The Dollywagglers

I've been meaning to take a look at this for ages - kept forgetting, but here I am now and well, what can I say that hasn't already been said? I intended to read a couple of chapters and then get dressed... it's mid-afternoon and I'm still here in my pyjamas, having devoured the lot. Fortunately it's stormy outside and I have nowhere else I need to be.

It's brilliant... it's how McCarthy might have written 'The Road' had he had the requisite sense of dark humour and theatrical background. But he didn't - his now seems a sour, self-absorbed stock piece of misery. The post-apocalyptic landscape in Dollywagglers is richer, reflecting a wider cast of characters and an acute sense of observation ranging in focus from the poignant, dark and painful to the wickedly humorous... and it is this balance of focus which, I think, makes this book so readable, so special.

There are many blissful observations - "... poetry, the nourishing metaphysical nipple." - way too many to quote here. Occasionally there's a little too much force in their crafting which risks the reader being reminded there's a writer behind this story, but these are few and far between. In the main the work flows with great pace - totally compelling... which is, of course, why I'm still sitting here in my pyjamas mid-afternoon...

Wonderful stuff.

BHCG review

Plot – opening, narrative flow/momentum
It’s obvious right from the opening paragraph that this is one of best-written books on the site. It’s also fatally compelling, with those ‘what the hell is going on’ hooks that make you think ‘I’ll keep reading til I get the answer to that’, by which time there’s another hook and you’re in. All of which is a good thing, because it’s also obvious that it’s not for the faint-hearted.

Pacing – too much backstory or too little
The pacing is as masterful as the rest. Just as I started to feel the need for more information, (Ref, for example) you provided it.

Characters/Characterization
Point of View/Voice
I’ve combined these because initially, changes in POV confused me so that I thought the ‘slit’ was Desmond. However I think this is my fault – I obviously wasn’t reading carefully enough. (Once the penny dropped, I smacked myself about the head.) However I did need to go back and reread Ch 1. Would it be possible to introduce more ambiguity there to establish the immediate link back from CH 2 without diminishing the shock value? Or possibly (for the thickos among us) introduce Desmond somewhere else? Billie and Sally are both great characters, interesting and multi-faceted. Rodney is a vile, but a useful embodiment of the human dark side run amok once social barriers fail. The mad vicar? Oh yes!

Style ,Sentence level ,Dialogue, Originality, Publishability ...
I’ve stuck to the layout because this is a BHCG review, but I’ve struggled because breaking this into its component parts seems like sacrilege. It’s a whole. It works brilliantly well. It’s horrible, sordid, bleak – and at the same time believable. To me, that’s one of its greatest strengths – that it’s not horror for horror’s sake, but an extension of the possibilities we already exhibit. Is it original? Yes. However many post-apocalyptic books there may be, no one else has your particular style, your turn of phrase, your mastery of your particular language, your dry black humour. If I’d read the blurb in a bookshop, I probably wouldn’t have bought it, thinking it wasn’t my style. I’m glad I found it here instead and read it anyway.

Highly starred, on my shelf at the next shuffle.
Helen Meikle
Six Weeks in Summer.

Frances,

I've just read your opening chapter, and was hugely impressed - this is a great piece of writing. There might be a glut of post-apocalyptic/virus/end-of-the-world-as-we-know-it types of books out there, but yours, while, on the face of it, covering a well trodden path, is so different, so orginal and arresting. And I think the reason for this is the way you own the language that you use, be it 'under a bilious moon' or Oldie 'gummily garrulous' or the 'macho, sultana-tinted fart'' you've really filled these opening pages with images, sounds, and smells that are yours and yours alone. And I love the dark humour you refer to in your pitches, especially the paragraphs about gangs, and how, on reflection, they're pretty much the same as before 'only you can't call 999' - terrifying but rueful, in the sense of crying instead of laughing.

Excellent. Happy to give you a run on my shelf.

Regards

NA 'The Butterfly and the Wheel'

What truly splendid writing. Wonderfully biting and uncompromising narrative, sordidly witty and confident. Joe makes an excellent observation in the comment below about Stravinsky's 'Rite of Spring,' which completely threw the musical rule book out of the window. This is brave writing, and the only advice I'd give is to keep it real and uncompromising. It's refreshing to see writing that prods, probes (ooer), and is one hundred percent undiluted. Well done, and stick to your guns! Several stars for this, and it'll be kept on my watchlist for further perusal and very likely backing in the future.

PS. Edward Heath and his shaking shoulders - horror at its most chilling.

This is gobsmackingly good! As shocking as Orton, as bawdy as Dylan T, and as visceral as Stephen King on a good day, "The Dollywagglers" is the most original piece of writing I've read on this site. It's not going to be to everybody's taste - in fact, I predict its reception to be as cool as Stravinsky's when he first presented the Rite of Spring, but make no mistake of it, someone is going to pick this up and publish it (if they've got any sense) way before it reaches the desk. Just think Irvine Welsh, and multiply by ten.

No complaints from me at all. A feral, disturbing vision of post-apocalyptic London which makes "Twenty-Eight Days Later" look like a walk in the park.

Six stars for now, will shelve at my next rotation.

Joe Kovacs
Rupee Millionaires

(anyone who likes Joshua Jacobs' "The Withering" should definitely check this out!)

So far I've just read chapters 1 & 2. Way beyond my ability but I'm digging it. You create an intricate world without much description, introduce characters without resume and develop plot without telling a story. I hope to be influenced by this. I'll read on.

Thanks for posting this!

I just wanted to say I read the first chapter and think you write well. I love the opening and found myself pulled along in your narrative. I did wonder about the last paragraph, the "waggling" and wondered if you meant "wagging"? Beyond that, I couldn't fault this. I think the pace works well and the questions at the begining help push the reader into the story, as they try to find the answers to questions. I thought it was a rather bold move to open in such a provactive way, but feel it works well. Good luck with this.

