Lost Gods Part I: In the Shadow of the Sun

Hi Kenn,

I really enjoyed your synopsis. You give the reader a glimpse of the the story without revealing too much.

Your character Wiz i liked. The way in which he interacts with Goose instantly makes you fall for his charm. You also build up the images of the town (i have visited North Carolina) and the sights, sounds and smells the MC's encounter.

I think at the end of the chapter (which i feel is a brilliant piece of writing setting us up with the mystery of their meeting) becomes too mechanical at the point ....'Increasingly intimate questions.....familial nature.' I feel this goes against the flow that you created so well in the first chapter. I would buy your book based on that but feel that changing the words to the style that you have began with won't loose readers. I think in a nutshell is that you go over the same thing twice by all accounts......'Stew think he was a loon or a stalker' That was sufficient....no need to explain again via little uncomfortable...we know that you generally feel unfortable with a loon or stalker.

I moved on to chapter 2. I liked the atmosphere that you have created here. The journal entry.....but what i would say is in relation to the weather...strange to say, but i would continue with the theme of sunshine rather than mention a dark grey sky looming...threatening to rain ...ice....' From here you lose the contrast between the sunshine and happiness in his life. I can understand the use of weather (bad...in Scotland we don't say bad weather...we just say you are wearing the wrong clothes ;)) to represent impending doom, gloom and so on. But here i think you want to reflect that it is his mood that is changing, not the weather...therefore the weather has to be constant; to reflect on his loss.

In chapter 3 we are back with Fiz and Goose on their search for food. I liked the detail you provided regards what he could and could not conjure. You have an amazing talent in introducing the finest detail.....'I just threw away a perfectly good BLT...piss me off.' No need for he said here...you capture the annoyance of the policeman well....and with the most confused face he could muster...Brilliant.

But again i feel you give me a little bit more detail than i need...'...she gave him a wink...' was sufficient. No need to explain 'assuring him she would help...'. In fact let me find that part out for myself...keeps the intrigue....will the faerie help him or not? However, the two inch tall Cyndi Lauper was a gem...i always thought of her as pixie like.

'Completely blocking out whatever aroma was coming from his mattress' Again brilliant writing. We know the mattress may be bad and the food is just as.

This was an absolute joy to read. I have placed this on my shelf. But feel that this is one of those times where i say that this is one of the best books on Authonomy (and i don't say it often).

Much appreciated

Ed Quinn (Donkeys kill more people)

I think I have identified a writer who conjoures worlds of immagination purely for the fun of doing so....not to particularly please the pundits. There is a joy in the writing that just steps off the page.......backed

Lost Gods? Thank goodness Authonomy lets us find little treasures like this! I love the concept of the ordinary world that we all walk through, but that there is something a little dark and rotten under the veil, just around the corner, and hidden within us all. I think it's a clever idea that everyone will be attracted to.

Stew Kasey is a likeable "everyman" character, and Wiz seems the perfect foil for him. I really liked the texture of the novel, with the alternating action of the chapters with the journal entries. It keeps the story from being too event, event, event to one where I feel that Wiz is a real character that has a vested interest in Stew and the happening around them. This atmosphere and the building of empathy for a character and their plight is not an easy thing to achieve, so I'm rather envious!

On reading it I wasn't sure if it was aimed at an adult or a young adults market (15+), but to be honest, regardless of the intention, I think it will find the big kid in all of us. We need this small bit of the dark fantastic to make our dreary days a bit more palatable.

Forget Circle of Darkness, let's bring Lost Gods into our own Circle of Light so that everyone can see (or rather read) just how good it is!

Shelved (a few days ago so sorry the comment is a little late)

Kenn,

This is an extraordinary piece of work - hugely ambitious and written with splendid literary verve. The premise if really quite spectacular, and the narrative is clean, smooth and taut. But out of all these platitudes, please forgive me for adding one more; the dialouge is abslutely spot on.

Okay - one more. Possibly the most impressive thing about this book is the way that you are weaving fantastical themes, encouters and intentions, while grounding the book in reality - almost like you don't want to reader to run too fast. This, for wont of a better word, is intruige. And it takes talent to make it work, and you do that superbly.

