Ricky meets the Mizle: the Triffid like creature, and the quest for the vanished father gives the book its impetus. A missing father would certainly and sadly resonate with some prospective readers.

There is a good opening chapter, but I wondered why the odious Aunt & Uncle were there - couldn't Ricky's mother have discouraged or stopped them?

A good read for kids of all ages and deservedly within sight and reach now of the big D.

Colin Neville

A fascinating read, indeed. Excellent premise, great movement with the magical brass doorknob. Fantasy is my preferred genre, so I am quite entranced. On my shelf....good luck to you!

Justis Call
Snow Bound

This would definitely appeal to kids. I give it high marks. I think there's just a couple of edits you need to check for, but other than that, it's good to go. I agree with Christian, it would make a great movie as well.
~ Cassandra Porter ("Love, Death, or the Gift of Happiness" and "Psych-holes")

Love the Idea of the Brass Doorknob opening up a door into other dimentions :) But first..... You portray the Uncle and Aunt in an authentic way and I felt myself not liking them either. The text is well written and it takes no time at all for a picture to form of what the reader may imagine the characters look like. It runs smoothly from one scene to another. Ricky is a charming and down to earth, typical youngster and is complimented well with Basher. Boris was well characterised and I enjoyed his awkward way. The description of the door portal was very good as was the journey through into this other world. The place I pictured was very much like that from the film Willy Wonker "Though not Chocolate" and the creatures I liked. The monster flower "Loved it" very well described. And as for poor Basher, I left him as he was just about to become plant food. But I shall return at a more convenient time to see how he does. Overall I think that this is a Great story, well written and kids will love it as will many adults. Especially if they are big kids like myself. Cant wait for the film!!!!! I shall place it on my Wish list until I have read more with a view to adding it to my Bookshelf should it continue to please me in the same manner. I give it a 6 star rating. A lovely Kids/Big kids novel............ Christian

Hi T.D.

Here's your YARG Review

Your first chapter does a good job of portraying the broken relationships in Ricky's family. His mother seems timid, a bit lost and exasperated by trying to keep it all together and as far as Ricky's aunt and uncle go - everybody loves a pair of wonderfully despicable relatives!
Ricky himself sounds like a smart, tough young lad. His angst and frustration does come through (the thing to clarify here though would be is it a teenage angst or a pre-teen one?)
I'm a sucker for Basher.
Nice scene-setting and build up of tension towards the end.

When you're doing revisions, go through your manuscript chapter by chapter and read out loud. What sounds like it's coming from Ricky and what sounds like it's coming from you as the narrator? While doing that, picture yourself, as you look now, recounting everything to a stranger in the street and 100% convincing them that despite your outward appearance, you're in fact a 9/10/11 year old boy.

In the POV you've chosen to tell the story, you're Ricky so it's a bit of a balancing act between writing the story and being the young protagonist which you presently embody. You get it spot on a lot of the time but sometimes your authorial voice and vocabulary creep in to Ricky's own voice.
This isn't necessarily a bad thing if Ricky really is 13/14 but you don't quite make that clear and judging from the title, the overall premise of the story and the way his mum and relatives treat him I'm guessing he's at least 9, at most 11 years old...

Some nitpicks:

"Aunt Sarah and Uncle John arrived yesterday." remove the had and it sounds leaner.

'Money was tight; we didn't have much of it, not since Dad disappeared six months earlier (ago perhaps?).

"Uncle John was never good at being genuine." - wonderful line.

Ricky sounds older than he is, here a few examples.

"But I was on a roll" or 'That was it. I lost it. "Shut up, all of you!"... "Cleaning was never my strong point"...an older teen would talk like that.

"Everyone told me I looked like Dad, with sandy brown curly hair that wouldn't be tamed. I was tall for my age, which also came from him (careful - here we understand that your age comes from him, not your height). Mum called me a mini version of him. But I had her calm nature - most of the time. Dad was angry when his gadgets didn't work..."

