Running Away From Crazy

{Running Away From Crazy} – Dylan Stephen Yanchnyski

Your pitch struck me; I was intrigued to read your true-life story, on such a serious subject matter that resonates not too far from home with some of my own experiences.

Chapter 1 caught me right away – beginning with the opening remark about the Devil being a chameleon, a perfect way to describe people with personality disorders too – where people have split/multiple personalities, and can change faces at different moments.

Chapter 2 takes us forward in time, and I like the way you present short, gripping scenes, each telling a story in itself, each so very relevant and important. I like the structural style of your writing, taking us back and forward, showing us different perspectives at different points in time and enabling us to build a unified picture.

You have some incredibly original descriptions that really help create a vivid picture in the reader’s mind – in chapter 3 the ‘emotionally starved leech’ jumped out at me. Another thing I liked about chapter 3 was the extract of the article.

Chapter 4 takes us into year one. A line that stood out to me was ‘I took a new approach and decided not to say anything… Maybe I’m being insensitive to her needs.’ This made me recall a terrible thing that can happen to people who are close to those with personality disorders – when the ‘sane’ ones suffer, thinking they are the ones who have a problem, thinking they are the ones who might be doing something wrong – trapping themselves in a cycle where they wonder how to improve, when the fault does not lie with them. It links back to the title ‘Running Away From Crazy’ and how difficult this can be; when you yourself might become ‘crazy’ from exposure to the crazy.

I’ve made a few detailed editorial notes on chapter 1, in thanks for your support of ‘Dawn of Destruction’! I hope these will be useful :)
1) comma not fullstop after lecture; …lecture,” she snapped.
2) I’d just say ‘and it would only get worse’ → simpler?
3) I’d change sentence breaks; ‘… Elaine blocked the doorway. She took a step towards me with clenched fists, and I slowly backed away.’
4) perhaps ‘heart thumped in overdrive’ more active and unusual than ‘was beating’?
5) ‘was terrified’ → perhaps ‘A fearful expression spread across her mother, Carrie’s, face.’ Or something to remove the passive ‘was terrified’ and show more
6) perhaps; ‘I stood there, heartbroken, stupefied and speechless’ (again eliminates ‘was’)
7) How about ‘Thoughts churned away in my mind, whirling in a sloppy mess.’
Hope these are helpful – and also just to consider when editing, instances where ‘was’ creeps up a little (passively ‘telling’ vs. showing → sometimes instead of saying I ‘was’ feeling such and such, a description of the way you’re feeling, how that feeling acts inside, could be helpful). But overall very polished writing to match the captivating story you are telling. Thank you so much for sharing and I look forward to continuing after clearing a few more reading-debts. In the meantime I’ve starred you highly and will recommend your book around – I think many people could learn something from it.
Best wishes, and thanks so much for your support.
Sincerely,
Cara

Hi Dylan, would you like a book swap with "You will dance again!"
Brigitte

There is certainly a market for books that deal with mental illness as it is prevalent in our society; what makes Running away from Crazy special is that the writer can convey to the reader the harsh and painful realisties of living with someone who suffers from this illness. The scene in chapter 1 is very well written and immediately draws the reader into the story. I found the professional imput of Dr Helpman in Chapter 2 interesting, particularly his advice to 'disengage'. The story will offer comfort, support and help to many who are in a similar situation and to others an understanding of an illness that they have not dealt with.
Running away from Crazy is a compelling read and I shall keep it on my bookshelf to read further.
Highly starred today.

Maria (Georgina's Family)

Wow! I've read the first two chapters. You've done a great job with characterization and pulling in the reader. I'm giving this six stars and will be back to read more.

