Book Jacket

 

rank 5457
word count 12596
date submitted 23.01.2012
date updated 23.01.2012
genres: Fiction, Thriller, Children's, Youn...
classification: universal
incomplete

Cats of the Desert

Che'

The adventures of four big cats after fleeing a fire in Toronga Park Zoo

 

A book by a kid for kids. Imagine animals from all over the world gathered in one place and you would have Taronga Zoo. Now imagine if they escaped! This is a story of such an event. It all started on the 1st of August at 10:00am because that was when the zoo gates opened and a Canadian man strolled in. He had a short brown beard, a leather jacket, jeans, a gloomy frustrated face and his nicotine stained fingers held a burning cigarette which he puffed as he wheezed along the path. His name was Jordon Storm. He followed a zoo-keeper along with a huge crowd behind him down a gravel path that led to the “big cat” area.
The fire spread quickly and there seemed nowhere to run.

 
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tags

adventure, animal, escape, family, home, lion, puma, tiger

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5 comments

 

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Scott Toney wrote 72 days ago

P.s. Starred Highly!

Scott Toney wrote 72 days ago

Che',

I wanted to let you know that I'm really enjoying {Cats of the Desert}! This is a good, inventive read, something I could see sharing with my daughter one day! Thanks for the good read! I'll be back soon for more!

Have a fantastic day!

- Scott, The Ark of Humanity

iandsmith wrote 96 days ago

Great opening. Vivid descriptions of Taronga Zoo. You could break up that opening paragraph into smaller paragraphs to make it look easier on the eye. I like it. Good luck. - Ian

Warrick Mayes wrote 120 days ago

Che,

So difficult to imagine that this was written when you were nine.
It is difficult to take notes and edit with such long paragraphs, but your writing looks clean, But this is also a criticism. If I am having trouble as an adult, how much more daunted will a child be when confronted by such long paragraphs. I would try chopping it down into bite size pieces (human bites, not big cats!).

Best regards
Warrick

JKass wrote 123 days ago

While I'm not a kid, i can notice good work for them. I like it so far, though I would add more punctuation throughout. Good work though.

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