Tangled Web (Confessions of an Internet G33k, Book One)

Hi Tracy.

Jane Alexander insisted that I'd read your book before hers.
I'm glad she recommended you because....

I LOVE IT! L,O,V,E!
You had me at DoMeUpTheButt!! I laughed outloud and then had to explain why to my husband. He's still looking at me funny!
Seriously wonderful and funny story. I loved the bitter sweet first chapter. I felt that they were real and I felt for them. Very well written and has me begging for more.
You MC is such an easy person to love and I instantly fell for her. The fact that she, like me, has the devil and an angel on her shoulders has nothing to do with it.
I would buy this book for myself, my sister, my mother, my aunt and my mother-inlaw!!
I'm backing this with pleasure!

Haley Brite - Hart

Hi Traci,

Three chapters in and I can clearly see the effectiveness of beginning each chapter with a blip from Cat's court testimony. You know precisely how much to divvy out, just to tease, and where to end it. I can't help but wonder how she got to this point and what is going to unfold as she gives her story.

Your dialogue does a wonderful job of revealing both Cat's character and her relationships. Any boackstory is very carefully embedded, never intrusive, so I felt like I got to know her gradually, yet fully. There is a sense of humor and caring about her. She seems so at ease with Jack I'm actually bummed it didn't work out for them, but I can also see Cat's resolve to go it on her own and start over.

Oh, and I can so relate to not having internet access for brief periods and thinking the universe is trying to tell me something. But of course I'm addicted and I grumble about it and get desperate and haul my laptop to the library. I think you've made this relatable to a heck of a lot of people by starting the story out with this one tiny problem, that seems like a minor inconvenience.

Very concise and tantalizing pitch, particularly the last two paragraphs. I was going to suggest somehow combining the second sentence about Jack with the next paragraph (as in "After her boyfriend Jack decides he's not ready for a serious relationship, she finds a new..."), because the story doesn't really begin with her moving in with him, but when she moves out on her own... but then you'd have a long clunky sentence, so I'm not sure that'd be any better.

Intriguing storyline, uncluttered writing, very good characterization. Excellent foreshadowing and hooks. Shelved.

All my best,
Gemi

Traci
Finally got here! Well, what a surprise. It doesn;t say comedy in the genre. I was smiling the whole timeso I hope it was meant to be funny - you never know.
I agree with Piere, this is nice, tight writing. It reminded me of Nick Hornby.
I love the mixture, starting with the court case and then the main body of the story. I also praise you for finishing your chapters well. This is so important if we are to hook our readers into turning the page.
So I usually say there's no point in just praising, we're here to learn from each other and improve our work, so here's my critique (well, criticsms actually). However, in your case I can't even nit pick. Sorry
So I'll just have to BACK this won't I.
I look forward to your comments on mine and hope they are more helpful!
Best wishes
Murray
The Jin Deception

Dear Traci,

This is good. Very good. You write without adjectives and adverbs too. Smart work, girl. Confessions on my bookshelf, with pleasure.

Did you ever have a squizz at John Steinbeck’s Journal of a Novel, the notes he made to his agent while he was putting East of Eden down on paper?

He wrote in pencil. 1B, I think. About twenty of them which he kept in a mug on his desk. Each morning, he sat at his desk and started to meditate. And while he slipped through Alice in Wonderland’s rabbit hole to enter his story-telling universe, he sharpened his pencils, one by one.

As he left this world, he made notes to his agent about where he would take the story that day. And when he had transcended, he started writing. These notes became Journal of a Novel.

After ten months of writing eight or ten hours a day, his draft was completed. The first thing he did was delete every adjective and adverb he could find. If the noun or verb wasn’t good enough, he searched for the correct one.

Very clever. It was one of the first things I noticed about your work. Almost no adjectives or adverbs. They ruin our writing.

‘Inspired by true events’ really made me sit up and pay attention.

I found you were telling me things I didn’t know about. That was interesting.

Your opening dialogue riveted me. Strong and convincing. And you continued to engage me. ‘Grab me’ is the slang.

OK, if you ever wondered how you might improve Confessions, it might be to shorten the narrative slightly. Just take words out. Or remove a superfluous sentence here and there. Not serious. Your work already tends towards being tight. You might consider making it even tighter.

Traci, it’s not a flaw. I’m talking about polishing, nothing more.

You sent me scrambling for my dictionary. I looked up Wicca. Aha, now I understand.
Witch, I don’t believe. Craftswoman, I do.

Go well with your work. MrBlack wished me luck the other day. I just laughed. If he thinks luck has anything to do with it, he’s in for a shock.

Writing, writing, writing, re-writing, editing, tweaking and polishing and then going through the whole rigmarole again is the only way to go.

Have fun,

Pierre.