Oh, yes, this is a candid and open account. The toughest part of dealing with one that I personally found is who's the nutcase in the relationship. The mindgames can rip the other person apart. The question for me was, how can a normal being function when the other one flits from one extreme to the other? I'm glad you're moving on with your life, Dylan, and I'm glad you wrote your story, as tough as it must have been.
TDonna
(No Kiss Good-bye)

I thought I'd read the first chapter and move onto the next book, however you got me hooked. The nuances you bring to your writing makes this a worthwhile read. I'm sure there are a lot of people dealing with this situation that would love to read about your experiences.

Pig has more friends than me. I like the story.

I like the title too

A fantastic opening chapter, one of the best I've read on here. It's full of great dialogue, believable characterisation and is held together by compelling, emotionally hard hitting action. I couldn't stop reading and ended up devouring three chapters. Your writing is crisp, pacy and assured, without any flowery nonsense to distract, that is bore, the reader

A few things I thought jarred. In the opening chapter, the revelation about the suicide attempt came too out of the blue. For something as important as that, I felt it could have been handled with a bit more sensitivity: and then I realised, this is a true story. Proving the old adage that truth is stranger than fiction. As I read on (the chapter with the psychiatrist is first class) I kept having to remind myself that this isn't a novel. And I can't pay you a higher compliment than that.

All the very best, Dylan

Love

K J

Wow!
It'd been a while since I first read your pitch, so, I'd forgotten this was non-fiction. I read the first chapter, thinking I was reading fiction, thinking, wow, Dylan has this scene nailed to the wall. It reads like reality, except Elaine is like something out of an ugly nightmare. From the opening line to the end of the chapter, I was swept along. No one could've pulled me away. If there were any errors to be pointed out, I didn't notice. I was too caught up in the drama to notice misplaced commas.

On to chapter two for me...

OK, I'm convinced now. Chapter two is just as engaging as the first one. This is six-star writing.

First of all, I like the use of "Marital blister..." in your pitch, and itself it made me go straght to the read. I like the opening, From there on, the story is captivating. I like the griity, down to earth realistic language used, although I can appreciate it won't be to everyones taste. Having said that, it is a true story and realism is called for.

I'm afraid I am not qualified to crit a true story as I only write fiction, but from a writers point of view, I feel that you need to address the use of "I" at the beginning of sentences. I am not saying don't use them, but try and cut down on them.

Other than that minor crit, I enjoyed the first two chapters. I have read other true life stories on here and for me, your voice and writing style make this read a cut above the norm.

Happy to back this.

I should point out that I am no expert on writing in first person, although you may want to check out my story The Journey, which is my first attempt at first person.

Running Away From Crazy
I read ch’s 1-5. Below are my thoughts, always, IMHO goes without saying and all that. Disagree, then disregard. Have questions, then message me.
I love the first line. I think you have the potential to have a great story here. I think it needs some smoothing out – I say this as someone who’s book also needs smoothing out, so don’t misunderstand me. There were a few phrases that jarred me “butthole” and “monkey sex” and the part where the father in law masturbated to the white sox. I think you have a smarter, more sophisticated writing style than that. All in all, it kept me hooked and reading. I’m fascinated by Elaine, as I know someone like this and had no idea what this was. I think Dylan is portrayed as a well-meaning, honest person and Elaine is pretty awful. I find it hard to crit a memoir, because the facts as you saw them are there. But here goes: Perhaps in real life, Dylan is one hundred percent good, as he is portrayed here. That might be true, but when it all goes down on paper, one hundred percent good characters fall a bit flat (whether real or not). I know this because I struggle with one in my story – but my story is fiction and I have all the liberty in the world to give my character flaws. Also, the dichotomy of a normal, average person against someone like Elaine, might just make Dylan look flawless. I do think if you want to sell books, I would have liked to see Dylan have some reaction to Elaine. I know good men don’t hit women, but I know that everyone is human. And pushed to their limits, good men are capable of not so good things. When I read, I want to see that human-ness, even if it means imperfect (actually especially if it means imperfect) characters. Now, that being said: this is non-fiction so if Dylan didn’t react to Elaine (push, hit, yell, curse, break things, whatever), then he didn’t. If he goes to all the therapy, and wants to call her on her birthday, and does all the wonderful things you have here, then so be it. I’d be more interested in a more flawed Dylan – at least one who wants to be not so perfect, even if only in his mind. So if you aren’t comfortable taking “creative liberties” and still think my opinion has merit (maybe it doesn’t…in fact, it probably doesn’t!), then perhaps that’s the answer. Let us into Dylan’s mind a bit more, I want to see that he’s not so perfect. You have the potential to have a very gritty narrative here, and dig deep, exposing all the fallacies of the human condition - whether mentally impaired or not.

