Time Was Away

Dear Julia

I have now read eleven chapters of "Time Was Away" and have to stop as I am short of time. Drat!

You have a wonderful story, which despite being partly set in a period that has received more than its fair share of literary attention, is incredibly engaging and well observed. I love Matthias's perspective! So unusual. No conscientious objection allowed for him! Even in war, we had privileges.

I am also very struck by the fact that you write equally well from a male or female perspective, something which is unusually difficult to achieve. With Matthias, for example, you use sparser language and a lot of technical terms about machines and such, which I find interesting and educative. In your writing there is something for everyone to enjoy.

There is so much great stuff here, I hardly know where to start. The way you write makes even the everyday things interesting. Your observation of your characters, the boy in the tree, is so engrossing that I found myself entirely taken up with his vertigo in the tree, my hands sweating anxiously.

Please, whatever you do, keep writing, because it will not be long before a publisher comes along and asks to represent you. You have a natural talent because, with all your other commitments I suspect your time is at a premium, yet your writing has such depth, richness, such care invested in it. That can only be because you are naturally gifted.

I truly admire your skill and consummate ability. On my shelf at the earliest opportunity.

Fran Macilvey, "Trapped"

The strength of this novel is in the way the writing subtly adjusts to the time period in focus.
This is done quietly and unobtrusively, and is effective in allowing us to adjust to the shifts in period, social mores, and emotions. The opening chapters, for example, catch the sense of place in contemporary London: the hustle and bar oriented social scene. Then it changes momentum to wartime Germany, with the Mathias & Anna relationship beautifully crafted.
Ch. 4, evokes the sense of school summer holidays, rather like watching the sand running through a timer, with the sense of loss and depression toward the end. I felt, however, that the younger Daniel and Hetty relationship worked less well for me, as I couldn't quite believe the naivety of Hetty's remark about London: 'Is it like the story where the streets are paved with gold?' The timeline seemed to be early 1980s perhaps, so I couldn't quite image a girl in this age of communication thinking or saying that. The metaphor, 'walnut of resentment' struck me at first as odd, although the more I think about it: dried and shrivelled-like - it does work!

I liked the C5 relationship between Richard and sister Caroline very much : it was real and interesting, and caught the unsaid tensions between ageing siblings.

The writing is assured and confident; the dialogue believeable; the detail is careful and precise, slowly developing and shaping the whole: rather like observing a fine painting materialising in front of you, or listening to music by Delius.

I enjoyed this book enormously. One to watch on this site.

Julia,

I have read twelve chapters of "Time Was Away" so far and fully intend to carry on reading after I have posted this comment. It is very well written, the characters are engaging and I am looking forward to finding out how all the various threads are going to come together. Here's a few thoughts I had as I was reading.

Chap. 2. I understand the torment that Daniel is going through in this chapter (and that is very well described) but I did wonder that considering the sort of conditioning that boys are put through from school onwards ("Act like a man" and "Pull yourself together" and that sort of thing) that he might be more critical of himself in respect the way he was feeling. I don't mean make him totally stoical, but he could get a little angry with himself for taking it so badly.

Chap. 3. My Grandfather went to the 1936 Olympic Games, and although he didn't say much about it to me (and sadly he died when I was still a child), one thing I do remember him saying was that "Everyone in Berlin seemed to be in uniform." You already mention a passer-by in Luftwaffe uniform; presumably Matthias is in civilian clothes, so you could have him feeling self conscious that he is not in uniform when most young men were.

"Time Was Away" is one of the best of the best books I've found to date on Authonomy, and I want to wish you all good luck with it. I'll be making space for it on my bookshelf.

best wishes and good writing
John Bayliss

Julia,

I'm sorry it took me so long to read your book. This is a wonderful, well-written story. I've just finished chapter six. You've created an interesting cast of characters. I felt so sorry for Daniel when Julia rejected him. I'm glad he's moving on. I'm curious how the war time Germany time frame will fit together with Daniel's story. I'll be back to read more.

Susan/Greenleaf (Chameleon)

Dear Julia

I am reading more of your wonderful book. Each time I come back, I find something new to get excited about. I know, I know I said I would put this on my shelf, and I am sorry I have not, so far...but asap, I shall.

