Book Jacket

 

rank 1520
word count 10536
date submitted 07.01.2012
date updated 12.01.2012
genres: Romance, Fantasy
classification: universal
incomplete

Fire Magic

Rebecca Tillman

Penelope's quest for a quiet, simple life is anything but quiet or simple

 

Much to the dismay of her parents, Penelope Savage's greatest desire is to retire to a cottage and spend her days researching magical history. *Without* the nuisance of a husband. But when she discovers a map leading to the legendary Ring of Illyra, her well-laid plans begin to crumble. She is attacked by a gang of demons bent on gaining possession of the map, for whoever possesses the Ring will have control over the four energies or Gora. Penelope is a damsel. She is most definitely in distress. But the last thing she's looking for is a knight to come muck up her life.



Anthony Forsythe never expected to stumble across four demons on his way to the Opera. But after rescuing the young woman they are attempting to kidnap, he realizes that the demons are only the beginning of his troubles. Now he must protect the map as well as the opinionated bluestocking who guards its secrets. He strives to remain detached from the lovely Miss Savage, but the more time he spends with her, the more difficult it is to resist her charms.

 
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tags

demons, magic, steampunk, victorian england, witches

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11 comments

 

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DesiS. wrote 57 days ago

Fire Magic was a fun lighthearted read. Well paced and easy to read. I really enjoyed the main characters- liked when we got Anthony's perspective. I really liked the Penelope character- you get a sense of the conflict of her values and desire for independence and how it conflict with the expectations of society. What doesn't quite fit is that she states that she is anxious and then later say she is impulsive- rarely are anxious people impulsive- they worry about thing too much to be.

What causes me some concern and confusion is the setting. You hint at many things and don't tell the reader what is going on- in some cases that increases curiosity, other times it increases confusion. Why does she have a scar on her knee. What was the accident that is alluded too? What is the scandal that is alluded to in Chapter 3. I think that the info that creates mystery about the characters should be left to unfold.

However, things are unclear about the setting the story takes place in. I think it should be explained to ground the reader as to what is going on. Is everyone magical here? If Anthony is in a coven- is this a secret or is everyone in a coven in the world you write about? Why did she invite him to meet her in Chapter 1- for what kind of help- then why be rude to him without explaining it (and letting the reader knowing why). Why is Anthony her guardian. We know it is 18th century and readers know about that setting but the fantasy pieces will have to be explained better.

In the long pitch it is Anthony Forsythe and Anthony Lyndham in the story.

I didn't run across any major editorial issues. Liked the plot and would love to read more if you continue posting. Hope this was helpful. Desi

Kelbean wrote 101 days ago

Romance Crit Group Review
1) Pitch
I like both of your pitches. The short pitch I found very intrigueing and it made me want to read your long pitch to find out more about your story. I love magical stories as much as I love romance so I really like the sound of your book.
2) Plot
I was intrigued as soon as I started reading. I haven’t read much in the way of historical romance before but I think you do a fantastic job. I was completely sucked into your plot and I’d read all three chapters before remembering I was meant to be critiquing your work!
3) Pacing
The story moves along at a good pace, with only three chapters up at present it is difficult to say much about it but what is posted is easy to read and didn’t feel rushed or dragged out.
4) Spelling/Grammar
I think you have got most of this spot on for the time period you are working in. There are a couple of words that I’m not sure they would have used. I also noticed a spelling mistake in chapter two where Anthony is talking to Colin – you have used the word confidant but I think you meant to use confident. There seems to also be a word missing in part of this sentence in chapter one: ‘Besides, he isn’t nearly as debauched as he is rumoured being.’ I feel that it should be ‘rumoured to being.’ It reads a little better, but overall they were the only things that I spotted and I do tend to be quite picky so well done!
5) Dialogue
I thought you really captured the style of dialogue they would have used back then, especially when Penelope is talking to Lilith in the first chapter. It doesn’t seem quite as strong when you are reading from Anthony’s viewpoint but I think that is because of his character and not any problem with your writing.
6) Voice/Style
I like the fact that you split it between the two main character’s viewpoints. Both characters have a strong, easy to read voice and I personally love your writing style, you sucked me right into this book and I wanted to read more than the three chapters you have posted.
7) Characterization.
I like Penelope already; she’s clearly a woman who knows what she wants but is still vulnerable enough to be swayed by Anthony. I’m wondering about the scar on her leg – how she got it and if it is important – as well as wanting to know more about the scandal five years ago. Anthony is also a bit of a mystery and another strong character. I want to know more about him, why he is known as Lord Dragon and more about his magical abilities.

