THE ARCTIC FOX

Hi Duke, I really liked the idea of Luke telling the story to the koala. it's written in language that a young reader could follow and Britain's wandering into other northern animals gives a good sense of scenario. I could see illustration. I also liked the idea that Luke was getting cold with the heat off and the picture of him sliding. That did make a little impatient to get to the animal story!
“Special Room” - Room might be capitalized here.
“slightly competing for the best view” - I liked this phrase however the word "slightly" didn't seem necessary.
the capitalization of Ice and Snow? - and there's more capitalization that wouldn't normally be done such as with the animal names. Maybe you intended for kids to remember those words.
I enjoyed this and wondered what other encounters Britain would have. I'll be putting it on my shelf in a few days or so when space opens - Katherine

In the synopsis, the name for the fox kept making think of the country and it was a little distracting. Couldn't it be called something similar sounding but not as confusing, like Brittox?

I enjoyed the opening chapter but the way "his feet were covered in socks" in the first sentence was as if they were alive. I can't think of any other reason for not just saying he was wearing socks. If it does really open with his socks putting themselves on that would be fantastic, but I felt a little confused. However, it's lively fun, well-written. This should do well. All the best.

I never thought of it that way (about the socks). I'll consider making some changes. Thanks so much! And I plan to get to yours asap. Thanks again Landsmith.

Duke,

I read the first chapter of your delightful childrens' story.
I'm not very good a reviewing childrens genre, but this looks good to me. The language and the flow seem to be just right for children, and the story is interesting so far.

A few points: Is it necessary to state that doors are to the left or to the right? Would one door opposite the other be sufficient?

Your short paragraph "Normally his father did not like the heater up at night. .....it would get pretty cold in the house at night." Feels a little clunky. I don't think you need to add "..at night" at the end, possibly all you need is "... finally decided it had nothing left to burn, it would get pretty cold."

Your sentence "This room had wooden shutters at all the windows." sounds too specific, might flow better as "This room had wooden shutters on the windows."

I think that "of" in the following sentence should be "off" - "Then the koala grabbed the comforter of the perfectly made up bed..."

Best regards
Warrick

Thanks so much, Warrick, for your suggestions! I plan to get to your book asap.

In the synopsis, the name for the fox kept making think of the country and it was a little distracting. Couldn't it be called something similar sounding but not as confusing, like Brittox?

I enjoyed the opening chapter but the way "his feet were covered in socks" in the first sentence was as if they were alive. I can't think of any other reason for not just saying he was wearing socks. If it does really open with his socks putting themselves on that would be fantastic, but I felt a little confused. However, it's lively fun, well-written. This should do well. All the best.

Duke,

I read the first chapter of your delightful childrens' story.
I'm not very good a reviewing childrens genre, but this looks good to me. The language and the flow seem to be just right for children, and the story is interesting so far.

A few points: Is it necessary to state that doors are to the left or to the right? Would one door opposite the other be sufficient?

Your short paragraph "Normally his father did not like the heater up at night. .....it would get pretty cold in the house at night." Feels a little clunky. I don't think you need to add "..at night" at the end, possibly all you need is "... finally decided it had nothing left to burn, it would get pretty cold."

Your sentence "This room had wooden shutters at all the windows." sounds too specific, might flow better as "This room had wooden shutters on the windows."

I think that "of" in the following sentence should be "off" - "Then the koala grabbed the comforter of the perfectly made up bed..."

Best regards
Warrick