This is really rather fabulous. I'm not sure I can give any constructive criticism. You create a dark, tense atmosphere that is so utterly real and compelling. You have some excellent phrases: 'a tribe, a species still' 'gorgeously flammable moderns' and in the same paragraph 'dicklit' and 'a visual requiem...' are just a few I remember.

I want this in paperback so that I can read it in the bath!

Best of luck with it. I shall promote it to my shelf in a few weeks when I have space. I'm sorry this isn't very helpful, but it's clear you don't need help!

GGx

Hi Frances, this is an amazing book, fantastic descriptions and thoroughly absorbing, highly stared. Karen Bates Faking it in France.

BHCG review

Well, this is excellent. You have a really economical style of writing that conjures up your dystopian setting brilliantly. Immediately compelling (fantastic opening line) and very intriguing. I can't fault the writing, technically it is spot on. The tense suits it nicely, it has a real sense of immediacy. It is well paced, the short cut-away's to other scenes delay the tension just long enough without being frustrating. Loved the way he couldn't touch the train line with his hand, beautiful little observation that. I think you're onto a real winner with this.

My only criticism is that in the first chapter are a coupe of cliches. 'Morning has broken' and 'by dawns early light' and these only stand out because of the quality of the writing that surrounds them.

Really, really good and on my shelf.

Hello again, Frances,

Okay, I've read all you uploaded now. I feel clearer today, less tangled up in your text than I was yesterday. All the strands are coming together and now its a place I can nest in. You're an extraordinary writer. You can make words dance, make reader's heads spin and their stomachs drop. I don't have any notes to offer, or comparisons to draw. It didn't remind me of anything else, yet it made me think about everything.

Best of luck with it.

Dave

Hello Frances,

I'm behind on return reads and now I'm trying to operate this policy I heard that Guillermo del Toro uses: "One for them, one for me". In which he'll direct one studio flick and then go away and do one of his own passion projects. So, yours is not a return read but a book that I really wanted to read.

So I started reading it and ...fooh. Eh? I only read the first chapter, which is a bit of a poor show, really, but I need to drop out for a while. Not in a bad way, I just feel like I've been swirling around in your world forever and I'm a bit dizzy and dazzled.

I tried to make notes, but you're the very last person on this site who would need them. Let me see what I wrote down. I can't remember, it feels like I wrote them in a different life:

Oh yeah, I noted that you don't really need to use already established phrases like "dawns early light" because you're good enough to make your own stuff up. Especially if you can create something as hideously beautiful as "his wheezy resume" a couple of paragraphs further down.

Ah. Then I just wrote something about your use of the word "parped", but that's more of a personal significance really. Because I wrote the word "parp" in a forum thread the other night thinking it meant an amusing noise that might be generated by the horn on a clown car. But the person whose thread I wrote it on didn't see it like that and took umbrage. But that's all been resolved amicably now and has no relevance to your book.

Beyond that I gave up and just read, all lifed up in your first chapter. I can't read anymore of it at the moment, because I feel a bit drunk. I've only had two beers though, I think I'm more discombobulated by your skills. I'll come back and read more in the future when I've processed it. I know a lot of people say that and then don't. When I say it I sometimes mean it at the time and then I don't. But I think I mean it this time and I'll back your book in the interim just in case I don't - then at least you gleaned something from this exchange with the gibbering imbecile your brilliant book has turned me into.

Dave

I've been meaning to take a look at this for ages - kept forgetting, but here I am now and well, what can I say that hasn't already been said? I intended to read a couple of chapters and then get dressed... it's mid-afternoon and I'm still here in my pyjamas, having devoured the lot. Fortunately it's stormy outside and I have nowhere else I need to be.

It's brilliant... it's how McCarthy might have written 'The Road' had he had the requisite sense of dark humour and theatrical background. But he didn't - his now seems a sour, self-absorbed stock piece of misery. The post-apocalyptic landscape in Dollywagglers is richer, reflecting a wider cast of characters and an acute sense of observation ranging in focus from the poignant, dark and painful to the wickedly humorous... and it is this balance of focus which, I think, makes this book so readable, so special.

There are many blissful observations - "... poetry, the nourishing metaphysical nipple." - way too many to quote here. Occasionally there's a little too much force in their crafting which risks the reader being reminded there's a writer behind this story, but these are few and far between. In the main the work flows with great pace - totally compelling... which is, of course, why I'm still sitting here in my pyjamas mid-afternoon...

Wonderful stuff.

*BHCG review*

Hi there Frances :)
I read three chapters after talking to you briefly on the forums -- you're right, it is dark. But I love dark!

Plot -- From what I read, the novel is shaping up nicely. The opening and introduction to post- eppie life flows smoothly, while progressing forward at the same time. It never dragged, and was def. not boring.

Pacing -- just enough backstory was given, at just the right intervals. Sparing the reader little nuggets of information at a time is a good way to keep them turning pages. Nicely done.

Characters -- each of them were well drawn, and none of them were alike. I was able to relate and understand the character of Billie largely through her narrative. She is sympathetic, while at the same time, not asking for sympathy or understanding. The other characters, Rodney and Rose, are polar opposites. I'm interested to know for how long Rodney will be able to keep his fat-cat throne.

POV -- I'm not sure how I feel about the constant switch of POVs. I understand that there is a point to it, however, and I'm sure if I were reading it on paper instead of on a computer it would be less confusing. The simple present tense is done well, too -- makes the reader feel in the moment with Billie.

Style -- an odd mix of verbose and sparse. It won't appeal to everyone, but I liked it.

Sentence level -- your mechanics are in good shape. 10/10. Never noticed any unneeded phrases, typos, or grammatical errors.

