Book Jacket

 

rank 1210
word count 98347
date submitted 29.12.2011
date updated 22.05.2012
genres: Fiction, Literary Fiction, Romance,...
classification: adult
incomplete

Shattered Reflections

K. E. Page

A moment of shared passion two years ago. A secret that must not get out. A secret that it is worth dying for?

 

A shared moment from two years previous comes back to haunt teenager, George Garson. He knows above anything he cannot let this secret get out. His reputation would quickly be ruined. The lengths he will go to keep it quiet are beyond imagining. Jamie Hartnell feels that the world is against him as neither his classmates nor his mother can come to terms with his homosexuality. Alison Lodge, teacher at both boys’ school, becomes far too involved with their story.
The story starts in a hospital room, a boy in a coma, the result of brutal violence. But who is injured and who has put him there is not revealed immediately. The story slowly reveals the events leading up to the attack; the bullying of Jamie by Steve Pearson, George's slow unravelling as he realises exactly how he feels, Alison's brother Nick who copes with his dead marriage by self harming, Ben, who deals with his loneliness by locking away his emotions, all will have an influence on events.
The structure of the novel is non-chronological and written in thrid person although each chapter is from the point of view of a different character.

 
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tags

coming of age, confusion, family, friendship, gay, gender, hurt, identity, loneliness, love, masculinity, relationships, school, sex, vanity, violence...

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27 comments

 

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Tillerman wrote 37 days ago

Chapter one drew me in and I am up to chapter four. I'll defiantly be reading on. The confusion both Jamie and George feel is put across extremely well. Jamie, over his desire for his friend George, and how George is feeling towards Jamie. The scene where Jamie breaks down sobbing in front of Alison is very powerful. I really felt for him.
Chapter five - George returning back to school. All those mixed feelings - you have captured this superbly.
Highly starred and backed.
Chris.

JMF wrote 42 days ago

I'm here for our reading swap. I have read the first three chapters so far. I really, really enjoyed this and I don't say that often!
I loved the first chapter - I was totally immersed in the experience and intensity of it. Lots of questions are raised, little titbits of information given which point to an intricate and satisfying plot. The part I've read reminds me a little of Notes on a Scandal in terms of the tone and the espression.
The characters are believable and well-drawn.
I like the use of the different view points and the time changes keeps the interest going for the reader. I'm very impressed and will look to place this on my shelf as soon as I am able.
I can't believe it's not on more shelves.
All the best with it. Highly starred and highly recommended.
Julia
Shadow Jumper

M. E. Harrow wrote 49 days ago

Great story Kathryn,

Shattered Reflections is being pulled along by the struggles of all of your main characters and you describe their pain perfectly. I love the interactions between everyone, it all feels so real, full of emotions and the fear of rejection that lives in all of us. You have also managed to have enough of a mystery to draw the reader in an keep their interest.
Well done.

Scott Toney wrote 50 days ago

{Shattered Reflections}

Kathryn,

I started by reading your pitches, which drew me in immediately. Just from reading your premise I got the sense that this would be both an emotional and strong read. What incident haunts George? What will Jamie deal with while coming to terms with his homosexuality? I was intrigued and drawn in so I went to read on...

So far I'm read Chapter 1 and love the format of the chapter's speech, the intensity of it all and the value of your description which helped me to visualize your world well. I love how you started with the harsh beep of the life-support machine! As I read your first chapter I was reminded of that eerie tone in your sentence structure and story weeving. It was almost as if your words held that same beat. I loved that about the chapter!

You write so intensly about the events and I like that you thought about the way her class would react and the mother and her other son. This is clearly well thought out and you save the best of the first chapter (in my opinion) for the last paragraph where you write that "Vacant as if the vampiric shell of a boy really was sucking in their energy." What powerful inagry!

I've gladly rated {Shattered Reflections} six out of six stars and will return soon for more. Thank you for sharing this with us and thank you for supporting The Ark of Humanity! I'll be back soon for more!

Have a wonderful day!

