Saltus : The Submission of The Last-Born Man

An elegiac and intriguing tale. The sudden barrenness of humanity has been done before, of course, but this has a distinctive tone of its own.

I like the narrator. His voice is clear and credible and is an integral part of the work, but three chapters in, I wonder if it is both an asset and a negative. Because his narration is so strong and ever present we are hearing everything at a distance, rather than seeing things close up and personal. This might become a bit of a drag if it continues like this, and at the same pace, for the whole of the work. I am starting to look for a little drama, or plot development or, alternatively, the narrator taking a bit of a back seat and his stories coming into the foreground and the tonal here and now. Conversely, I appreciate the slow, thoughtful tone of the piece and would hate to lose it.

In places I found the punctuation a bit Spartan. I feel a few more commas might have been helpful from time to time in terms of flow and meaning, but that may just be me.

This is a strong, distinctive piece of writing. Lots of luck with it.

J.S.Watts
Witchlight

Dear Colin

"Saltus" is simply fantastic. I love the tone, the mellow and quiet irony; the jokes folded into a resigned monologue. Your well written, almost soothing narrative has depth as well as being entertaining. Your central conjecture feels entirely plausible to me, making this a sobering and revealing read. You capture what it would feel like to be entirely alone, by increments.

The best sci fi presents plausible futures in an engaging and educative style. Despite the lonely backstory, your colourful account is also threaded with details that sparkle, bringing the tale to life and teaching me as I go. I guess that must make this some of the best sci fi I have read.

I WL this now and give you six stars. Shelved soon.

All the best!

Fran :-))

Hi Colin, this is great. Hic Rhodos, hic salta, and I like it a lot. You've got a brilliant imagination which hooks effortlessly into reality.
Ame

Colin,

I've seen you on the forum many times. I decided it was time to pop over and check out your book. If I remember right, Saltus was named the book to watch back in February. I can see why. I think you've created a new genre: literary science fiction. I've read five chapters so far and I was hooked from the very first page. I like the voice and the writing style a lot. I'll be back to read more.

Susan/Greenleaf (Chameleon)

Colin,

I have read two chapters and have thoughts to share.

Firstly, I think the translation you have of Sophocles' words is a rather awful one. I also think you should put the Greek up too, because the translation is copyright of whoever did it - and I'm assuming you didn't do it yourself.

Another aspect on the Greek I thought strange reading it, is that this is weighted with references to mythology yet crucially and centrally you left out any allusion to Hesiod's cycle of the ages of man. I think it would of suited your narrative.

And narrative was my major problem. The golden aspect of the book is that there is a constant tug at you to find out what is going on, but I don't see where this is going - and there seems to be no story, no dilemma to resolve in this other than an old man recounting his life. Its interesting, but doesn't feel worthwhile in the absence of a motive for the plot - its just a well-written chronology with a quirky character and it really needs another element to it.

The narrative at times, though splendidly written for the most part, is found wonting. The first paragraph was by far the worst in what was a very well written two chapters - and I can't fathom why it would start so poorly and give me such a false impression of how you write. It doesn't suit the writing style immediately thereafter.

And to be honest I think it started in the wrong place. Here I feel is where I wanted to know what all the following was going to be for. Why would he consider this worth recording? And this question isn't one that can act as a pull to keep reading, but is a frustration over the length of what I read and ultimately finished me off with it.

Now these might seem like rather harsh things to bring up, but its better to tell you than not - and the only thing you can do with good advice is share it. And to hope that you haven't stopped reading and have already called me a fool, I've decided to add the positives closer to the end in the hopes you won't take this comment too much to heart.

The most enjoyable aspects of this was the unique voice of the narrative. It was quirky, offered strange views and the release of information created intrigue. That was all well handled. From the start I had a great picture of the protagonist through his use of language - which was very skilfully managed. The interweaving of mythology with the world he lives in worked well too, as well as the slight tangents in the story - the baby with an emergency Caesarean. These are all really good.

So, I've given you my thoughts, which are purely my own, and I hope they aren't too disheartening or that they would reflect badly on me.

Yours,
Joe

Dear Colin,

Here are my thoughts on SALTUS.