Good luck with this. I think it’s captivating, and you have a great story to tell. I saw others posted on line edits, and I stink at that so I won’t attempt it. Highly starred. Will read more as time permits.
Kate M.

BPD is an evil disease, it causes so much pain. Thanks for your courage and honesty in writing this. The opening paragraph is great.

He continued with abusive marriege,
well, written story, very good imagination, or may be fron knowledge of some reality. Good story to read. Women swears constantly.
Reality.

Running Away from Crazy
Dylan Yanch.

This is a well-told, straight from the horse's mouth, story of how anyone (male or female) can get hooked into an abusive relationship, as a victim. I had psychotherapy clients like this and the writing rings true for the most part. Elaine definitely sounds Borderliny, w. some paranoia and (as someone mentioned) possibly bi-polar disorder. I'd almost include psychopathic, given her tendency to see others as means to her own ends, though this can be BPD too. The fact that this isn't absolutely clear-cut w. Elaine is true to life too.

Without more explanation--which may come out in later chapters, it's hard to see how Dylan could have missed so much, except that people w. Borderline Personality Disorder are brilliant at making others feel guilty & responsible for them.

I wonder if you could spend more time with Dylan's recovery of his self-esteem, growing knowledge of BPD and his therapy sessions. I dipped into middle chapters then switched to the last few and personally found the middle a bit repetitive once you'd described the decline of the marriage, but the end was fascinating, and would be very helpful to anyone in Dylan's situation.

A few nit-picks, hoping they'll be helpful:
Chap 2. 'Elaine was a stunning.' 'a stunner', 'was stunning,'?
Dylan likes that Elaine was 'firm and opinionated'--do you mean 'authoritative', or not afraid to have opinions. 'opinionated' is always negative, i.e. too aggressively sure the speaker is right, etc.
Chap. 3. With "I reciprocated." the rest of the sentence is redundant.
(but chap 3 has a good fast-moving description of things deteriorating.)
Chap 4. Not a nitpick, a plus: good descr. of how abusers isolate victims and victims
blame themselves for relationship problems.
Chap 5. Willy is tragic, but Elaine's behavior is nearly unbelievable--do you need to add
some more explanation, or indication of how her thinking leads her to her act this way?

In general, a good story that would be even better w. a bit more vocabulary-checking (Dylan 'sinks into a veneer' for e.g.) and the proofreading/editing one has to do (over and over and over it seems). If this is a first draft you've probably fixed these things by now.
Anne. (Will you look at "Polly" and comment please)

hey,
i read a bit of your book the other night, its tbh not my type of thing but this book is well written.
Please could you now take time to read my book 'A Haunting At Ellsworth House Hotel'? and leave me a quick comment and rate?
Thanks
Terence

First of all your pitch is perfect, and that opening paragragh is priceless. If that is what you lived through, God bless you. I've known contentious women before who were ridiculous, but that insanity is, well, awful. I will definitely revisit this book. I find it fascinating. It is well written and very interesting. This type of book would be a great tool for the mental health professional who doesn't have much experience with severe mental illness. Great job. Lacy

So I've read through chapter four now, and noticed a change in my attention span. I think that I've gotten used to the idea of this story at this point, and want to hear less backstory and more showing the action and the meltdown. It's being told mostly in the past tense now--could you show each stage as it's happening? You do it periodically with dialogue, which is great. But I got bogged down, in the last third of the chapter, with the MC just telling the story. I do think this is a very authentic and unique POV, and I am sympathetic to the man's plight. But I think I might feel even more emotion if I could lay witness to the unraveling instead of hearing about it. Cheers, Caitlin Avery
Lightning in my Wires

Dylan,

I just read the first few chapters and the pace of the narration is perfect. The writing is direct and to the point, sometimes reading like a transcription from a therapy session or a journal entry. What keeps me reading is my fascination with the male perspective on these types of relationships, the hope that I will be witness as the narrator uncovers his own payoff in the relationship.