This needs a bit of reworking because it doesn't ring true as something a person would say of themselves. When describing yourself would you say "I'm 5'4, have a slender physique and a mane that can't be tamed?" So, rephrase the above to something like

"Everyone says I look like Dad, I even have his shaggy brown hair and long legs. Mum calls me a mini version of Dad, but he always disagreed. He said I had Mum's calm nature. That's cos Dad got angry when his gadgets didn't work..."

"Basher was waiting at the gate, and no sooner had I opened it, he charged off into the woods." - dropped the "than"

Watch for formal language - nothing wrong with it from a narrator, but since Ricky's the one telling, if he says "wasn't" and uses other contractions when he speaks then he'll also do it when he's narrating.

Other examples of narrative where the author's voice crosses over..

".... but I needed to go into the tree house, to somewhere Dad had been - if only for a while." Perhaps just for a little bit or just for a while?

"The room was in darkness once again" - The room went dark again. (Ch 2)

"There we were, standing across from one another." We stood opposite each other. (Ch 2)

"If he really wanted to hurt me...surely he could have grabbed me...." Anything where surely, indeed, undeniably and other such words creep into the conversation, check whether they really reflect Ricky's voice.

I like the introduction of Boris in chapter two. He sounds like a good laugh.

Plotwise, I like the premise of a magic doorknob. It's a fresh idea. I also like how the story develops into a quest to save Ricky's dad ( the bit in the woods where Ricky hears his voice is both chilling and heartwrenching) and to stop Grinder. I'd be interested to see how that comes about and if Ricky gets his dad back. I would also love to know how Ricky's aunt and uncle finally get their comeuppance.

Your story has some great elements that I enjoyed very much. I think once you've sorted the voice issue in the novel and done your edits, it will really shine through.

I'm still reading on at leisurely pace but I thought I'd give you some feedback. Please feel free to disregard anything you feel doesn't apply.

Thank you for the lovely read.

This book will appeal to older children who love slime, snot and sick! It has elements of Roald Dahl humour. The names are great and the characters funny and extreme as you'd expect. The vocabulary and sentence structure are quite well suited and consistent. There is just enough threat (eg Basher about to become dinner) without too much terror and gruesomeness, to appeal and keep kids turning the page. I could see this becoming a popular choice. Candy.

I do read childrens books in German, Spanish and French to help me learn, but always try to find some historical fiction so that I do not bore. Your story is not for me, but my daughter would love this. It is quick and humourous and would entertain her a great deal. I could picture the characters and they were real instantly and that is so very important in any book. Well done.

Brondby Scott
Praying To Dead Gods & Kissing Like A Child

Well done, dear Aurora! Good idea, dynamic pace, easily flowing language will make your story beloved not only by children. I like the world, you've created, though there's always room to improve, you know.

This is the kind of books that i still like to read: i am 67:-)
Magic is good - and in this book, unlike a lot of others in this genre, i don't need to prepare being shocked.
You asked for comments that also told about what perhaps could improve it - this is what came for me. And please feel free to disregard - of course.
"Mom had been panicking, putting her in a bad mood" - it is unclear to me who this "her" is - Mom or Aunt Sarah? if Mom, it should be "herself."

Is aunt Sarah talking about her own kitchen - or the one she is in now? Not quite clear. - Sometimes when i read you, it seems like you are thinking very fast and the sentence comes out, sounding like two meanings woven together.

"We both know it's not you that's full of disease -" This made me giggle and relax, and really brought the figures to life. It also made me think of Roald Dahl-stories.

"Aunt Sarah spent the rest of the day persistently...persistently did not feel natural/in style... - maybe unstoppably?

"Uncle John was never good at being genuine" - again i get the feeling that something is a little out of sync - could there be a more suitable word for him here?

the Mom-character seems to be not clear drawn. In the start i get a good feel that this is a mother who is at his son's side - she is describes as "calm" and then she gets furious at the dog, and makes Rick apologize to those people who she clearly don't like or respect - and I don't get enough clues in the text to why her character is like it is.