It’s an interesting premise, one that’s been used to somewhat dramatic effect in works of popular fiction.
No comparisons though, your story is a very unique and refreshing take on the subject.

The title obviously draws from Saltation (or rather the other way round). In fact, something like this exists in nature called Polyploidy. A sudden and unexplained change in the number of genes that results in sterility over the course of one generation, it’s supposedly quite common in plants, but not so regular in the animal kingdom (but it’s not totally absent either). In case of your story however, a human cause is implied. Question: The Sony-Intel recorder around Kit’s neck was obviously an integral part of the RHE undertaking. Is there any particular reason for the chosen time of first entry to be at the ripe old age of 64 (other than the fact that RHE may have been formally activated during that time)?

The implications of being the last born are really quite difficult to comprehend and I applaud you for the way you've captured Kit’s solitary existence. Your use of imagery is very strong. And the skilful use of first person POV is proof of a very competent and confident writer. Given the nature of your narrative, the chosen approach is quite risky because the slightest lapse can be easily recognized as insincere and rehearsed. But, you have pulled it off in style, my friend.

My rating: 6 stars and I look forward to reading the rest of this story soon.
Best of luck with your rapid ascent to the Editor’s Desk.

Sincere regards,
AGC

Hi, there – this is your review from AudreyB. I am often accompanied on my reviews by my English teacher alter-ego, The Grammar Hag. If I say anything you don’t like, it was probably her idea.

Your book has had so many genuine recommendations that I couldn’t wait any longer to read it myself.

Your opening line is the first one with a verb of being in it that I like.

I enjoy your story, and am reading much more of it than I expected, which is a very good sign. But it’s curiously missing a point. The idea of people becoming ‘barren’ is not a brand new one, so just knowing the population is ending is not enough of a hook. Why am I reading? To find out how he lives out his final days? You pitches mention new challenges. Perhaps we could have a hint of them sooner? I’m at the start of chapter 5.

“A man who carries a slogan rarely carries anything else.” Love that line. Your writing is truly quite literary and confident. I feel the wind blow, see the plants in the woman’s apartment, hear the sounds of the bird.

I read everything posted and still feel we need a compelling reason to read. Because reading your work is a great pleasure.

Grammar and punctuation nits:
First para: “…my helpmate, Asimov…” Asimov needs a comma afterwards as well.
“she was a witch” should begin with a capital.
“…feel the sun’s hear burning through my shirt…” you wanted heat
“To bullets hit Professor Baxter…” You wanted Two of course.
“What will you do?” I ask. I mean when you can’t….you need a quotation mark before “I mean.”
Three of our colleagues walk in from the street. They see me. “they” isn’t capitalized in your version.

~AudreyB
Forgiveness Fits

I am so grateful to Leelah for directing me to this book. I have to leave it after chapter 2. Bedtime calls. But I've read enough to know that this is fabulous writing and a fascinating theme. I'll be back soon. In the meantime, it gets 5 stars.

Thanks for this

Mrs. Job (Mona)

I am so grateful to Leelah for directing me to this book. I have to leave it after chapter 2. Bedtime calls. But I've read enough to know that this is fabulous writing and a fascinating theme. I'll be back soon. In the meantime, it gets 5 stars.

Thanks for this

Mrs. Job (Mona)

I do not read dumb futuristic books with strange premises that mean little and have no purpose except to seem cool and unusual. This is not one of those....it is literary fiction, and it delves into deeper ideas. Saltus is going on my shelf right away.

SALTUS
This is a story based on an interesting premise: what would the world be like if people stopped reproducing? The writing style is great; I kept reading this long after a tugging voice inside me kept saying it was time to leave for work to to find out more about how a man on an island would spend his time. I had one problem: with all the reproductive help available today (sperm banks; oocyte storage), wouldn’t scientists have come up with a solution to this problem before mankind disappeared? That’s okay, tho. It could happen. And makes this a good read. Highly starred and added to my shelf. Wanttobeawriter: Who Killed the President?

Comments for Saltus.