Because, at the risk of over-generalizing, mentally unstable people are mentally unstable, that is their reason for their behaviour. But the thought processes of their well-adjusted partners is much more of a mystery, and solving that myster is the promise that pulls me in to this story and will hold my attention.

I think that is the appeal this work will have for a large audience and what will make it successful.

All the best!

Shannon Stewart,
Reconstruction

Hi Dylan,
I dropped in to take a look at your book. It is well written and engaging but sad. Having had a relative with an abusive partner, knowing what to look for is valuable.
I wish you the best of luck with this!
Mindy
The Wishing Place

Hello Dylan

As a counselor, I found your book enlightening. It sounds like the wife has bi-polar. However, even fewer men write about the abuse they face almost as often as women. Kudo's for that. You have a wonderful voice and I like how you presented the story. You've done a great job overall. There are a few places that will need editing (extra words or commas), but that doesn't take away from the narration.

I'll keep you on my watchlist to place on my bookshelf. I usually try to keep a book there for a week or so to give all the great stories I read a chance. Again, thank you for placing me on your bookshelf.

Jenniferk

Dylan,
There is so much realism in this book that one cannot but feel empathy for the beleaguered narrator. The mentally challenged tend to look at life through a plasti-shield often fogged up, sometimes covered with reflective tints, sometimes magnifying the minutae of other people's faults and imperfections. Never straightforward and objective. Always subjective to the viewer's mercurial moods. It's a sad state one cannot correct but can easily fall victim to. A mentally ill person is such that nothing you can do will cure her; lying, glossing things over are second nature to her. She will try pot, alcohol or painkillers to find a balance which will always elude her because her internal wiring is faulty. All you can do is give her space when she's having an "episode" and re-engage when she's calmed down, behaving as if nothing had happened. That's the only way with her. Forever. There, I was completely drawn into your book and got carried away. You have a strong narrative style, punchy and forthright, like a dose of good medicine. Thank you for sharing.

Kenneth Edward Lim
The North Korean

Read through chapter 3 very quickly--the story is driving me already. One typo in chapter 3: based on my 1st impression, Elaine was a stunning.
I also didn't think that tidbit from the shrink reading transitioned well. Maybe you can intersperse it in the paragraph that described that behavior from Elaine. I really like the frantic pace you have here, and it's already a very clear picture of a disatrous relationship budding. I would like a little bit more atmosphere, in terms of discribing the surroundings and what you are seeing (in the room/space) while the human meltdowns happen. Very nice beginning though, I'll hold onto to this one for more reading soon. Cheers, Caitlin Avery

I just read the first chapter of your book and I really love it. It is very plain and vivid. I would make sure i read all, thanks for the story.

This is a story which had me hooked right from the start. It's full of surprises at every turn of the page and was so gripping I couldn't stop reading it.

Painful, sad, funny in parts. What more would describe it? I can only think of one word - BRILLIANT.

Nice write, Dylan and thanks for the entertaining read.

Hi Dlyan.
I tend to pick up books randomly in the middle and see what happens. I'm at chapter 13. Nice. I totally get the whole control freak gig. Well written. I think we have some things in common. I

s there a chapter where you explain why you allowed yourself to be under this woman's thumb? I'd like to know you upbringing and so on. In my book the first few chapters discribe my journey to become a Japanese wife. Since I work more than full-time at my company job, I need direction on how to read your book. Which chapters are pivotal?