- Scott, The Ark of Humanity

Kathryn Page wrote 136 days ago

Thanks very much for the support and I will certainly take your comments into account when I next edit this chapter. Thanks again.
Kathryn

This ticks all the boxes for stuff I wouldn't normally read - literary fiction, romance, gay - but I found it surprisingly engaging. Yes, there are a few tense issues (I would strongly suggest putting the whole of your first chapter in the past tense), and yes, a few punctuation ones too (e.g. how about adding a much-needed hyphen to para 1, as in: 'Long dramatic fingernails - that was what the noise sounded like'), but your first chapter is otherwise a masterpiece in show-don't-tell - you certainly keep us guessing! Soooooo...we don't know who the boy in the bed is or what happened to him, and who Diane is, or what relationship she is to him. But it is a mark of your skill - especially with that killer last line ("There was a lot riding on the boy and his living") - that we really want to find out.

Six stars from me - for genuine promise - and will be pleased to comment further after your next edit.

Joe Kovacs
Rupee Millionaires

('It was Monday morning now' doesn't need the 'now', imho. But Sandy attempting to lick the pool of blood....that was brrrrr...illiant)

lucidreamer wrote 1 day ago

Hello Anne - just extending the hand of friendship.

I'm fairly new to the site, but I've found it to be a constructive and rewarding experience so far, though it does pay to have a thick skin sometimes.

Backing books, making friends – that seems to be the way to raise your profile, so here I am.

http://www.authonomy.com/books/44385/heart-on-fire/read-book/#chapter

Neville wrote 7 days ago

Shattered Reflections.
By K. E. Page.


A good start to your book, the tension as Alison takes in the surroundings, the life support machine with its mechanical bleep, the broken body of the young man now laying there.
It hooks the reader...Who is he?...what happened?...why?
Well we’re about to find out!
The first chapter is so important to capture the reader from the very start—you do this so well with your vivid description.
As it’s not my usual read, I’ve concentrated on the way you’ve structured the book.
I like the style but most of all the way that you offer excellent description and keep the reader involved.
Ch. 10 to 14 changes to heavy font and then from Ch 24 onward, the same – I would put this right if I was you as it can put off, a good read.
There’s not a great deal of dialogue considering the length of the book, but this doesn’t dilute its impact, some books can get away with it—yours does, it comes over very well.
I’ve took a quick look through all chapters
I didn’t find anything negative with your writing skills. You’re a good writer and know your stuff.
Many stars for an excellent book!

Kind regards,

Neville. The Secrets of the Forest – The Time Zone.

Rachelsarah wrote 28 days ago

thoroughly enjoyed the first two chapters. I was slighly confused at first with the change of tense but by chapter two i understood it was part of the style of the piece. The subject matter of the story was dealt with tactfully and the charectars are strong.

christiandelacroix wrote 28 days ago

Kathryn, I have read the first two chapters. I am interested in the story, but there are a few things that distract me from the interaction between George and Jamie. I feel that although you are writing in the third person, the tenses seem to shift in the first chapter. I think that this story is timely, and covers several important social issues, bullying, homophobia and potentially teen suicide. Keep up the good work. I am looking forward to your critique of my work.

Sincerely,

Chris

Isoje David wrote 37 days ago

Nice written

Tillerman wrote 37 days ago

Chapter one drew me in and I am up to chapter four. I'll defiantly be reading on. The confusion both Jamie and George feel is put across extremely well. Jamie, over his desire for his friend George, and how George is feeling towards Jamie. The scene where Jamie breaks down sobbing in front of Alison is very powerful. I really felt for him.
Chapter five - George returning back to school. All those mixed feelings - you have captured this superbly.
Highly starred and backed.
Chris.

JMF wrote 42 days ago

I'm here for our reading swap. I have read the first three chapters so far. I really, really enjoyed this and I don't say that often!
I loved the first chapter - I was totally immersed in the experience and intensity of it. Lots of questions are raised, little titbits of information given which point to an intricate and satisfying plot. The part I've read reminds me a little of Notes on a Scandal in terms of the tone and the espression.
The characters are believable and well-drawn.
I like the use of the different view points and the time changes keeps the interest going for the reader. I'm very impressed and will look to place this on my shelf as soon as I am able.
I can't believe it's not on more shelves.
All the best with it. Highly starred and highly recommended.
Julia
Shadow Jumper

Sharda D wrote 44 days ago

Hi Kathryn,
I'm here returning the read for our reading swap. This is very dramatic writing. Very intense and personal.The internal monologue feels realistic and is very believable. I am intrigued to know more. It really pulls you in as an opening.
If I had any suggestion (feel free to ignore), it would be that I would like a little relief from the intensity now and again in Chp 1. Perhaps some dialogue. I'd like to know what the room she's in is like - smells, colours etc. Just a touch here and there, not much. It would help to relieve some of the intensity and claustrophobia of the scene. I understand that you may be going for that feeling in Chp 1, but it's maybe a little too internal. Not sure.