"Long abandoned cobwebs" - at first i thought they were abandoned by humans - but you surely mean abandoned by spiders? Since i wondered, something is not clear enough for your readers. (Or this reader here:-))

The vomit description was great. It hooks psychologically well into the description of the green man: just looking at him made you want to throw up. I encourage you to use your sense of outrageousness and humor more - you clearly have it - more descriptions, please :-) E.G his bad breath - what an opportunity to give us a great description - go for it!! Give us details!

Rick mentions "the magic door" but when the door.-knob sticks soon after, he asks,"was it magic?"

I love the description about the purple light when it forms the shape of a door.

I will read more later. I think you have a winner here - and hope that you really trust your talent for gory descriptions that children love so much.
Best of luck!
Leelah Saachi
When fear comes home to love

This is a really enjoyable read, capturing the angst of RIcky really well. I love the use of first person; I think it is particularly effective, allowing us to observe critically, Ricky and what is going on in the novel. There is definitely a 'Skellih' vibe so far (which I love) and think it has huge potential to be a wonderful novel. I know many of my students would love to read a novel like this!

My only suggestion might be to develop the description in the early part of the novel, particualrly at the end of Chapter 1 and beginning of Chapter 2. You could perhaps develop tension further by zooming into sensory description a little more. But that is minor - overall I thoroughly enjoyed reading it!

Laura x

I will only say it a highly rated masterpiece.

I read what you've got posted, and I think it's great! Wonderfully whimsical and incredibly imaginative - I would've loved it as a kid for sure, and I also enjoy it as an adult. The writing flows naturally and really shows off Ricky's personality, and you do a great job of introducing the fantastical world. I love how you write with an earnest and unfiltered voice, which allows the audience to really relate to the character and grow to love him. The adventure keeps the pages turning while the fun characters make it memorable. Highly starred, and I wish you the best of luck!

Cheers,
M.
Astral Sea: The Pandora Project

Overall, I love your book. It is well written, well thought out and perfect for the genre. I love the names of the chapters – children would enjoy that! I love your analogies “like a screeching parrot”, “like wet socks”, “vomit sprout-green”, “radish-shaped” – easy to visualise and for young readers to relate to. I was also glad that you didn’t dumb the language down, while still including phrases used by that age group like “hero or zero”. The first person narrative works really well here.

Readers will like the fact that Ricky prefers his dog to his judgemental aunt, and puts trust in a strange creature, who takes him and Basher on a wild adventure. I liked the fact that Ricky seems mature for his age – understanding that money is tight, and his mum wants to please his relatives, and worrying about what his mum will think after a while, and standing up for what he thinks is right, for instance. The idea of a gadget-making dad is one that will appeal to children, and the family unit that Ricky remembers seems really cute. I was glad that Basher was such a central character (even if he is just being harassed by trees and called names!) because many readers have an affinity for animals. You finish each chapter on a cliff-hanger, which works really well to maintain the readers attention.

You really seem to get into the right mindset of the target reader (phrases like “Basher drool”, having a secret workshop, escaping from the house via trellis, stepping through a door that suddenly appears, his love for his pet, his embarrassment at the bird incident, and the optimism that Ricky feels in relation to his dad show that well). I love the characters of Boris and feisty Cerwyn. You transport the reader to another world, without having to introduce lots of complex concepts that children may not understand, and probably wouldn’t care about. The creatures you have created are unique and memorable – the crystal wolf in particular. A great, inventive book, which, I’m sure, will enthral many young readers (and their parents).

i liked this. i find it really hard to get into a childrens book, but this was enjoyable. surpassed my expectations. unfortunately, i couldnt find anything to critique on so im afraid you probably wont find my comment very helpful. but you can rest knowing you have another fan haha ! highly rated and i wish you the very best of luck with this.

melissa :)
Gut Instincts
Not So Sweet Sixteen

A great start to a children's story. A big question - where is Dad? And the introduction of a huge green face with black teeth and a hairy chin, quite the enticement for a young reader. With the promise of excitement, something scary and the search for dad yet to come. Well written and highly starred. Good luck with this, I think it could do very well in the children's market.