Backed.

Martin.
(My House on the Fjord)

I love your font. It's the one I write in, but it doesn't show up as such on Autho. I'm wondering if it is because I have a Mac. Anyways, I'm partial to fantasy so I knew I would just love this by reading the pitch. Or atleast, I was hoping that I would. Your writing did not let me down. I really like Wiz, the character development and the dialogue seem natural. My favorite part of your entire first Chapter was when you say, "Goose,huh? Strange name for a dog." I couldn't help but smile. 5 stars and will read on as time permits! Good luck to you.

Best,

Ashley
"Maddy Hatfield and the Magic Locket"

Thanks for the comments. They are much appreciated. I've actually created my own publishing company and published it myself using Lulu. Next part should start uploading within a couple months for proofreading. Thanks again for the support.
Kenn Phillips

Hello,

I've read up to chapter three, and I really like this so far :}. It's very different, and I like this sort of thing. Judging from the plot, I'm wondering if the title refers to the immortals, wiz and Goose, since they both seem lost in life. I can't wait to read more on this in the future.

The other characteristic I love is the uniqueness of the deity concept mixed in with the modern world. This allows for plenty of symbolism. Also, the immortal dog is very neat.

Good stuff :}.

Hi, Ken,
Lost Gods. Wow. Immediately you had me hooked. This is smooth, polished writing. The dialogue is realistic, and the voice is the text is engaging. Right away, I like Wiz, Goose, and Stew.
Backed.
Gloria
Finnegan's Quest

Sorry it's taken so long to reply to your comment. I haven't been on here very much at all. I've been busy publishing the thing myself. Anyway, I appreciate the warm review. It's available as an e-book at smashwords if you're interested.
Thanks,
Kenn

Hi, Ken,
Lost Gods. Wow. Immediately you had me hooked. This is smooth, polished writing. The dialogue is realistic, and the voice is the text is engaging. Right away, I like Wiz, Goose, and Stew.
Backed.
Gloria
Finnegan's Quest

In honoring my promise to return reads and comment on work of the people that backed Mirror in The Sky, in february, I have come acroos works that i have missed and would otherwise not have seen.
Remind me to thank Nick...This book...your book, now then, this is writing at its best, you have woven a tale so intricately grounding us in harsh realities and the opening us out to a world of possibilties that seem incongruous at first...but therein lay the skill of a writer who loves his craft....we are lulled and seduced into a world of your creation...where characters such as Stew and Wiz make absolute sense....Well done Kenn....well done indeed.

I am delighted to place this on my WL and it will take a welcome place on my shelf by pm tomorrow .
Warm regards
Suzannah Burke

First and foremost I love the cover of your book and the title. Perfect.
I really enjoyed this first encounter with Wiz, Goose and Stew. It was very engaging. Though I must say the line about chatting with a complete stranger took me by surprise. It just didn't seem real. Sort of took me out of the rythme of the novel.
I read up to three. Enjoying the journal enteries and am eager to see where this goes.
Backed
T.L Tyson-Seeking Eleanor

Well, I don't mean you've been on my shelf, gosh, I mean Lost Gods have.
Pia

Dear Ken.
The character of Wiz with his dog, Goose, lightens the heart. I came to like the pair early on and wanted to find out what they were up to. A pleasure, to join in, since you have a fine way of engaging the reader through details. And who wouldn't like to conjure things and flit through cracks in space ?
Sanity, in a way, is no more that the skill of appearing so.
I was wondering if you could extend the audience to young readers, not sure what it would require.
You've been on my shelf for a while, so the backing is already official.
Pia (Course of Mirrors)

