The Hooligans Of Kandahar

This is a terrific book for all sorts of reasons. I just hope that the polticians and those who sit in foreign ministries lecturing us on the value of the war on terror read it and get some some idea of what fighting a war on terror is actually like. I ended up with blood on my desert boots fighting a war on terror forty years ago. The first question I was asked when I returned home sunburnt and sandblown was 'You been on holiday, have you?'

Keep writing, Joseph. Tell the story as it really is.

Philip John

Hello Joseph-

book - The Hooligans of Kandahar-

My God- what a vivid account of U S Army life in Afghan-
nothing prepared me for this read- yes, I have seen footage on sky news etc- but this
story of yours is really told from heart - it has this gut feeling about it- Who would want to be a
soldier in that hell hole- the heat, the terror of it all-
this is one very good informative book you have written here and it deserves to gets it's reward-

highly rate
tom bye
book- from hugs to kisses'
Please oblige and read some to my true story in Dublin Ireland in the 40s

The hooligans of Kandahar 06/02/2012

I’ll be honest I wasn’t that keen on starting this. I have the greatest respect for what you guys are doing, I am astounded at your bravery and I wish there was no need for any of it. However, from the very first paragraph you had me hooked. Your writing style is fairly sparse, matter of fact and the reportage style suits the subject perfectly.

The account is very honest and raw and I was enthralled by it. Yes there are one or two tiny little typos but really they are so very few and far between I didn’t bother to note them I was too busy reading.

I noted that there have been comments on the grammatical imperfections some readers have noticed but to be honest I was so taken up by your story that they were invisible to me.

Many, many years ago I read a book called Legionnaire; it was about a guy who joined the French Foreign Legion. It stayed with me for a long time, I have to tell you now that your story is going to do the same thing. I don’t even begin to understand the politics of the thing but my goodness you have certainly showed me the human side of it.
The voice in this is very good, I felt connected to the narrator which is, I think, essential in this sort of work and is probably why I was so totally captivated by it.

I admire the honesty in this work. The truth about confusion, lack of understanding and the breakdown of communication is admirable.

Having just read chapter 5 I have to admit to being saddened. Not because I am in any way shocked or disapproving of the antics that you describe but because the people involved are forced into the situations where they have to resort to such things. I know that those who work hard tend to play hard and gallows humour is the saviour of the mental health of those who are in daily brushes with death but I think that this chapters describes this when it is ratcheted up beyond what those of us who are not involved could imagine.

Thank you for drawing my attention to this work. I have found it educational and humbling. I will star it highly and as soon as I have a space I will pop you on my shelf for a while. I would imagine that this could be published and if so it would be a best seller. I wish you the very best of luck with all your endeavours. – Cheers – Diane

Hi Joseph,

This is a great piece of writing.. the return of Hunter S. Thompson's Gonzo Journalism. It's very interesting to get an insight as to what has been happening in Afghanistan, and in this style too. Everyone has read interviews and reports, in comparison to 'Hooligans' it's all too polite and false, nothing else I've read gets down to the nitty-gritty like this.

I particularly liked chapter 5, 'Three Hundred and Sixty Five Days'.. the line "we repeat them like mentally handicapped parrots, this has been going on for months." made me chuckle out loud.

Congratulations on writing a great collection of stories! Highly starred, can't wait to read more!

Good luck,
Adam

Joseph, We're all wondering how you're doing? Not logged on for sometime - Ian (and many others)

This is well-written, on a subject many people to try avoid. Good luck with it!

Noelle J. Alabaster

Hi Joseph,
I’m here for our read swap. Below are my comments/findings. They are of course my humblest opinions, so please take them for whatever they’re worth. Feel free to disregard what you don’t agree with.
Chapter One
I love your opening line, but I’m not sure I understand “the only problem was we weren’t causing any of it.” Would it be better if you were causing it? And who is “we?” Your side? Your platoon? You and some buddies?
“sitting around Afghanistan” I’d suggest being more specific. Afghanistan is pretty generic. At a military fort? In an Inn? In a cave? Paint the picture.
In the second paragraph, the first sentence: Either change the comma after eating to a period and begin a new sentence, or add “before someone up the Army chain” after the comma following eating. As it reads, it’s a run-on sentence.
This story is awesome. You do a great job telling it, too. My biggest suggestion is to focus on showing vs. telling. For instance, “the place we were in was a shithole” is telling, whereas “The familiar scent of human feces stirred my nostrils, and I swallowed hard to hold back vomiting” is showing.
Really, that’s my biggest suggestion. The rest is very, very good. I live near military bases and, while I have no military background, have a lot of exposure working with Fort Lewis in Washington State, and also have numerous family members and friends who are military. So I have a deep respect for it. This story is inspiring, and the sequence of things is brilliantly placed. I think a focus on showing vs telling and amping up the imagery in that way will really help to make it pop.
Highly starred and best of luck!
Phil
(Deshay of the Woods)

I would cut out "the only problem was ..."