Dialogue -- was believeable, flowed smoothly, and had a sort of snarky humor (with Billie, anyway). I never tripped over the words, and oftentimes had a good laugh. With the gang members, it reminded me of the gypsy language in the movie Snatch (FAVORITE MOVIE. EVER.)

Originality -- I'm not sure if this is 100% original, as I am sure there are quite a few post-apocolyptic novels running around out there, though the only one that jumps to mind is The Road. But, as Michael from the BHCG once told me in a review, it is not always the originality that matters, but how you tell the tale.

Publishability -- I could see this being published. I know I would buy it, but I'm no publisher, so my thoughts are worthless.

Specific Notes -- In chapter 1, I loved the description of both the dog and the old man your MC meets. Glittering black eyes is such a simple description, but for some reason I loved it. Really made the dog come alive. Another line I loved was "...sitting together like old front-line comrades.."

I wasn't sure what parped meant, at first. Actually there were quite a few words I ran across that I wasn't familiar with, but I suspect this has something to do with me being from Los Angeles.

I noticed you using a variation of the word 'fart' a lot. I don't know why I always notice when words are used more than a few times, but there it is.

The "ritual dialogue" was very amusing to me, as was the passage dealing with the gangs. It was hilariously dark, and it made me laugh.

In chapter 2, I noticed the switching of POVs, and it was rather jarring to me, at first. While I'm on this train, another jarring thing was when I realized Billie was a girl. I don't know if I didn't read as thoroughly as I should have; if I missed some pertinent nugget of information; or if you meant it to be a surprise. I didn't read the pitch before starting on chapter 1, otherwise I probably would have known -- but wasn't she masturbating in chapter 1....? I could have sworn there was a penis in there somewhere. *shrugs*

Chapter 2 was also when I suspected Rodney was a pedophile. Those passages were very hard for me to get through, and I sort of skimmed them -- not that the writing was bad, it was simply too heartbreaking. Poor little Ben.

Anyway so I hope I was of some help -- hard to crit something so well-written.

Melissa

i agree with the comments below. not much more i can add. just wanna keep reading and getting further drawn in. well done!
j

i like it, read the first four chapters, funny how long the human race has been interested in its catastrophic chaotic climax, at least as far back as revelation, besides the nice narrative flow here, both in frist and thrid person, there are some great aspects to the story, for instance a group of young gang members who have become tired of killing and maming and would rather have a nice story, they miss their telies, a vicar who still persists in running church socials, good speculation i feel is the key to these type of stories, the reader looks to say "yes i can see that happening", and when he does he reads on, the author knows how to reveal details evenly as the story proceeds, there is room for much to come

Wasn't sure at the start if the narrator was male or female. I assume male as the old guy calls him son, but that isn't conclusive. The wanking didn't make it clear either - which gland are you referring to? (the top of the penis is called the glans, not sure if that's what you mean)

First few paragraphs were a bit confusing. I realise they're random thoughts while having a wank, but it made for a difficult entry into the story.

You how he could tell the old guy wouldn't want money or sex, but I couldn't tell how he knew this.

You mention how they (and people in general) don't talk about their pasts. You then have him give a pretty detailed account of how Oldie survived. I think you're making a distinction between the recent past and the really old past, but it isn't clear. Why does he give his resume? (I mean other than it being a convenient way for you to provide some backstory). And the narrator doesn't tell him anything other than her recent arrival. the idea people are reticent about personal details isn't really borne out by the scene.

I think it would fit the tone better if you just described his living conditions and maybe the reason he isn't with a collective. Even though you say he only talks about his present situation, the summary provided goes back to the Eppie, with lots of asides about how lives. Felt overtly expositional.

I like the language, although in some places it got a bit in the way, like everything stopped for a bit of favoured prose, especially with excessive alliteration. It's a matter of personal taste though, so a matter of choice. The slang and post-Eppie view of the world I thought worked really well.

In the section with the tube you seem to switch to past tense, and then back to present. This was jarring and got a bit confusing. I would suggest being consistent.

The narrative is a little flat. By that I mean you have people moving around and interacting, but not dramatically and without conflict. Most of it seemed to be for scene setting and exposition, which is a necessary part of storytelling, but which can be done while other stuff is happening. Describing day to day existence as a way of setting the scene can end up feeling laborious to read.

Overall I think you have a strong handle on voice, but the narrative feels a bit thin to start with, and along with the occasional bit of flowery prose can make the pace feel sluggish at times. I do like the language, but felt it would be more effective if combined with a more focused and dramatic narrative.

For example, getting a book (for whatever reason) from a guy with loads but who won't let you have any provides a more interesting opportunity for engaging drama than a voluntary trade. You don't have to start the story with meat cleavers (nice end of chapter hook btw), but you don't have to start with a friendly chat and some book browsing either.

Your background as a playwright shines through, Frances. I saw this as a movie, more than a book, even though you describe and include other senses brilliantly. This kept me confused, delighted, revolted, and intrigued. Billie is an enigma, what she wants with Guy/Desmond is still a mystery to me at Chap. 13 and I'm interested to see what will happen when she finally finds him. Guy seems to hold her memory in the soft part of his heart, but she doesn't. That waste of matter, Rodney, needs to die a terrible and painful death. I like how you keep things from the reader and later on give the reveal! Mysterious. I was prepared for something like Frank Herbert's "The White Plague", which was very bleak, but you have humor and humanity that makes me turn the page (scroll, actually)I'm just going to write my notes for you because they contain sentences and parts that I loved or found interesting. Hope you don't mind.

1) I didn't understand the term Ref. and like the reveal in Chap. 4. This kept me guessing because it sounded like they were referrees or officials who weren't liked and the fact that they were refusers gave me an "I see" moment.

I wish I understood why they broke all of Guy/Desmond's fingers. What were they looking for? I hope you address that later.

Nice and suspenseful place for a chapter break.

