The Broomby Symphony

BROOMBY SYMPHONY
This is an interesting story. I know nothing about how to compose a symphony (or graduate from a PhD program either) so reading this was like stepping into another world. Phillip is a good main character because he feels as if he’s in over his head; makes him very sympathetic. The way Geoffrey laughs when he speaks is well done, especially the way his laugh grows even more annoying, the longer he talks. I don’t know if this is for everyone because of the strong focus on what makes music memorable, but I liked it a lot. Highly rated and added to my shelf. Wanttobeawriter: Who Killed the President?

James,

I've just read your opening chapter. Here are my thoughts:

First off, you've got a great short pitch. But, in the longer one, I'd be tempted to leave out the more specific details - the girls throwing up on manuscripts etc - and just concentrate on the more general aspects of the novel.

You write wonderfully well here. Your prose is excellent, so too your characterization, where you capture the arrogance and self-importance of youth so well. You make great use of dialogue to do this, and I particularly liked Geoffrey's 'Ah...ha, ha'(s) and the way he tries to mumble out a justification as his piece of music comes under increasing attack. The only thing I wasn't sure of was the inclusion of the last paragraph (from Eamonn's POV), when having Philip say 'it's not even written yet.' is such a great way to end the opening chapter.

On a technical front, hardly anything jumped out at me, in what is a highly polished read. Maybe, you might want to look at the sentence 'No one was under any illusions but that they were rivals.' The 'but that they were' didn't read so well. Perhaps 'No one was under any illusions. They were rivals.' or '- they were rivals.' That's about it.

Overall, a top drawer opening. Happy to give you a run on my shelf.

Regards

NA 'The Butterfly and the Wheel'

This is the sort of book I buy, the kind of subjects I enjoy. This didn't disappoint so I'm backing. I'm in a good mood too, as my story A Relative Loss is no. 1 on Youwriteon.com today.
Lara
A RELATIVE LOSS

A really funny, entertaining read. Beautifully written, full of wit and style. I'm looking forward to the rest of it.

Hi James,

This is one of the two best books I've read on authonomy out of many, many!

Totally convincing in every respect - I've actually met Ellen, Joss and Geoffrey before, and though I read MML, I think Eamonn supervised me! I've also heard Pandemonium IV. It may be a little bit of a niche book, but I live in that niche, and quite a lot of my colleagues and friends do too.

I was struggling to come up with anything I thought could be improved in the pitches and first chapter, but the best I can manage is one typo (when Eamonn produces the tape of Geoffrey's work, it says of Geoffrey, "Without his glasses, [he] was happily ignorant ..."); a few missing tab stops at the beginnings of some of the paragraphs (I would tend to make these consistent); and the observation that for my taste, the metaphorical mountain to be climbed is usually measured in terms of size, therefore being large, rather than difficulty, being hard. Perhaps this only betrays my lack of mountaineering experience though ...

There are so many bits that made me laugh, I could spend ages listing them, but I'll confine myself to the annus horribilis proceeding from a death in the family and a fault with the fridge, the distant smile on Ellen's face conveying superiority whilst keeping her options open, and Laura's depression being like a damp coat. Overall, it made me think of a much more enjoyable Lucky Jim (since I actually like Philip), or one of David Lodge's novels. I intend to read the rest over the next few weeks, but I'd be intrigued to know if it is actually as effortless as it sounds?

If you would spare the time to look at the opening of my book, "Time was Away", I'd be really keen to have your improvements since you so clearly know what you're doing. In the meantime, you're on my shelf to stay. (God, this message sounds so sycophantic. Sorry!)

Julia
Time Was Away

Hi, James, This is good stuff. A return backing and rated. High time it was on my desk for a spell - Best wishes - Ian

Hi James,

I’ve looked at the first three chapters. I found this to be a very enjoyable read, with great humour, beautifully sketched characters and excellent details.

I particularly enjoyed seeing Philip’s anxieties about his worth as a composer being teased out at the start of the book – I think all the writers on this site could identify with him. We’re all striving to have work that’s ‘worth rescuing’, we all swing between moments of confidence and self-doubt. Geoffrey had as much difficulty with his short pitch as I did. I enjoyed spotting the familiar class dynamics, particularly the idea of a writer/composer taking credit for meanings in their work they hadn’t intended.

I like the intriguing way that Clive is introduced. I thought perhaps Philip could just see the name jotted in his copybook while in class, rather than remembering it from that morning, to avoid that time shift.

Geoffrey’s meaningless defence of his work is awkward and funny but I found all the ah’s a bit much after a while – just kind of hard to read. I think you could also cut down on the number of adverbs. You show what’s happening so well there’s hardly a need for them; for instance we could already tell that Eamonn looked at Geoffrey condescendingly, or that Geoffrey laughed desperately.

I chuckled at the call back to Joss’s bizarre titles. You have great control over the narrative as the classmates weigh in on the piece, each voice is distinctive. The same is true throughout the party in Chapter 3.

I’m not sure the narration should shift so close to Eamonn’s mind at the end of the first chapter. Particularly since the second chapter begins with that wonderful description of the music in Philip’s head.

Philip is one of the most interesting characters I’ve come across on authonomy. I’m looking forward to reading more.

Andrew.
The Morning Drop