All the best with this,
will highly star and think about shelf space when I next reshuffle.
Sharda.

M. E. Harrow wrote 49 days ago

Great story Kathryn,

Shattered Reflections is being pulled along by the struggles of all of your main characters and you describe their pain perfectly. I love the interactions between everyone, it all feels so real, full of emotions and the fear of rejection that lives in all of us. You have also managed to have enough of a mystery to draw the reader in an keep their interest.
Well done.

Scott Toney wrote 50 days ago

{Shattered Reflections}

Kathryn,

I started by reading your pitches, which drew me in immediately. Just from reading your premise I got the sense that this would be both an emotional and strong read. What incident haunts George? What will Jamie deal with while coming to terms with his homosexuality? I was intrigued and drawn in so I went to read on...

So far I'm read Chapter 1 and love the format of the chapter's speech, the intensity of it all and the value of your description which helped me to visualize your world well. I love how you started with the harsh beep of the life-support machine! As I read your first chapter I was reminded of that eerie tone in your sentence structure and story weeving. It was almost as if your words held that same beat. I loved that about the chapter!

You write so intensly about the events and I like that you thought about the way her class would react and the mother and her other son. This is clearly well thought out and you save the best of the first chapter (in my opinion) for the last paragraph where you write that "Vacant as if the vampiric shell of a boy really was sucking in their energy." What powerful inagry!

I've gladly rated {Shattered Reflections} six out of six stars and will return soon for more. Thank you for sharing this with us and thank you for supporting The Ark of Humanity! I'll be back soon for more!

Have a wonderful day!

- Scott, The Ark of Humanity

jlbwye wrote 71 days ago

Shattered Reflections. At last I've got to you. An evocative title, but your pitches are rather muddling. The short one does not end in a complete sentence, and the long pitch describes the structure of the book, rather than how the story unfolds, and could possibly do with some character development, and emotion, to draw the reader's interest.

I take notes as I read, but dont pretend to be an expert.

Ch.1. That's an arresting first paragraph. Do you want nits? There are rather alot of 'was's in it, though!
The short sentences serve to accentuate the drama of her feelings, but take care they mean grammatical sense. (It reads as if his chest is mesmerized by the only movement!)
Sometimes I get the feeling that the mother and the watcher are two different people, but I assume they are one and the same.

Ch.2. You start in the past tense, then drift to the present, and then they get a bit muddled. Best to keep to one tense.
Poor Jamie, you reveal hispredicament well. Isnt life cruel. I think the present tense is fine - contributes to the immediacy of his problem.

You draw the characters of George and the other boys very well, through Alison's thoughts, as she meets the problem head on.

This is not my usual type of read, but I can appreciate the sensitivity of your writing, and it looks as if you have an interesting plot to develope.

Thankyou again for your interest in my book.

Jane (Breath of Africa)

CGHarris wrote 100 days ago

I just read through the firs two chapters and I think you have the start to a great story. Your imagery is amazing. My only suggestion might be to condense chapter one a bit. I wanted to get to the meat of the story and I found myself skimming because I couldn't wait to get there. A testimate to your fantastic writing in a way. This is not my usual genre but you have a lot of tallent. Thanks for the read.

Brondby Scott wrote 101 days ago

Thanks for uploading this book; I like your title and I like the story, however I found it very difficult to read due to your style of using very short sentences, which for me breaks up the effect of something good. This reflects me more than you I guess and if we were all the same it would be so boring. The first chapter made me work hard to get through and I had to read it again. First time I thought it was content, but I just needed to get used to your style. I would like to know how many drafts this book has undergone? I have read the first 6 chapters and will come back and read some more at some point when I have time. I want to know more!

Brondby Scott
('Praying To Dead Gods', 'Kissing Like A Child', 'Ripe Young Fruit', 'Images, Dreams, Fears And Reflections')

Nathan O'Hagan wrote 104 days ago

Just read two chapters. Chapter one was a little slow, you spend too long building the scene, descibing the life support machine etc. You say in half a chpater what you could easily have siad in a couple of paragraphs. I appreciated the strength of your writing, but i just felt the descriptions were overdone.
Chapter two was much better, i read through it in a couple of minutes, and was very impressed. It's difficult and important subject matter, and i instantly empathised with your MC. The shower scene was very well done, i wanted to yell at him just to look away, to save himself the trouble. "Wait till you're out of school, then you can check out all the lads arses you like". You can instantly feel the tragedy that is coming.
If future chapters are anything like chapter 2, then this will be a very strong book.
High stars.