Overall I really enjoyed reading and reviewing this book. I am backing it as I have some space on my shelf and I only back books I like. I’ve also given you five stars for this – you don’t have much posted yet but what you have posted was engaging to read and I will be back as soon as you have more. This is definitely a book that I would buy if it was in a bookshop.

Jim Heter wrote 105 days ago

Rebecca,
I've read the three chapters you've posted. Intriguing start.
You must have some magic of your own, as it appears your last update happened 3 days in the future.
I hope I won't have to wait that long to actually read more!
Jim

Melissa Koehler wrote 111 days ago

this is a really unique story. i really like your short pitch- for sure made me want to read on. youve also got great dialogue, made your characters all the more real. one thing i think you could work on is your long pitch. to be honest, i was a little confused after reading it. i felt like you had a lot going on. and also, i found your introduction to be a tad confusing as well. i feel like you introduced a lot of different characters at once and i found it hard to keep track of all of them. other than that, i liked the read and i wish you the best of luck with this.

hoping to hear your feedback on Gut Instincts,
melissa :)

Goddess Pan wrote 122 days ago

A unique blend of magic and historical romance - you walk a tightrope, and do it well. I would have liked more of the magic element earlier on, it comes as a surprise, but Penelope is such a strong personality and so in love with her work, why should she not be talking about it or even reading a book at the opening ball? Your train of thought as Lyndham is particularly good in its masculine style and vocabulary. 'Gotten' would not be a 19th century English construction, nor do I think 'bayberry' is an English fruit [I could be wrong]. I would also prefer if the two main characters were not so attracted to each other at first. They are opposites - they should come together in spite of themselves, I feel. Yours, Pan

marcie8 wrote 123 days ago

Hi Rebecca,

A RWCG Critique:

I've read all 3 chapters posted. Overall, I'm intrigued. Judging by your categorization of the story and chosen time period, I was dreading reading it. I am not generally a fan of period romance or steampunk. However, your writing style is engaging and you've won me over.

Cover/Title/Pitch
- Your cover is interesting. I like the colliding contrast of fire and water. Based on the image, I expect this to be a good vs. evil universal battle type story. Plus the font used for your name tells me it's a romance. Not a fan of the font placement for the title or author name. May be personal preference, but I felt like my eye had too many competing images, and the effort it took to process them felt excessive.
- Fire Magic feels punchy and modern to me. It is clear that this is a Fantasy story. However, the period romance part is missing from the title. Consider expanding on it to give the reader some idea of how you're planning to merge the big-screen flash of epic magic battles with the small-screen intimacy of romance.
- Short pitch is too general. Consider spelling out the conflict. Could you use, and further expand on (to bring in the fantasy part) your last bit of the first paragraph of your long pitch? "Penelope is a damsel. She is most definitely in distress. But the last thing she's looking for is a knight to come muck up her life."
- Long pitch is good. It introduces both POV characters, and spells out the romantic and story conflict.
- A couple things that stood out to me: "knight" doesn't seem like the right word since you mean it in the metaphorical sense rather than the literal sense. Consider instead using a more specific description - something like an intoxicatingly handsome, demon-fighting brute. Also along the same lines, the choice of the word "muck" implies physical comedy. I'm expecting the pair to meet in a shower of mud.
- The introduction to Anthony makes it seem like at the Opera House is the very first time he lays eyes on Penelope.
- I don't see even a hint of steampunk in the cover, title, or pitch.