Ken
I love the premise of this. There is an element of surrealism that I find very appealing and the idea of living through the protagonists adventure while in a coma is rather refreshing.
There is so much to like about this work. From accessible prose to well rounded characters and top-notch dialogue. The story is always intriguing and I read more than I intended in the first sitting.
Well, you certainly get points for the dog too. And the relationship between Wiz and Goose is touching. I also like the back story that’s fed in effortlessly, I did have to chuckle at the image you put in my mind. And I take a shine to the fiery Alex too. What really grabs me about this is the mythological angle you weave in. Now this is really up my street. I’m put in mind of Neil Gaiman and by ch6 I can see you story really starting to take off.
Nicely done! I’m enjoying this.
One thought. In your pitch: ‘They’re real’ – ‘They are real’ has more impact. No biggie though. And that is the only thing I could find to crit up to this point, so a job very well, I’d say. Well, I’ll be reading on, but in the meantime welcome to my shelf.
Very best wishes
David
Green Ore

A great start Kenn! Have only read the first chapter but am so hooked I am happy to shelve now and come back for more later!
Simon (BLACK SHADOWS)

A dog named Goose. That's pretty good. I am always fascinated at the thought of others having unusual abilities, visions. And right from the start there is no question, for the reader, that this is a story that is going to stretch their comfortable reality. Goose even seems to have his own intuition. At points though I felt the story was a little rushed. Wanted to relax a little longer in the café. Stew's dad seemed so unfriendly as if Wiz and Goose were invisible. That being said I wanted to read on and find out the connection between the boys. Good luck with this. C.P

This is a really well-paced, dialogue driven fantasy novel. Love the names: Wiz and Goose. HAHA. Greatness. I love how it takes place in our ordinary every day world, yet is filled with darkness and magic around every corner.

Hi Kenn, I really like the idea in this story, its very clever, I'd love to see how it develops. So far I have just read the first chapter and it got me straight away. I want to know who Stew is and what relation he has to Wiz. For now I will put it on my shelf and hope to get back to it later.
Helena (A Load of Rubbish)

I love the premise of your story! Very unique and imaginative. Great character development and flow. Happy to shelve.

Melissa.

Your prose sucked me in as you slowly show us the world of Wiz. Mysteries start to come up - what is his power? When he shakes Stew's hand, what will he see? The journal entry adds to the mystery. And there is such a contrast to the restaurant and the pawn shop. Where does he send his dog? What happened to the sword? And then prison - or to be more precise, a police cell and a faerie. Interesting stuff. I'm usually not a big fan of this genre, you you make it sound so normal and ease us into it instead of overwhelming us from the start. Didn't notice any grammatical errors - maybe because I was so sucked into the story. Well done, KJ

Hiya Ken
Just read the first few chapters – this is good!
You’ve created this in almost cinematic vision. I could almost see every step that Wiz took, every place he visited. “Hiya, Wiz!” the faerie (asked) I don’t think asked is the correct tag. CH3
Can’t say that I’m a fan of fantasy, but have to commend you for keeping my interest. Love the dog. Haven’t got round to finding out what he said to make him run off like that, but it’s all believable.
This’ll do well. I’m sure.
Best wishes
Sue

What an Interesting Blurb. Back for more later.

Hi Kenn,

I really enjoyed your synopsis. You give the reader a glimpse of the the story without revealing too much.

Your character Wiz i liked. The way in which he interacts with Goose instantly makes you fall for his charm. You also build up the images of the town (i have visited North Carolina) and the sights, sounds and smells the MC's encounter.

I think at the end of the chapter (which i feel is a brilliant piece of writing setting us up with the mystery of their meeting) becomes too mechanical at the point ....'Increasingly intimate questions.....familial nature.' I feel this goes against the flow that you created so well in the first chapter. I would buy your book based on that but feel that changing the words to the style that you have began with won't loose readers. I think in a nutshell is that you go over the same thing twice by all accounts......'Stew think he was a loon or a stalker' That was sufficient....no need to explain again via little uncomfortable...we know that you generally feel unfortable with a loon or stalker.

I moved on to chapter 2. I liked the atmosphere that you have created here. The journal entry.....but what i would say is in relation to the weather...strange to say, but i would continue with the theme of sunshine rather than mention a dark grey sky looming...threatening to rain ...ice....' From here you lose the contrast between the sunshine and happiness in his life. I can understand the use of weather (bad...in Scotland we don't say bad weather...we just say you are wearing the wrong clothes ;)) to represent impending doom, gloom and so on. But here i think you want to reflect that it is his mood that is changing, not the weather...therefore the weather has to be constant; to reflect on his loss.