I read the first few chapters. As you might have seen from previous comments I’ve made for other books, I can be quite funny and particular, but Saltus felt a warm (perhaps not the best word) and reassuring read from the outset.

It’s true to say that this is familiar ground. We’ve visited a similar scenario in Children of Men, and that sense of solitude was actually shown quite well in the first half of the most recent adaption of I Am Legend (although this, of course, had little in common with the Richard Matheson novel). I’m interested to see how this develops and distinguishes itself from the ‘pack’.

I’ve got no nit-picks with regards to the writing. The voice is engaging throughout. But Asimov? Come on!
My only other concern is so far we have a man staring into the past while I’m more interested to know what is happening in the present. Why are we joining the character at this stage in his life? It’s quite possible that this develops in later chapters. I hope so. I think Saltus is a worthy contender for the desk and I’m glad I backed it. Well done.

Kind Regards

Iso
Paid On Return

This novel is smart in a John Brunner way. (Oh yes, I know him!) One of the first clever clues is the paragraph about who blames whom for the great pandemic.

The writer Asimov receives much due attention, although I believe the writer is also referring to descendants of the Japanese robots, which creates a vivid picture in my mind.

It's a tragic story, or so it seems as it lifts off the page. Yet the author laces it with humour and wry prosaic observations– his roof leaks.

The author toys with the rules of writing. Through reams of disguised exposition, he manages to keep us interested, tantalised by the mystery of how this came about. I say 'disguised exposition' because the author still manages to show rather than tell. Indeed, after 6 chapters, it's hard to stop reading to post the review.

That's exactly why I backed it.

Really good stuff, Colin. Distinct and involving narrative voice. Real, purposeful dialogue. (I particularly like the way you leave much of it freestanding without tags. Instils the scenes with good energy) Well-judged, subtly comic moments. Interesting sense of an unusual, challenging storyline taking shape. Thanks and best of luck.

I'm really not one for futuristic dystopian stories, but this is such a compelling beginning and so very well written, that on the basis of the first chapter, I'm putting it on my shelf. Will read more in due course.

Julia
Time Was Away

Colin,

This is writing of the very highest calibre; but because it is so good I feel obliged to point out what I believe to be a few minor flaws, things that with a lesser piece of work I might have passed over in silence.

First, although the narrative voice is excellent, I found it just a tad monotonous. Now, this could have been because I read the whole of the posted text in a single sitting (which was easily done; the forty minutes or so it took simply sped by.) and so by the end Kit's powerful voice resonated in my skull. It felt almost like listening to a symphony that's one long mournful adagio; beautiful, yes, but wearying to sit through. I'd have loved a little variation in tone, a few lighter moments, especially for the childhood reminiscences. The child and adolescent Kit seems to have the same personality as the 64 year old Kit; I don't quite think that would be the case.

In the incident of the shooting in the television studio, I got no sense of fear or panic. A glass table was broken, everyone dived for cover, someone's arm was broken - but I was never really engaged with the action. It was distanced, cold, almost a journalistic report of the events. I know these are the older Kit's memories of something that happened decades earlier, but for novelistic reasons I think it would be better to get the reader more emotionally involved.

Minor nitpick: Billybones is introduced as an African Grey Parrot, but is later described as a Macaw. Parrots and Macaws, although closely related, are totally different species. (Macaws are from South America, for one thing.) Ornithology is one of my specialities, I'm afraid, so that sort of thing sticks out for me like a sore thumb.

I hope you don't find my comments too negative. These are, after all, only the very subjective thoughts of one reader; other people may have totally different ideas.

Best wishes and good writing
John Bayliss

This is a literary masterpiece! There's a beauty in your prose, even though the story is a study in melancholly.
A wonderful premise for a book and you've told it really well.
You bring with it a lesson for humanity, not to take our existence on this planet for granted!
i really hope you get this published, for it's one of those works able to move one and stimulate debate on what's important in life.
I wish you good luck.