2) I love the story about the gang discovering that Billie's a female and how they are rapt with her story. I breathed a sigh of relief when she wasn't raped!

This sentence was perfectly placed and absolutely disturbing, to make us fear for the boy with Rodney - "His eyes are wide and blue, and once they were very trusting; now, not so much..."

3) What does parp mean? You tell later, but it sent me to the dictionary. When you later tell what it means, I laughed at how you made me look for a fake word. Cool joke! :)

This was excellent and an interesting observation of humanity- "I ignore her, and address the vicar again - I know it's sexist, but it serves her right for assuming I'm a man."

The character Rodney is so base that I crave his death. His methods remind me of a book I once read by Brian Lumley, except that here it is even more disturbing because the victim is a child. Please kill him!

Good description of the hippies at Paradise Farm.

4) I got quite a kick from the costumed impromptu firing squad. Also, I felt sad for poor Sally.

5) In the sweat lodge at Paradise Farm, this sentence stood out because it is a heartbroken human giving voice to the harshest question - "Why did Rufus have to die, and not Kyra?"

Good ending to the hippy portion because the reader wonders who George is.

6) Your description when Billie tries to get the body off of the bicycle was excellent. You conveyed the creepiness very well.

What a tyrant Dave, her rescuer, turns out to be.

7) Yay! Good going with Dave! I'm rooting for Billie. It was hilarious that the person most in need of a drink was the least likely to get it. He deserved what he got.

Problem: Why throw the gun away? It sounds like she could use it.

8) No troubles here with Billie showing up at the hippy farm.

9) Intrigued by the part where Stage 1 is called Desintegration and Stage 2 is Selection. I wish I knew more about what is happening officially.

Guy is injured and Alistair and Margaret care for him. I wonder why they feel the need to. Was it because their child Greg used to watch him on the telly? Or did I miss something?

10) When you describe the baby Ross, it was truly brilliant!

I find myself delighted that you know of Steiner. Most people I meet do not.

Smarty Marty of the voracious hoard, something bad coming through. Interesting. A convoy of refugees could be like the plague of locusts in biblical stories, decimating everything in their path.

11) Nice Sinead O'Connor reference.

Priceless: "Gwyn pours me elderflower tea and I hope he won't talk about his dead wife. Or ask me what I am thinking." Then he asks her what she is thinking.

Keen onservation of something we all feel, but can't usually describe - "I can feel his spirited energies wriggling towards me..."

12) Please kill Rodney off violently!

13) I liked your wording - "...blind foot-soldiers in the war of evolution."

Dollywaggers. Wondering what a Dollywagger is, I popped you onto my watch list after seeing one of your forum posts.
I nearly gave up after the first scene, but the sheer brilliance of your writing kept me going. You sure can create atmosphere and character, and you have a vivid imagination.
After the first chapter, I still dont know what a Dollywagger is, nor do I have an inkling where this story is going.
But I do believe I'll keep it by for dipping into later!

Jane (Breath of Africa)

Hi Fran,

My name's Susanna - a.k.a Kristen's friend, Karen Charlton.

I read most of your first three chapters last night but then stopped with revulsion when I got to the child mutilation scene. (Not my idea of a entertainment but I can see that you have tagged this book as 'horror.')

I decided to come back tonight and give you an honest crit about the rest of your opening chapters, in the hope that it might help.

Firstly, I love your style and the distinctive voice of your MC. It reminds me of Ross Raisin's amazing novel 'God's Own Country.' As others have already commented, you have an great literary style and I had to reach for a dictionary on at least one occasion. I was also very impressed with your pitch; it promised an intriguing, darkly humorous plot.

But that was my first problem. By the time I had got to the end of Chapter Three I was left with no sense of where this novel was going. You have brilliantly established the atmosphere and culture of a post-apocalyptic London but at the moment, as far as I can see, you MC is wandering around aimlessly with no purpose. This is disappointing because your pitch promised me more. I would recommend that you let the reader into the secret of where she is heading far sooner.

Like other readers, I also had a problem with the confusing and intrusive voices of your other characters. The two Desmond sections and the 'hippy' sections do not move the plot along or add anything to the depth of the narrative. In fact, they intrude and slow it down.

By far the most interesting and intriguing parts of your narrative are Billie's experiences. The scene with the gang was brilliant and I felt disappointed that you did not treat us to a sample of her story-telling. The revelation that she was a woman was also well done - it took me by surprise. I also loved the bit on the underground tracks with the rat and literary allusions. You reach out to your readers and involve them and I sincerely believe that you could sell the opening chapters of this novel simply by just using Billie's pov.

IMHO there is no need to break up the flow with these other strange and dislocated sections. I would strongly advise that you edit these chapters and remove the Desmond/hippy sections. You could just follow Billie's story, 'showing' the hippies etc. through her eyes when she eventually meets them. Most authors overwrite the opening scenes of their novels (I did; I had to remove the first two chapters of my first novel before I found a publisher.) Personally, I'd also dump the horrific Rodney sections of the story because your pitch tells us that she never meets him. However, I guess that this is just a tease, and somewhere the gruesome behaviour of Rodney affects Billie's life.

On a minor note, you don't need any of the dashes in that opening paragraph - they just distract from the prose - and occasionally I had problem with some random capital letters: 'under a bilious Moon,' and 'the thrombosed heart of the City.'

Despite my criticisms I wish you well with this, Fran. The post-apocalyptic genre is notorious difficult for any author/publisher to market. You certainly like a challenge. Good luck.

On several levels this was a difficult book for me to read. Well out of my comfort zone, and mainly over my head (I am only a small peasant) also probably because of the top quality and standard of the authors writing as well, which is obvious.

Portraits Of A Small Peasant.

BHCG Dollywagglers by Frances K.
Hi Frances,

After reading this through I am having doubts about sending it. I have just read some previous comments and obviously the majority of people understand what is going on and where the story is leading to.