Good Luck Dlyan.

Terrific start. I truly felt for Dylan, poor sod.
I read a step by step guide to a lot of marriages of friends I have known.
Well written, with a good knowledge of pre marital bliss.
Highly rated.
Christian Bell

Dylan-
This story pulled me in, and the style of storytelling is superb. I like how you transition from Chapter 2 (for the flashback scene in Chapter 3) by leveraging the therapist's instructions for the husband to try and recall if he noticied any odd behavior when the pair first met. This helps create a seamlessness of story. Well-done. I noticed some typos that I can email to you, if you like, and I also think you should get yourself some cover art to draw more eyeballs. I have highly starred and backed for now.

Dean Lombardo
"Space Games"

This book is well written. The style is different though good.
I like the way it starts to develop right away.
The story itself isn't my tip to read usually. Yet you write well and develop the story plot in a good way.
Good work!

Shelby Z./Driving Winds

P.S. Please take a look at my pirate adventure Driving Winds.

I don't understand how this book is not already on the editor's desk. It's so real and downright amazing. I did find a few grammatical and punctuation errors, but I'm sure someone else has already addressed that. The only thing I would say is where Dylan's sisters come into the book is kind of confusing. There was no set up or information about them previously, so when their names appeared, I was confused as to who they were and didn't understand until I read further. I really did enjoy this book, though and I can promise you it will stay on my bookshelf until it does reach the editor's desk. It's honestly my favorite. I do have one question, though. Like a few others who have commented, I am wondering if this was written from personal experience? And if it wasn't, how much research did you have to do for this?

I read the first 23 1/2 chapters in one sitting; roughly five hours. I couldn't turn away from it. Once I finish the rest tomorrow, I will let you know everything I think about this book. I will say that it's wonderful and probably the best book I've seen on here so far. Full analysis tomorrow. :D

I read the whole thing. Fascinating story. Most people won't believe all of this - they'll think you're making it up. My mother acts exactly this way, and only those who really know her well understand how insane she is. I finally gave up five or six years ago and I don't talk to her anymore. She's a very abusive drunk, but her behavior was always such that we (the family members) felt she might be a borderline personality underneath that. Of course, she would never agree to any sort of discussion. It was us. It was all us.

There are a lot of typos which I just ignored because I was so interested in the story, but you'll need to edit carefully. I think you have your book classified incorrectly - this isn't a thriller. There were also a few other things that concerned me which I will message you about privately.

If this is a true story, good for you for getting out relatively quickly. A cautionary tale to be sure.

Hi Dylan,

This is a most interesting story and seems so believable, I almost thought it was told from personal experience. I found the whole thing so very captivating that I just kept reading and didn’t want to quit. (For times sake I stopped after chapter four) Your effortless, familiar voice adds to the appeal.

It’s easy to visualize your characters - especially Elaine. You have done a great job portraying her as a beautiful, selfish, spoiled brat and Dylan is all that’s good and patient. You drum up a lot of sympathy for the poor guy.

If you are writing this to raise awareness of this thing called personality disorder, you are doing a great job.
It definitely sends out a buyer beware warning.

I don’t really have any helpful bits of advice. I like what I read and was truly enthralled by the whole thing. Highly Starred.

Here’s a couple easy fixes I found.

Chapter two - Last sentence: “I’d have to go back to the very beginning and take a good hard look at (the) role…”

Chapter three:

“Based on my first impression - Elaine was (a?) stunning.”