Story Opening/Plot/Pacing
- Based on your pitch, I was expecting the story to start with Penelope finding the map, being attacked by demons, and being saved by Anthony - OR - at the Opera when Anthony saves a stranger (Penelope) from a demon attack.
- From an opening chapter in a romance story, I'm expecting an introduction to the MC, the love interest, some idea of why the two aren't already together, the story problem (and/or some indication of what is keeping the couple apart), and some kind of subplot setup or external-to-the-couple conflict that will distract one or both of them. By the end of chapter three, all of these criteria are more or less met, but had I been reading for pleasure instead of critique, you would have lost me long before you caught my attention in chapter two when the pair actually meet. Also, I think the map subplot needs to be introduced before the demons attack her.
- I wish you had given more to read so I could give you a more concrete suggestions for strengthening your opening, rather than just complaining about it, but there just wasn't enough there to go on. Sorry about that. That is also why I've included plot and pacing here. I find it difficult to comment on those when I'm not convinced the story has started yet.

Setting:
- No complaints about the setting. I'm not sure there's enough text to gauge how the setting comes into play.
- If this is a steampunk story, consider using the setting to introduce the reader to it, even if it's just through hints of it here and there

Character:
- Anthony is a great character. He is complex and intriguing. By the end of chapter two, it was clear to me that he is going to be an exciting, yummy hero. You've done a great job introducing him (and his backstory) both directly and indirectly. Only confusion is why Colin and his sister call him Lyn. Consider spelling that out.
- In my opinion, Penelope needs more work. She feels flat to me. Her backstory feels dumped on the reader through dialogue and narrative in settings external to that story. More specifically, if Penelope wants to be a spinster because she enjoys researching and a husband would get in the way, show her researching and how she's better off doing that than following societal norms, and/or show love conflicting with her intelligence. The reader needs indirect confirmation of the backstory so he/she can connect Penelope with her desires on an emotional level rather than on a purely intellectual one. It's difficult to understand a character's resistance to love based only on intellectual principal. We need to feel her conflict of opposing passions. Also, show the reader some reason why she is the best match for Anthony. Surely she's not the only Victorian woman able to give him stern looks.

Voice/Writing Style
- The text is clear, easy to read, and flows well from scene to scene.
- Good balance of dialogue to narrative
- Good balance of action to description. I especially appreciated that even your stationary scenes have movement in them.
- Description is well done - kept to a minimum but well placed to anchor the reader in a sense of place and time without overwhelming with unnecessary detail.
- Voice feels inconsistent to me. In the first and third chapters, the narrative felt forced, dutiful, and stiff. The second chapter is a different story. The voice there is playful, lively, teasing. One passage that particularly stood out to me was "Flicking his cheroot over the balustrade, Anthony pushed Penelope Savage from his mind. What she did or did not do was none of his concern. It was time to hunt." — Fabulous! As a result, I learned more about the characters and story in chapter two, than the other two chapters combined.

In general, to me, the story feels like you're still figuring it out, but your writing style tells me that once you do get it figured out, this will story will be spectacular.

Marcie

L_MC wrote 135 days ago

A RWCG review

Romance crit criteria

1) Pitch: (I hate writing pitches and think they are so hard to get right so please bear in mind this is just my opinion). The SP says Penelope doesn't want to be part of the rat race and tells the reader she doesn't get her wish but I wonder if it could be snappier, more attention grabbing? I like the line, 'Penelope is a damsel. She is most definitely in distress. But the last thing she's looking for is a knight to come muck up her life,' perhaps it would work as the SP? The long pitch has plenty of hooks to get the reader into the story, my only suggestion would be to give it the context of the era the story is in and perhaps the place.
2) Plot: from the three chapters uploaded and the information in the pitch, I like where this story is going. Initially it felt like a typical period drama - debutantes, flustered women in corsets gossiping about Society and the MC getting all worked up by the mysterious Viscount with the bad reputation but then you nicely drop in Colin and mention of the coven and suddenly there is a whole new edge to the plot. You then start to work in the various loyalties to family, Society and magical factions which all promise lots of potential. From the romance angle Penelope feels like someone who wants to break the rules and Anthony has the scandalous reputation, dark seductive looks and his connections with the coven give him that element of danger, yet his desire for Penelope and his promise to protect her give him a good guy side.
3) Pacing: The story moves along quite nicely, introducing characters and aspects of the world they live in until the end of chapter three when suddenly the demon arrives and the pace picks up. The introduction of the demon and the magical world was nicely handled.
4) Spelling/Grammar: I didn't note any issues and found this well written.
5) Dialogue: From what I know this felt right for the era and again well written.