Hello Colin,
Chapters 1-3.
My overall impression is one of a world-weary tone and import from a man detached, yet destined to be central, to the human race.
The narrative engages successfully-questions are raised to sustain the curiousity, the MC is nuanced and interesting-even if the plot is inherently limited i.e it's a long soliloquy set against the background of a finite situation.
This is a luxurious read that you immerse yourself into, rich with wisdom and a cosmic scale understanding of the absurdity of human existence. The pace is even, steady and after a while, as such, unnoticeable. This isn't that type of read as far as I can tell.
Very good, wonderfully crafted.
Am I engaged? Yes, but like the MC, from a distance.
On my WL and highly starred.
Thank you.
John
Dropping Babies

Too beautiful to even comment on, and the few typos I spotted are mostly already mentioned, so I'll have to leave it there: beautiful.

Because you want constructive, not gushing, I will add this, though it is genuinely all I have to say:

Chapter 5

Paragraph starting ‘Away from the sun’s shelter…’ line four, typo, ‘the sun’s hear burning through my.,..’ (heat)

I do like the way you ended this chapter, and all your chapters come to think of it. With a line that makes me ponder. I also like Asimov – he interests me, since I have a similar ‘character’ in my new book (not posted, in editing stage) – he is based on the new Japanese robot Asimo – and is set in the future. I think the both of us are mining similar veins here, which may be why I like yours so much.


Chapter 6 – typo – ‘… to bullets hit Professor Baxter, killing him instantly..’ (two)


I do not intend to do nothing but ‘gush’ – if you’ve seen any of my BHG crits, I am normally very thorough in mentioning what (always stated as just my opinion) I might stumble over, but I cannot really find any particular faults with this read – that is an honest comment. The only thing I might say at the moment is that the pace seems to remain the same throughout what I have read, not varying much. However, I don’t mind that particularly since I like that pace.

This is the best, most compelling first chapter I have read in a long time. Nothing to say except I am reading on right now, and will shelve you when I'm done. :)
Cariad.

Good luck Colin. I hope that you do well with this so I've backed you.

Mel Brown
The Wedding Cake Tree

This is so exciting to me. i felt tears coming very soon reading first chapter, like i was witnessing something BIG and important. Your voice is one of the strongest I have ever read. It is completely exhilarating to witness somebody I completely believe: I am not going with it and reading many chapters before i am drawn in - you do that with the first paragraph. The intensity and presence is there immediately, I felt shivers on my back, and a big gratitude at being present to art.
6 stars is not enough, but that's all you get. And i think I will read the whole book. One of the very few here:
Ramadan Sky by Victoria Hunter, The taoist Actor by Jared Fladeland, mrs Job, and Andrea levin's amazing" " last days of the Transitional Institute.
And now you.
I am sure I am going to comment more.
hungry and delighted
Leelah saachi
"When fear comes home to Love"

I can see why this has been picked up by Authonomy as One to Watch. Your narrative flips seamlessly between past and present feeding the reader with enough information about the past and the Barren whilst also addressing the issue of what happens when there is no one, or hardly anyone, left. Relationships are important and each one described by your protagonist shows poignant and different effects on his life. Joan, notably, holds the most promise for happiness but she has been affected more psychologically by the Barren than Kit has. The voice of Kit is strong throughout and easy to empathise with. The only thing I noted as I was reading is you use quite a few tag lines during dialogue. Most predominantly in the chapter with Joan and Kit.

e.g.

I pulled open the door. Joan turned to me and smiled. “Hi Kit,” she said. “How're you feeling?”

“So, so,” I said. Having overslept I had skipped coffee and refused to be buoyed by pleasantries so early.

Might sound better as ...

I pulled open the door. Joan turned to me smiled. “How're you feeling?”

“So, so.”

Having overslept I had skipped coffee ...


Just a short example but I think it would help the flow of the narrative.

That said a fascinating premise for a novel that given the current state of world population provides an interesting question about what would happen if we didn't stop reproducing at the rate we are now. Perhaps the recession would be less of a concern. As you highlighted towards the end of chapter seven, people were a lot more wealthy without offspring to spend the money on!