Chapter four:

“Elaine picked up the phonebook… because I was convinced she (was) meant business…”

“The next day Cassie called (the) Elaine with good news…”

Dianna Lanser
Nothing But The Blood

I've read the first 3 chps so far and it's a good story, I will return to read more. As for critique, I am wondering how much research you put into the book, or is it based on personal experience (I notice the MC has the same name), or both? One reason I'm mentioning this is because u have some crossover among disorders. Which is ok, and more realistic to reality anyway, but u just have to watch if u r really focused on your character having a pure personality disorder. Second, I think beginning of chp 2 u say she had a "soft and sexy voice." I might combine those descriptors by using sultry, or seductive, something like that. Chp 3 I did not like the term "monkey sex." I don't think it fits with the rest of your writing. Sounds too immature, goofy. Also clearly indicates you're a male because I don't think a woman would ever write that!

Hi Dylan.

I think I promised you a read-swap or comment or something, so here I am.
I took notes as I was reading, and I got up to chapter 7.

Chapter 1- it's good, but it could be great. There was a lot of 'telling' vs. 'showing'. Obviously the fact that Elaine is nuts went across well, but I'd have liked if a bit more description was there.

Chapter 2- Not a fan of Dr. Helpman's name- otherwise a good scene. I like how you're slowly delivering information about Elaine and her insanity so as to keep the audience reading. It sure worked for me.

Chapter 3- A great way to introduce us to Elaine's nice alter-ego. I was happy to have met her the way Dylan did on their first date. One thing I didn't like is the use of the word 'butthole'. I don't know why, I just hate that word, but it is just me, I think. It just seems odd and sort of out-of-place because most people who use terms like that are reluctant to use profanity, and there is quite a lot of that in the 7 chapters that I read.
Love: The Vulnerable Seducer Phase: AWESOME that you put this in, brilliant even. I'm very familiar with Borderline Personality Disorder, and it so hit the nail on the head.
One thing I noticed was that at times, like during the initial phone call between Dylan and Elaine, the dialogue seems a little stiff. I read it aloud when I noticed the stiffness and it sort of comfirmed by thoughts. I don't know, something about "...cozy little spot we can meet up in. How about it?" just seems awkward. I think it's the 'cozy'. Hope that makes sense..probably doesn't though.

Chapter 4- I found it odd that Elaine would use the word 'bloody'. She's American, and no American I have ever, ever met has used this word unless they're mimicking a British accent. That is the only thing I didn't like about that chapter though, in fact, it was one of my favorites.

Chapters 5 - 6- great job showing us the wedding of the friends and Elaine's continuing alienation of Dylan's friends and family.

Overall I think the strongest point is the 'mood' you set for the audience- it is captivating, and the reason I read 7 chapters in one sitting when I usually can only last for about 3. The weakest parts are the descriptions. I feel like you can add a little more of it, but especially in Chapter 1, our first glimpse of Elaine. There are several typos as well, but I'm not going to point them out because that makes me feel sort of like a dick, and besides, several others already have.

On a side note, I agree with riantorr about the title, and his suggestion of simply "Running From Crazy".

My advice is pretty worthless, and I'm sorry if I couldn't be of much help! Anyway, I'm backing it for you, because if you could get my lazy ass to read 7 chapters in one sitting, it def. deserves space on my shelf :)
Best of luck with this, and I'll be reading/commenting more as I get through the rest of the novel.

Melissa

Just finished the first two chapters and I feel you have a gem here! I immediately felt a connection to the characters and I think a lot of people will too. Definitely coming back for more! Your writing is fluid and kept my focus!

Running Away From Crazy.
Dylan Stephen Yanchynski.


A book that held my interest from the start but got my backup reading the way Dylan puts up with life at the hands of Elaine. Many a man would have packed up and left long ago.
She’s certainly not all there and smoking pot doesn’t help one bit.
Her attitude to her parents shows no respect so what chance has Dylan got in changing her ways for the better.
As for poor old Willy, he didn’t stand a chance—money and all, Elaine still trod on him.
I suppose meeting on a Dating Website and a quick courtship isn’t the best way of starting a happily married life, but this is a disaster waiting to happen.
Still enjoying the read and up to chapter seven.
As it’s complete, I’ll read more later to find the outcome but have star rated your book on what I’ve read so far.
It’s great!!