Fran :-))

When I'm looking through the list of the many reads I owe, I have to say that I tend to pick out the evocative titles first. And yours is one of them. Straight away it seems like the kind of books I'd like. And from the short pitch it seems I'm right - lost love! Childhood sweethearts! I love this stuff.
Now, I have to say that I am not a fan of prologues. But you use language beautifully right from the outset. There's something about the voice that I love. "Parlour palms spread their fronds into the vaulted alcoves" is maybe a little overwritten, though it's the kind of sentence thaf it I'd written I'd be proud of and wouldn't want anyone to tell me to cut! (does that makes sense? if not ignore me!)
This is going on my shelf at some point (I've got a bit of a queue going at the moment though so it may be a little while!) because I love the voice. It's a very readable style. You can tell that from just the first two paragraphs. "simpered" is a great word. I know we're told to only use "said" unless absolutely necessary but here is a great exception!
Good stuff.

Julia, I have read all the chapters. You have a fine eye for detail and are wonderfully able to evoke landscapes and a sense of that sweet nostalgic gauze that drops between us and the past. You certainly give us three men who lead lives of quiet desperation; the tone of the three strands is melancholy, yet understated. I found myself most interested in Daniel, then Matthias, last of all Richard. Yet, for me, your pacing is too similar for the three stories. I wanted a different kind of man, or even a woman, to take centre stage in one of them [maybe Hetty?] Hetty is the most vividly portrayed and intriguing of your female characters, but even she is elusive, half-glimpsed, and too insubstantial for me to care too much about her. I did care a bit for Daniel, until Becky tried to get closer to him, when I lost patience with his passive-aggressive selfishness and felt that he was living a weird half-life. Richard and Caroline's lives also have the same measured pace, another tale of missed opportunities, wasted potential. I know this isn't the end of the story, I know the three parts will probably come together, but I am sorry, I'm too impatient. If I saw this one in a bookshop or even a library, I wouldn't read on. I hope some of these comments are helpful. Frances.

Very well written. Wasn't sure if I'd like it with the 'romance' in the tick box, but this is intelligent, non-cliched, literary writing, extremely well done. Will continue to read and come back with comments. For now have some stars, and a place on my watchlist.

Dear Julia

I have now read eleven chapters of "Time Was Away" and have to stop as I am short of time. Drat!

You have a wonderful story, which despite being partly set in a period that has received more than its fair share of literary attention, is incredibly engaging and well observed. I love Matthias's perspective! So unusual. No conscientious objection allowed for him! Even in war, we had privileges.

I am also very struck by the fact that you write equally well from a male or female perspective, something which is unusually difficult to achieve. With Matthias, for example, you use sparser language and a lot of technical terms about machines and such, which I find interesting and educative. In your writing there is something for everyone to enjoy.

There is so much great stuff here, I hardly know where to start. The way you write makes even the everyday things interesting. Your observation of your characters, the boy in the tree, is so engrossing that I found myself entirely taken up with his vertigo in the tree, my hands sweating anxiously.

Please, whatever you do, keep writing, because it will not be long before a publisher comes along and asks to represent you. You have a natural talent because, with all your other commitments I suspect your time is at a premium, yet your writing has such depth, richness, such care invested in it. That can only be because you are naturally gifted.

I truly admire your skill and consummate ability. On my shelf at the earliest opportunity.

Fran Macilvey, "Trapped"

Dear Julia

I want to thank you for having written such an engrossing book. I really appreciate the time you have taken, the detail, the depth of your writing. I am so reassured, since I know that my time will be very well spent. I have only managed the first two chapters this evening, but I want to reassure you that I am coming back for more tomorrow. There is nothing I like so much as a full, flavourful and well observed tale.

Top marks and a space on my WL for now.

Fran Macilvey, "Trapped" :)

Julia,

I have read twelve chapters of "Time Was Away" so far and fully intend to carry on reading after I have posted this comment. It is very well written, the characters are engaging and I am looking forward to finding out how all the various threads are going to come together. Here's a few thoughts I had as I was reading.

Chap. 2. I understand the torment that Daniel is going through in this chapter (and that is very well described) but I did wonder that considering the sort of conditioning that boys are put through from school onwards ("Act like a man" and "Pull yourself together" and that sort of thing) that he might be more critical of himself in respect the way he was feeling. I don't mean make him totally stoical, but he could get a little angry with himself for taking it so badly.

Chap. 3. My Grandfather went to the 1936 Olympic Games, and although he didn't say much about it to me (and sadly he died when I was still a child), one thing I do remember him saying was that "Everyone in Berlin seemed to be in uniform." You already mention a passer-by in Luftwaffe uniform; presumably Matthias is in civilian clothes, so you could have him feeling self conscious that he is not in uniform when most young men were.