If you like Marian Keyes you might like my book Heroscope? Well done on getting ranked - I hope it went well for you!

A tantalising read, and well crafted piece. Happy yo put it on my shelf, even though you already have a star. Eunice - The Temple Dancer.

This is an entertaining and engaging read! It's far from traditional in any way, shape or form but that is what I'm sure many people find appealing about it. I found it easy to read and to follow, which is a big plus in my book as I lose interest quickly if the beginning of a story is overly convoluted. Congratulations on making it to the ed's desk, I can clearly see why this marvelous work has done so well here. Well done!!!

I didn't realize when I read this that it had a star until I scrolled down to write a comment and saw the Harper/Collins note so I'm guessing now that you don't need any more comments. I'm going to make one, tho, as long as I opened this. I liked this a lot. Telling me about a character named "Cat" in your pitch pulled me in. I think your dialogue is a strength of the story (I have a dishtowel and know how to use it, for example). The pace is good; made this easy to read. I'll add this to my shelf. Burgio (Grain of Salt).

Great review! Congrats!

I just happened across your book and starting reading and couldn't stop. You certainly left me wanting more. I hope you are planning to upload the rest. Like many others I enjoyed the way you intertwined the court room scene and the back story. Enjoyed the humor too. I see that you've already attained the highest level at Authonomy. I wish you the best with this book.

El
(Reckless Scarlett)

Hi Traci

Jane liked your book so I thought i'd give it a read. I'm hoping you'll do the same. also I'm really interested to find out what the HC Review thinks of you book. It has a great premise and I love that fact that it is based on true events. the amount of work that went into this is is amazing. great job!

Hi Tracy, wow you can write and then some, this book took off like a rocket, very funny but now i think the good times are all over, this seemingly fabulous stroke of good luck with the free internet is going to be a virtual highway to hell lol I can feel it. Since this is my very favorite kind of book especially if well written and oh it is, I'll see you next chapter. Backed with pleasure

Kathleen

Well written, nice dialogue, full of americanisms. I like the intrigue, I wish you had uploaded the whole book
I will back this, it deserves to climb the long ladder.
Best of luck.
Eleanor.

Okay, you had me at "My landlord Shirley". hahahahah. You can actually write! Thank GOD! I am not much of a mystery reader, but I would come back to this. DISCLAIMER: I will not puff my criticisms. I will not say this is the best book I have ever read, unless by some miracle, it is!

Hi Traci :)

I've backed the book -- excellent writing.

Ted

Congrats on the gold, Traci.
Marty

Hi Traci,

I' ve got to applaud you on the quality of your work. I 've read the first three chapters so far, and I have found the story addicting. Cat is a perfect MC, and your skill brings her vividly to life for the reader. Good Luck on the ED!

Patrick Armstead
Dark Lands

I can relate to this on many levels. Women (As I show in Appreciating Angels) have a very very special bond and you write about this beautifully. I wish it were in print - it SHOULD be in print because its the sort of book I want to take time over and to re read in bed. I am still reading and I back this book without question.

Traci this is brilliant, it really is! I love how you open each chapter with the courtroom scene - very original as far as I'm concerned. It's as though there are two stories going on at once, the main one, and the underlying courtroom one that the reader is dying to get to the bottom of! ;-) And a witch? Super! Very well written and I wish you all the best getting to the ed's desk!!
Grace xx

Hi Traci,

This reads like a best seller! Immediately likeable characters. Like that there's a witch here! I've only had time for a quick look, but I love it so far. This is a good read!
Rosalind Barden
American Witch

Traci, I think I've already backed before, but backing again just in case!

Madison Woods - Retribution

This is really good. I love the dual layout, with the ominous little parts in the courtroom and then the slow build of what really happened, it builds the suspense nicely. I also love Cat, she's really easy to relate to and you keep the whole story very nicely in the here and now with the whole Internet thing without it ever taking over the story.

Nice work! I'm putting it on my shelf right now.
Good Luck with the editors!

Kerstin

Your first chapter pulls at the heart and mind. Bittersweet and well-written, between the case and the emails, there's barely a place that isn't well-developed. Great going, and congrats on the editor's desk!

H.Hunt
The Devil's Wife

Nicely written. I had a bit of a hard time imagining the fear of not having internet and not figuring out a work around, but that might be me. Also in the italics part in the beginning, I think you should consider getting rid of the sentence that starts wtih "Anger radiated..." I found that it interrupted the tense/flow of the conversation.

Shelved for good writing and faith that the story will develop nicely. Will read more later :)

top 5 - nice one!

Traci,

Ok, now that I have looked at this again, I KNOW I left a comment here. Darn this site. Anyway, maybe it's a blessing in disguise. I read the first chapter again and there are more things to say this time.

