The Legend of Butterfield Farm

I just re-read your first three chapters and I feel you have improved the emotions greatly. I hope you are still open to honest feedback as I have some more, but you are free to ignore if you see fit!
You change point of view quite readily in the first chapters. I am no expert in these matters, but if you bounce between characters it can be a bit distracting. I read somewhere that marking changes of POV with a break or a new chapter can resolve the problem. Just something to think about and as I say only my opinion.
I wonder who you are aiming this book at - some of the language and references you use strike me as suiting adults more than children. You refer to Dolly Parton and other music, I think, at one stage. Many children wouldn't know who she is. Some of the vocabulary would be beyond the reaches of children. I wouldn't want to take anything away from your wonderful style and very strong, distinctive voice, because these really are incredible, but I think you need to consider carefully who you are aiming your story at.
Anyway, these are just my thoughts and please take them in the spirit they are intended.
All the best
Julia
Shadow Jumper

Hello

I loved this. I felt some kinship to it since a focus of my book is a weeping willow. I was drawn in immediately and couldn't stop reading it. The voice and narration is great. The descriptions were spot on and the words projected the story forward with great momentum. I believe adults would like to read a fun book like this too. There are some small editoral errors, but those didn't even pull me from this wonderful tale. I will definitely back this when I have room on my shelf.

Thanks for sharing
Jennifer Killby - The Legend of the Travelers: Willow's Journey

can't add much more. i ditto the comments below. great read for kids and a strong base to draw off of...
j

An imaginative adventure story which is well-written. I have read the first three chapters.
I have a couple of comments to make which you can use or leave, depending on what you feel about them!
In your first chapter where you first mention the monster (we don't know it's a tree at this stage) it may be worthwhile to build up a bit more tension and suspense. Perhaps you could describe a little of what the old man sees. What does the monster look like, what emotions run through the old man's mind? Without giving the game away, at first, that it is a tree! You could even leave the discovery that the monster is a tree for another chapter. Leave the reader in suspense a little longer! In Chapter Two I would have liked to have seen a bit more feeling from Holly when her dad tells her they're moving. This is a devastating event for a nine year old who is used to her home, friends and school. We need to feel and see the strong emotions that this event produces in her.
There are occasional changes of tense which you might want to look at e.g. in the sentence "He had adjusted to fatherhood quite well . . ." but otherwise it is well-written.
I think with a little tightening up of the story, increasing the tension, the descriptions of emotions and feelings, that this could be a good story. Keep up the good work.
Julia
Shadow Jumper

Butterfield Farm sounds like an interesting place to live. Very entertaining.

I have read your first chapter and thoroughly enjoyed it. Your style of prose flows well and immediately grabs the readers attention. The characters are lively and interesting. The first chapter makes for a great opening. I shall read on as soon as I can.

Hi Funkster,
I read some chapters of Butterfield Farm. It's a great children's story, and not such a bad one for adults, too. Reminds me of the old Jackanory-type story that used to be on telly when i was a kid (BBC, British telly that is). What I mean is that it is the kind of tale where kids gather at your feet to listen. You've added a lot of charm by the description of the setting and spiced it up with plenty of modern references. If my kids weren't twenty and twenty-three, I'd be tucking them in bed and reading this to them. Best of luck. On me shelf with high stars.
Robert

LEGEND OF BUTTERFIELD FARM
What a charming children’s story. I loved the whole idea of a magical tree; who hasn’t climbed high up into one and felt they owned the world? You’ve created likable characters for the story. Overall, I think you’ll find a big audience of schoolagers for this. I’m adding it to my shelf. Wanttobeawriter: Who Killed the President?

Wow! What a start to a story. Loved it. Laughed out loud as Mr Butterfield put up the for sale sign and high tailed it out of there. Just the sort of thing to grab a child's attention. Something a little bit Roald dahl about it. Good Luck. Lots of stars and a few days on my bookshelf.- Carole

This is really nicely written and completely bonkers, both of which are enough to sell it to me. It's like some unholy mix of Enid Blyton and Paul Auster. Great stuff.

There is something nostalgic but modern about this all at the same time. The author voice is well done and pulls the reader along at a good trot. Reminds me a bit of Enid Blyton but in a good way :)

Definitely an attention-grabber, this one. Not a modern style, but that may well be a plus. Backed.

Imaginative and creative - I am also from the same area of the country where the story takes place which made it even more fun for me!! 6 stars from this Virginian!!!!

Hi D.D

Will definitively have a nose through this as I have a few spaces on my book shelf and WL. Would you be so kind as to have a quick look at my book - The List. Feel free to leave a comment.
ta very much.

David J Baron

Awesome! This is sooo imaginative, and so creative, and original!!! I loved the first chapter. It's one of the best books I've read so far on here. This story should take you all the way to the Editor's Desk. I am giving you 6 stars, and putting you in my WL. It will go onto my shelf in a couple of days. Great job!!!

Sincerely,
D. S. Hale
Jessup and the Teleporter