"Time Was Away" is one of the best of the best books I've found to date on Authonomy, and I want to wish you all good luck with it. I'll be making space for it on my bookshelf.

best wishes and good writing
John Bayliss

The strength of this novel is in the way the writing subtly adjusts to the time period in focus.
This is done quietly and unobtrusively, and is effective in allowing us to adjust to the shifts in period, social mores, and emotions. The opening chapters, for example, catch the sense of place in contemporary London: the hustle and bar oriented social scene. Then it changes momentum to wartime Germany, with the Mathias & Anna relationship beautifully crafted.
Ch. 4, evokes the sense of school summer holidays, rather like watching the sand running through a timer, with the sense of loss and depression toward the end. I felt, however, that the younger Daniel and Hetty relationship worked less well for me, as I couldn't quite believe the naivety of Hetty's remark about London: 'Is it like the story where the streets are paved with gold?' The timeline seemed to be early 1980s perhaps, so I couldn't quite image a girl in this age of communication thinking or saying that. The metaphor, 'walnut of resentment' struck me at first as odd, although the more I think about it: dried and shrivelled-like - it does work!

I liked the C5 relationship between Richard and sister Caroline very much : it was real and interesting, and caught the unsaid tensions between ageing siblings.

The writing is assured and confident; the dialogue believeable; the detail is careful and precise, slowly developing and shaping the whole: rather like observing a fine painting materialising in front of you, or listening to music by Delius.

I enjoyed this book enormously. One to watch on this site.

TIME WAS AWAY
There’s an interesting air of melencoly that permeates this story. And makes it one of those stories which you want to keep reading. The scene with the ring is startling; what on earth does a guy do or say when he gets that kind of reaction to a ring? You have a wonderful writing style; I think that along with your dialogue are your strengths. Highly rated and added to my shelf. Wanttobeawriter: Who Killed the President?

What a lovely beginning to what looks to be a promising good novel. Lovely characterisation and dialogue is just spot on. Will look forward to reading more when I get chance.
Have rated and backed.

Ruth
To Dream Again

This is a beautifully crafted novel; the time shifts create a strong sense of suspense and drive the narrative brilliantly. Characterisation is always rounded and developing: the loathsome Caroline contrasts well with the lumpen Richard; Hetty and Daniel create a really engaging dynamic. Thank goodness for Matthias; I was beginning to worry that the male of the species might be inferior especially given the neo nazi British goaler Ledger. Setting is subtly matched to narrative; the descriptions of the bombing of Bath are presented in chilling detail - I felt sorry for Sussmann caught on the tale plane by his parachute. The unfolding plot makes the book unputdownable.
Write more
Monsieur Laplage

I read your prologue and first three chapters.

General comments: A captivating start. Well-fleshed out, credible characters. Effective visuals. Strong sense of place. Appropriate tension. Smooth pacing.

Specific comments on the prologue:
1) 'He will always wonder if it was her' hooked me.
2) 'Colour floods his face.' This scene is written in the young man's point of view. He can know that 'colour floods his face' but he can feel his cheeks heat.

Specific comment on the first chapter:
1) No nits.

Specific comment on the second chapter:
1) 'He felt as though every last drop of energy had been wrung out of him, ... ' Try to avoid using the word 'felt.' Just describe his depleted state so vividly the reader will feel depleted right along with Daniel. When you do this, you'll pull the reader deeper into your scene.

Specific comments on the third chapter:
1) "Oh Matthias!" Comma after 'oh.' When you address someone in dialogue, offset their name or title with a comma.
2) 'They walked on over the sparkling water, ... ' I know they're on a pier, but when I read this I got an image of them actually walking on water. Consider rewording.
3) 'Matthias felt a pang of envy.' Try to avoid using the word 'felt.' Just describe his envy so realistically the reader will experience it along with Matthias. By doing this you'll draw the reader deeper into the scene. There are more cases in this chapter (and probably the manuscript) where you use the word 'felt.'

I hope these comments help you further polish your all important first chapters. These are just my opinions. Use what works for you and discard the rest.

Would you please take a look at "Savannah Oak" and let me know how I might improve it?

Have a marvelous day.

Al

nicely built. i am intrigued by the pitch. well done...
j
what every woman should know

this is a book the reader can relate to. strong writing, identifiable characters...
j
what every woman should know

Great stuff Julia.
This is the sort of thing I would pick up in a bookshop, so I was relieved that the writing was as good as the pitch - I fell into it immediately.
Your characters are clearly defined, and the writing is confident and concise. It flows at a speedy pace and kept me reading - not easy on this site.
I'm starring this highly now and will put it on my shelf as soon as there's space.