Regards,
RianTorr
New London Masquerade

I really enjoyed reading this, though "enjoyed" seems like the wrong word. My favorite part is your writing style and voice. It's very clear, matter-of-fact, and honest. You also describe your surroundings really well, as uncomfortable, tense, and absurd as it was. I don't know anything about what it's like to be at war, but I have the sense that I can get a picture by reading this, not just because you were there but also because you seem to look at it through critical eyes.

I read your opening and think you write well. This is compelling.

Good luck with it.

Joe – From its opening paragraph I was glued to this suspenseful story about human beings in an intense and dangerous environment. This is one of the grittiest, most passionate tales of courage and camaraderie under fire that I have read. It is an absolutely gripping, edge-of-your-seat ride expertly told by someone who has braved the heat of battle time and time again.

I felt like I was right there beside you – with the heat, stench, impossible living conditions and constant danger never knowing at what moment life would be snuffed out. You take your reader through the war with wit, sadness, humor, and raw emotion. It is a great read about some great men. It is a book unlike any other of its kind.

You don't need to be a huge military buff to read it either. The book exposes war and the bond it forges between the men who fight in it. It evokes so many emotions highs and lows as it reveals the bravery and dedication of our armed service men and women around the world. – a brutally honest account on what they are facing on the front lines of the Afghanistan war.

Well done. Be safe

jenny

Hey JK
I like your intro - very grounded. Is the main character writing a daily journal or is he writing his entire experience post his tour of duty? My interest is piqued so I will continue reading. You just might be the upcoming Tom Clancey .

Great job on the rewrite Joe! Much easier to read - and very powerful use of imagery. Highly starred and backed! Stay safe! Ruby

This is a terrific book for all sorts of reasons. I just hope that the polticians and those who sit in foreign ministries lecturing us on the value of the war on terror read it and get some some idea of what fighting a war on terror is actually like. I ended up with blood on my desert boots fighting a war on terror forty years ago. The first question I was asked when I returned home sunburnt and sandblown was 'You been on holiday, have you?'

Keep writing, Joseph. Tell the story as it really is.

Philip John

Hi Joe, I really liked your first chapter, which gets us straight into the thick of things. You do a brilliant job of conveying the reality of your life in Afghanistan: the heat, smells, fatigue and of course the danger. Details such as when you explain how uncomfortable your kit is add great authenticity. The swearing too, when it’s in direct speech. Later on I started to hope that you would give a few more details about some fellow platoon members such as Slim and Kitty, even if it’s just a quick sketch of appearance or character quirks. Also, you mention that you volunteered for the tour and it would be good to know exactly what motivated you. Your experience is so entirely different from what most of us do and we need to be able to try to understand your situation. You have a unique and compelling story to tell. Well done with it! Lucy

Joe,

This is a very compelling read. I think if you worked with a journalist, this book would find a huge audience. You obviously have the authentic voice and your sardonic tone (shit ditches, - we see the one in the open and react, We react right into the well hidden secondary explosives and get blown to shit) lends a gallows humour that is perfect for the subject.

Watch listed and starred. If you ever want a line edit done, send me a copy in word to wispyauthor@hotmail.com and I'll do one for you.

Rob

PS - if you are emailing,please message me here - that's tied to my twitter account and I get like 300 notifications a day!

Hi Joseph. I've read through chapter five of 'Hooligans' and am here to comment. Feel free to take these as you will, they are just suggestions.

