Swiss Mess

Chapter 1:

This is really cute and there is so much potiential here with her father being a famous director. I'm going to go on ahead and give a really honest opinion as that will serve you better. I'm nitpicking because I like it!

In the third paragraph there is a typo (and there were others, I just didn't write them down): you put "use" instead of "us".

The first paragraph was fun but I would probably say "what!" also so I'm not sure if the statement holds true. See what others say but you might want to consider changing it to something like "well, wouldn't you say what too?"

The part where there are parathesis and it says "by the way" and talks about the cat isn't needed. As a reader I got the humor so it wasn't needed there.

The paragraph starting with "anyway, so the locations" I'd cut altogether as the previous paragraphs tell us the same thing.

Also, the parathesis with "which by the way" I would cut as well, we get that mom being cheerful while she's complaining makes her mad! You dod a good enough job showing us so as not to have to tell us!

I think it would also be better if you split up the scene when she is walking into the kitchen with backstory instead of giving us one big chunk and then going into it. All that infomation isn't needed right up front. Plus, I loved the part about homecoming and wanted that to come in faster.

I wasn't sure if I liked the way this was told at first but as the chapter went on, I decided I did. I loved the "early morning zombie lurch" part, it was too funny! Overall, the voice is really great and I'll be watchlisting this to read more! Nice job!

Also, I don't know if you've read it but this first chapter reminded me of "Megan Meade's Guide to the McGowan Boys" which is a big compliment as it is one of my favorite novels.