In chapter 3 we are back with Fiz and Goose on their search for food. I liked the detail you provided regards what he could and could not conjure. You have an amazing talent in introducing the finest detail.....'I just threw away a perfectly good BLT...piss me off.' No need for he said here...you capture the annoyance of the policeman well....and with the most confused face he could muster...Brilliant.

But again i feel you give me a little bit more detail than i need...'...she gave him a wink...' was sufficient. No need to explain 'assuring him she would help...'. In fact let me find that part out for myself...keeps the intrigue....will the faerie help him or not? However, the two inch tall Cyndi Lauper was a gem...i always thought of her as pixie like.

'Completely blocking out whatever aroma was coming from his mattress' Again brilliant writing. We know the mattress may be bad and the food is just as.

This was an absolute joy to read. I have placed this on my shelf. But feel that this is one of those times where i say that this is one of the best books on Authonomy (and i don't say it often).

Much appreciated

Ed Quinn (Donkeys kill more people)

Hi Kenn,
I'm so glad I came across this! It's fabulous. I love the concept. I thought the first journal entry was great. And anything with animals is a big draw for me. I think Wiz and Goose are great characters, and I am completely drawn into this story. The pacing and dialogue are good, and the intrigue is huge for me. On my shelf.

This is an enjoyable read.
The connundrum of being powerful with magic yet bound by laws is a good one!
I think the writing is very good especially the use of the dualogue, which does further the story and the characterisations.
I partially agree with Robin about the use of different genre names but there is no reason why you can't use any names you like - it's your book and doesn't have to obey natural historical rules, not least because it is a fantasy story.
I did not find the names hard to mentally atatch to the characters.
I have no comment to make about the writing because it is good and I found nothing to gripe about.
Shelved,
best
fred

I've read several chapters, but I have to say that I'm not certain I'm following this. The writing is good, so it's not that. I like the setup with Wiz and Goose and they make a compelling team....in fact the opening had me interested. But then it goes a bit off course, at least for me. The fist thing that threw me off was the two of them standing there with their stomachs growling in the opening scene and looking for a good greasy spoon and then (I think it might have been chapter 3) where Wiz talks about being hungry, but not for food and that food hadn't been the answer to his hunger for some time. It just seemed a bit contrary.

I'm not giving up, because your pitch had me interested.

Locljaw

Hey Kenn (cool spelling, by the way) Read it, not sure at the moment of what I think. I think it could be really good, but for some reason something about chapter one didn't seem genuine to me. But that's just me.

Hi Kenn, my first impression is - What ARE you doing with the names? You say it's Scandinavia, 757 AD.
Zachary. Jewish/Christian name, but Christianity didn't get there for another couple of hundred years.
Gås. Means Goose, is this just a trick on the dog? And the å is a modern way of writing aa.
Xamn? Xamn? How are you pronouncing that? Scandinavians avoid X, they use KS as in "for eksempel", for example.
'Martyr'? Meaningless. 'Burned at the stake'? A Christian concept, surely.
Maybe just give the poor reader a hint of what's going on here - that you know what you're doing, what is intentional anachronism as opposed to error.
I can see the next chapter skips ahead a few centuries, but that doesn't answer the questions.
I can't back this book until I have a sense of what you're doing!
I'll be interested to hear.

Lost Gods...

Okay, so now I've read your partial, and I'm so happy that your c.3 starts to weave in threads from the earlier two chapters. I think an agent would be pleased to see that, too.

When Goose recognizes Stew, it's not entirely clear...I'd make that a tad clearer at the time it's happening. I was reminded of Argus, who recognizes his master after the Odyssey...

This is fine work and a compelling story. I'm shelving this one without a qualm.

Cheers,
Sheryl (In All The Wrong Places)

Lost Gods...