This is a very stark narrative about life for servicemen in Afghanistan, which is in turn gripping and disturbing. There is action going on from the start, giving the reader a whirlwind introduction to life on the ground. I think at times the pacing could be slowed a little. Match the pacing to the actual speed of the action. Don't rush through scenes where there is a lull. Here is where you could add some characterization of the different people in the squadron. Introduce us to the Hooligans, not just by name, but show their individual personalities and characters through dialogue and actions. After reading five chapters, I don't get a sense of who these people are aside from being soldiers, though they are a lot more than that. They all have someone waiting for them at home, be it a wife, a mother, siblings, a girlfriend, friends, etc., they all had lives before joining the army, they all had a reason to enlist. I want to know more about these men and women (or woman, it seems that Kitty is the only woman that we've encountered so far), who they are when they aren't on duty, where they come from, what their motivations are. I think that would make this story much more compelling. It is all well and good to describe the daily tortures of patrolling through the Afghan countryside, and I think you do that well for the most part, but if the reader doesn't feel a personal connection to first you as the narrator and then the men and women suffering alongside you, then there isn't a good reason to stick with the novel to the end.

The scene with the conflict between the Americans and the Taliban was a little dry and hard to follow. Here I think the action could be tightened up a little, and you could give us more emotion from your point of view. You tell us a lot about where everyone was positioned and what they were doing, but where were you? How were you feeling during this exchange? I got no sense of fear, anger, or any other emotion. As a reader I need to feel what you are feeling to be drawn in and feel a connection.

These are only suggestions, hopefully helpful. Thank you for sharing your story.

Hello

First, I want to say I appreciate the willingness for anyone to be willing to risk their lives and fight for this country. The pace of the chapter was fast and I was able to grasp some of th reality of the story. I come from a military family so I am aware of the grim conditions most of our soldiers have to endure. I believe more people need to be told this from the perspective of our soldiers and not news reporters or family members.

The only thing I would suggest is writing more in the active voice. The stroy is gripping and needs to yank the reader in and hold them by the throat as this whole scene probably did for you as you lived through it. This chapter seemed rushed to me and I felt like I was in a whirlwind as I read it. I would try to slow the pace to allow the reader to absorb all the conditions that were so vividly described in this chapter. I will continue to read more of this.

I wish you the best of luck with the story.
Jennifer

Hi, Joseph. A really stark and vivid account of life in a war zone, I can't even imagine how such a drastic change in culture would effect somebody. No amount of training would prepare me for a life where danger lurks around every bend, behind every set of eyes is a potential threat. I did notice you repeated the same words once or twice in some paragraphs, but to be honest I was so engrossed in the patrol it hardly mattered.

Paul.

You have a great novel here and obviously know what you are doing. The only thing that I could suggest is some smoother transitions. For example when you andvance time you start the paragraph with the words, "minutes later, of hours later." Find a way of showing that without having to come out and say it. And a more detailed cover would help draw attention to your amazing story.
All the best,
Kye

Not sure if my last comment actually got sent. So I'll say it again. This is real and vivid and very readable. It's something no one else could write, very true and original. It ought to get published!! I'll be reading more later and I wish you all the best of luck.

I have dipped into quite a few books since my (very recent) arrival and most of them have been good. This is something more. It's so real and true. The reader gets a vivid idea of what it is like to be put down in a threatening alien environment, someone else's world that you have to survive in. I think this ought to be published and has got to stand a good chance!

this book is raw and honest, and keeps us remembering those living in the shadows...
j
what every woman should know

this book is raw and honest, and keeps us remembering those living in the shadows...
j
what every woman should know

this book is raw and honest, and keeps us remembering those living in the shadows...
j
what every woman should know

Hooligans in Kandahar.
Written in diary form, I can see from the start that this is going to be a stunning story from theheart.

Ch.1. You say 'the simplicity of city life had never touched this place'. Dont you mean complexity?
The heat and the stench come through very well - and the false alarm with the wire is so very authentic.
A gripping true story, heavy with threat and menace and fear. And it's real.

Chs.2-3. I think you mean you dug 'through' the cement.
Wrong place - typical.
So that's what a day in the life of an US soldier in Afghanistan is like - or any soldier any place, I suppose. Yes - you help me to imagine it, vividly.

Ch.4. You have rather too many 'still's in that first paragraph.

I am mesmerised by your account, which for its very content, should be published immediately.
The futility of war ... everybody is out there, trying to do what they're told, when nobody knows what's going on. But thank heavens for Long Knife...

Joe - you just keep on writing.
Jane (Breath of Africa).