The court scene at the begining is a perfect way to hook in the reader. You had me at the first line, "State your name for the record." So many possibilities. The end of it, those quirky erotic email addresses were just icing on the cake that made me howl. Just an odd thing I thought would make it sound even snappier. Put DoMeUpTheButt dot com. Ok, you don't have to do that. i'm just wierd.

I also love the way you describe things. In particular, the way the Angel and the Devil popped onto her shoulder and began thier debate, and then the dialogue between the two entities. That was great. I find Catherine to be a likable, but somehow lonely character, and my heart went out to her for what her ex had done. I worried over what sort of tragedy you have in mind between she and Sharon, how they end up at odds. This was a great read so far and I will be back to read more. I love your writing style. I already shelved you before, and nothing had changed since i reread. Your still happily backed.

-Raven
The Shadowsword Saga

Hi Tracy.

Jane Alexander insisted that I'd read your book before hers.
I'm glad she recommended you because....

I LOVE IT! L,O,V,E!
You had me at DoMeUpTheButt!! I laughed outloud and then had to explain why to my husband. He's still looking at me funny!
Seriously wonderful and funny story. I loved the bitter sweet first chapter. I felt that they were real and I felt for them. Very well written and has me begging for more.
You MC is such an easy person to love and I instantly fell for her. The fact that she, like me, has the devil and an angel on her shoulders has nothing to do with it.
I would buy this book for myself, my sister, my mother, my aunt and my mother-inlaw!!
I'm backing this with pleasure!

Haley Brite - Hart

Fine stuff, loved the humorous prologue - did the hooking, no problem but the passwords made me laugh... a lot.

I liked the easy relationship between Jack and Cat... but at the same time you depict the limbo of post relationship very well.

Backed.

Cheers

Mary Mc
Few are Chosen - comic fantasy

Great plot, rock solid conflict, from start to finish, your characters reek of weakness, imperfections, quirks and vices--I love it--great novel.

I can see why this is top 5. Excellent story developing here and I'll have to come back to read more. Your characters are believable and the dialogue is good. I've really enjoyed reading this so far and will read more soon.
Sue
Theo the Immaculate

Hi Traci.
I was advised to read this book by another Authonomy member and I am so pleased I took her advice.
The story is excellent with the courtroom dialogue at the start of each chapter like a juicy bit if gossip, before going back and telling the story through Cat. I am so caught up in the story and the characters, your book is well deserved to be in the top five.
Sarah. T-cup and The Dream Team Fairies

Tangled web
Oh my word!..they say that truth is stranger than fiction...I could see how easily this might happen.
Gripping stuff and so well constructed. A story populated with believable characters and realistic dialogue.
On my shelf.
Dawn : ARK

Dear Traci York,

Thank you for sharing your story with us. Your greatest strength lies in your premise and your tension-charged relationships, your banter and your independence of “I said.” Properly speaking, those are “strengths.”

In my fallible opinion, you could make your story even better by adding a hard return after “Friend” in the intro because you follow it with a line about anger emanating from someone other than the speaker. After that, you could hard return another line for “I cleared my throat…” And, yes, your intro hooks me in like a cane around my neck. Bravo!

Best wishes,
Alan Marling
Ghost Warrior, the Stealing

Wow, this is GREAT! The dialogue is real, you give enough detail for me to form my own ideas of things, and man all mighty! It's awesome.

Backing!

Stay on the ED!!!

Claire
Demiurge

So yeah, I backed you a day or two ago, but I hadn't commented yet, so I figure now is better than never. I am enjoying your characters, the dialogue is great, I'm loving the story - fantastic job.

I can see why you are in the top five. Good luck!

Kristin

I'm very impressed with what I read. Your writing is tight, smooth, the story and your characters effortlessly unfolding paragraph by paragraph. I can see why this is doing as well as it is. So, yeah, of course I'll give it a spin on my shelf! :-)

Jonathan
MARTUK ... THE HOLY

Cyber nuts, nicely drawn characters getting themselves getting themselves caught in unusual situationsa, and a story rich in dialogue--what's not to like?

The prologue is, in no uncertain terms, magnificent. In the first chapter, you have captured the very essence of geekness while reminding everyone that geeks are human too. Provided we have our network up, there is time for other things such as food, drink and human companionship. I love it!
Harclubs

Hi Traci,
I found your book thrilling and exciting right from the start! I have read the first few chapters and put you on my shelf.
Best wishes and Good luck!
Eva
Here Comes the Summer

Hello,

I was wondering if you would check out my collection of short stories, if you have the time. I would appreciate your insight.

May This Letter Find You Well,

Tommy

Love it. The story flowed very well, even the dialogue in the court room is not over stated. Good Luck I see you are up there in ranking. Hope to see your book being picked up soon.