I really appreciate the quality of the writing; it comes over as unrestrained, new, fresh, different, all the things that lots of us are aiming for The dialogue is great, paced and geographically relevant. Most of all I like the visual clues which support the characters and dialogue.
Unfortunately, it's not my kind of 'read.' I am not into 'post Big Bangs (except for traditional writing – On The Beach, Neville Shute.), fantasy, sci-fi etc. I have attempted a few on Authonomy but struggle and in struggling, lose the reading impetus. But that's my situation, not so other readers.

Difficult to read and crit a piece like this – it's so different. I began with a list of strange words which I had to look up online (not in dictionary). Then, by end of Chapter 1, I realised that you were writing in a totally independent style about 'street characters' and using an appropriate language which must remain. Something like reading 'Old English.' It can't be changed because the 'F' mean 'S' etc. The reader has to work at it. Your language and style are (for me) fifty percent the guts of the book.

So, having said that, I really like the 'street pov' as opposed to the usual super physical/mental hero/dickhead who puts everything to rights. You leave very little to crit. However, I'll throw in a couple of items here and there.

Chapter 1.
1) Fragrant fingers. Cynical description otherwise a bit 'fishy' considering where they had been.
2) What sound does a boot hitting trousers make?
3) A point of interest. English seaweed is 'Samphire' – steam for two minutes. Lovely with a lemon sole.
4) I thought the MC was a woman.
5) Would that current society support telly and (I thought I had noticed a ref to e-mail)?
6) Room 101 – the printing in your text appears alpha/numerical.
7) Mr Heath. Perfect visual, couldn't be bettered but only if the reader knows about him.
8) 'Well I thought I heard the Old man say,
Leave her Johnny leave her,
For the time has come to get your pay
And it's time for us to leave her.'

I know that ditty, goes well with half a pint of Bushmills.

9) If you have to crap son, dig a hole. (Farhaz is told that. It attracts the birds hence the CIA drone activity overhead.).
I found it a slow read due to the many visuals but the many descriptors and strange terminology interrupted the flow. (for me.).

Chapter 2.
1). I like the modern reference to the Euro – (slipping away somewhat.).
2). Starts with 'I' then we hear 'Cut 'im. Then a few lines on he is described as 'a slit on her own. Have I missed the gender clue or something?
3).Okay, so modern tech is no longer around. It seemed to be, in Chapter 1.
4). I am trying to work out the apocalyptic time. Kids about fourteen/fifteen food still available in ransacked supermarkets (although well past sell by date), kids familiar with Celebs.
5). End of this chapter tells me I am going to read something soon which is not nice.

Chapter 3.

1).Massive supplies of herbal teas. Homemade or...?
2). Rodney and Ben. (I skipped over this, too descriptive for me – sorry.).
3). My story. The story teller. Male or Female?
4). Sluggso, female (for my notes as I'm losing track of people.)

Generally, I am having trouble identification with character gender and who belongs
to different groups. Eight new characters in Paradise farm.

Chapter 4.

1). Sally, unsure of who she is other than where she lives.
2). I now have one meaning of 'parped' which I don't think was included in the
multiple explanations online
3). Reggie Dukes?
4). I didn't know that 'people' still drank Lambrusco.
5). Dying without dignity – I like that.
6) Brigadier Jeffreys?
7). Raglan Street. (This rings a bell. A song? The Pogues?).
8). Maybe a 'good blaze' would be hard to produce with two chair legs. How did she
start the fire?
9). Now know that Ref is the' refuser' of the useless jab.

Chapter 5.
Sorry Frances but I cannot raise much interest in the Paradise Farm/Hippy clan.
1). Where do they obtain the batteries for the walkie talkies/ Again my practical persona.

Chapter 6.
I can't work out who the narrator is.

Chapter 7.
1). Rod again, doing his dastardly thing. Skipped over that.
2). Didn't realise who Billie was until I decided to finish and went back to the pitches.
3). For me the rotting bodies align with Rodney, when you have smelt some you don't really want a reminder because the smell returns.


Chapter 8.
1). Leek and potato with cream, fresh bread. Quite a sophisticated meal considering the environmental situation.
2). Don't know who Finn is/was
3). Is Gwyn's bike a motorbike? If so it doesn't fit well with last week's sudden rush at the Pumps (UK) leaving some already dry after one week. How many weeks, months, post-plague are we at?

Chapter 9.
1). For Guy or Desmond. This adds to my confusion.
2). Whiskey, like fuel, seems abundant.

Chapter 10.
1). Barbed wire. Didn't know that this was still being produced. Don't know the 'present story time' maybe they use the popular body - stopping Razor Wire.
2). Paraffin, like whiskey and Fuel, abundant. In their situation I would only use one lamp.
Sorry about this but it's the practical thinking again.
Chapter 11.
Nothing to declare.

Chapter 12.
1) Ichneumon?


Chapter 13.
Medicinal Drugs? As whiskey, paraffin, fuel scrumptious food.




My final comment is related to Rodney. He lives in an 'exquisite apartment' obviously in an upmarket part of the City. I would have thought that him and his kind would have been the first to have felt the wrath of the street classes and that he wouldn't have survived long. As for his money? It is worthless. So, how does he survive? Where and how does he obtain food, fuel and all the other life sustaining elements required?

Sorry, didn't like it. Didn't like the prose, or much of anything about it.

Thanks for backing it in spite of these misgivings!

Sorry, didn't like it. Didn't like the prose, or much of anything about it.