Good luck with your book

Colin, this is truly good. I was gutted to reach the end of chapter 8. I love dystopian fiction and this strikes as a fresh angle. My mind is whirring with the implications of your nightmarish reality. The desire to nurture is crystallised in Joan's plants - a vivid scene written with restraint, but such poignancy. This is certainly one to watch. Please let me know if you post further chapters. The only problem I face now is which book to remove from my shelf because this has to go on it. Juliet

Fascinating concept.
There's a great deal social comment here which I found in turn intriguing, amusing and terrifying.

I'm sure this will do very well.

Good luck!
Diana
Pascual's Birthday

I love the end of chapter one - so mundane (instantly you relate to him). I'm buying into this and will read on. Juliet

Hi, Colin. How can it fail? Great work. Well done - Ian

Wonderful to see this is Authonomy's One the Watch this week. I think Life is going to change for you at last. Well done

Your pitch caught my eye. I am 64. As I read, I began to feel the same terminal sadness I felt when reading 'On the Beach'. There will be no more, after Kit. Why have we been called into existence? What will remain, and will any of it matter? What makes it worth while? These questions are provoked by your stoic protagonist. It is an elegy for a dying civilisation, spoken by a poet. His resignation and acceptance is almost unbearable. Highly starred. Frances.

It's not often that I find a book here that I would absolutely buy with no reservations, but I just found one. I rarely get past chapter one of any books on here, but I blitzed through the first four chapters of this one and I intend to finish all of them shortly. Sure, the text is a bit rough and needs to be cleaned up, but the story and writing are fantastic, at least by my tastes.

I liked this so much I made a thread for it -- http://www.authonomy.com/forums/threads/92004/i-d-buy-this/

Chilling tale excellently executed. I got goosebumps from The Death of Grass - same feeling now.

Last time I backed one of this author's books it moved from thousands to hundreds quite quickly so I'm keeping this beauty on long term. We don't get enough writers of this quality in the top twenty. It's a good premise, but its the exposition which is remarkable. Give yourself enough time to read a big chunk of this. Jealousy need not be negative if you use it to improve your own work. Lara
A RELATIVE LOSS

"Did I mention that I am naked?" it is lines like these that bring your text to life. They made me smile to myself for all of their raw humanity.

Your star imagery too matches the tone of your story so perfectly - the feeling of cold brilliant light - the shining of this last born child. The chill and yet the brilliance of bright stars against the night sky. Again, something about this is so raw and real and touchable.

The simplicity of your prose is it's beauty. "There was rain in her hair." - it's just stunning in the way that you use it and it tells us so much using so few words.

The refrain of "nothing lasts forever" is chilling.

This: "A man who carries a slogan rarely carries anything else."

I love this: "the bones of its exposed roots"

A small typo near the end of chapter 6 - I think you meant "Two bullets hit Professor Baxter..."

The juxtaposition here of murder and swordfish is brillant and beautiful.

Your writing is just breathtaking: "The path is a memory, a habit revisited...." I read that paragraph out loud five times.

Another small type in the middle of chapter 8: "His body must lie somewhere up "nin" the hills." - I think you mean "in"

This is simply stunning. Please can I read more?

I just read the first chapter and I have to react. Can I just say: wow? Your pitch is written well but I must admit it didn't draw me in or interest me that much - not my usual type of read. But I do read sci-fi and dystopian type stuff when recommended (or written!) by friends and so I took up the challenge. From the first words you wrote I was hooked. The first person is absolutely perfect and it had me caring for your character and empathizing with him because he is so...human. So painfully aware that he is human. And it's the small things that make him come alive. The stars and their constellation. His aching joints. His Robot and parrot. The brilliant account of his birth...his roof leaking. I got the feeling that he was speaking for me - even though I am a 30-something year old woman - he indeed seems to be speaking for all of humankind. You truly capture this voice brilliantly and carry it out with grace and humor and a perfectly paced, completely original tale. I'm reading on...but I just had to share that in the meantime.

Interesting concepts, that I can see you have thought long and hard about.
In addition, I can see how much research you must have done and add the soul searching too.
I found this an interesting read and one I think would do well in the market you have chosen.
You have remained tactful, while still making your point.
The book is appealing and persuasive.
Well done.

Colin,
It's lovely, your new book. Elegiac and mysterious. Is it complete?