Good book. It flows very nicely and i love how current it is. In this internet world I think everyone can relate to connecting to a network, or being deprived of internet, etc. It seems more like "real-life" fiction. Its very believable at least in the first 2 chapters that I have read. To be honest I'm not really into this genre, but I think you've done a great job and this is definitely a book that I can see will have a large audience. Best of luck with the Editorial Board. Backed.
regards
Kiran
(Squash Diary)

Just read 'Tangled Web'. I'm getting tangled up in it too. It's great to be reminded just how easy it is to get 'tangled up' in other people's lives without realising it. This is great comedy and has brilliant insight into different sides to your characters. Hell really is other people. This is going on my shelf in a couple of days, you bet1 Chris1

Believable characters, realistic dialogue, to nicely ground the beginnings of a "too crazy to be completely fictional" story.

Traci, I really enjoyed this and if it were a published book it would be one I would read. Your characters are believable and sympathetic, your dialogue realistic and you have an easy writing style. Backed! Tania, This Last Summer

What rollicking good fun! You hooked me with your opening courtroom scene, and I hate courtroom scenes. As someone who grew up in New Hampshire, I can tell you a lot goes down in those Puritanical church-at-the-head-of-the-square towns. If I were your publicist I would call you a modern Jane Austin with a wicked sense of humor. Best of luck with this, Ruth (Amsterdam 2012)

Traci,

'Tangled Web' was recommended to me by Jane Alexander. It took me a few days to get around to it - and I'm glad I did. This is an excellent opening. Your first paragraph is a great hook, which runs nicely into the second chapter. You give just enough to the reader to make them want to read on and on - something I'm sure will catch the eye of any agent or publisher.

More than happy to back this.

NA - 'A Red Sky in Morning' & 'A Passageway with No Exit'

I read through the first few chapters and found no errors whatsoever. When I got to chapter 5, I had a few nitpicks. Avoid the dashes whenever possible. In my opinion, those could be periods and still be read just as quickly. That may just be my opinion.

“Although, you know what they say about the truth setting you free.” –needs a comma. (Chapter 6)

And that is all I could find wrong in the story… WOW. Well written. This is ready to be published, not just grammatically but in the story itself. Excellent devices used to progress the story. The opening of every chapter, set in the courthouse is an excellent and fairly unique device. It is refreshing the way you have written this. Backed happily!

Really well done. Easy to read. Why is the first part in italics?
I love the way the in the first chapter the main characters still show love. Breaking up is hard to do, but porn gets in the way and can ruin a relationship.

Traci,

Tangled Web is one of those books where the synopsis so well condenses and encapsulates the storyline. It's clear, concise and, I believe, the best precis you could make of 108,000 words. More importantly, a prior reading of the synopsis lends immediate significance to your italicised opening in Chapter 1.
Combined, they allow the bookshop or online browser to get the bearings they want, hook and hold into your narrative.
The opening italics gave me the perspective I needed and 'DoMeUpTheButt' almost caught me in an involuntary reflex to ensure my shirt was securely tucked in! Not wanting to labour the metaphor, you certainly riveted me to my seat - and that, even before the action of your first scene.
The dialogue which ensues is crisp and you deftly interweave snippets of narrative to condense backstory and advance ongoing story simultaneously, the whole achieving immediacy and maintaining pace.
Nostalgic memories of Catherine's now wrecked relationship hurt.
The focus on the computer and shared networks yields fruit when, by the end of your first chapter, there is a clear enough hint that Catherine is going to be able - if not willing - to do some internet 'eavesdropping' and this is going to complicate lives.
This is neatly confirmed in your second chapter which builds with impact the world of 'piggybacking'.
Remembering your synopsis, I have to read on. Shelved.
Ray
(A Child from the Wishing Well)

hey Traci!
I've backed your book. I promised Jane Alexander I would check it out right away, but I really haven't had the time to read enough of it to leave a comment yet. What I have read so far does however look very good.
Just got in and I'm off again in an hour. I really hope I'll have a bit more time on my hands next week. Promise to get back to you!
Cheers
Frode

Great story--not sure where the facts leave off and the fiction starts, but wherever that is, you make the shift seamlessly. I like the courtroom testimony to kick off each chapter, and the internet information is interesting too--kind of scary, really. I wasn't aware all of this was out there online or off. Cat is a great character and you have to root for her to get back together with Jack. Can't suggest any improvements--shelved.
Niobrara Kardnova (The Trouble with Wives)

I read this book sometime ago and it slipped my mind to offer any criticism. I do apologise. But it was a bewitching tale, and, I may say, throughly deserving of being on the editors desk.


Neal

With 570 comments already I think I've arrived too late to make a meaningful comment. It's good and I'm happy to back it.
I look forward to reading the HC review
John