This is a great read!
It amazes me what some people have to go through in their day to day lives and I certainly wouldn't trade!
Your writing obviously comes straight from the heart and I can imagine you telling your story verbally. You have a great record of your time in Afghanistan here for all to see.
There are quite a few typos I spotted which could be fixed easily enough - spellings, wrong words, some punctuation and use of commas.
Very good luck with this! High stars!
Cheers,
Mike
(Rudolf Goes Bananas)

The Hooligans Of Kandahar....

I enjoyed the insight to a war tht is splashed about in the press but has no “real’ coverage. I also appreciated that things were just portrayed as they came without the posturing and politics often associated with military intervention and the need to show that one side or other is the goody and the other evil. This was just a story about men doing a job. Well done and highly stared. My only comment re writing style is that sometimes there were a string of very long sentences where some may have benefited from turning into two – but that can be fixed in a final edit in consultation with a professional.

All the best with it.
Andrew
A Fatal Misuse of time
Short pitch: Ever tried waking up yesterday instead of tomorrow? That is just the beginning of Tristan's troubles as his life is hijacked to reveal the future.
(Not a time travel novel really, more a mystery/philosophy comedy :-)

I just read through chapter 2. This is a well written memoir of life as a soldier in Afghanistan. I can't imagine the heat and smell...must have been miserable. I felt like I was there! I will have to back this for a while. Good luck!
Georgia
The Woman from E.A.R.L.

Hello Joseph-

book - The Hooligans of Kandahar-

My God- what a vivid account of U S Army life in Afghan-
nothing prepared me for this read- yes, I have seen footage on sky news etc- but this
story of yours is really told from heart - it has this gut feeling about it- Who would want to be a
soldier in that hell hole- the heat, the terror of it all-
this is one very good informative book you have written here and it deserves to gets it's reward-

highly rate
tom bye
book- from hugs to kisses'
Please oblige and read some to my true story in Dublin Ireland in the 40s

Joseph,
Wow, I've got to say I think this book would do really well in the bookstores. It was indeed a raw account and I loved every second of it. The military is its own culture and I think you did an excellent job of capturing that. There were a few typos and grammatical errors but nothing that couldn't be smoothed out in a first edit.
I must thank you for taking all of this down - for recording it for the future generations and to give us back home a better understanding of what goes on over there - stuff that isn't filtered through the news.
Awesome stuff here, love it.

Bre
Memoria

Swap For Sunkissed

I don't normally read military based stories so I wasn't quite sure what to expect. Also, as I'm not that familiar with the genre my insight might not be that helpful to you.

What I particularly liked about this was the level of detail. You clearly know an awful lot about the subject matter and it comes through. However, it is in danger of perhaps being too factual. But then this might be the intention, since as I said, I'm not very knowledgeable of the genre.

It is very well written and fast paced, I hope it does well for you : )

Must say I have enjoyed what I have read to this point. You have a good descriptive style that fits the subject matter well. Definitely think you are on the right track here. I will back your book, and at this time it is on my book shelf. Best of luck!

Hi Joseph,
Intense second chapter! Just needs some editing--some parts seemed rushed--and I can't say I blame you. In first paragraph, for consistency, say "here we were (not 'are')." In last paragraph, it would probably be more powerful to say "I stumbled to my tent, cursing the cooks, and my decision to volunteer for this deployment. I fell asleep the moment my head hit the pillow, despite my growling stomach and the restless chatter of the men in my platoon ..." or something like that. You made it sound as if your bed was in the chow hall.

I am looking forward to reading more.

Best regards,

Dean

I read the first couple of chapters and I was struck by the voice. It is so authentic that anyone who knows anyone in the US military will recognize it immediately. Those characters, that humor, that bottom-line-up-front story telling makes the reading a virtual tour of a soldier's life and mind. And so I beg, when editing (and there are a just a few tweaks needed) please please don't let anyone talk you into altering or watering down the voice.

High stars from me and on my WL.

Joe - the return read. I've no literary training nor ever published so feel free to take my comments as you wish. I seldom comment on the synopsis however in your case I have a few thoughts. The authors note about withholding names in order to maintain OPSEC is a little dramatic. Books abound on a variety of sensitive areas include activities of Intelligence Agencies and Special forces that do contain details of that nature - you would need to be hiding something very sensitive.

The opening two lines to the second paragraph 'hilarious and outrageous, then the lead into the stressful nature of combat is more poignant and offers a tug to readers from similar backgrounds, but also those simply intrigued. But then you undersell yourself - dont expect thoughtful debates? - and also your own profile about not commenting on moral issues - I'd either make comments or leave that out and let others make their own conclusions - just a thought.