AuroraNemesis wrote 106 days ago

A deep and well written story. I was drawn in straight away and felt a lot of empathy for the characters. Your writing is Strong and pacy, and your language adds colour to the narrative. I just had to keep reading as I wanted to know more. An excellent plot and brilliant use of dialogue. I usually don't read this kind of story, but you have converted me and I will definatelt read more. High rated and well done on a fab read.

tyleradams wrote 109 days ago

Kathryn,

First off, let me say a bit about your book pitch. Your pitch is likely a good descriptor of the story. The challenge then as I see it, is to use your limited number of words to give less detail, and instead, build questions that compel the potential buyer to carry the book to the checkout counter and make the purchase.

Secondly, I have to admit that while I enjoy the phraseology of literary fiction, it didn’t take too long for me to figure out that I’m more likely to embarrass myself by critiquing, then I am to give helpful insight into your writing. I’m a rather direct type of individual, so I quite often don’t catch the true beauty of this genre. The subject matter, however, is near and dear to my heart so I will press on in hopes of capturing something worthwhile to share that will help you along the way. If however, I write something that seems totally “off the wall,” know that It’s done through ignorance and not malice.

tyler (The Paths We Chose)

A G Chaudhuri wrote 116 days ago


Dear Kathryn,

Honestly, this was not my usual read. The story itself holds little interest for me. But, I’m so glad that I read it. The writing is so strong and solid, that I went on for three chapters straight, and would certainly come back for more when time permits. Your voice is exceptionally clear and the changing POVs along with authentic and unabashed thoughts make this a bloody engaging read. If promoted correctly, this one is bound to do well. All the very best to you, my friend.

SIX STARS and HIGHLY RECOMMENDED

Best regards,
AGC

Kathryn Page wrote 125 days ago

Hi
Hi Kae

Thank you very much for your comments. They have been helpful. I have changed the short pitch although I'm still not completely happy with it, I think it is a little less misleading. I have also removed chapter 8 and moved it to later although at the risk of spoiling it if you read on, I would say that the chapter is a bit of a false clue and the ending is not necessarily as obvious as you might think. I hope that you will keep reading and giving me advice as I really do appreciate it. Thanks again.
Kathrny

This was a nice continuation of the story, and I am still loving it, but I just noticed a few things.

Quite honestly, what made me read this book was your hook, "George will do anything to keep his image perfect, but secrets have a way of getting out..." Immediately I was grabbed and I wanted to know what the secret was. And while, I think I know what that secret is, it has yet to actually to be discussed in the story. Most of the story is dealing with the breaking friendship with Jamie and George, Jamie coming to terms with his homosexuality, and figuring out who the boy in the bed was (and to be honest, I was a little disappointed when we discovered who that was after only a few chapters. It's your story, so it's your decision, but I honestly thought that the identity of the boy in the bed was going to be held longer). I haven't really seen anything about George's secret that hooked me in the first place.

I'm not saying to change the story, but the hook and the summary of the story is a little contradictory to what the story has been about. Personally, I would suggest changing the focus of that, like the fact that the boy is in the coma, and we don't know who and how they ended up there, etc. It's still engaging, and it holds a bit more true to the story.

I'm sorry I didn't mention that before, but I was so caught up in how much I loved this story, the hook was actually the farthest thing from my mind. This really is fantastic, and I cannot say that enough.

KaeT wrote 133 days ago

This was a nice continuation of the story, and I am still loving it, but I just noticed a few things.

Quite honestly, what made me read this book was your hook, "George will do anything to keep his image perfect, but secrets have a way of getting out..." Immediately I was grabbed and I wanted to know what the secret was. And while, I think I know what that secret is, it has yet to actually to be discussed in the story. Most of the story is dealing with the breaking friendship with Jamie and George, Jamie coming to terms with his homosexuality, and figuring out who the boy in the bed was (and to be honest, I was a little disappointed when we discovered who that was after only a few chapters. It's your story, so it's your decision, but I honestly thought that the identity of the boy in the bed was going to be held longer). I haven't really seen anything about George's secret that hooked me in the first place.