Kind regards,

Neville. The Secrets of the Forest – The Time Zone.

I wonder just how fictitious this story is.
I have never been to Cananda or America but I have been to this place.
Unfortunately I am still legally married to mine. Due to the fact that I don't know where he is and I've no intentions of finding him.
I'm so glad that you or your character have come out of this a better person with no regrets or embitterment.
I find it frustrating that these type of horrid, selfish people, seek help only to be given a label for their condition, this is not helpful and seems to encourage them and excuse them of any blame for their actions.
A great book to give to anyone as an engagement present. Sadly the message is all so often ignored.
The story is great and nicely paced. Much editing needs doing. I know what a dreary task this is and going over your own story can mean you miss the same things over and over again. Also it makes you want to fix things that aren't broken, so here's a few to help you fast track edit. I see Carolina/Alan has already pointed some initial ones out for you.
Chapter three: 'Elaine was a stunning.' WHAT?
'Oh daddy' should be 'Oh Daddy'.
Chapter four: At the end: 'to expose an aspect my wife's personality.' should it say 'aspect (of) my wife's personality?
Chapter five: 'I told him Willy were happy to have him' Just doesn't make sense.
Chapter six: 'Thank god were going to Montreal'. should be 'we're'. There are lots of these.
"Me too", and "Yes we are", The commas are the wrong side of the quotations.
'Elaine choice to behave like a feral jungle cat' should it be 'chose'.
"Oh this is day I've been waiting for!' 'the day'.
'We were supposed stick it out' ---- 'We were supposed to stick it out'.
Chapter eleven:"Doe your mother like the new bag?" -----'Does'.
Chapter twelve:'Elaine hugged him." I sure did' Quotation mark is against 'him' and not 'I'.
"Why didn't you didn't ask him about the weed?" Doesn't make sense.
Chapter twenty two: "Thanks daddy" should be capital 'Daddy'.
Chapter twenty six: 'her death was bittersweet for m and I am still grieving'-----'me'.
Chapter twenty nine:'she said was being hit on'----'she said she was being hit on'.
Regarding email. 'deserved' should be 'deserve'.
Chapter thirty: In first line 'divorced' should be 'divorce'.
'Also realize also that' are there too many 'also'.
I hope this was helpful and I wish you all the best with your book. Many stars.
Pollyanna. 'Marsupeople'.

I read your first three chapters.

General comments: An engaging start. Dylan is a sympathetic main character. Effective descriptions. Good tension. Crisp pacing.

Specific comments on the first chapter:
1) "I don't need a lecture." she snapped. Comma after 'lecture.' 'She snapped' is a dialogue tag (tells who said something). When a dialogue tag follows dialogue, the last sentence of dialogue is punctuated with a comma (unless it's a question or exclamation). There are more cases of this type of problem.
2) " ... their husband's would get a second job just to make them happy and ... " Husband's (possessive) should be husbands (plural).
3) "Dad, what's mom wearing?" Capitalize 'mom.' When a kinship term is used as a name, it becomes a proper noun and is capitalized. There are more cases of this type of problem.

Specific comments on the second chapter:
1) 'I felt anxious.' Try to avoid using the word 'felt.' Just describe his anxiety so vividly the reader will experience it along with Dylan. When you do this, the reader will be pulled deeper into your story.
2) "Is this the first time you've sought counseling?" He asked. 'He' should be lowercase. 'He asked' is a dialogue tag (tells who said something). When a dialogue tag follows dialogue, the first word of the dialogue tag is lowercase (unless it's a person's name).

Specific comments on the third chapter:
1) Capitalize 'internet.'
2) ' ... but daddy and his two angels just ignored her.' Capitalize 'daddy.' When a kinship term is used as a name, it becomes a proper noun and is capitalized.
3) " ... and now that were getting married, ... " Were should be we're (conjunction for we are).
4) "I don't know." She replied. Comma after 'know' and 'She' should be lowercase. 'She replied' is a dialogue tag (tells who said something). When a dialogue tag follows dialogue, the last sentence of dialogue is punctuated with a comma (unless it's a question or exclamation) and the first word of the dialogue tag is lowercase (unless it it's a person's name).