Chapter 1 - I like the opening line - very powerful and sets the pitch for the book that I feel you intend, but thereafter quickly falls away. You and some readers are familiar with locations and organisations but I feel you've rushed into it and not set the backdrop that the opening line did so wel for the other readersl. We've a few acronyms anfd then in just three paragraphs we're into patrols and humour laced action. This approach has been used effectively in similar books before, but I feel you need to push the personal voice to really make it the hook for the opening.

From there I was hoping to get to know you and or your colleagues more personally, see the human element behind a deployment to Afghanistan. The first 3 Chapters however follow a simple timeline of action each of which reads well but I'm seeking more. That almost starts in Chapter 4 with comments from he cook starting to outline his own views of the hooligans but I want a lot more - how do each of you relate to people I may know?

In those opening Chapters the characters that make up this squad, Slim, Shot, Grandpa and yourself are mrerly names associated with an action. I want to know ore about them, which is from New York, who is a lifetime soldier, whose the really wild one and who is the smarter operator. You've got the action well enough but for me that's only some of the reason to read.

In Chapter 4 you indicate you will take time to flesh out the attack more. You did but I can't understand that clearly without you laying out the base itself, how is it designed, how are units deployed, that sort of thing.

I've been reading and am about to give up then suddenly it's there, not just a change of pace but more depth to not only the war but the people you are introducing us and wanting us to become emotionally comminiited to, to like and laugh with, to hate and above all to see who lives and who dies - Chapter 5 is much better.

That focus on genetalia and it's importance in life, over and above the morality of fighting in Afghanistan is spot on. It's the human side and even General's testicles are subjected to a soldiers thoughts, a humour that has existed since the dawn of time. Much here engenders the reader to the soldiers life and the ability to use humour to survive.

I had wondered how much you would portray of the Afghan's themselves - I want to read that, but hitting the right note for everyone wont be easy. For me they are also humans caught in a time and place not of their own choosing and the Chapter on the maggots surprised me with how simple it was and yet very powerful visually. The final line jusxtaposing the corrupt government and the girls lack of medical care is poingnant and you've ignored your own earlier comments - you are describing the morality and through the eyes of someone who is there - this is not some State Department PR spin but eyes on the ground.

Chapter 7 and I like the addition of the Slovakians - your comment about them only knowing thirty words of English between them made me smile - did the hooligans speak much Slovakian? But that'sthe madness of war.

Ok I'm going to stop here and give my thoughts.

I think the 'action on' writing works well but you've opened with too much of it and could bring some of those later Chapters in earlier, perhaps switiching from one on action to another on the people, and then back again. I do want to know who you are, and that leads to the Hooligans - what's special about them over any other Army unit.

The writing looks good to me and no serious issues that an editor wouldnt pick up but you need to get to an agent for that. To do that I'm seeking something here beyond many of the books I've read on similar subjects and I've two thoughts here. Firstly humour - if the hoooligans are irreverant, throw that in, you've done it, but we need more.

Then finally Joe for the personal touch, who are you. What brought Joe to this godforsaken place. What were your thoughts at graduation, and why did you join the army. Give the reader something, or more importantly someone they want to emotionally coimmit to and they'll never stop turning the pages.

I note you've read Legionaire - I presume the one by Simon Murray - look at the personal side of that book, both himself and those around him.

Trust that helps. You have my respect simply for being there, but more importantly surviving. Best. Steve.

While the language is certainly not my type, here's a relevant and captivating narrative told with a unique voice and sufficient detail. Considering the age of the writer and the subject matter, it's indeed an impressive attempt. But the structure, punctuation and grammar need to be worked on. I honestly believe the writer has promise.

Cluster Fuck is what we called it during the Vietnam era. Never stand in a group where one mortor shell or mine takes out the entire squad. Seems like a lot of cluster fucking going on in your narrative. Despite this, your narrative is gripping and real. I do think a good run through by a professional editor would do wonders for your manuscript--too many wandering sentences and paragraphs. I would use more shorter sentences for lulls in the action. When hell breaks loose, use the longer complex sentences with more vivid verbs. Your army unit vernacular is great. I love it. I've read the first three chapters, but promise to read all 15 posted. I think you have something here. I wish you all the best and God speed Soldier Kassabian. On my WL list for now.
David Schild

Hello Joe,

Firstly thank you for your comments on DRIFTERS: THE IMPOSSIBLE SKY.