Comments on c.2...the idea of moving forward in time the way you do is an intriguing one, both technically, and for the reader. Already I'm asking myself how these two chapters are connected to what comes next...and I want to find out, so I'm reading on....

Lost Gods...

c. 1 feels like a Prologue and also seems to set-up future conflicts. The writing is fine. The only suggestion I have for improvement is to change the last sentence or two of the scene so that it has more oomph. Scene endings are points of stress and it's usually better to end the last sentence with either a really strong thought or idea, or a really strong word...a pronoun is kind of wimpy, don't you think?

Reading on....

I think I have identified a writer who conjoures worlds of immagination purely for the fun of doing so....not to particularly please the pundits. There is a joy in the writing that just steps off the page.......backed

Hi Kenn,

This is a magical tale that pulled me in right away. Wonderful characterisation and dialogue. I read this with ease. Great writing!

Shelved!

Shinzy :)

Hi Kenn, a breathless start to you first couple of chapters. After a trip to Iceland I've been fascinated by the Norsemen and their history (they were a fairly progressive bunch when it came to law and order - I thought they were only in it for the raping and the pillaging!), so I was sucked into the opening chapters immediately. The hoodwinking in the second chapter whets the appetite, hopefully providing a link between the supernatural element hinted at in the opening and whatever the mysterious stranger is hoping to gain from his theft in the second. Intriguing stuff, with the promise of adventure; I'm happy to shelve this.

P

Hi Kenn,

I'm really liking this. It's magical. Your characters popped to life from the beginning and held me. You have a style of writing that suites the story.

A vagrant named Wiz, who claims to be imortal, tries to convice Stew that he is too. This line in your pitch made me stumble for a moment. It could just be me, but I think if it said "tried to convince Stew he can live forever too" or something like that, it would have made it more clear right away.

Enjoying this great tale and will be back to read more when I have more time. On my shelf now.

Heidi
Turning Red

I really like your magic system. The immortals have rules. I am facinated to find out what happened to xian. I am assuming the conjured items are illusory. I read to chapter 6 before I ran out of time. I am backing this based on the origiality and characters.

Hi Kenn

I could heap praise upon the praise below and mean every word, but all I'll say is this: very well done. You get no nitpicks from me, this feels and reads as a polished ms.

I hope to see you on the ed's desk one day soon. All the very best. Happy to shelve.

Elaina
Gathering of Rain

Hi Kenn,

The beginning drew me in immediately.

Great writing! The pacing was wonderful and it flowed with ease. The sentences are short and to the point and follows a great rhythm.

You create a wonderful visual imagery in the second chapter with great sentence structure that kept me glued. The dialogue felt natural and not forced in any way.

The sentence: “Sure, I can magic my out of these handcuffs,” he thought. The speech marks threw me off for I thought Wiz was speaking aloud and realised it was just a thought. In this case, I don’t think the speech marks are necessary. But it’s just an opinion.

Once again the writing is superb.

Shelved!

Shinzy :)

HI Kenn, I like it! Immortal magic, vagrants and antique swords. An urban setting but with a backdrop of supernatural peril.... The imagery reminds me a little of Highlander (the classic, first film) and that's no bad thing in my book!

Sentence structure could be improved on occasin eg. 'But, in fact, was a Smalandsstovare, which originated in Scandanavia.' Good luck with this Kenn! Best Alex M

I am fascinated by your dialog. I was a bit distracted by the descriptions in some case were repetative with the word 'as', nowtheless very quick reading. I will back for more. glad to watch list it for now.

Argonaut

Lost Gods

Hi Kenn, A quick and intriguing start, good dialogue and an interesting premise. The magic is not overdone, it is described as an ordinary phenonemon, which to our MC, it clearly is. The search for Xamm is an intriguing beginning, I wonder if you can still cut away some aspects of the narrative voice, I found it a little intrusive in some part of Ch1. A simple example is the sentence: In the back of the patrol car, cuffed, Wiz knew he'd suffered another setback on the journey to find his brother, Xamm. Do we need all of this sentence as it is currently constructed, could these words become something that Wiz is thinking, perhaps he is cross with himself for getting caught, perhaps he reflects on what his brother might say about the ease with which he'd fallen into this situation.