The Dollywagglers

An embarrassingly delayed return read:
This is unique, gritty, confusing at times, but compelling. It’s not a straight story, that’s for sure. At the end of Ch1, I’m not even sure that the character in this chapter is male. Your pitch talks of a female, but if I had to guess, the MC in chapter 1 is not her?
Embarassing true fact: I had to look up what a wank is. I’m American – this is not a thing people say! HA! The scene made a lot more sense then…although even without it, I got the picture.
Farting with terror – I laughed out loud at that. Great line.
Chapter 2: Your writing is amazing. That being said, I had to look up words as I went. Maybe that makes me out to be less intelligent but I doubt that most people know what “excrescences” means. That’s not bad or good – it’s your style, it is what it is. But when I stop to look up words, I am pulled away from the story. Now, a higher level vocabulary works in this narrative, without a doubt. In your prose, nothing appears overwritten or forced, whereas if I had tried to use the word “thrombosed” in my book, I would have gotten slammed with a hundred comments about “not trying so hard”… :-)
I love how money is valuable now for toilet paper. That’s wonderful.
I’m getting confused about all the voices. There’s Chapter 1, the character with the dogs encountering the gangs. Then in Chapter 2, it feels distinctly like someone else. But then after the ***** it seems to go back to the character from Chapter 1. I’m struggling to figure out. Ok here I see that the Ch 1 character is a woman (but a very tall one!)
I had such a hard time reading the scenes with Ben and Rodney, and I had to stop reading about halfway through chapter 3.
Overall: this is not at all for the faint of heart. I struggled to get read some of it because of the horror. It’s fantastically written, make no mistake about that. Even with the black humor, the hopelessness is painted so incredibly well that I had to stop reading or jump out my bedroom window – one or the other. Which, I gather, is your intention.

I'm sure you will be successful with this - it's too brilliant to fail. Good luck!
Kate M.

Hi
Very original. This pulls the reader in with its no holds barred human awfulness at its worst. Great descriptions and writing. I kept hoping that Rodney would be killed somehow instead of the children.
Just a little nit:
'I can't read the title, but who's in no position...' The who refers to the title here and I don't think this was your intention.
Cheers Olga

Hi Frances,

Thanks for being so patient. It's been a busy weekend and time has slipped by faster than normal.

My first thought on reading the pitch you posted in the forum was on the use of second person. Rather than pulling me in to be a part of the story and being intimate with the character, it had the opposite effect. That's the danger of using it. If the reader can't relate to the experience or their answer to the question is negative – nine times out of ten you'll lose them.

One of the questions which came to mind when reading the long pitch was – what at banker Robin have to do with anything if the main character never met him?

The first paragraph of the long pitch just said too much. Trying to be dramatic when the reader just wants to know what the book is going to be all about can also lose effect. A simple explanation something like – Billy, a dollywaggler, finds herself in London after the Eppie. The whole sentence structure was confusing and didn't read well. Simplify it would really get your message across.

The same with the last paragraph. Why ask a question and then answer it. Much easier to just state what you want to say and the reader to know. It'd also give you more words to do it with.

From the pitch I surmised the protagonist was a female, but when I started reading it threw me completely into a man's pov... right down to the greyish y-fronts and left me wondering just who was I reading about. Okay – I can understand she may be in a survival position, but shouldn't be still some feminine traits to her character. I can honestly say I couldn't find any and couldn't connect with the character or the situation at all.

Very original story. Love your writing style. Easy to read to see why the book is doing so well. Hope you might to the top of the ranks.

Hi Frances,

This is masterful! I wish I could find some fault so I could help you improve, but I have nothing. The only thing (which is meaningless, really) is some slang not common in the US that I had to look up. I will be saving some bookshelf space for you as soon as I have room.

Impressed beyond words,

Shannon

Oh my!! Forget Hannibal Lector. Rodney is a terrible, amazing, creation! My eyeballs hurt from reading that!
This is amazing work, Frances, horribly believable and funny, tender and terrifying all at the same time. I love your post-apocalyptic Scheherazade and germ resistant hippies too.
Wow!

Hi Frances

Apologies for only being able to return the comment - I was out of the country.

Your writing is excellent. It was on my shelf from the moment I digested the opening line. When you laugh out loud at the first couple of words, you know you're onto a winner. You have wonderfully described a fascinating yet terrifying post-apocolyptic world. I kind of reminds me of Cormac McCarthy, only with more edge. The finale of the opening chapter is expertly written, and I dare anyone not to read further. The last line about the missing teeth being depressing considering the circumstances the MC found themselves in was very well done.

The pacing of the writing is excellent. I always find it difficult to set a steady pace when writing in the literary genre, but you have effortlessly managed this.

Six stars and on my shelf.

All the best

This extraordinary work has attracted a range of wonderful comments for a simple reason: it is stunningly original and masterfully written.

David

MASTER ACT: a memoir

BHCG review

Plot – opening, narrative flow/momentum
It’s obvious right from the opening paragraph that this is one of best-written books on the site. It’s also fatally compelling, with those ‘what the hell is going on’ hooks that make you think ‘I’ll keep reading til I get the answer to that’, by which time there’s another hook and you’re in. All of which is a good thing, because it’s also obvious that it’s not for the faint-hearted.

Pacing – too much backstory or too little
The pacing is as masterful as the rest. Just as I started to feel the need for more information, (Ref, for example) you provided it.

Characters/Characterization
Point of View/Voice
I’ve combined these because initially, changes in POV confused me so that I thought the ‘slit’ was Desmond. However I think this is my fault – I obviously wasn’t reading carefully enough. (Once the penny dropped, I smacked myself about the head.) However I did need to go back and reread Ch 1. Would it be possible to introduce more ambiguity there to establish the immediate link back from CH 2 without diminishing the shock value? Or possibly (for the thickos among us) introduce Desmond somewhere else? Billie and Sally are both great characters, interesting and multi-faceted. Rodney is a vile, but a useful embodiment of the human dark side run amok once social barriers fail. The mad vicar? Oh yes!