I have read the first four chapters of 'The Hooligans Of Kandahar', which is a really interesting book and could probably appeal to a more general audience than the usual 'front-line' non-fiction out there.

However, I agree with many of the earlier comments about your use of grammar, particularly around run-on sentences and comma usage. When reading, I felt that you were trying to make the story read easily and quickly, so that the reader is swept along with the drama and horrors of what's occurring. I'm no expect on grammar, but for me those sentences actually slowed me down and made it difficult to know what exactly was going on.

Positives: I loved the start of your third chapter by the way. '...just in case it was wired up to explode by the Taliban (the mortar, not the puppy)'. Made me laugh! I do like the style; there is something about how open this is which makes me feel like I'm following "The Hooligans" around with a camera, listening to every comment as opposed to reading it. It is for this reason that I believe the story may appeal to a more general audience than I had first thought.

In short, I can see the potential for this, but I reckon the grammar is holding it back.

Louise

To be honest, I have always been, and still am, totally against the US military involvement outside of US, and have been seeing things from the side of the locals - Afghans, Iraqis, etc. And perhaps because of that, it is very interesting to see the real day to day life through the eyes of an American soldier. I've read only three chapters so far but I find it an easy read, despite some of the military terms I was not familiar with, and it is surprisingly calmly written when I think of the experience that the writer has gone through. It's a book I want to buy and read and want many people to pick it up in the book store and that's why I am backing this one now.

Joseph,
Your first chapter rocked! It's neat how you use your opening line to quickly introduce/establish your tone and voice. I'm going to back this, and I'm going to read on, brother.

My first suggestion at this point is to edit more carefully, or get a friend to give the ms a once-over electronically, looking for things like "drug" as a form of "dragged." Not sure about that. More important, sprinkle in more personality and dialogue throughout the narrative. Say what you want about Oliver Stone's "Platoon" but when those young men are out on maneuvers there's a quiet character to them -- you have plump Gardner, miserable, his eyes half shut from the heat and all his gear; Taylor swatting ants or mosquitoes, Sgt. Warren singing "Oh, Susanna" during the thunderstorm. You don't tell us about Slim and Kitty until the end of the chapter and somehow I think the three men's bond is something stronger than a footnote at the end of a chapter. Even eye contact, finger gestures, or your reflecting about one or both of them as you move through the danger is going to pump even more life into this intense story.

I give six stars, because this is so far the first story that really captured me on the site, and because your down-to-earth voice doesn't make me work too hard as a reader. But the story better keep it up or I reserve my right to lower that a bit. Stay safe, and when you get a chance, check out "Space Games." There's a hot babe in it!

~ Dean

Chapter 2: (Paragraph 3) Second sentence: was it the people or the rocks that bounced off harmlessly?
"franticly": should be spelled "frantically"

I liked the part about denting the truck by sitting on it! The way you put some humor into an otherwise dark story is really good.

Paragraph 5: "we could feasible dig through it": use "feasibly" instead.
"all on our own": use "their" instead of "our"

Paragraph 8: "out numbered": one word

Paragraph 10: Say: "shotgun-wielding madman"

This story is very riveting. Usually I am pointing out every single misplaced comma, but I think you ought to have a good professional editor do that. I wouldn't want to mess up your fabulous rough-and-ready style by too much correctness...I'll leave that to others. I feel like I'm sitting right there, and you're telling the story in person, maybe in someone's living room. You are very good at telling the tale!
~Hannah

Soldiers everywhere will relate to this. Gritty. Unpolished. Just as it is. I felt I was there. Backed it. Rated it very highly. Lots of potential.

Could do with an edit (see message) and hopefully a publisher. Until then, Joseph, good luck with the day job;-)

My best to the Hooligans wherever they serve
Jim

This book is really fascinating and hypnotic in a raw sense. The first person narrative puts you exactly in the centre of an adrenelin fueled story .... it never lets up. It is like watching a movie shot in the Cinema Verite style only using a steadicam (I know ...... almost a contradiction in terms itself) but thats how it is, it is in your face, its scary in its truth but its addictively riveting.

For sure this read is not for the faint hearted but then the truth should hit everybody hard. This would make a great series of features for a world class newspaper or magazine.