You have a good writing style, strong voice, I would just like to spend more time in your MC head, that's all...best wishes - SHELVED - Andrew W.

Kenn,

This is an extraordinary piece of work - hugely ambitious and written with splendid literary verve. The premise if really quite spectacular, and the narrative is clean, smooth and taut. But out of all these platitudes, please forgive me for adding one more; the dialouge is abslutely spot on.

Okay - one more. Possibly the most impressive thing about this book is the way that you are weaving fantastical themes, encouters and intentions, while grounding the book in reality - almost like you don't want to reader to run too fast. This, for wont of a better word, is intruige. And it takes talent to make it work, and you do that superbly.

Backed.

Martin.
(My House on the Fjord)

I really enjoyed Lost Gods, partly because it’s rooted so firmly in the real worl. From the pawn shop owner and the policeman in Chapter 1 to the gravel track up to the three-storey warehouse in chapter 3, it’s the everyday details that bring this story to life. In fact I often say that the secret to a good Fantasy novel lies in the blend of the quotidian and the fantastic. You’ve got to get the mix just right, or else.

The other thing I think you do very well is characterisation. Even the minor characters are plausible, but Wiz and Regan are very good. Both plausible and attractive. We’re rooting for Wiz right from the word go.

Just two typos I could see, both in Chapter 2 (‘The Great Escape’):
“He described you to a T. You’re dog too” – should be your dog.
“I can conjure pig intestines that taste better than that drit” – I think “dirt”, although this could be a slang word I’m not familiar with.

Anyway, this is a super book. I can picture it as a film: it’s that pacy. It should go a long way. Bookshelved.

Bren Verrill
The Weird Problem of Good.

Lost Gods? Thank goodness Authonomy lets us find little treasures like this! I love the concept of the ordinary world that we all walk through, but that there is something a little dark and rotten under the veil, just around the corner, and hidden within us all. I think it's a clever idea that everyone will be attracted to.

Stew Kasey is a likeable "everyman" character, and Wiz seems the perfect foil for him. I really liked the texture of the novel, with the alternating action of the chapters with the journal entries. It keeps the story from being too event, event, event to one where I feel that Wiz is a real character that has a vested interest in Stew and the happening around them. This atmosphere and the building of empathy for a character and their plight is not an easy thing to achieve, so I'm rather envious!

On reading it I wasn't sure if it was aimed at an adult or a young adults market (15+), but to be honest, regardless of the intention, I think it will find the big kid in all of us. We need this small bit of the dark fantastic to make our dreary days a bit more palatable.

Forget Circle of Darkness, let's bring Lost Gods into our own Circle of Light so that everyone can see (or rather read) just how good it is!

Shelved (a few days ago so sorry the comment is a little late)

This has been a long time coming. I can recall when its original concept was a screenplay and even then the idea was fascinating. After being allowed to read the first chapter in one of its early drafts I have seen a marked improvement as well as a cohesiveness building in your own personal writing style. I am very very impressed. You provide just enough description to set the idea rolling around a readers mind. Which leaves room for just enough imagination to keep the reader entranced. The dialogue has evolved from seemingly dry general content to character specific word choice which gives me the feeling that the character is actually speaking. The only negative critique I have is more a question... when will it be finished? Can't wait and you can count me in for at least 3 copies when you get it published.

I was drawn into this very easilly. On my shelf to continue reading. Patrick Barrett (Shakespeares Cuthbert)

Hi Kenn,
I have looked at this before but I can't see a comment from me so here it is ;-)
I love the setting for your story, it's somewhere I have always wanted to go and you describe well, sort of give me an idea of what it's like. This, to me, reads like polished writing. The dialogue is realistic and moves the story along and you have a strong narrative voice. Stew is a well drawn character and you make me want to follow Wiz on his quest. This book has a great atmosphere to it. It has a really interesting premise, the thought of Stew travelling across centuries of time. Good job and on my shelf ;-)
Bests,
AnnabelleP
(Adelaide Short)

Hi Kenn.