Style ,Sentence level ,Dialogue, Originality, Publishability ...
I’ve stuck to the layout because this is a BHCG review, but I’ve struggled because breaking this into its component parts seems like sacrilege. It’s a whole. It works brilliantly well. It’s horrible, sordid, bleak – and at the same time believable. To me, that’s one of its greatest strengths – that it’s not horror for horror’s sake, but an extension of the possibilities we already exhibit. Is it original? Yes. However many post-apocalyptic books there may be, no one else has your particular style, your turn of phrase, your mastery of your particular language, your dry black humour. If I’d read the blurb in a bookshop, I probably wouldn’t have bought it, thinking it wasn’t my style. I’m glad I found it here instead and read it anyway.

Highly starred, on my shelf at the next shuffle.
Helen Meikle
Six Weeks in Summer.

I just read all thirteen chapters that are posted. You've given me some nightmares, no mistake. But while the topic isn't entirely my cup of tea, the writing is beautiful and kept me tethered to the screen. I grew more and more interested until it was just too late for me; I was captured. I'd have read a lot more if you'd had it up.

Now, off to find some calmatives to get the images out of my head. Those fingers... oh those fingers...

Hi Fran,

First of all, sorry it's taken me so long to get back to you!

I'm very much enjoying Dollywagglers.
I can't fault it. I love the humour, the darkness and the characters. I was disgusted at the kid who had "magic" to transform boys into girls. It's so insane and spurs me on to reading more. I saw you made a thread on the forums 'Should Dollywagglers be less dark?' - NO!! It is what it is.

Starred and I will back it shortly!

Cheers,
Adam

Dear Frances,

This is as good as the ones I've rated six stars, and of course because of that, I'm gonna give you six stars, too. The premise is something that would sure excel, especially in Authonomy where thousands of titles are vying for the ED spots.

In most parts, it's hilarious, I couldn't help but laugh out loud. I love the opening, it's very appropriate. I like the quirkiness of Billie, somehow I find him charming. The dialogue and scenes are totally enjoyable - there was no dull moment in the three chapters that I've read.

I wish you all the best with this. Well-written, strong protagonist. Congratulations!

Di - My Beautiful Stalker

from Zap via messages to FK: Hi Frances,as usual I cannot upload a comment. Authonomy have not offered a solution so far. I have backed your book and this is my comment :
This is heart-bumping material and your language skills augment the fantasy situations into nightmarish reality. You leave no stone unturned and there is scum and dirt under every one of them, but as the story develops the power and energy of basic human survival instincts start to shine.
Your brilliant societal analysis and a marvellous store of imaginative phrases make this a must-read for those who want to know more. Backed.Ame

Well this is unusual. Not the post apocalypse setting, but the prose style and the strange world view(s).

"I begin to hate the A-Z" is a good line. I wonder though if the new gothic isnt too neo-Lovecraftian with its "Under a bilious Moon her subjects gibber and puke around the unlit streets, somewhat reduced in number, but for all that, a tribe, a species still." Does it work? I suspect, it will for many. Suits the mood music.

How many books begin with a wank? It makes the protagonist male, though, in my mind and it only later, looking at the blurb, makes me think he is a she. If that is deliberate, fine, but it is more androgynous than sexy cross dressing.

You can write and you do it with confidence. I am reminded (slightly) of the Gone-Away World, where we actually pasrticipate in tearing down existing realities. Your story has its hooks...what is the hardback he/she picks up? But survival is only interesting up to a point. Needs a goal to chase, and sometimes that can be hardest...when you have deliberately stripped the world of meaning, what should your characters DO?

Thumbs up from me, though.

Hi Fran, I have read the additional chapters you posted and I want more! Such a compelling novel. Juliet

Hi Fan, sorry I've taken so long to get around to reading this. I mean, I never said I would, I just always intended to :) I'm so pleased I did. I have to admit I've never ever read anything quite like this before. You're an excellent story teller. I love the matter of fact way you deal with the macabre, and your descriptions cleverly and vividly paint a picture that immediately puts the reader in the scene. I noticed that you do this without even trying really. There was no struggle for me to imagine exactly where I was and what I was seeing. I am guessing that a dollywaggler is a puppeteer (might be wrong) and I'm up to chapter four now, so I'm assuming I'll find out soon, if indeed I even need to know. I suspect that there is a huge market for this type of read and I'm sure that it is the type of story that would make an excellent movie or TV series. Very clever writing, Fan, and I'll read on. One and only nit pick would be that in your short pitch you say, '....................this one is angry, brutal and funny.' I wouldn't have put that, personally, for two reasons: It's as though you are TELLING the reader what to think about it, and also I think you could have used that first line to say something captivating about the actual story. Just my opinion of course and I don't mean to offend you. Other than this, it's brilliant. :) Julie xx

What truly splendid writing. Wonderfully biting and uncompromising narrative, sordidly witty and confident. Joe makes an excellent observation in the comment below about Stravinsky's 'Rite of Spring,' which completely threw the musical rule book out of the window. This is brave writing, and the only advice I'd give is to keep it real and uncompromising. It's refreshing to see writing that prods, probes (ooer), and is one hundred percent undiluted. Well done, and stick to your guns! Several stars for this, and it'll be kept on my watchlist for further perusal and very likely backing in the future.

PS. Edward Heath and his shaking shoulders - horror at its most chilling.

Okay, I'm not really an active participant on Authonomy any more, so I came to check this out after you stopped by my page... Wow, you were right about you're being the follow on from mine! You hooked me right in. I'll be back to read more later, this really is very good.

To compare Dollywagglers to dystopia is like comparing Armageddon to a bad day at the hairdressers. It's gritty, hard-edged, dirty, and… absorbing.

The author has not only the difficult ability to get inside men's heads, but her main character, Billie, is extremely complex and categorise. The author is also skilled at creating background and scenes… the wreck of London, the fright of rat-infested Tubes, and the devastated landscape as she heads northeast.