I note that most comments critique the grammar, long sentences and the occassional slip into the present tense. Didn't bother me at all because you actually read through all that and hardly notice and if anything because of its fast pace reportage style one gets hooked onto the next section very quickly.

I have empathy because as a photographer over a long period I have witnessed and photographed lots of harrowing things (your "Maggots" chapter brought it all back).

Keep writing and finish this and a publisher or editor would be mad not to grab this.

John-Paul Kirkham ("In Violet")

Have read up to chapter 14...where it seems to end so far. Love the mini stories. I feel like I am getting to know the team.
You have a distinct change in writing style from chapter one to chapter 14. You become more and more confident, and your descriptions of your company are like snapshots.
I am more than happy to back this. Can't wait to read more.

The second chapter is utterly compelling. I wanted you to shoot the hell out of the ANA soldiers. I was literally holding my breath.
I thought of a better format. Have you ever read JD Salinger? You have a natural writing style that actually reminds me of his...and his famous, famous literary character Holden Caulfield tells his own story from a first person perspective, using the slang and the grammar of the times.
The main difference between your writing style and his is, he gives us insight into his mind, lets us know his feelings, his reasonings.

First thoughts. (There will be others :)
You have a raw, compelling tale here. I suggest two things:
1) get an editor. A real one. Let someone else deal with spelling and grammar.
2) You are telling a story that, so far, is pure narrative. There are formats for this that will be a better vehicle for your tale. For instance, journal form (like the Diary of Anne Frank)

You have a good vocabulary and you have the natural ability to place your audience right in the heat and the shitty fields with you. It makes it easier for them to join you there if they don't have to work around the format.
I, personally, have a harder time reading non fiction and so any little thing that can be done to make it an easier read, I am a fan of.
Ok...on to the next chapter I go.

Cool story. I think it's really good and it's a story that should be told. I think it'd be even better if you made it more personal and described your feelings more in the beginning instead of just a sequence of events. That being said, I'm very impressed with the writing style.

A strong start, a great finish, clearly and humanly written, and nothing like what I expected. Your experiences highlight the reality of Army deployment compared to what most people think that entails. You include lots of day-to-day details, which are often overlooked in true-life narratives, and that really brings the story alive for the reader. Each chapter seems to focus on a different aspect, and I really liked the fact that the reader is taken right into the action from the beginning, and each chapter ties up nicely at the end.

You are brutally honest, and I really respect that. You also give the reader details which most people wouldn’t be aware of (the cost of equipment, the reality of the people you work with and conditions). I found chapter six shocking and disturbing but I couldn’t stop reading. I liked the references to popular culture (Jurassic Park and Facebook, for instance) and to other things that people can relate to, and you have written a great account that is enjoyable, informative and humbling.

Really a great work, highly appreciated, on my watch list now.

What is to say, am I bias in favour of true war books, I will not apologize, have been reading them for 40 years, and this book is as good as the best, with the author all the way, every word every sentence. Brilliant, on my shelf.
chapter 3 "as something" written twice.
chapter 5 shaved at, (and) I think.
capter 12 "I was me.( It ) I think. (and Look me inside) took.I think.

Portraits Of A Small Peasant.

Hi Joseph,

This is a great piece of writing.. the return of Hunter S. Thompson's Gonzo Journalism. It's very interesting to get an insight as to what has been happening in Afghanistan, and in this style too. Everyone has read interviews and reports, in comparison to 'Hooligans' it's all too polite and false, nothing else I've read gets down to the nitty-gritty like this.

I particularly liked chapter 5, 'Three Hundred and Sixty Five Days'.. the line "we repeat them like mentally handicapped parrots, this has been going on for months." made me chuckle out loud.

Congratulations on writing a great collection of stories! Highly starred, can't wait to read more!

Good luck,
Adam

I am very impressed! Thanks for writing this book :) People need to see what our heros overseas are going through to keep Americans free. Many in the States take you for granted. I plan on returning to read the entire book so please don't take it down...please :) Thank you for writing it :)

T.L.Doutrich
Lilly and Thomas, Throne of Pidl

Hi again, Joseph. I've read the first chapter and haven't seen much wrong with it. I'm really enjoying the "real" tone your writing technique conveys--it's like I'm right there, witnessing it all, too. So many soldiers have difficulty telling their stories; it's nice you can. If the book keeps up like this, it's going to be great. I'll put it on my watchlist and be back to read more.
~Hannah