Good luck!
Diana
Pascual's Birthday

you use dialogue to great effect, here which helps tell your story and work well with your narrative...good work...
on my watchlist...
read SEASONS...

the characters are developed well. this is a book to enjoy.
j
what every woman should know

I absolutely loved this book. Julia Edwards creates completely convincing and recognizable characters that gripped my attention from the beginning. Her settings in each chapter are beautifully described; the childhood holidays in the New Forest that Daniel shared with Hetty, the unbearable anguish of the young Luftwaffe officer throughout the bombing of Bath, the stifling tension between Caroline and her brother (which also has some hilarious descriptions) - all these characters coming together make this a remarkable book which I would highly recommend to any reader of literary fiction.

I like this a lot. Backed.

You can write. Backed with pleasure -- and a desire to read the rest.

Hi Julia, the pitches for this story intrigued me and it didn't disappoint, I read the 9 chapters currently uploaded.

The prologue is very well written and you have a great grasp of description, there are hints that the identity of the young man is Daniel, but if it is him I wondered why it was necessary to make his identity obscure and at present the prologue feels like a means to start the story with backstory.

Even though the pitch told me what would happen, if I hadn't read it I think I'd still feel a sense of foreboding about the proposal. I felt so sorry for Daniel in that scene and throughout his sick leave. The scene where he finally picks up the viola again was well written and poignant, quite beautiful image.

By keeping the switching POV to their own chapter, they are clearly differentiated and easy for the reader to adapt to, each having its own clear voice. I particularly liked the change in Matthias from the carefree young man on the brink of love to sitting in the toilet in dread of his first mission. The man skulking in the bushes creates a knot of dread and I wonder if that will feed into the secrets Daniel's journey is to reveal. Plenty of hooks and interesting characters to keep me reading.

I only noticed a couple of very minor typos so I found this to be polished and very easy to read.

Julia,

I've just read your Prologue and Chapter 1. Here are my thoughts. Firstly, both your pitches, long and short, are excellent, concise and to the point, and full of intrigue.

The prologue is highly polished and beautifully written, and I find it very hard to offer any sort of critique or suggestions on how you could improve on it. Here (and especially in chapter 1 proper) you display that effortless gift of being able to transport the reader in time and place, be it with a fleeting description ('palour palms spread their fronds into vaulted alcoves') phrase or short, snappy sentence, without detracting from the natural development of the story, Moreover, you have that elusive hook, that bit of intrigue that makes the reader want to read on. The only thing that struck me as I started Chapter 1 (in relation to the prologue) was that it felt like such a good starting point for a novel, also (young man about to propose) it's hard to judge what would be the stronger (although the prologue obviously goes on to have major significance later on.)

Chapter 1 - I have to admit, having read your synopsis, I really started to feel for Daniel, knowing that his proposal is going to be turned down. The way you build up to this, dropping in backstory during the train journey, and, especially, all the inner dialogue is really heartbreaking - could she be pregnant? This is deftly and intelligently handled, and makes Daniel into an instantly sympathetic and vulnerable type of character, someone the reader - anyone who's had their heart broken before - can relate to.

Minor points: not much. As I said, everything here is so polished, with a very advanced draft feel to it, something ready for the bookstore. 'Alright' when perhaps 'All right' would be better. That's all I can remember seeing.

All in all, a high quality piece of literary fiction. If I'd had more time I would have happily read on.

Happy to give you a high star rating and a place on my shelf.

Regards

Neil 'The Butterfly and the Wheel'

Hi Julia

I came across your book and the plot intrigued me so I've read all the chapters you've uploaded. It's beautifully written, and I'm really interested to see how the story develops and how the lives of all the characters are intertwined. Your characters are all believable and the plot and dialogue both run smoothly.

I've picked up a couple of tiny typos. In the scene at at the pub, Josie says 'I've got us two glasses Shiraz' (or something like that) Should it be two glasses of Shiraz or two glasses, Shiraz. Then in the final chapter Daniel runs down the drive 'away her'. Also, I found your use of the old German symbol for 'ss' a tiny bit distracting but hey, that's just me!

I would really love to read more of this. Highly starred and on my watchlist ready for my next book shuffle on my shelf.

If you had a moment to look at my book, La Vie en Rosé, I'd be really grateful

All the best
Melanie
http://www.authonomy.com/books/39192/la-vie-en-ros-/

Julia,

A great pitch, tempting idea for a story.

Intriguing start. Is the 'young man' also Daniel? A relationship that was not meant to be ends disastrously on the day Daniel tried to propose.

Cleverly written, nice leisurely pace, plenty of intrigue and hooks to keep the reader interested.

Excellent read.

Best regards
Warrick