I would really like to read more of this and hope you'll post further chapters.

Gordon Long wrote 137 days ago

Dear Rebecca,

I have backed this book because it is smoothly written, and I already care about the characters, in spite of the small amount of text you have uploaded. Your dialogue flows naturally, and I think your settings capture the feel of the era.

I will confine myself to one basic suggestion. You do a lot of telling, and not enough showing in this first part. The result is that, while you create Penelope as a charming and likable main character, you only tell us that she has any stronger characteristics; we have yet to see them. For example, you tell us that she is a researcher, that her work is valuable, but you don't show her working at it. You tell us in your pitch that the main conflict is over magical objects, but you don't show her working to discover them.
As a consequence, after three chapters, (except for the last page of Ch 3) the only conflict we have seen is the rather predictable love/hate/lust relationship between the two main characters. (Jane Austen did it 200 years ago in Pride and Prejudice.) This suggests to me that this is a fairly commonplace romance, which I would not bother to read further.
I really think you need to introduce the magical objects/research/demons conflict in your second chapter, in order to keep the reader focused, and to show us that Penelope is a character worth our interest. A lot of writers would have had the door blow in at the bottom of the second page. (I'm not suggesting this, quite)

I'm looking forward to seeing this story zoom up the standings here on Authonomy. I'd like to read more of it, to see if it lives up to the promise.

Gordon Long
"Out of Mischief"

earthlover wrote 137 days ago

I just finished chapter 1. I admire your ease at letting the reader know what time period they are in, from the gas lamps to the ladies' fans, I know immediately I am in the late 18th or early 19th century, without the chapter head. It's all expertly woven into the story.
I love the last line of this chapter, compelling me to turn the page.
Each and every sentence has been gone over with a fine tooth comb, yet it flows nicely!
Yes, you can write.
Georgia
The Woman From E.A.R.L.

Oriax wrote 137 days ago


Hello Rebecca,
I’m reading this because I liked your long pitch. It’s well-written and captivating.
I’ve just finished your three chapters and I can see I was right - it’s obvious you can write. The dialogue is pithy, the description just enough to set the scene without burdening the reader with inessentials. You capture the fin de siécle language beautifully, very Edith Wharton. Penelope is a great heroine. She’s well drawn, strong and hard-headed. She’s obviously going to be a match for the dark and handsome demon lover.
This is an easy crit to do as there are hardly any nits to pick and none serious.

Chapter 1
The Prince of Darkness was a gorgeous fallen angel. Milton makes him sound gorgeous anyway.

‘she’d gotten confirmation…’ is followed two lines later by:
‘he’d gotten the stuffing beaten out of him’ then:
‘if anything the food had gotten worse.’
‘if anything it had gotten worse over the last five years.’
It’s just personal taste, but I don’t think gotten is a particularly attractive word. Maybe try replacing it with a different verb occasionally?

Chapter 2

I thought Penelope over-used the ‘my lord’. I’m not sure about nineteenth century etiquette but it maybe isn’t necessary to use it systematically.

‘The coven would have your head, and you well know it.’ might be better / more usual as ‘and well you know it.

The introduction of the coven adds another touch of mystery. Mr Darcy as Dracula!

Chapter 3

Great dramatic scene, demon chasing at the opera. You must upload some more.

Good luck with this, it deserves to do very well. Excellent read. Six stars from me.
Jane

Wormholes
The Dark Citadel

David J Baron wrote 138 days ago

Hi Rebecca

Will definitively have a nose through this as I have a few spaces on my book shelf and WL. Would you be so kind as to have a quick look at my book - The List. Feel free to leave a comment.
ta very much.

David J Baron

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