I hope these comments help you further polish your all important opening chapters. These are just my opinions. Use what works for you and discard the rest.

Would you please take a look at "Savannah Oak" and let me know how I might improve it?

Have a marvelous day, Dylan.

Al

Running Away From Crazy.
Dylan Stephen Yanchynski.

I’ve only read a couple of chapters but will comment tomorrow after reading more.
What I can say is that it’s a brilliant read, so far.

Regards,

Neville. The Secrets of the Forest – The Time Zone.

Dear Dylan

I have read the first four chapters of "Running Away From Crazy" and, despite what felt like a rather rough start, I could easily read more of this, and probably shall. You dive straight in and get on with the story, and your style is straightforward and conversational. There are lots of hooks to keep me reading, too.

Your protagonist seems a nice guy: hardworking, gently ambitious and caring. Elaine, by contrast is a harridan from hell whom everyone should steer clear of. As a plot device this feels very strong and true to life. You handle their conflict well, and realistically. Occasionally, though, I felt uncomfortable with your language which I felt veered towards misogyny, especially at the start. Beware of alienating your audience in the first few pages. This is a great story, very convincing.

Does anyone remember Archie Bunker? I do, but only because TV then was such a novelty for me. You may want to think of another more modern figure who embodies his aspects...

All the best with this! A bit of a polish and I think this could do very well.

Fran Macilvey, "Trapped" :-))

Fascinating story. I've read the first three chapters. I love the way you brought the reader directly into the current story, and then showed how Dylan and Elaine first met and married. I feel so bad for Dylan, and I can't wait to learn more about his marriage and what will happen to him.

Excellent writing! Highly starred. I will be back to read more and will post additional comments.

Susan/Greenleaf (Chameleon)

I've just read a couple of chapters for now. Just one little annoyance, two Alreadys in such a short space of time?

Chapter 2 amost at the end:
When I say disengage...
I think you just need to clarify that the being together is not good, not being apart.
I think I'm gonna enjoyreading this, though.
Starred for now.
Sue (Rough Diamonds)

I like the title Running Away From Crazy--or just Running From Crazy would be cool too.

Regards,
RianTorr
New London Masquerade

You are Dylan therefore you definately should wtire. D Y L A N, my little Dylan primary aged already wrore few amaxing fictions.
Good luck and have a look at Ache in my heart, 4 different topics and Distress beneficial for all.

Dylan,

I liked what I saw about your book and I had to back it. Very well done! If you could take a look at my novel, DIFFERENT DIRECTIONS, for your possible backing, your help will be very much appreciated. Good luck and happy writing.

Dwain-Thomas

I've read the first couple chapters. Nicely done! Your writing is clear and the story is compelling. I would think anyone in similar circumstances would be relieved to find your tale. Good luck with this!

Not easy to get this kind of yarn down on paper but you have done it well, Dylan. I have not read the complete book, only dipped into it here and there, but I can tell that you have a good, easy writing style with just about the right amount of dialogue. Is the next book, I wonder, going to be a response from the other side? That would be something. Written by you, of course.

Best wishes

Philip John

Dear Dylan,
I am just starting to read chapter two and obviously there is no way am putting it down. You draw me in into real life, easy language and great plot!Backed and rated high right away!
Good luck.
Josphine

very good book, and written very well with strong narrative style plus dialogue...
l have backed...
read SEASONS...

I read the first two chapters. You set the book up perfectly with her uncontollable tantrum right away. The scenes were well played and the dialogue was bang on. I say this with conviction as I've witnessed this behavior with my son's bi-polar mate and her disfunctional family. One small word can trigger an outburst.
Well done!!! Highly starred and will definately come back to read more!
Regards, Red
Illusions of Comfort.