Quality devotionals in your first paragraph, establishing contemplative tone. Your second paragraph successfully provides thrust of story (missing brother), image of protagonist (old man), and time frame of plot (twelve centuries of quest). Suggestion of twist when referencing - thought was my brother. Chapter 2's switch from a formal journal entry to narrative is stimulating relief from intensity in first chapter. You continue to flush visuals from your prose with action based descriptions and atmospheric magical elements. Great comic respite with shop owner's concern about the dog and not the sword. The ball of light is intriguing. You grab the reader who wants to know for sure whether your protagonist is magic and whether the others in his world are magic. Once Wiz is confronted by the police officer, the pace picks up, again a nice contrast to the slower movement. Original concept of a faerie, and you allow the reader to trust Wiz more if an agelic being is going to help him. You have a strong imagination, continuously presenting new concepts: transforming into a shadow and New Yorker faeries. Great with showing importance of journal by having him rish his safety to retrieve it. Good ending referencing his home no longer being there. It suggests he has an insurmountable villian to face. Excellent visuals. Excellent imagination. Excellent world. Excellent protagonist.

On my shelf, for sure. Good luck,

Janet Marie- Spirit Prisoners.

Kenn,
this is an example of a good book that would be doing so much better in the rankings if you had (and I imagine you don't have) the time to do enough reading and commenting to garner interest from the authonomy hoardes. Nice dialogue, interesting mc, lovely turns of phrase. In short, well written!
Hopefully a space on my shelf might get a few others to have a look. Well done. I've really enjoyed reading this.
Good luck,
Simon

Kenn,

Spot on, mate. Very well done indeed. Lots to enjoy here - it's the sort of story that sucks the reader in after only a few pages. Skillful neat clean writing.

Sentences structured well, grammaticall correct, too. Tight and pacey, yet it's fantasy/thriller.

Premise / theme works very well and appeals to the fantasy time-traveller in me.

Chapter titles work really well (for me - just a personal opinion).

Great dialogue - natural, just informative enough without ramming info down our throats.

Just enough similes and metaphors - so many writers over use them. You don't.

Like the style, too. Character development going alinf nicely - the lead's a gut I could grow to like - and we're no inundated with action in the first few pages...eased in gently to this wonderful world you've invited us into. Very nicely done.

And it's educational, too - marvellous! A 'conspiracy' of ravens. Brilliant - thank you :)

One very minor observation: I don't think you really need a full-stop after Mr. / Ms. That's all I found, and I had to hunt for that. That speaks volumes.

Very skillful writing - I'll be checking back to read more later. Definately mu 'cup of tea.'

All the best with this - I don't know why it's not on the ed's desk - keep plugging, my friend, and it soon will be - deservedly so.

--Jack Ramsay (Pretence and Palliation)

hi,

I've just got back to check out your new chapter one (sorry, didn't see you message). I still like this, even more so for a second reading, I'm shelving it. Its really got something, Wiz is very strong, understated, yet compelling.

good luck with it,

Julie

I like the slow building pace of this tale and the way you break it up by putting in the entries from Wiz's log. You keep us in suspense over the history between Xamn, Wiz and the Raven only revealing it a bit at a time which adds another element to the story to keep the readers interest.

I like the slow building pace of this tale and the way you break it up by putting in the entries from Wiz's log. You keep us in suspense over the history between Xamn, Wiz and the Raven only revealing it a bit at a time which adds another element to the story to keep the readers interest.

Intriguing beginning, subplots beginning to intertwine nicely. There is an urgent pull to the narrative, you have tale to tell and are not tarrying in telling it. The characters are rich and there is much possibility and therefore intrigue in their predicament, having read the pitch and onyl first 3 chapters, but forgive the guess if it is wildly out, but is Stew Kasey the long lost brother that Wiz is looking for... There is a lovely quirky quality here to the tale as well, a faerie with a New York accent, the hidden depths of each character, even the dog, will I am sure keep us guessing for many page-turning sessions, have watchlisted and will be back to read more when time allows, thank you and best wishes - Andrew