Karen 19
the Way Things Are

A charming tale, perfectly pitched for a post Harry Potter world. Nice!

Definitely one to watch. Good pace and hooks at the end of the chapters. Well written and believable characters, I already hate Aunt Sarah! good luck with the book.

Hey!

The way you convey the feelings here are well done and very believable.
However, I think there aren't a lot of varieties in the sentence structure. I know this is meant to be a children's book, but even so, there could be some variety in here, maybe a complex sentence here and there?
The narration though is well done, and the world you've got here is well executed.
Good luck!

I liked the way you showed the narrator's feelings, the anger and the disbelief that his Dad had just gone. Ricky showed the loss of his father, who he admired, and when he had the chance to find him in the tree house, of course he took it. You are creating mystery, suspense and I felt that I was behind Ricky and urging him on. I liked the descriptions, and I felt that the narrative would appeal to children with a bright imagination; kids like things to be scary and an adventure. Good. Well done.

I'd be delighted if you could take a look at COSIMO'S ROOM or THIEVES' GATE both murder mysteries (not thrillers) set in the Chiltern Hills of southern England. Best wishes ... Tony C

Wow! what a story for a child to get absorbed in. I love Rickie and especially Basher. I think children associate more with their pets. This book draws the child in to a world of wonder, excitement. It's easy to understand and very readible for a younger child. Well done and for which I've rated it for what it deserves.

Hi
Thanks for your message - this is a really wonderful story , you create such a brillant world which would appeal to all imaginations and ages. I particuarly like your main character Ricky in the way he reacts and observes the world around him. Overall well done and good luck - I have starred this and put it on my watchlist

Steph

I really like your story. I really wish you would have written this years ago.
It's a wonderful world you've created.

Jo

I really like your story. I really wish you would have written this years ago.
It's a wonderful world you've created.

Jo

So I decided to take a gander at your piece and return the read, and I'm glad I did. The cover is so cute and fitting, definitely sets the right tone. I like the premise of your piece, it really can appeal to a somewhat wide audience, and I can just see it becoming a classic parents read to their children at night <3

The concept of your story is unique, you have a strong writing style. Overall, this is well on its way to becoming brilliant. And the fact that it takes place in England is even better :D :D

Like the cover. I've added it to my watch list and i'll check it out soon. feel free to check out my YA book Summerland.

An imaginative, charming story. I love the weird creatures - the Mizle, the Vulpin - and I like the way you've set up the Grinder as the villain so the reader can anticipate the clash when Ricky and his friends meet him. I think young children will love this, especially if you could include a few illustrations. A couple of thoughts: (1) The opening paras are a bit weak. Maybe you could start with 'Julia, it's about time you decided what you are going to do ....' and rearrange and cut the scene-setting info. (2) I felt that the opening of Chapter 3 could do with a bit more sense of disorientation and wonderment from Ricky as he finds himself in the magic world.

Otherwise, excellent storytelling with a very visual style.

Added to my Watch list and starred. Looking forward to reading your work. Thanks for inviting me.
Connie
Moonstone Beach

The Magic Door Knob is a delightful tale that will enthrall young readers. It’s got all the right elements of a good children’s story wrapped into a plot that’s just similar enough to others in the same genre that it’s easy to fall into, yet uniquely told in its own way.

The language is appropriate for the target age group and the action moves along at a great clip. You won’t have time to get bored even if you could. Ricky is a good main character that other kids will identify with and like, and acts as a kid his own age would. He never breaks character or pulls the reader from the story with his actions.

Author T.D.Holland has created the rarest of books, a story that parents and children can both enjoy or, gasp, enjoy together. I’m well above the age demographic of who would probably most enjoy this story, and I loved every page. This one will be published, to the joy of its inevitable army of junior fans.

John Breeden II
Old Number Seven