I'm not saying to change the story, but the hook and the summary of the story is a little contradictory to what the story has been about. Personally, I would suggest changing the focus of that, like the fact that the boy is in the coma, and we don't know who and how they ended up there, etc. It's still engaging, and it holds a bit more true to the story.

I'm sorry I didn't mention that before, but I was so caught up in how much I loved this story, the hook was actually the farthest thing from my mind. This really is fantastic, and I cannot say that enough.

Kathryn Page wrote 136 days ago

Thanks very much for the support and I will certainly take your comments into account when I next edit this chapter. Thanks again.
Kathryn

This ticks all the boxes for stuff I wouldn't normally read - literary fiction, romance, gay - but I found it surprisingly engaging. Yes, there are a few tense issues (I would strongly suggest putting the whole of your first chapter in the past tense), and yes, a few punctuation ones too (e.g. how about adding a much-needed hyphen to para 1, as in: 'Long dramatic fingernails - that was what the noise sounded like'), but your first chapter is otherwise a masterpiece in show-don't-tell - you certainly keep us guessing! Soooooo...we don't know who the boy in the bed is or what happened to him, and who Diane is, or what relationship she is to him. But it is a mark of your skill - especially with that killer last line ("There was a lot riding on the boy and his living") - that we really want to find out.

Six stars from me - for genuine promise - and will be pleased to comment further after your next edit.

Joe Kovacs
Rupee Millionaires

('It was Monday morning now' doesn't need the 'now', imho. But Sandy attempting to lick the pool of blood....that was brrrrr...illiant)

Wussyboy wrote 137 days ago

This ticks all the boxes for stuff I wouldn't normally read - literary fiction, romance, gay - but I found it surprisingly engaging. Yes, there are a few tense issues (I would strongly suggest putting the whole of your first chapter in the past tense), and yes, a few punctuation ones too (e.g. how about adding a much-needed hyphen to para 1, as in: 'Long dramatic fingernails - that was what the noise sounded like'), but your first chapter is otherwise a masterpiece in show-don't-tell - you certainly keep us guessing! Soooooo...we don't know who the boy in the bed is or what happened to him, and who Diane is, or what relationship she is to him. But it is a mark of your skill - especially with that killer last line ("There was a lot riding on the boy and his living") - that we really want to find out.

Six stars from me - for genuine promise - and will be pleased to comment further after your next edit.

Joe Kovacs
Rupee Millionaires

('It was Monday morning now' doesn't need the 'now', imho. But Sandy attempting to lick the pool of blood....that was brrrrr...illiant)

Kathryn Page wrote 137 days ago

Hi David

I will definitely have a look over the next couple of days.

Kathryn

Hi KE

Will definitively have a nose through this as I have a few spaces on my book shelf and WL. Would you be so kind as to have a quick look at my book - The List. Feel free to leave a comment.
ta very much.

David J Baron

David J Baron wrote 138 days ago

Hi KE

Will definitively have a nose through this as I have a few spaces on my book shelf and WL. Would you be so kind as to have a quick look at my book - The List. Feel free to leave a comment.
ta very much.

David J Baron

Kathryn Page wrote 138 days ago

Hi Derek

Thanks very much for your comments and support.

Kathryn

Hi Kathryn
I love it. Love the voice - which for me is absolutely key and I reckon you nailed it. Excellent use of description and flows well - no clunky sections. Also a very well manicured MS - I never spotted much in the way of grammatical probs and I'm usually pretty discerning. I think you balanced this well in terms of the woman's situation - in between all this - an awful situation all round. I loved the last few lines esp - "Vacant as if the vampiric shell of a boy really was sucking in their energy" - nice. And also "There was a lot riding on the boy and his living" Perfect sentence - simple and effective and encapsulates the whole chapter in 11 words. Although I like the vampiric shell line - one thing jarred earlier the use of the phrase "an empty shell" for me it's too much of a cliche term and it stuck out because the rest of the writing is fresh and original - if I were you I'd consider a different description there - just a thought. Overall brilliant and I have starred and put on my watchilist and will def read more and comment when I can.
Derek
The Angel Chord

Kathryn Page wrote 138 days ago

Hi
Thank you very much for the comments - I think the structure is probably the thing I am least confident about so thanks for the advice. I will be uploading more over the next couple of days. Thanks for your support.

