Bleeder

Great set up and early character development. Your detailed description of the protagonist's world was nicely done too. Your concept echoes Charlain Harris and a teenage Anne Rice. I will continue to read and provide a more detailed review.--JL "The Devil Of Black Bayou"

great set out and pace that teases us nicely; very well done on a good book.
backed..
read SEASONS...

this book is really good i love it

Good plot, interesting story development. I like the take on vampires and you've aroused just enough curiosity about Mills and what she really is. Would be interested to see how this develops. Added to watchlist for now. Good luck!

Thanks for the insightful comments, Warrick! It's amazing the little things that still manage to sneak by both myself and my editor. Amusingly enough, my editor on this project had me add a lot of that classroom detail in to the first chapter. Her argument being that by seeing how Mildred thinks/relates to her classmates the reader will learn more about her and her personality right from the get-go, and also that it grounds it in a world teens will recognize before we leave it for considerably more fantastic and horrific terrain.

Thanks again for taking the time to read and comment on the first chapter.

Monica,

I read the first chapter, and think you are developing something really good. The opening is a gentle catch, but works quite well. The reader is kept waiting while you fill in some of the gaps, but if the school friends in the algebra exam are not vital to the story, I would chop it back a bit.

I spotted the following:
"If my parents were waiting in the office, that it meant it was Mikey." Has an extra "it".

"At the sight of them my breathe hitched..." should be "breath".

"My Mum’s face was dry by time..." should have "the", "My Mum’s face was dry by the time..."

Best regards
Warrick

Monica,

I read the first chapter, and think you are developing something really good. The opening is a gentle catch, but works quite well. The reader is kept waiting while you fill in some of the gaps, but if the school friends in the algebra exam are not vital to the story, I would chop it back a bit.

What is the drama that has pulled her fom the classroom. Uncle Curtis feels like a ruse, so we stay hooked to find out what is going on, and this intrigue is maintained right to the end of the chapter.

Good clean narrative is accompanied by genuine believable dialogue.

I spotted the following:
"If my parents were waiting in the office, that it meant it was Mikey." Has an extra "it".

"At the sight of them my breathe hitched..." should be "breath".

"My Mum’s face was dry by time..." should have "the", "My Mum’s face was dry by the time..."

Best regards
Warrick

Wow! What an interesting take on a genre that some would say OS flooded.
Your story stands out as unique and your characters memorable. Highly starred . :)
Blessings and best wishes,
Laura A. Diaz
"They Call Me Blanca"