The reader has to grok the slang… eppie, parp, etc, but sci-fi readers are used to figuring these things out in context. I can't begin to guess where the story is heading other than cathartic relief is in store for Billie.

The story intrigues and I'm curious about the fate of Rodney and others. I totally back it.

Hi Frances,

I don't know why I took so long to read this. It's been on my watchlist for some time. This is a disturbing vision of the future, and I was hooked from the beginning. It's shocking and interesting and very well-written. It reminds me a bit of Cormac McCarthy's book 'The Road'. Are you going to upload more chapters? I hope so.
Highly starred.

Susan/Greenleaf (Chameleon)

Frances,

I've just read your opening chapter, and was hugely impressed - this is a great piece of writing. There might be a glut of post-apocalyptic/virus/end-of-the-world-as-we-know-it types of books out there, but yours, while, on the face of it, covering a well trodden path, is so different, so orginal and arresting. And I think the reason for this is the way you own the language that you use, be it 'under a bilious moon' or Oldie 'gummily garrulous' or the 'macho, sultana-tinted fart'' you've really filled these opening pages with images, sounds, and smells that are yours and yours alone. And I love the dark humour you refer to in your pitches, especially the paragraphs about gangs, and how, on reflection, they're pretty much the same as before 'only you can't call 999' - terrifying but rueful, in the sense of crying instead of laughing.

Excellent. Happy to give you a run on my shelf.

Regards

NA 'The Butterfly and the Wheel'

I've just noticed your mention of Southwold! My parents live really near there. Lovely place!
That last paragraph in your pitch is chlling and intriguing.
I'm not sure about starting the way you start - I think it might put some people off straight away - admittedly probably only prudish people like me, who maybe aren't your target market - but still... Any reason you can't start with "Maybe the dog thought I was dead"? I think that's quite a catchy line too. And you're straight away into this odd, interesting scene wondering who this man is. I think that grabs people and keeps them reading...
I don't fully understand what's happening, but I think that's probably okay because a) it keeps me reading and b) it's literary fiction (it drives me slightly crackers when people criticise my book for not being clear enough. It's suppose to make you work!). You've certainly got an interesting and original premise and style!

Hi Fan,
I loved this, all the way to the end, thanks for emailing it. I enjoyed the slight discomfort of words I did not understand, and the gradual realisation that Billie is female abd maybe more grown up than she seems at first. I felt the fear of anarchy, the disapointment that the moment in Paradise turns sour, the suspicion that anything good won't last long. I enjoyed the strength gained from adopting the rough and dirty male persona.
Will we meet Billie again, there must be more to her story?
Best of luck
Jmaes

Wow, that first sentence really draws the reader in! I was a bit apprehensive that this was going to be another end of the world as we know it type of novel but I am glad to say it is a lot more unique than that. Your writing style is totally suited to this genre and I just love the wry tongue in cheek sense of humour that is peppered throughout. It relieves the effect of what could otherwise be quite a depressing read. The end to chapter 1 is superb and I couldn't wait to get on to chapter 2 because of it. Well done and six stars.

Kim (Pain)

I'm always nervous when I begin reading something others have described as brilliant. I worry it'll be riddled with errors or make absolutely no sense. But your writing is amazing. I'm sure it goes without saying that this is about as far as I've ever strayed from my preferred genre yet the writing, the images, the sentences, the verbs have created a world I won't soon forget.

I got a bit lost in a couple of places. A person appears in the middle of chapter 1 and then again a few more times. I can't quite get a handle on who it is and how she/he relates to Billie or to the hippies or to Ben and his terrifying tormenter. And I probably didn't get all the references to the London of yore.

But these are tiny issues. I'm sure further reading would resolve any mysteries; on the other hand, your writing is so confident and competent and your subject matter so disconcerting that I suspect I'd be glad of being left with a few mysteries in mind.

Very well done.

~AudreyB
Forgiveness Fits

This is brilliant--the writing, the imagination.... But I don't get the "WHY"; why should I keep reading this, for instance. Perhaps there is a huge audience out there just waiting to be grossed out; if there is, I predict for this work a huge success. Perhaps I am missing something, perhaps there's something quaintly old-fashioned in my outlook--but I believe dystopias or whatever are written because of something. Perhaps some one will clue me in. Please.

Entirely believable - horrible as that sounds! Gritty and vivid and superbly written. Highly rated.

Terrifically involving narrative voice. Nicely balanced mix of comedy, pathos and gritty, often rather disturbing drama/action scenes. Real and purposeful conversational exchanges. Immediate and distinctive sense of time/place. Good plot hooks at end of chapters. Clear sense of a multi-layered, emotionally challenging narrative taking shape. I'm really very impressed. Thanks and best of luck.

Frances, I've had this on my watchlist for ages and finally got round to reading it. I don't know what I was expecting but this certainly wasn't it - in a good way! Slightly unexpected first para that really gets the reader's attention! It's gritty, funny, shocking and attention-grabbing in equal measures and the writing is excellent, I'd even say flawless. Highly starred and waiting for a place on my shelf.

Melanie
La Vie en Rosé

Absolutely superb opening. Loved it right from the off. This is right up my street. Flew through the first chapter. I hadn't even read the pitch but was instantly hooked. Wish i had time to read more right now, but will certainly read more in future. The fact that you are already published doesn't suprised me at all, this is highly polished stuff, and clearly the work of a pro. In a just world, your agent wouldn't be saying it's unsuitable for publication. It's simply excellent stuff. I'll give maximum stars right now, and keep on my WL to be backed in future.

This is a women's only thread review. Very interesting read. I can see why it is so highly rated. If I could have a wish, I would like more background on the epidemic and the opening symptoms. Also, where are the birds and cats? There are farm animals and dogs, along with rats, but I don't see anything else, or insects, which I would have expected with so many rotting corpses. Highly rated and on my watchlist.