Kathryn

Hi,

I just want to say that I read all six chapters since last night, and it killed me to stop at five in the morning when I was so close to finishing. This was really great, and I love how the story is told in such a garbled mess. That probably came out wrong, but it worked for this story. It was absolutely brilliant. Every word used fit perfectly, and while this is not normally the kind of story I read, I do greatly regret that, because of how well this story is written .

Now, please don't hate me, but there were a few things that could probably be improved. Not a lot, mind you, and I only offer these suggestions because this story is so amazing. But, when I read the first chapter, which was great, by the way and I am very curious to see exactly what boy is in the bed, you stuck solely with Allison's point of view, and the same in the second chapter with Jamie. After that, you kind of branched out and added thoughts of other characters, and sort of switched point of view a couple times. It's your story, and it's your call, but it's always been a certain pet peeve of mine that when a story is told mostly from one person's point of view, then it should stay that way. At least during the chapter, or with the presence of page breaks and whatnot. Again, total suggestion, I don't expect you to listen to me.

Also, while I like the fact that the story is told in the present tense, in some instances it can get confusing, because you start off in the actual 'present,' if you will and then go back and describe how the character gets there, but it's still told in present tense. I understand that it was probably done intentionally, but it can get confusing for us stupid people because it's a bit hard to keep the time line straight, and the more I have to try and keep the time line straight, the longer I feel like I'm pulled out of the story.

I only offer these suggestions because I did so greatly enjoy this story. I think that it's well written and you make me care for the characters. I liked how so much could be said with so little, especially the scarcity that you used dialog. It all worked well, and I greatly enjoyed the confusion throughout the story as every character deals with his/her own problems. It truly was a pleasure to read this.

Kae

KaeT wrote 142 days ago

Hi,

I just want to say that I read all six chapters since last night, and it killed me to stop at five in the morning when I was so close to finishing. This was really great, and I love how the story is told in such a garbled mess. That probably came out wrong, but it worked for this story. It was absolutely brilliant. Every word used fit perfectly, and while this is not normally the kind of story I read, I do greatly regret that, because of how well this story is written .

Now, please don't hate me, but there were a few things that could probably be improved. Not a lot, mind you, and I only offer these suggestions because this story is so amazing. But, when I read the first chapter, which was great, by the way and I am very curious to see exactly what boy is in the bed, you stuck solely with Allison's point of view, and the same in the second chapter with Jamie. After that, you kind of branched out and added thoughts of other characters, and sort of switched point of view a couple times. It's your story, and it's your call, but it's always been a certain pet peeve of mine that when a story is told mostly from one person's point of view, then it should stay that way. At least during the chapter, or with the presence of page breaks and whatnot. Again, total suggestion, I don't expect you to listen to me.

Also, while I like the fact that the story is told in the present tense, in some instances it can get confusing, because you start off in the actual 'present,' if you will and then go back and describe how the character gets there, but it's still told in present tense. I understand that it was probably done intentionally, but it can get confusing for us stupid people because it's a bit hard to keep the time line straight, and the more I have to try and keep the time line straight, the longer I feel like I'm pulled out of the story.

I only offer these suggestions because I did so greatly enjoy this story. I think that it's well written and you make me care for the characters. I liked how so much could be said with so little, especially the scarcity that you used dialog. It all worked well, and I greatly enjoyed the confusion throughout the story as every character deals with his/her own problems. It truly was a pleasure to read this.

Kae

DerekTobin wrote 146 days ago

Hi Kathryn
I love it. Love the voice - which for me is absolutely key and I reckon you nailed it. Excellent use of description and flows well - no clunky sections. Also a very well manicured MS - I never spotted much in the way of grammatical probs and I'm usually pretty discerning. I think you balanced this well in terms of the woman's situation - in between all this - an awful situation all round. I loved the last few lines esp - "Vacant as if the vampiric shell of a boy really was sucking in their energy" - nice. And also "There was a lot riding on the boy and his living" Perfect sentence - simple and effective and encapsulates the whole chapter in 11 words. Although I like the vampiric shell line - one thing jarred earlier the use of the phrase "an empty shell" for me it's too much of a cliche term and it stuck out because the rest of the writing is fresh and original - if I were you I'd consider a different description there - just a thought. Overall brilliant and I have starred and put on my watchilist and will def read more and comment when I can.
Derek
The Angel Chord

1